37 Days Sober...Personal Milestone
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
37 Days Sober...Personal Milestone
I have written this thread as today I am 37 days sober. This is the longest amount of sober time I have ever managed previously and would just like to express where I'm at currently.
Previously by this point I was full of resentment towards others who I saw drinking and I was full of frustration that I was denying myself my right to consume alcohol and everything that brings with it. I felt like it was a part of my identity, a chance for me to unleash my Rock N' Roll ego and to generally feel the 'release' and 'buzz' that drinking would give me.
I have been heavily binge-drinking weekly from age 16 and I felt like I was losing a sense of my English identity in general if I weren't partaking in something which, by all accounts, I was very good at and basically Loved doing.
So inevitably I would go out drinking again and I would write a note to myself beforehand saying "don't listen to yourself when you are saying you have to give this up" which I would find myself thinking after each binge, as each binge would be getting worse and worse and longer and longer. I tried to not drink the following morning upon waking but found this impossible; A habit which cannot be broken.
So on 8th July after 5 days of solid blackout drinking/drug binges within 7 days; I got the train home from London after a 3 day solid binge with old 'associates' and was mentally/emotional/physically beaten. I knew that I needed to stop doing this to myself and I was deeply unhappy. The thought of how good I felt during those previous 37 days sober kept me from buying that can of super-strength lager to pick my shot mind up. I went straight back to AA and posted about my experiences on SR.
Today I know I will not drink and do not feel the resentment and frustration I once felt regarding this. I know that drinking cannot be an option for me anymore, Period. I know I am an alcoholic and that I am powerless over alcohol after I take that first drink.
I feel mentally fantastic at the moment and do not worry about things like I used to (what will be, will be). It feels great to be free from the shackles of knowing that I will be drinking and bad things will be happening. It feels great to know that I do not have to feel like my life is sliding out of my grasp and I have no way of stopping it. It feels great to be sober.
Sure I have moments where I think that it would be nice to head into town on a Friday night and mix with sexy-women who are smoking hot and 'tipsy'. But I know that for me 'tipsy' never has and never will exist, for me total and utter Oblivion is the only thing that will ever cut it, and for that reason, drinking must never be an option for me.
Today I will not drink and despite fleeting moments of mourning/grieving for my old friend, I know he is a friend better left behind.
Thanks for letting me share. Peace and Love. Xxx
Previously by this point I was full of resentment towards others who I saw drinking and I was full of frustration that I was denying myself my right to consume alcohol and everything that brings with it. I felt like it was a part of my identity, a chance for me to unleash my Rock N' Roll ego and to generally feel the 'release' and 'buzz' that drinking would give me.
I have been heavily binge-drinking weekly from age 16 and I felt like I was losing a sense of my English identity in general if I weren't partaking in something which, by all accounts, I was very good at and basically Loved doing.
So inevitably I would go out drinking again and I would write a note to myself beforehand saying "don't listen to yourself when you are saying you have to give this up" which I would find myself thinking after each binge, as each binge would be getting worse and worse and longer and longer. I tried to not drink the following morning upon waking but found this impossible; A habit which cannot be broken.
So on 8th July after 5 days of solid blackout drinking/drug binges within 7 days; I got the train home from London after a 3 day solid binge with old 'associates' and was mentally/emotional/physically beaten. I knew that I needed to stop doing this to myself and I was deeply unhappy. The thought of how good I felt during those previous 37 days sober kept me from buying that can of super-strength lager to pick my shot mind up. I went straight back to AA and posted about my experiences on SR.
Today I know I will not drink and do not feel the resentment and frustration I once felt regarding this. I know that drinking cannot be an option for me anymore, Period. I know I am an alcoholic and that I am powerless over alcohol after I take that first drink.
I feel mentally fantastic at the moment and do not worry about things like I used to (what will be, will be). It feels great to be free from the shackles of knowing that I will be drinking and bad things will be happening. It feels great to know that I do not have to feel like my life is sliding out of my grasp and I have no way of stopping it. It feels great to be sober.
Sure I have moments where I think that it would be nice to head into town on a Friday night and mix with sexy-women who are smoking hot and 'tipsy'. But I know that for me 'tipsy' never has and never will exist, for me total and utter Oblivion is the only thing that will ever cut it, and for that reason, drinking must never be an option for me.
Today I will not drink and despite fleeting moments of mourning/grieving for my old friend, I know he is a friend better left behind.
Thanks for letting me share. Peace and Love. Xxx
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Way to go, isn't it empowering and freeing? We become such unwitting slaves to the bottle. We're like little ship people constructed in the bottle and we can't get out. I hit bottom 127 daze ago and haven't looked back since going sober.
The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love.-- Jennifer Edwards
PS, this marks my longest sdobriety point in my 45 year drinking career.
The beauty of life is, while we cannot undo what is done, we can see it, understand it, learn from it and change so that every new moment is spent not in regret, guilt, fear or anger but in wisdom, understanding and love.-- Jennifer Edwards
PS, this marks my longest sdobriety point in my 45 year drinking career.
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,833
NEO, congrats on 37 days!
I'm currently on Day #54, still taking it one day at a time.
I hope you're thinking about/working on the issues that made you want to drink in the first place. It's a tough task, but it's the way I've been able to stay sober for this long. The "old me" would've found a million excuses to go back to drinking by now.
I'm currently on Day #54, still taking it one day at a time.
I hope you're thinking about/working on the issues that made you want to drink in the first place. It's a tough task, but it's the way I've been able to stay sober for this long. The "old me" would've found a million excuses to go back to drinking by now.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST 
But I know that for me 'tipsy' never has and never will exist, for me total and utter Oblivion is the only thing that will ever cut it, and for that reason, drinking must never be an option for me.
Today I will not drink and despite fleeting moments of mourning/grieving for my old friend, I know he is a friend better left behind.
Today I will not drink and despite fleeting moments of mourning/grieving for my old friend, I know he is a friend better left behind.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
Sure I have moments where I think that it would be nice to head into town on a Friday night and mix with sexy-women who are smoking hot and 'tipsy'.
Great post and you should feel really proud of yourself, keep hitting those meetings and getting your new life together, well done:-)
Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: AZ
Posts: 2,529
Neo.... Congrats.. I'm on day 17 myself. Longest I've gone before is about a month. I can totally relate to where you are coming from.... It's like ending a relationship with a girl that you know is bad for you, but certain specific errrr.... proclivities keep you around against your better judgment. I think I am personally in some sort of period of mourning for booze. Be strong my brother.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 413
Well done Neo, it cant be easy comming from a culture of binge drinking and staying away from it. BE VIGILANT over the next while. I am almost 10 weeks sober and at week 6 I hit a rough week. Last week was ropey enough as well. Half a lifetime of binge drinking is gonna leave its mark and u are sure to feel it. However, it is infinitely worth staying sober, and will benefit u unimaginably in the future! E
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
Thanks everyone for all your comments. The kind and supportive words are very much appreciated.
I can't express how great I have found the forums of SR as a learning resource and as a channel to be able to express my feelings and emotions as I try and come to terms with a life free of drinking and drugs.
I view SR as a crucial tool in my sobriety box and without it I don't think I would be where I am at present.
Thankyou all. xxx
I can't express how great I have found the forums of SR as a learning resource and as a channel to be able to express my feelings and emotions as I try and come to terms with a life free of drinking and drugs.
I view SR as a crucial tool in my sobriety box and without it I don't think I would be where I am at present.
Thankyou all. xxx
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