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Old 08-11-2009, 12:19 AM   #21 (permalink)
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ps just out of interest - why not see a doctor?
Maybe these are excuses, I'm not sure. I'm in a small rural area where everyone knows each others business and I have my own business, while getting drunk is quite acceptable, even encouraged, having a publically acknowledged problem with alcohol would impact my business and my family.

I also don't speak the language well-enough to really consult a doctor. Doctors don't really consult here either they just order.

About 2 years ago I had quit alcohol for about a month and was having trouble sleeping as I kept having to go to the toilet but nothing was really coming, I thought it was a urinary track (sp) infection. I went to the doctor who gave me a check up. He asked me about alcohol and I was quite honest with him about my drinking but on him hearing that I hadn't drunk in a month he advised me that my problem was due to overwork and subsequent stress and that I should start drinking again as it would do me good. I started drinking again that night. True story.

Anyway day 3. I actually feel great (Maybe due to the fact that I'm due to go on holiday for 2 weeks from Thursday) and I have no desire to drink tonight but I'm still working. Wednesday night will be my first tough challenge I fear.
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:36 AM   #22 (permalink)
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6. Tosh, I think I'm going to try this with the help of this site rather than an online AA group at present. I don't want to make any committments to people that I can't meet. If I fail then I will take you up on this offer. I hope to use this site for encouragement, especially when I am or might be tempted.

Thanks again.
No problems, give me a shout (PM) if you ever want any help; and I truly mean that in a non-pushy sort of way.

But from my own experience, will power never worked for me, I just didn't have the self-flaggelating toughness required to stay sober long term (or even short term for that matter). And what I found in AA was, as long as I was willing to do the work required (and if I can do it, anyone can), the desire to drink vanished within two months for me. There's also some massive fringe benifits on top of that which are on offer. I'm a happy customer of AA, and it can work for anyone if they're willing and honest.

But good luck, fella. I really mean that.

PS. Just to be nosy can I ask which country you live in?
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:55 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Thanks Midton. I was just musing aloud really

For the record, I find SR, and just SR, works for me.

I know I'm in the minority, and it's very tough being your own boss, but I wanted you to know it is at least possible. This place is a great support

That being said, should I ever find myself in trouble I'll be looking for whatever I can, including face to face support, to help me

D
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Old 08-11-2009, 01:15 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Hi there

It is very serious and you are drinking as bad as the people you are reading about, you just haven't got there yet. In rehab, i live in Spain, a great majority of the clients are binge drinkers, along with maintanace drinks during the week...the bottle of wine. I know you are only 42 but, so the head counselor tells me, is that whilst there are the everyday problems and commitments to deal with some people find it possible to set limits on the day, what they drink, what time they drink etc. but when they retire/or move abroad it becomes like it would have been on your 2 week holiday. One morning they wake up and think **** i'm drinking 4 bottles of wine a day and then either get help or ill, then die.

Well done for looking for help for yourself, i think you know where this is going and that's why you are here, so please do treat it as an opportunity to get sober whilst you have this window of opportunity. Wishing you the best:-)
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Old 08-11-2009, 01:28 AM   #25 (permalink)
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I know I'm in the minority, and it's very tough being your own boss, but I wanted you to know it is at least possible. This place is a great support
D
No-one can speak on behalf of AA, so the following is just my thoughts:

Dee, I agree wholeheartedly with you apart from being in the minority. I suspect that the majority of us are our own boss; even those in AA (if we're honest) some of the time.

I think you're alluding to Step 3 of the 12 Step programme where we turn our will and our lives over to our higher power; ie we get a new boss; God; and let him run our lives.

Well, that sounds very difficult; I mean how do we do that? I don't get telephone calls or text messages from my God (I say 'my God' because he's not from any organised religion; he's my God, loose and laid back).

For me it means just doing the next right thing in front of me, oh and listening to people; I've heard that 'God' speaks to us through people, and I like that, so that's what I do. For example if I'm asked to do something that frightens me, I'll probably think 'Maybe God wants me to do this?' and I'd be more likely to say 'yes', than 'no'.

I also believe there's a lot of power in a group, even an internet forum, this one especially because it eventually got my arse into AA, even though I wasn't going to because it sounded just to weird to me. I mean the 12 step programme, what a laugh! I didn't want to take a look at myself, I only wanted to stop drinking... sheeesh; why do I want to do all that palavar!

Eventually I was beaten into going to AA and doing the suggestions, and somehow it all worked. It's very strange, no denying that, but it does work.

Anyway, I don't see any problems with trying something that won't cost you a penny and you don't sign any forms to make any legal binding agreements you may wish to break. The cult of AA is open to anyone with a desire to stop drinking and you can exit and drink at anytime; many do; but hopefully they come back. We don't follow you about cooercing you into making coffee and stuff.

Hey, I even find the meetings fun; there's a lot of laughter and micky taking that goes on and I wet myself laughing at some of the stories I hear.

You should try it sometime.
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Old 08-11-2009, 01:37 AM   #26 (permalink)
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Eventually I was beaten into going to AA and doing the suggestions, and somehow it all worked. It's very strange, no denying that, but it does work.
Not meaning to harp on here, just my personal experience too, but why not save yourself the months of getting the **** kicked out of you, mentally and physically, by what you are choosing to pour down your throat and give AA a call or a visit now? AND keep coming back to SR, use all the resources that are out there for you?! I was told that last October but i was damned if i was going to listen psshhh!!!
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:48 AM   #27 (permalink)
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I wasn't actually alluding to *anything* in AA Tosh.
I'd hate for this thread to veer away from midton's questions...

I meant, simply, in my experience it is very hard sometimes to be your own recovery boss - but I manage well with a lot of help and support here. It works for me

From the stories I read here everyday tho? I think it's probably easier, in a lot of ways, with face to face support - but thats not the way I went

thanks
D
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Old 08-11-2009, 04:13 AM   #28 (permalink)
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Midton, I hope you found our experiences useful and keep in touch with us here, I would love to hear how you are doing from time to time. Good luck in which ever way your direction goes.
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Old 08-11-2009, 04:26 AM   #29 (permalink)
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Tosh

I am in Japan as someone guessed before but I, like you are from the UK, although I'm from even further north than you were originally.



I've just finished work and am eating my dinner while online. I'm ok now but was surprisingly "thirsty" as my last clients left and I cleaned up. I wasn't really tempted to drink but the desire was definately there. After an earlier post I wrote today about being sure I had no desire to drink today I'm all the more worried about tomorrow. I know that if I can get to the end of my holidays sober I'll be ok for a while. Being a competitive type if I can get a sober run going I'm not going to want to break it.

I also got rid of all the alcohol I have in the house, even the stuff I don't drink. I'm just telling people that turning 42 tomorrow I've decided to quit drinking. I'm trying to advertise my sobriety to make it all the more difficult to start drinking again. If only they knew the real reasons.

I'm going to be on this site and using everyone's advice for a long time I hope and I sense.


As always much appreciated.
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Old 08-11-2009, 04:28 AM   #30 (permalink)
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Hope faith beleive
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Old 08-11-2009, 04:31 AM   #31 (permalink)
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Happy birthday for tomorrow Midton!

Preemptive advertising is good - but birthdays can be tough.
You know where to find us

D
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Old 08-11-2009, 05:35 AM   #32 (permalink)
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I'm trying to advertise my sobriety to make it all the more difficult to start drinking again.
Good move, it lets friends know so they will support you instead of questioning you. That also creates some accountability, I sure would not want some one to say "I thought you quit drinking."

The truth shalll set you free!

BTW early Happy B-Day!
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Old 08-11-2009, 06:06 AM   #33 (permalink)
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Good luck Midton and an Early HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU.
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Old 08-11-2009, 08:54 AM   #34 (permalink)
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Yep, Happy Birthday Midton; forty-two eh! That number is the answer to life, the universe and everything, according to Douglas Adams in Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy (the Trilogy in Four Parts).

Anyway, it was me who suspected you were living in Japan; I'm half Japanese (yes a half-Japanese Geordie (they used to call me 'Whey-Aye-Banzai' when I was in the army; though the Americans here won't get that joke)).

I was born in Maizuru, near Kobe, my Dad (a Geordie alcoholic) was building ships there in the late 60s. I've lots of Japanese family in Kochi and another wadge of them in Nagoya (there's a great monkey park there).

Anyway, good luck, eat lots of sweet stuff when/if you' crave; I also found sweet fruit juices usefull to. Oh, a change of routine is good. If you've got a set time when you start drinking (mine was 2.00 pm on a weekday, and midday on a weekend) plan to do something at that time, since that's when the cravings will start. I used to go to town, get a haircut, call into the library, or just mince about the shops and avoiding pubs wasn't really a problem; I wasn't a pub drinker (I drank alone);anything different to kill time.
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Old 08-11-2009, 12:25 PM   #35 (permalink)
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Happy Birthday Midton, way to go on letting every know that you are quitting & taking care of yourself.

Sobriety is a great gift to give yourself on your 42 birthday.

Take Care,

NB
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Old 08-11-2009, 02:14 PM   #36 (permalink)
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:day1 happy Birthday Milton!!!
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Old 08-11-2009, 07:46 PM   #37 (permalink)
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Thanks for the birthday wishes.

Now day 4 and the first mini-test, my last day of work and a day that I normally drink at least 90% of the time. Like yesterday went to the gym and had another great run. Don't feel as confident about abstaining as I did yesterday but know I won't drink (I have no alcohol at home, told my wife not to buy me anything and I'm too tired to go myself after work).

The tension in my left arm is lesser but my blood pressure is high (I measures it at the gym). I noticed this morning that I do have the "fog" that people mention in the morning. In fact I can't remember the last time I woke up without it.

I feel as happy today as I've done in a long time but I am getting flashbacks to things I've done while on a binge, even things I did over 20 years ago. I can't believe I still feel shame over events so long ago. Binging has left me with really low self-esteem but I can feel my self-esteem growing each day when I say to myself I'm not a drunk today and I haven't been since Saturday night and hopefully I never will be again.

I'm sure I'll be back online after work to make sure I don't stray tonight.
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Old 08-12-2009, 03:27 AM   #38 (permalink)
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milton..today is the first day of the rest of your life!! Everything you are feeling emotionally is what I felt when I stopped drinking. Its normal to feel these feeling.....this is the stuff we drank on, to escape from but it does not work. What will you do differently this time?? counsiller, meeting,,,,something. You shold try find a safe place now to share whats going on. somewhere that you will be understood, somewhere where you will get support and feedback. Also do go to your doctor for a full check up to ease your mind. Then you have one less worry
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Old 08-12-2009, 04:14 AM   #39 (permalink)
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One thing I heard a guy in a meeting share which I found to be quite profound is the following:

"I am not what I did, I am what I do!"

In a nutshell his past is not what he is today.
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Old 08-12-2009, 04:28 AM   #40 (permalink)
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I'm not that bad........yet.

There seems to be a fine line that no alcoholic can see. I think we cross it way before we realize that we've gone too far. If anything you'll take all the great input you've gotten so far and keep it for what it's worth.

I denied, rationalized and explained my drinking constantly not even realizing that I was doing it. Things got way bad and I swear I don't ever want to go there again.

Working a program has totally helped me and I live a pretty good life today with out the alcohol. Ugh!!!! What a mess that stuff is.

Glad you found this site, it's awesome!!
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