Friday was not as bad as it could have been
 

Hello friends :hug:

I'm sorry to say that I relapsed on friday, over something small and stupid that frustrated me and I went in the blink of an eye from not thinking about drinking to buying beer in the store.

Later that night I called a good friend from here at SR and he helped me pour most of the beer down the sink, and boy was that hard! But, it turned what could have been a terrible night and morning into only a slight hangover.

It is time for me to revisit the first step and powerlessness. It was amazing how fast my AV took over my thinking, and it is scary how I was in little ways planning a relapse for at least a week before without being completely concious of it. Cunning and baffling as they say....

All I can say is, if you get to that point where you are going to buy something, call someone, talk to someone, it really makes a difference.

Much Love to you all

Adore, thank you for being honest and sharing that. I'm glad you made it back honey. That's the problem with us and this disease, we always call someone AFTER we pick up because we know if we call them BEFORE they could possibly talk us through it. And you are so right in that you were heading there long before you actually picked up. This disease stands idle right there waiting for the right minute and it could just be an untied shoe lace, it doesn't have to be something major. I for one am really glad you are back here.

Glad to hear you're back on track, adore. :hug:

It is always sort of amazing how quickly you can make the decision to drink out the blue on a dime and not reconsider.

I don't attend AA, although I should, but something that has helped me recently has been their "just put it off till tommorrow" philosophy. You've probably no doubt read it, but they say something to the effect of "we neither deny nor give in to the craving, but just merely put it off till tommorrow". And tommorrow never comes. Or by just giving yourself 30 mins or so, the craving passes, and you reconsider. It's helped me to think of it in that light recently. Good luck.

Great job in pouring out the beer, adore, and welcome back. ;)

"I'm sorry to say that I relapsed on friday, over something small and stupid that frustrated me..."

How did the drinking affect the frustration? Made it worse? Had no effect?

Please remember the incident... next time frustration arises (unfortunately it will...) you will know that alcohol provides no assistance, right? ;)

Glad you made it back OK, adore. :grouphug:

Could you tells us more about how you were planning the relapse? I'm going to have 4 months soon and the last month was by far the hardest. I'm thinking about alcohol a lot more than I used to.

Thanks for sharing!

Hey Fel, :hug: :hug: :hug: That's all I got. Let's try not to do it again, huh?

I'm glad it was a 'short lived' relapse. Very grateful you made it back.

This was one of the main reasons I stuck like glue to some close friends in AA and my sponsor. They would see me getting 'squirrely' long before I was ever aware of it and would 'yank my chain' and get me back into today.

King Alcohol would just sit and wait for me to get 'out of sorts' or 'stressed' over something and then would rear his ugly head. After all, I had used him for years to numb myself, and he figured he might get me back one more time. Thank HP for my AA friends that would see what was happening and literally drag me to meetings and coffee shops.

Glad you are back and going back to Step 1!

Love and hugs,

Well I remember thinking the second my parents told me that they would be leaving for a week that that would be the perfect time to drink. But I didnt think much more of it other than that.

Then, a few days later it occured to me again, that I could drink on Friday and have the whole weekend for the alcohol to dissapear from my system in case I had a drug test on monday or tuesday. But again, I wasnt seriously planning it, it was just a passing thought or so I thought.

Then on friday I went to town to go to a meeting but first I went to radio shack to see if they had a graphics card for my computer that I desperately wanted, but they didnt. That is when the cravings hit full force and it was like there was nothing going to stop me from drinking. Even before going into radio shack I wasnt thinking of drinking.

But it was like my friend said, over the past week I had been taking down barriers slowly, allowing thoughts of drinking to by without rationalizing them out or identifying them as red flags so when there was an opportunity to drink I went for it.

Next time I will try harder and pay attention to EVERY drinking thought I have, rationalize it, and flag it as a possible indication that relapse may be coming and I have to be on extra alert.

Thank you for sharing this, adore! :ghug3

Thanks so much for your honesty and for sharing it with us all on here....good news is that it COULD have been much worse, and it wasn't....back on track!!

26 days sober and still having twitching, constant pulse racing headaches and pins and neddles.

Think of drinking every night just to get rid of them cause i didnt have them when i was drinking my 10 pints a night. but for some reason i just DONT.

SO proud of you for owning up to it, Fel. I doubt I would have been as honest right away. Maybe weeks later I'd have said something. That's great advice about calling someone before you go buy that beer. My problem in the past has been - I never see it coming. My last relapse, I remember Dee saying to come here before I pick up and get support/strength. It's just that it didn't occur to me - I was on automatic pilot and went and bought it, drank it, without much thought. Scary. Anyways, you are back and you have learned.

My! Adore, you're a far, far stronger person than I am. I might call someone before buying the alcohol, but once I had it, there would be no way I would call anyone until it was far too late. And I'd turn off the phone/ignore anybody who called. No way I could pour all that out.

Even when I got sober, I got sober at nine pm because that's when the bottle ran out. I knew that if I really did pour the rest out, I'd be mad at myself when I was detoxing, knowing that bit I poured out could ease my body. Kudos, Adore.

And Robbo, keep going. 26 is a lot.

I'm glad it was short, I'm glad you're back and I'm glad you have a plan for next time :)

I had my automatic pilots moments too - but like Hevyn said I really recommend to everyone to come here and get support/strength...

Ok I know this isn't easy, but even if you've already bought the bottle, you don't have to drink it - even if you've drunk some, you can pour the rest out...

like you did....
I'm really glad you did that F.

D

I am so happy you bounced back so fast. And that you poured that beer out. Bless your friend. Whoever you are. Thank you for being there for fel.
I totally get the planning relapse thing. I do it every time myself. I see it coming.
I am so happy that you reached out and right in the middle of it too.
That took alot of strength.
Learn and keep moving. Big Huge Hugs fel.

Adore~
Thanks for your commitment and your honesty. It is simply amazing how we plan these things without even acknowledging what we are up to. When I last picked up a bottle, I remember that I felt like two distinct people inhabiting one body: the watcher and the do-er.

In hindsight, I had planned it all down to the letter. I took care of x, y and z and then I went and bought alcohol. Unfortunately, this took me on a downhill slide that lasted almost four months. I am grateful that you were able to stop much sooner.

It's great that you utilized your connections on SR. It can make all the difference.

Doesn't take much does it? I have annualized my relapses up down and sideways and come to the conclusion, I am clueless.

I'm glad your safe and doing well Adore.

It took an extreme amount of courage for you to dump out those beers felly! I'm very very proud of you, you're very very brave. If this ever happens again you now KNOW that you don't have to play the tape all the way through to the 'inevitable' conclusion of drinking ALL of the beer and possibly really hurting yourself. I think it's wonderful that you're realizing that you stripped barriers from the moment you found out your parents were going away. I would suggest you write down exactly all the the flags you missed, and then write down some ways you can combat them next time. I think you're progressing enormously with your recovery, don't stop at this victory, drive the battle home while you have the advantage, write write WRITE while this is all still fresh in your mind. Just get it down, you don't have to do anything with it until later, but you'll have it when you are ready. ((((((((Felly)))))))) We all love you so much. Please keep posting and digest this with us. <3