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Old 09-08-2009, 07:57 PM   #41 (permalink)
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Thought I'd bump this for myself at least. This was my first thread and first post and although dated August 10 I was sure I posted it on August 9. Nevertheless I know I stopped drinking on August 9. Where I am, it is now September 9 so I have been sober for 1 month or I'm now on my 32nd day.

Sadly I'm beginning to forget why and how I felt when I first posted. The first few days of sobreity were difficult but from day 4 or so I was on such a high that I breezed it until this week.

Life is better. I'm sleeping well, my anxiety has totally gone, I'm calmer and getting fitter and fitter. I also stopped ambien, after more that 4 years, 18 days ago. Things are great but I still have this nagging emptieness. In my mind somewhere in the future I picture myself enjoying a relaxing glass of my favorite tipple. My mind is saying to me "You're not that bad. You've proved you don't have to drink. You're not an alcoholic". My consciousness is gradually beginning to listen more and more. I'm scanning articles on alcoholism looking for snippits that I can cling to which prove I'm not an alcoholic, just a heavy drinker who needs to cut down. My life is so much better now that it was a month ago why am I so desperate to return to that hell.

I hope to bump this thread on October 9th to report another month of sobriety. Despite the temptations I'm confident I will do it.
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Old 09-08-2009, 08:46 PM   #42 (permalink)
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Congratulations on 32 days of sobriety! Going back to drinking now will do nothing positive for you. You said yourself your life is better, you're sleeping better and physically more fit. Why ruin it for alcohol? I was sober for 6 months twice in the last 5 years and oh how I wished I had stayed sober....because now it's Sept 2009 and I'm starting over again...regretful for how I've wasted so much of the past years with shame, embarassment and hangovers from drinking. Staying sober isn't easy, but for me, it's necessary and I've come to learn that at a heavy cost.

Stay strong! I too hope we will see you posting your two months sobriety in October!
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Old 09-08-2009, 08:47 PM   #43 (permalink)
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You are perfectly normal. A normal abuser of alcohol that is. But I think in a better position than most.

Do you look forward to Saturdays? Like a lot? Do you start drinking on Wednesdays and does it continue until Saturday? You obviously have some form of self-control due to your lack of drinking on Sun and Mon. Can you take hold of that self-control and run with it?

Seems like a huge hump, eh? I know. I think we all know. You did it before. What was the trigger in those two times? Identifying that trigger may unlock the key to knowing why you drink.

Good luck man, and keep posting!
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Old 09-08-2009, 10:06 PM   #44 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Midton View Post
It's not so much the frequency of my drinking but rather when I start I can't stop.

On Sunday I'm so hungover, depressed, anxious and ashamed that I can hardly move.

My Saturdays are becoming worse and worse.

Every Saturday I go out with my family to a restaurant. I'll start drinking and want to continue. If I come home I'll just get realy drunk and fall alseep (Previously I'd never drunk alone or at home until I was 27).
If I go out, and I have every week for the past 3 months, bad-ish things are beginning to happen. I don't want to go into the details are they are not really important just that things are getting bad.
Hi Midton,

Glad to see you back my friend & congratulations on one month that is huge.

I just went back & reread your original post, I know you think you want to drink but is it really worth it? I pulled out a few tidbits above, you have done so well. You dont want to go back there do you?

Most alcoholics like to think they can drink, its the great lie that we alcoholics tell ourselves. Please don't listen to it!


Take care & all of the best,

NB
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Old 09-08-2009, 10:29 PM   #45 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Reese321 View Post
You are perfectly normal. A normal abuser of alcohol that is. But I think in a better position than most.

Do you look forward to Saturdays? Like a lot? Do you start drinking on Wednesdays and does it continue until Saturday? You obviously have some form of self-control due to your lack of drinking on Sun and Mon. Can you take hold of that self-control and run with it?

Seems like a huge hump, eh? I know. I think we all know. You did it before. What was the trigger in those two times? Identifying that trigger may unlock the key to knowing why you drink.

Good luck man, and keep posting!
I've always looked forward to the weekends, even sober I still do. It's when I can relax and alcohol was for a long time a positive part of that I incorrectly thought. I never drank on a Sunday due to my massive Saturday binge which left my a pathetic anxious shell of a person practically unable to move on a Sunday. I never drank on Mondays for various reasons. My Saturday night binge was still fresh in my memory and I wanted to put more distance between myself an alcohol. I guess Monday being the start of the week it was also the start of my mini-detox which sadly lasted until Tuesday or Wednesday.

I do have self-control and am quite competitive. If I say I'm going to do something I generally will. This is my dilemma though having a modicum of self-control is making me feel that I don't really have a problem. I have absolutely no self-control after drink number one and I could see things were getting worse. This disease was creeping up on me. I drank to get drunk and don't really understand people who don't. I probably would rather not drink than drink in moderation. At my age and with a family I had to change my ways.

God, I'd love to have a bottle of wine tonight but God, I really don't want to wake up like I used to. The longest I've been without alcohol is 3 months about 5 years ago. My initial goal is to break that and see where I stand. I'm 80% sure I can do it.
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Old 09-08-2009, 10:35 PM   #46 (permalink)
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Hi Midton,

Glad to see you back my friend & congratulations on one month that is huge.

I just went back & reread your original post, I know you think you want to drink but is it really worth it? I pulled out a few tidbits above, you have done so well. You dont want to go back there do you?

Most alcoholics like to think they can drink, its the great lie that we alcoholics tell ourselves. Please don't listen to it!


Take care & all of the best,

NB
Thanks.

One of the reasons for bumping this thread is to try to remember how bad it was so that my resolve remains firm. Not only was it bad it (drinking) hadn't been good for such a long time.

During my first week of sobriety I was so happy enjoying my senses and brain fully. Trying to be aware of the beauty around me. I'll have to work more of these positive thoughts.
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Old 09-09-2009, 01:27 PM   #47 (permalink)
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Midton, It's really great to read this entire thread and see how far you have come. Congrats on the month!!

I myself am on Day 5 today. Its not the first time. But this time I have something different in me. Determination. I can't call myself a binge drinker. Sometimes I did, but it was only after I didn't drink for a couple days, telling myself that I could handle a few drinks. If I didn't feel it the next day, which is oddly surprising (people would always ask me how i was not hungover), I would start again, and keep on for a few days, and then tell myself I was in control and that i didn't feel like drinking that day. Truthfully, it was probably financial that i took those mini breaks and it was an absolutely vicious cycle.

Even after 5 days, and going thru the initial irritibility, frustration and anxiety, I realize I probably was hung over, all the time, and just thought it was "normal." I am doing things to keep busy, and exercising, and trying to eat better. And I certainly don't miss how i was feeling, just 6 days ago. That for me right now is a major factor in wanting sobriety, and working at it.

I hope that re-reading your month long thread will be inspiration to you to keep going and stay strong and healthy. It was an inspiration to me. Thank you and good luck.
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Old 10-08-2009, 08:15 PM   #48 (permalink)
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Bump.

Another bump and another re-reading of this thread as I've now gone 2 months. I'm on day 62 to be precise.

Still feeling great. The daily cravings and regular thoughts of alcohol are practically gone. Alcohol isn't one of my daily habits anymore so I don't expect it and think about it far less. The next month shouldn't be any harder than the previous two. I'm getting a little concerned about the Christmas period though but it is still a bit away.

When I first stopped I was constantly on this site reading the success and the horror stories. I only have a daily peek in now but think I might have to spend more time on here to stay focused and not lapse. I'm becoming too confident in my power over alcohol rather than alcohols power over me.
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Old 10-09-2009, 06:33 AM   #49 (permalink)
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Midton, I'm a few years younger than you but five months ago, I felt like I was in a similar place. My thread was called, "Time to wake up," and I got a lot of great advice. You probably can search and find it here somewhere. Hanging around here on SR helped me a lot. I went the cold turkey route and have not attended any meetings or other support. I will not drink again without doing one of those things, however. Listen to the people on these boards who have significantly more experience with sobriety than me. You can do this. There are many living, breathing examples here to help.
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Old 10-09-2009, 06:51 AM   #50 (permalink)
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It sounds like you're doing great!

I think, if you plan ahead for the Christmas period, you'll be fine. Be prepared to say 'No, thanks' and/or leave early.
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Old 10-09-2009, 07:14 AM   #51 (permalink)
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Well done on the 2 months, I remember when you first posted in August. Just remember.. "the holidays" is just another time of year, your resolve and strength is the same, you just might have too tune into it a bit more when you're distracted by the hubbub of the season. Stick around through the months ahead for some extra support if you feel it's helpful, we're always here
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