fell onna side of the road i guess
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
fell onna side of the road i guess
dammit dammit dmamit cant spell dont care. ok so i made my 2nd best time since 9 years old. eleven days.
thats' not real good. but at least i dint get a bottle this time just a few shots and i dont got no more money so i guess tahts it.
this morning i woke up all groggy and the first thing i thought was shot-and-i'm-gone cos i had a pointment. then i remmbred and i laughed. i was gonna post that but i hada go and the apointment went good. i went to the financial aid people. they told me that i owed them 200 dolars and thats that. i felt betrayed cos they tole me in may i could take summer classes and theyd pay for it all and plus money for spending. now i find out its not true. so i lost my license cos tehy didnt pay in may and i didnt have money for insurnace and im sr22 and i owe the court and my phone bill cant get paid and storage while im at college. so ima end up losing thousnads cause they lied to me. and i have no way to make it back.
i wish i never wnet to college. i was happy before on the docks. just i coudlnt see it. its boring and the same mostly. plus im' not big and i cant carry weight all my life. i dont' know. i cant type right now.
but wishin is for fools cos im here and nowher to go backwards. my family wont take me back my friens think im tryina be better than them. i wasnt but they dont see it and i know. i was like that.
so when i sober up tonite and i hope its easier cause i just drunk a litlte just fast as hell i onlly got waht i got. no more food till at least three weeks psat what i got. laest i got drinkable water in the tap here.
i was so mad when the lady tole me like we dint tell ya oh we sorry. b**** do you get paid? don tell me its ok. i was posta get the check in may. runnin up all kinds a late fees, they kep on just tellin me tell em its comin. phone company dont care. judge dont care. and so on. school dont know sh** bout life. dont know how the rest of them do it. proly got parents or somethin.
she tole me that my first thought was to punch her smily face. mind a tornado of anger my next thought was nah bar better. fast as coulld be i dint know how fast i could move im knockin back doubles of wild turkey. a bunch.bartender knows me dont dout im good to go, dont say nothin. they hittin hard and not really in a good way. i walked home kinda drunk. never tole the bartender i was gettin sober. now i got a headache and everythings movin real fast.
so now im not in the class of july no more. kinda sad bout that but mostly real mad at me. cant never do nothin right i supose. grr. but ima try tomorrow. im pretty sure i was happy yesterday. wanna be happy agin. got a learn how ta not get mad cos i move too fast to stop me.
thats' not real good. but at least i dint get a bottle this time just a few shots and i dont got no more money so i guess tahts it.
this morning i woke up all groggy and the first thing i thought was shot-and-i'm-gone cos i had a pointment. then i remmbred and i laughed. i was gonna post that but i hada go and the apointment went good. i went to the financial aid people. they told me that i owed them 200 dolars and thats that. i felt betrayed cos they tole me in may i could take summer classes and theyd pay for it all and plus money for spending. now i find out its not true. so i lost my license cos tehy didnt pay in may and i didnt have money for insurnace and im sr22 and i owe the court and my phone bill cant get paid and storage while im at college. so ima end up losing thousnads cause they lied to me. and i have no way to make it back.
i wish i never wnet to college. i was happy before on the docks. just i coudlnt see it. its boring and the same mostly. plus im' not big and i cant carry weight all my life. i dont' know. i cant type right now.
but wishin is for fools cos im here and nowher to go backwards. my family wont take me back my friens think im tryina be better than them. i wasnt but they dont see it and i know. i was like that.
so when i sober up tonite and i hope its easier cause i just drunk a litlte just fast as hell i onlly got waht i got. no more food till at least three weeks psat what i got. laest i got drinkable water in the tap here.
i was so mad when the lady tole me like we dint tell ya oh we sorry. b**** do you get paid? don tell me its ok. i was posta get the check in may. runnin up all kinds a late fees, they kep on just tellin me tell em its comin. phone company dont care. judge dont care. and so on. school dont know sh** bout life. dont know how the rest of them do it. proly got parents or somethin.
she tole me that my first thought was to punch her smily face. mind a tornado of anger my next thought was nah bar better. fast as coulld be i dint know how fast i could move im knockin back doubles of wild turkey. a bunch.bartender knows me dont dout im good to go, dont say nothin. they hittin hard and not really in a good way. i walked home kinda drunk. never tole the bartender i was gettin sober. now i got a headache and everythings movin real fast.
so now im not in the class of july no more. kinda sad bout that but mostly real mad at me. cant never do nothin right i supose. grr. but ima try tomorrow. im pretty sure i was happy yesterday. wanna be happy agin. got a learn how ta not get mad cos i move too fast to stop me.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
30,
:ghug3
Call me tonight or I can call you, just let me know if you can't call via posting a PM and I'll call. There R food banks and other resoures out there. Don't stress, don't worry, this too shall past....
:ghug3
Call me tonight or I can call you, just let me know if you can't call via posting a PM and I'll call. There R food banks and other resoures out there. Don't stress, don't worry, this too shall past....
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Thanks y'all for y'all support.
Worse thing is I didn't get to go to sleep. Been laying here listening to music really loud (with headphones). Had to step out for a hot second, and when I got back both my roommates were at the table telling be inane things (that they had to have known I knew) in a very patronizing way. I lost it. Luckily, I left the apartment. Went down to the housing office.
Long story short, my knuckles ended up bloody--no walls were damaged in the making of this chapter--and my person ended up talking to the director. And somehow, this might (hopin' & prayin') work out in my favor. Might end up with a new apartment/new roomate/new job/plus more guidance for a poor girl somehow strayed into college... And plus, I got a big package from Florida containing cookies and other stuff.
Who knows? A gallon of water and a half pack of fig newtons later, I'm alright. Just need some sleep later on, got class and a luncheon.
Now the roommates are out there, drunk as all get out, being loud as possible. Guess they don't like being called in to the office. I had nothing to with that. I wasn't the one who verbally aprehended me and told me to go inside and calm down. I am structurally incapable of that.
The comedown wasn't so bad this time--but the drunk part was horrible.
Ugh. Day 0. August 11, 2009. Two days before the anniversary of when I upped it to a bottle a day. Heh, just noticed that when I seen the date.
Worse thing is I didn't get to go to sleep. Been laying here listening to music really loud (with headphones). Had to step out for a hot second, and when I got back both my roommates were at the table telling be inane things (that they had to have known I knew) in a very patronizing way. I lost it. Luckily, I left the apartment. Went down to the housing office.
Long story short, my knuckles ended up bloody--no walls were damaged in the making of this chapter--and my person ended up talking to the director. And somehow, this might (hopin' & prayin') work out in my favor. Might end up with a new apartment/new roomate/new job/plus more guidance for a poor girl somehow strayed into college... And plus, I got a big package from Florida containing cookies and other stuff.
Who knows? A gallon of water and a half pack of fig newtons later, I'm alright. Just need some sleep later on, got class and a luncheon.
Now the roommates are out there, drunk as all get out, being loud as possible. Guess they don't like being called in to the office. I had nothing to with that. I wasn't the one who verbally aprehended me and told me to go inside and calm down. I am structurally incapable of that.
The comedown wasn't so bad this time--but the drunk part was horrible.
Ugh. Day 0. August 11, 2009. Two days before the anniversary of when I upped it to a bottle a day. Heh, just noticed that when I seen the date.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
Well done for getting back here and posting! I don't think you even once said the word relapse or gave the impression that the shots of whisky were chasing you down the street, sounds to me like you accepted that you chose to go and drink...respect for that!
What are you going to do different this time? Forgetting the everyday situations that you find yourself in, what support can you get to help you get sober...cos the situations are still going to be there and keep coming up drunk or sober.
You know what i'm referring to don't you;-) Stay well thirtybubba, and pop in and say hi to Class of July...don't be a stranger!!!!
What are you going to do different this time? Forgetting the everyday situations that you find yourself in, what support can you get to help you get sober...cos the situations are still going to be there and keep coming up drunk or sober.
You know what i'm referring to don't you;-) Stay well thirtybubba, and pop in and say hi to Class of July...don't be a stranger!!!!
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Well, over the next couple days my life will be in transition so hopefully it will come out with me in a better place. I mean, in life. My plans, well, not sure yet. I'ma go back to that meeting on Sunday, and I got to think of some other stuff. I got to learn to be zen about the school lying to me. It's happened before, but like an idiot I keep believing them when they tell me this is how it works. Before college, I was never one to believe much of anything people told me. I guess I've changed since getting here. I gotta sit back and think on all of that.
Support is limited. Both my best friends are active addicts/alcoholics and neither lives anywhere near me. They, however are supportive and have helped me through this. I have had almost no success with people here. Mostly the internet, FreeCell and music are what I have to motivate/ console me. Smallish community, mostly middle-class commuter types so very limited services. Driving is risky, so I'm pretty much stuck here.
At least when the fall term starts, I'll have things to do most days. Boredom (especially mixed with loneliness) is usually what gets me. Anger I had forgotten about, I guess 'cause liquor calms me down to where most things don't bother me.
I guess it was a relapse, I'm just not used to the terminology yet.
Support is limited. Both my best friends are active addicts/alcoholics and neither lives anywhere near me. They, however are supportive and have helped me through this. I have had almost no success with people here. Mostly the internet, FreeCell and music are what I have to motivate/ console me. Smallish community, mostly middle-class commuter types so very limited services. Driving is risky, so I'm pretty much stuck here.
At least when the fall term starts, I'll have things to do most days. Boredom (especially mixed with loneliness) is usually what gets me. Anger I had forgotten about, I guess 'cause liquor calms me down to where most things don't bother me.
I guess it was a relapse, I'm just not used to the terminology yet.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
At least when the fall term starts, I'll have things to do most days. Boredom (especially mixed with loneliness) is usually what gets me.
Who knows you might just learn how to stay sober and be happy doing it, not bored and lonely white knuckling sobriety.
What do you have to lose? Some drinking time?
What do you have to gain? Sobriety, sober friends, a new way of living life happily sober.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
Hello Dear friend,
Sorry I was not there 4 you last night. Got you PM, then went out to the garage to put something in there and noticed water around the heater/airconditioner and panic set in. I unpluged the thiny and called mean hubby and he was going to be late getting in. He's a Nurse too. In the meantime,(freaking) I'm trying to figure out what could be wrong, No mechanic or plumber in me...
Now today all is well, hubby has it in control, just like you.:ghug3 2 U!
Things have a way of working out, hang in there, stay stong. I'm going to give you a call in an hour. Will U B available?.
Sorry I was not there 4 you last night. Got you PM, then went out to the garage to put something in there and noticed water around the heater/airconditioner and panic set in. I unpluged the thiny and called mean hubby and he was going to be late getting in. He's a Nurse too. In the meantime,(freaking) I'm trying to figure out what could be wrong, No mechanic or plumber in me...
Now today all is well, hubby has it in control, just like you.:ghug3 2 U!
Things have a way of working out, hang in there, stay stong. I'm going to give you a call in an hour. Will U B available?.
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