Almost. Still in the red zone.
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Hi 30Bubba, just wanted to say thank you for your post for my b'day. You are doing great!!! I have to laugh, my son when he was a baby called people bubba, he couldn't even say too many words but the bubba just came out, and it has stuck with my sister in law, everyone calls her bubba now. Be very proud of yourself for what you have already accomplished, and that is you have not drank today. Don't forget it is a "We" program not an "I" program. You are never alone, we are all in this together to help each other.
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Well, it's 11 in the morning, and I'm actually feeling good. Finally fell asleep at 5, after finishing the LA Times crossword (easy mode) and the Philadelphia Inquirer's jigsaw puzzle (hard mode) and about 800 games of FreeCell. I also took yeahgr8's suggestion, and wrote out a list of reasons for getting sober. It turned out a lot longer than I thought, so I'll edit it down and post it later. Anyways, all that busywork in the wee hours, and I would have guessed that would have tired my mind out a lot earlier than 5.
Right now I'm kinda just sitting here with my feet up on the desk drawer and bopping my head to songs that motivate me to stay sober/ remind me of what it was truly like drinking. And eating Creme Savers. Wishing they wouldn't individual wrap them so well, I gotta fight for my little candy. Well, at least I got candy.
Right after this post I'm off to church, and later tonight is the other listed meeting in my area. I'm going to go there and try to put together what people are taking about in here, and, man, I hope this one exists. And somebody in here told me to get a Big Book too, so I guess I'll do that.
My only worry now is that I only have 5 pills left, and I don't know what to do about that. It would be ironic to say the least that I detox from alcohol the right way and die from clonidine withdrawal. The doctor gave me sixty pills and told me to take one every 3-4 hours as needed. I only took 3 extras (yeah, I know) so why did it run out 5 days before the followup? All I can find on the internet says don't stop them short, I can't find what to do if you cannot avoid it. I guess be careful and eat good and go to the doctor office tomorrow.
So to sum up, I wouldn't have thought 5 hours of sleep would leave me all happy and carefree--or for that matter that I could wake up all happy and carefree without a shot--but that's about where I'm at. Can't do nothing about the pills, so that doesn't bother me right now.
Talk to y'all later, stay strong. Thanks for all the support...
Right now I'm kinda just sitting here with my feet up on the desk drawer and bopping my head to songs that motivate me to stay sober/ remind me of what it was truly like drinking. And eating Creme Savers. Wishing they wouldn't individual wrap them so well, I gotta fight for my little candy. Well, at least I got candy.
Right after this post I'm off to church, and later tonight is the other listed meeting in my area. I'm going to go there and try to put together what people are taking about in here, and, man, I hope this one exists. And somebody in here told me to get a Big Book too, so I guess I'll do that.
My only worry now is that I only have 5 pills left, and I don't know what to do about that. It would be ironic to say the least that I detox from alcohol the right way and die from clonidine withdrawal. The doctor gave me sixty pills and told me to take one every 3-4 hours as needed. I only took 3 extras (yeah, I know) so why did it run out 5 days before the followup? All I can find on the internet says don't stop them short, I can't find what to do if you cannot avoid it. I guess be careful and eat good and go to the doctor office tomorrow.
So to sum up, I wouldn't have thought 5 hours of sleep would leave me all happy and carefree--or for that matter that I could wake up all happy and carefree without a shot--but that's about where I'm at. Can't do nothing about the pills, so that doesn't bother me right now.
Talk to y'all later, stay strong. Thanks for all the support...
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 111
I wouldn't have thought 5 hours of sleep would leave me all happy and carefree--or for that matter that I could wake up all happy and carefree without a shot--but that's about where I'm at.
also, coordination, skill, quickness abd etc. all come back. my second day sober i was on this forum complaining about sucking at things i lelarned how to do drunk. people reassured me that it would all get better, and it did. whatever you do, don't use it as an excuse to drink. in the long run, it all comes back.
bh
Owner of a strange glitch.
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: midsouth
Posts: 2,331
Firehazard, I can almost guarantee you I will never ever succumb to seriousness. I spend tens of minutes editing posts to not seem like I am treating the subject at hand with too much levity.
The idea of it all did make me laugh, though.
Well, I'm going to bring this post around to be a nice cycle of how I went from despondent to hopeful in two calendar days, in summary form (the long versions are in other threads). Make it nice and neat and compact. And then save the d- thing on my hard drive to remember this for the next time. There's always a next time. Grr.
I did get to church, and it was a rewarding experience. This afternoon, I was going to do laundry, but I tabled that 'till tomorrow or Tuesday. Instead I washed my car, which has turned from silver to sand colored, due largely to the desert reclaiming it. That was something I needed to do, because near the end of my drinking days I had decided it just wasn't worth all the risks to drive--I no longer cared about something that has been a large part of my life, that used to give me what little pleasure I ever had. Everything's going wrong at home, hit the road/track and just GO. I've ended up in other states full of adrenaline.
So it felt good to have a clean car again. A definite symbol that I might have tripped and fell, but I'm back again.
Then I realized I had that meeting to get to, and I might be late, so I hopped in to the driver's seat, popped in a CD I've been listening to pretty much nonstop since sobering up, and tore out with pants all covered in soapy water still. Even when the CD started messing up (itunes does not make good CDs) it didn't bother me, I just switched it to another. Windows down, radio up, hair whipping in the wind, a 50mph limit on a empty blacktop and I finally felt truly truly free.
I found the meeting, and felt welcomed but still uncomfortable. There was a lot of reading, some of which I could relate to, some I couldn't, and some I honestly zoned out for. Then one guy with almost nine months talked for a while, and all I could think about was how long nine months is. At break, I talked to one guy outside and he told me pretty much the same thing I've been reading in here. After, this other guy spoke who had a whole lot of years (8 or 9 I think), and he mostly talked about when he started drinking. I'm not sure how that would be helpful to anybody but parents, since if you're quitting drinking you've already been through that introductory phase. Then he jumped to how emotions are easy to deal with now. As anybody who's read any of my posts probably knows, I can not relate to that at all. This is like a nitrogen-breathing silicon life form standing behind me at the grocery store. I can not comprehend how it is possible we're coexisting on the same plane of existence.
I got a keychain, a Big Book with wishes and phone numbers in it, and a piece of cake. And by the end of the meeting, I got the shakes. Lord, I hope these two pills will get me through till noon tomorrow when the doctor opens.
More importantly, though, I think I found something I can use to keep me occupied (boredom is my number one cause of intoxication). I'm going to try to get involved in both the church and this AA, if for nothing else than to have something to do. If I balance it out, and make sure I still have enough time to relax and sleep, work and attend class, this might just work after all...
See the difference 48 hours makes? If I didn't have this thread, I would never have believed it. Not even right this minute, immediately after I had lived it. But I made it, and I guess I'll make it again. I'm not the first, won't be the last, when all it takes is one...
The idea of it all did make me laugh, though.
Well, I'm going to bring this post around to be a nice cycle of how I went from despondent to hopeful in two calendar days, in summary form (the long versions are in other threads). Make it nice and neat and compact. And then save the d- thing on my hard drive to remember this for the next time. There's always a next time. Grr.
I did get to church, and it was a rewarding experience. This afternoon, I was going to do laundry, but I tabled that 'till tomorrow or Tuesday. Instead I washed my car, which has turned from silver to sand colored, due largely to the desert reclaiming it. That was something I needed to do, because near the end of my drinking days I had decided it just wasn't worth all the risks to drive--I no longer cared about something that has been a large part of my life, that used to give me what little pleasure I ever had. Everything's going wrong at home, hit the road/track and just GO. I've ended up in other states full of adrenaline.
So it felt good to have a clean car again. A definite symbol that I might have tripped and fell, but I'm back again.
Then I realized I had that meeting to get to, and I might be late, so I hopped in to the driver's seat, popped in a CD I've been listening to pretty much nonstop since sobering up, and tore out with pants all covered in soapy water still. Even when the CD started messing up (itunes does not make good CDs) it didn't bother me, I just switched it to another. Windows down, radio up, hair whipping in the wind, a 50mph limit on a empty blacktop and I finally felt truly truly free.
I found the meeting, and felt welcomed but still uncomfortable. There was a lot of reading, some of which I could relate to, some I couldn't, and some I honestly zoned out for. Then one guy with almost nine months talked for a while, and all I could think about was how long nine months is. At break, I talked to one guy outside and he told me pretty much the same thing I've been reading in here. After, this other guy spoke who had a whole lot of years (8 or 9 I think), and he mostly talked about when he started drinking. I'm not sure how that would be helpful to anybody but parents, since if you're quitting drinking you've already been through that introductory phase. Then he jumped to how emotions are easy to deal with now. As anybody who's read any of my posts probably knows, I can not relate to that at all. This is like a nitrogen-breathing silicon life form standing behind me at the grocery store. I can not comprehend how it is possible we're coexisting on the same plane of existence.
I got a keychain, a Big Book with wishes and phone numbers in it, and a piece of cake. And by the end of the meeting, I got the shakes. Lord, I hope these two pills will get me through till noon tomorrow when the doctor opens.
More importantly, though, I think I found something I can use to keep me occupied (boredom is my number one cause of intoxication). I'm going to try to get involved in both the church and this AA, if for nothing else than to have something to do. If I balance it out, and make sure I still have enough time to relax and sleep, work and attend class, this might just work after all...
See the difference 48 hours makes? If I didn't have this thread, I would never have believed it. Not even right this minute, immediately after I had lived it. But I made it, and I guess I'll make it again. I'm not the first, won't be the last, when all it takes is one...
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
thirtybubba early sobriety can be so frustrating, I remember slowly becoming aware I was doing some what better but I wanted MORE and I wanted it RIGHTAWAY!!! What I gained in meetings was that feeling that way was normal. People in meetings told me that it takes time and time takes time!!!
Patience is something that alcohol and drugs seem to take away, I knew from experience that if I wanted to alter my mood I could do so very quickly slamming a few beers, which of course always led me to more beers, I would slide through what I sought from beer rather quickly and even though the feeliing I sought had been achieved and always went beyond that by continuing to drink until I came to a state of oblivion and just slipped of into the darkness.
In early sobriety the feeling I sought in sobriety took so long to come and since I had no idea of what sobriety was I had no idea when I would have it what it would be like.
People with more time sober then I, even if it was just a few more weeks would keep telling me to hold on that it does get better. Thank God they were right, it did get better, slowly it got better, no more sweats, no more shakes, the craving got better as did the mental obsession.
If you like the church you went to, go more often, keep going to those AA meetings, I will warn you, you will go to some meetings that just stink!!!! Just do not go back to that meeting, in Southern California there are tons of meetings to choose from.
Here is an idea, call some of those phone numbers you got and ask what meetings they like going to, see if they would like to go to some meetings together. I have made some awesome friends and a lot of aquaintances going to meetings.
Stay in the day, take it a day, an hour, or even a minute at a time, in time you may want to ask some one to be your temporary sponsor, talk to them about the steps.
For right now just focus on going to a lot of meetings and not drinking in between meetings, a sponsor will come and then the steps, this will all lead to what you seek, serenity and peace in a sober life.
Patience is something that alcohol and drugs seem to take away, I knew from experience that if I wanted to alter my mood I could do so very quickly slamming a few beers, which of course always led me to more beers, I would slide through what I sought from beer rather quickly and even though the feeliing I sought had been achieved and always went beyond that by continuing to drink until I came to a state of oblivion and just slipped of into the darkness.
In early sobriety the feeling I sought in sobriety took so long to come and since I had no idea of what sobriety was I had no idea when I would have it what it would be like.
People with more time sober then I, even if it was just a few more weeks would keep telling me to hold on that it does get better. Thank God they were right, it did get better, slowly it got better, no more sweats, no more shakes, the craving got better as did the mental obsession.
If you like the church you went to, go more often, keep going to those AA meetings, I will warn you, you will go to some meetings that just stink!!!! Just do not go back to that meeting, in Southern California there are tons of meetings to choose from.
Here is an idea, call some of those phone numbers you got and ask what meetings they like going to, see if they would like to go to some meetings together. I have made some awesome friends and a lot of aquaintances going to meetings.
Stay in the day, take it a day, an hour, or even a minute at a time, in time you may want to ask some one to be your temporary sponsor, talk to them about the steps.
For right now just focus on going to a lot of meetings and not drinking in between meetings, a sponsor will come and then the steps, this will all lead to what you seek, serenity and peace in a sober life.
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