Do you like/love yourself?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Do you like/love yourself?
After spending/wasting years drinking & making a lot of mistakes and/or doing stupid things because of alcohol it can be hard to forgive & love yourself.
Now that I am in recovery I find myself looking back at some of the wasted years & I am working on forgiving myself & moving forward. I am a good, kind & caring person but it seems so hard to get past some of the mistakes of the past as well as "what if I was sober 10 years ago?"
How much do you like/love yourself & have you forgiven yourself for your drinking & the mistakes you made while intoxicated yet?
Thanks for your input
Take Care,
NB
Now that I am in recovery I find myself looking back at some of the wasted years & I am working on forgiving myself & moving forward. I am a good, kind & caring person but it seems so hard to get past some of the mistakes of the past as well as "what if I was sober 10 years ago?"
How much do you like/love yourself & have you forgiven yourself for your drinking & the mistakes you made while intoxicated yet?
Thanks for your input
Take Care,
NB
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
The way I see it?
If I had gotten sober 10 years ago...I may not be exactly who I am now - I figure I'm ok (others may disagree LOL)
Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
James Joyce
I'd be the last to make a merit of my addiction...but my recovery has bought me a lot of gifts
D
If I had gotten sober 10 years ago...I may not be exactly who I am now - I figure I'm ok (others may disagree LOL)
Mistakes are the portals of discovery.
James Joyce
I'd be the last to make a merit of my addiction...but my recovery has bought me a lot of gifts
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
"After spending/wasting years drinking & making a lot of mistakes and/or doing stupid things because of alcohol it can be hard to forgive & love yourself."
I'm a work in progress. Somedays are great, some days are nice, today is bad for me. Not feeling well, not sleeping well, fighting with hubby, but yet, I still am sober.
Forgiving myself; letting go of the shame, well, that has always been a struggle. Most days, I have a good handle on it and honestly tell about my past. Some days, I JUST SELF ISOLATE MYSELF. aLWAYS PUTTING OTHERS BEFORE MY SELF TO PLEASE OR TO BE OF SERVICE IS DRAINING.
I'm a work in progress. Somedays are great, some days are nice, today is bad for me. Not feeling well, not sleeping well, fighting with hubby, but yet, I still am sober.
Forgiving myself; letting go of the shame, well, that has always been a struggle. Most days, I have a good handle on it and honestly tell about my past. Some days, I JUST SELF ISOLATE MYSELF. aLWAYS PUTTING OTHERS BEFORE MY SELF TO PLEASE OR TO BE OF SERVICE IS DRAINING.
about the caps at the end of the post, hit send, before proof reading....
hypercube
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 306
Hi Cactus. I hope at least you enjoyed your bubble bath today and could spend some moments nurturing yourself and relaxing. You're worth it.
I love myself, but don't particularly like myself at the moment. In fact, I feel rather ambivalent towards myself, which usually indicates there's a whole world of emotion going on that I need to allow myself to recognise and feel. I think I'm grieving.
I love myself, but don't particularly like myself at the moment. In fact, I feel rather ambivalent towards myself, which usually indicates there's a whole world of emotion going on that I need to allow myself to recognise and feel. I think I'm grieving.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
Forgiving myself is hard, I forgive others easier than myself. I am harder on myself than I am on others too. Maybe it is pride and maybe it is self-loathing, or both.
The wasted years thing can be hard to deal with but I have become fatalistic about it,
1. It is the past, it is gone. Focus on today, it is all we really have anyway.
2. If I had done things differently who is to say it would have worked out the way I imagine? Maybe a piano would have fallen on my head.
3. The past has brought me to where/who I am today...and today isn't bad at all.
The wasted years thing can be hard to deal with but I have become fatalistic about it,
1. It is the past, it is gone. Focus on today, it is all we really have anyway.
2. If I had done things differently who is to say it would have worked out the way I imagine? Maybe a piano would have fallen on my head.
3. The past has brought me to where/who I am today...and today isn't bad at all.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I'm quite happy where i am today but i totally can relate to how you feel, i spent 5 long months last October not drinking contemplating what might have been. Through AA i am making new sober friends and having the best time i have ever had in my life so i don't really have time to dwell on what might of been. But i reckon if i had got sober 20 years ago i would have been an astronaut, a fighter pilot or maybe a CTU agent like Jack Bauer...oh well;-)
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
if i could do anything about the past of course id reverse all the harm i did..
the only thing i can do is make amends...
some never forgive...i accept that fully....sadden but i understand it fully.
i feel forgiven by god ..thats important to me.
i also forgive myself.....
i dont despise myself any longer....and im at peace with history.
and i have the full intention of keeping it history...
the only thing i can do is make amends...
some never forgive...i accept that fully....sadden but i understand it fully.
i feel forgiven by god ..thats important to me.
i also forgive myself.....
i dont despise myself any longer....and im at peace with history.
and i have the full intention of keeping it history...
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
I have not thought about it since sobering up. Or at least I try my hardest not to.
I have done a whole lot of extremely dumb things over the last couple decades, and a few (probably accidental) extremely smart things. Since I was always intoxicated, everything I did from the end of my childhood through where I am now was decided under the influence. If I hadn't been drunk? I don't know. Maybe wouldn't have suffered the consequences of some decisions, but might not be reaping the rewards of others. I prefer to think of it as a draw.
On the other hand, now that I'm sobered up, I look at other people my age and wish and wonder what would/could have happened.
Don't know nothin' 'bout love and such...
I have done a whole lot of extremely dumb things over the last couple decades, and a few (probably accidental) extremely smart things. Since I was always intoxicated, everything I did from the end of my childhood through where I am now was decided under the influence. If I hadn't been drunk? I don't know. Maybe wouldn't have suffered the consequences of some decisions, but might not be reaping the rewards of others. I prefer to think of it as a draw.
On the other hand, now that I'm sobered up, I look at other people my age and wish and wonder what would/could have happened.
Don't know nothin' 'bout love and such...
Owner of a strange glitch.
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Oh, and I meant to say to Box3, yeah, you called it. It's grieving. My sugary friend isn't there for me anymore, and that was my only friend that always was...
(sorry for the double post. scatterbrained enough that I just remembered right now that I meant to write that earlier.)
(sorry for the double post. scatterbrained enough that I just remembered right now that I meant to write that earlier.)
Last edited by thirtybubba; 08-09-2009 at 01:18 AM. Reason: forgot last line
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 138
poor me
Since making this 30 day commitment to quit I realized what always gets me back to that first drink:
1. Something stressful happens in my life
2. I tell myself that no one else deals with stress like this
3. I tell myself that I can't deal with the anxiety unless I drink it away
4. I comfort myself by convincing myself that the bottle of wine will make all the day's stress melt (even if I have to wait four hours or even eight hours for that drink it is a promise of liquid comfort, the only part of my day I know I can control)
5. then I drink and I tell myself it was justified bx look how stressful my life is....and here's the last step that always follows after I finish drinking
6. I hate myself and the stress is even higher and I think: what kind of person can't even deal with ordinary, daily stress without drowning it in a bottle?
So since I have made this 30 day commitment my self esteem has begun to rebuild itself..just from the self discipline I am using to get through the day now. But if I let myself think about my past right now (instead of the future) I think it would lead me right back to poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. And since I don't want to go there, I think I will need a lot more practice being sober before I can even think about my past. maybe I never have to go back there?...
1. Something stressful happens in my life
2. I tell myself that no one else deals with stress like this
3. I tell myself that I can't deal with the anxiety unless I drink it away
4. I comfort myself by convincing myself that the bottle of wine will make all the day's stress melt (even if I have to wait four hours or even eight hours for that drink it is a promise of liquid comfort, the only part of my day I know I can control)
5. then I drink and I tell myself it was justified bx look how stressful my life is....and here's the last step that always follows after I finish drinking
6. I hate myself and the stress is even higher and I think: what kind of person can't even deal with ordinary, daily stress without drowning it in a bottle?
So since I have made this 30 day commitment my self esteem has begun to rebuild itself..just from the self discipline I am using to get through the day now. But if I let myself think about my past right now (instead of the future) I think it would lead me right back to poor me, poor me, pour me a drink. And since I don't want to go there, I think I will need a lot more practice being sober before I can even think about my past. maybe I never have to go back there?...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Originally Posted by catch-22 
I don't think I will ever be able to forgive myself...
alcohol was such a big part of our lives.......dont exspect to cover the mirror with kisses within a few months...lol
learning to live life without the need to round of the edges is enough for now right?........
then you got the ones that go completely the other way......they build a pedestal for themselves.......and eventually topple off.
somewhere in the middle is the ultimate goal.
have a great uk sunny day.......make the most of it!!!!!!
catch-22
Join Date: May 2004
Location: UK
Posts: 135
Originally Posted by trucker
it takes time catch...learning to live with yourself.
alcohol was such a big part of our lives.......dont exspect to cover the mirror with kisses within a few months...lol
learning to live life without the need to round of the edges is enough for now right?........
then you got the ones that go completely the other way......they build a pedestal for themselves.......and eventually topple off.
somewhere in the middle is the ultimate goal.
have a great uk sunny day.......make the most of it!!!!!!
alcohol was such a big part of our lives.......dont exspect to cover the mirror with kisses within a few months...lol
learning to live life without the need to round of the edges is enough for now right?........
then you got the ones that go completely the other way......they build a pedestal for themselves.......and eventually topple off.
somewhere in the middle is the ultimate goal.
have a great uk sunny day.......make the most of it!!!!!!
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
The 12 step program enabled me to...
.... stop hating myself.
.... begin to accept myself.
.... start actually liking myself.
.... discover self love.
I saw a deadhead sticker on a Cadilliac... a little voice inside my head said "don't look back, you can never look back...".
.... stop hating myself.
.... begin to accept myself.
.... start actually liking myself.
.... discover self love.
I saw a deadhead sticker on a Cadilliac... a little voice inside my head said "don't look back, you can never look back...".
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
It takes time.
I'm much stronger now. I'm NOT going to make those mistakes again. I know that because I intend to remain sober. Another reason for sobriety, in my book.
You can't go back. But you can go forward with dignity.
I'm much stronger now. I'm NOT going to make those mistakes again. I know that because I intend to remain sober. Another reason for sobriety, in my book.
You can't go back. But you can go forward with dignity.
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