vegibean

thirty, for me I use that anger I have inside and turn it into motivation. I deserve better, I am worth fighting for, I am going to cheerlead myself to the winners line, I am going to do this, I am not going to give up on ME!!!!!!!!

For me it's a choice as to do I want to fight or give up? Don't give up, you can do this!!!!

thirtybubba

I know there are meetings all over southern California. I got a little book, but most of them are out of my reach. I get my license back (maybe) in December, and I live in one of those bus-free zones. The nearest bus stops at 5:20, which is before many meetings in the 'vicinity' (10mi) get out, and that bus does not go to a meeting. There is a 3-bus way to get to a meeting, no way home.

Tonight, I'm going to call the list and see if anybody can drive me over there. It seems weird to me, to call a stranger like that, but apparently that's how it's done and who am I to argue?


And, no, I don't wanna give up! That ain't never been my style... I've fought my whole life to be free of things, one after the other. I have the strength, I know that, just in the last few years that fire's been needing stoking or something, because I can feel it fade away as the years roll by.

Then again, to be honest, I'm kind of sick of fighting... Not that I'll stop, that's just me, but seriously, does life ever get any easier? This is getting tiring.

Taking5

You NEED to give up. In AA we are taught that we must surrender to win. We are POWERLESS over alcohol. As the BB says "we have given up fighting anyone or anything, including alcohol".

If you have really truly admitted your powerlessness over alcohol there is no more fight. There is no fighting to stop. It would be like me playing Michael Jordan in basketball. To hell with that I am beaten before I start.

Have you taken step one yet? Have you read the BB cover to cover?

Mark75

Thirty...

Early sobriety s*cks... hard. That is a reality that can't be changed.

It gets better, much better, and gets better still. That is another reality. Find the willingness to let go, ride it out, and come out the other side.

Have Faith.

Mark

thirtybubba

Dgillz, if I surrender to life I'm afraid I'll fall down and nobody will pick me up.

The alcohol I can see, but the rest, I don't see how that can work in my life. I've been dropped before, and fallen hard as a result, and that had little to do with alcohol. I'm afraid to go backwards after I've come so far forward from the last time I was let go.

Mark75

God will pick me up when I fall down. I don't how He will do that, but He will. I know it.

Seek Him... He is different for each one of us. That's why only you can find Him.

I'm very serious. I'm not a "Bible Thumper" or particularly religious and I especially do not want you to think that I think that I have the answer. There is an answer, but you have to learn how to ask the question.

The 12 steps of AA will teach you how. All you need is willingness. Willingness to go to any length...

Mark

Taking5

You just need to surrender to alcohol. I don't know what to make of the "surrender to life" comment.

Dee74

Thats the kicker Bubba - that very fear keeps up in our addiction. It did for me for 15-20 years or so.

I have pretty big trust issues. I think most addicts do. And I've been battered by life. Again, thats not unusual for any of us.

But, when I came here, I was so beaten down, I had no choice but to trust the people I met here online. I followed their direction.

Its worked out great.

There's two things I learned - one, to my surprise, I'm a lot stronger than I thought I was.

It's easy to confuse addiction with weakness, but they're not the same thing at all. Sometimes life is hard, drunk or sober - but I found I can pick myself up more easily now - I've learned more from dealing with life over 2 years than I ever did running away from it for 20.

I'm sure the same strength applies for you Bubba

But there's no need to trust me on that right now anyway.

None of us need do this alone - whether you're using AA or some other programme, or just SR, there's *always* a helping hand should we fall, or even if think we might.

That's not faith talking, that's the experience of over 2 years here

D

OZboy

..how are you today..'bubba' ?
..just wanted to post a 'hello'.
..i'm feeling down today..but that's me..one day 'up' then depression
sinks in and down i go..
but i'll think of something..probably couch it and watch joe satriani on
'DVD"..man..he's some guitarist..
..anyway..just knowing your out there..is indeed a big help...

..take care my friend..lol..Oz..

CarolD

I had to give up driving 5 years ago due to my vision.
No taxis or buses in this village and I can't walk to
the only AA meeting in the county.
I can relate to the situation you are in.

However...
I have a phone list of AA friends who are willing to
assist me in getting around to meetings
+ whatever necessary to my well being.

If one can't...I call another ...go down my list
until I can get out and about.

Soooo.....please do call ..and call and call.
AA is a strong fellowship of friends waiting to meet you.

Let us know how you are doing...your physical
de tox should be winding down about now.

Yes! you too can find the joy of recovery...

thirtybubba

Dgillz, I'm thinking maybe I read your post wrong. Apologies. I think I was thinking that you meant I should stop fighting for myself in general, to which I overreacted out of a sense of self survival. Upon rereading it, I can see that you only mentioned the alcohol. To which I have no problem with surrender, if that's what it takes.

And, yeah, I'd say I now surrendered to it several times, so what's another? Intentionally surrendering sounds alien, but I can't tell you how many people in here have mentioned that, and not one person with recovery time have I seen say anything opposite.


Haven't read the Big Book yet, but I do have one. I'll get on that.


Actually, I did just that, to the surprise of myself and my friends--some of which are jealous because I don't call them for advice they cannot offer, since they still drink. I have a somewhat stubborn mind, I confess, but I have found myself doing more of the suggestions in this here forum than I probably have followed any advice previously. So far it has worked, I at least got farther into sobriety than I had done on my own.

I never would have went to the AA meeting otherwise, I would not have probably survived that first Saturday with sobriety intact, and I never would have bounced back after messing up last Tuesday. And these are only examples.


I do believe in God, and I do seek His help, but I always understood that I would not be given more than I could bear, and never was before. Yeah, upon further reflection of that sentence, I'm not even sure where I stand anymore or even what makes sense. So I'ma hush and just read some more.


:sorry

tallcactus

Why: I'm sorry?

U R doing Great! :c026, We both just got to kick the butts aside, that is my next nasty habit/addiction that I will kick ass too.

I feel really good today, well rested and know that I made another day, just like U and countless others here.
Stay stong, we R all winning, "Just for today."