chrisfire

So can a person who begins to go to AA interact successfully with other non-AA alcoholics..friends, family, lovers? What about the alcoholics that are in denial in your life?
Who is safe to be around? If you lay it all out that you are in recovery..and work on boundaries and situations..
What do you think?

Astro

It takes time, effort, dedication, practice, commitment.

My brothers and father have issues with alcoholism, none of them are in AA. My fiancee works another 12-Step program, but she's a "normie" when it comes to drinking. None of my co-workers are in AA, but they know I am. We get along beautifully, in fact over the weekend we got together for a party, 7 hours of fun and conversation with loved ones.

But I had to let some people go too. Drinking buddies are not "friends". The friends I have now are the people who've stuck with me and supported me all along. They've never judged, they've loved me unconditionally, and I've done the same in return.

It's also possible to "detach with love", to watch the people I care about live and grow, but to not let their issues affect my life and program of recovery.

tommyk

I spend a time with people who are active alcoholics.

After they've had about two drinks though I get bored, because I can tell that their mentality is taking a dive. The conversation changes, it becomes shallow & superficial due to the alcohol. I personally think drinking makes a person get stupid (it did me, for sure).

So most of the time I spend with them is at non-drinking events.

joedris

Those people you know who are in denial have their own problems to deal with. You have yours. You can't do anything to help them, so please don't even consider it. The best test I know of to determine who to hang out with is: "Will being around them pose a threat to my sobriety?" If the answer is yes, then stay away.

Who you let know that you're working on sobriety is up to you. I have no interest in protecting my anonymity, yet I don't generally discuss my association with AA either. If nothing else, it keeps me from having to answer a lot of dumb questions. Those who should know, do.

shaun00

it soon became apparent to me that life ticks on and people still drink even though i was in recovery.....much to my disgust..lol..lol.

i could see hundreds of people with drinking problems.....but really is that any of my business..

The problem begins when i pour booze down my throat..

If i felt vunerable i needed to voice it......with my sponsor or at a meeting..

if i was in a situation or around a drinker that made me uncomfortable id remove myself immediately.

Over time and with 12 step work with a sponsor the obsession for alcohol left me and the periods when i felt vunerable diminished..

now alcohol rarely bothers me........and like tommy i have worked with drinking alcoholics.

my wife drinks.......there is booze in the house......i go to the pub for food.

remembering all the time that im powerless over alcohol.

chrisfire

So...I guess that I'll find out who my life journey companions are, and who my non-friends are, if they can listen and accept me as I am..and love me for who I am..faults and all.

I keep stressing about the people I am close to, that I want to confide in, but I am so fearful that they will slip away if they discover the truths, and all that I could potentially lose ..but then they wouldn't be in my life regardless, huh?

flutter

I stopped hanging out with the friends I drank with, because that's all they seem to do.. like I did. I am very careful about who I'm friends with, I don't have time for toxic people in my life. Most of the people I know aren't drinkers, or if they are I can't remember the last time I was around them drinking because they don't drink very often and I no longer go to places like bars etc..

My drinking buddies haven't cared to maintain a relationship with the 'sober' me, which made me sad at first, but now I'm very thankful.

My sobriety is too important to me to try and maintain relationships with people that aren't healthy for me, or supportive of my new life. Course I'm "around" people who drink, when I go to restaurants and things, but they're not my close companions or my friends.

chrisfire

when I first moved into this town (for the 2nd time LOL) in 2000, I'd gone thru a devastating divorce, and my only true friend then (who ended up being my mate) kept me talking til the wee hours, of course it was all at bars, and he and I drank all nite talking about stuff, he never could tell when I was drunk, b/c I'm an expert at hiding it.. and for two years, that was my life here, going to the bars, nearly everyone knew me (then) and then I had a baby, and the going out stopped, the bar scene stopped, and my drinking buddies slipped away... and I still drank, but at home. Sometimes I wonder which is worse, drinking alone--or drinking socially.

Mark75

This is where you take things slow, one day at a time. Events, social gatherings I would have avoided early, I no longer have to. I have a reasonably good idea where my comfort zone is by now.

My wife drinks, one (usually) every night... Sometimes I stay up with her and talk, drink some herbal tea... some nights I go to bed early... I'll admit this was a tough issue early on.

Otherwise, I didn't stress too much about it... I tried not to rush anything, not make any decisions early... I'm still sorting out some of these issues, but the urgency to do so diminishes with time.

Mark

kj3880

I am kind of struggling with this constantly. My brother at Christmas pushed and pushed to get me to drink at our family get-together. It made it so uncomfortable for me. That's because I felt as though I had to explain myself at that time. But now I know that "No" is a complete sentence. "No, thanks" is even better.

Love,
KJ

jamdls

The last few years I drank I did so mostly at home alone, occassionally I went out with "friends" who were really just drinkng buddies. When I decided to stop drinking I cut off contact completely with those that drank heavily because I did not want any temptation and I needed to do a LOT of soul searching and figure out who I was w/o the alcoholic fog. I did not socialize with anyone for over a year because of fear, I went to work I went home. I'm not advocating isolation, it worked for me but I know it is not the way for most. Now I just would not want to be around anyone that was having more than 1 drink because of several reasons: I think people act stupid and boring when they drink; Just the smell of alcohol makes me feel quesy; and to me sitting around drinking is a huge waste of time and I wasted decades with my own drinking I don't want to waste even 1 second of the rest of my life.

Tazman53

Chris AA took me out of my garage, it showed me that there was a solution that worked for my alcoholism.

At first AA was my social life, that part is called the fellowship and helped me to get through my early recovery, but the program of AA is all about learning how to function in the world at large, the program of AA is in the steps contained in the first 164 pages of the BB.

Today I go where I please, most people who know me as an aquaintance have no idea I am a recovering alcoholic, friends and family do and are darn glad of it! I do not go to bars or to keggers..... why should I? I no longer have a need to escape reality, I am a part of the world today.

I deal with some active alcoholics, some seeking recovery, some not, I have no problem with them at all today, but when some one starts getting stupid drunk I move on, I see the old me in them and I have no desire to hang out with people who are acting the way I used to act.

The fellowship aides me in dealing with life outside of the rooms.

People who work the program of AA do not do it to where they can go to AA meetings every night for the rest of their lifes, they work the program of AA to become of maximum service to all, both in and outside of the rooms.

If all AA had to offer me was staying sober by going to AA meetings every night I would probably be drunk again. AA has given me my life back, my life outside of the rooms, I go to meetings today to continue to learn and to freely give away what was so freely given to me.