30 days tomorrow
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 111
30 days tomorrow
i was doing pretty well for a while, but today i got really depressed and lonely. it was a strange shift. hopefully i will feel better tomorrow. if thirty days was five days ago, i would have been on top of the world, but right now i'm wallowing a bit. anyway, i suppose it's to be expected. after all, getting sober doesn't make make emotions go away, it just forces me to finally deal with them without booze. sigh.
thanks for listening,
bh
thanks for listening,
bh
Resident grateful guy!
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Bloomington, Mn.
Posts: 120
Something my sponsor tells me is as addicts/alcoholics we tend to be self destructive. We build things up, and then tear them down. 30 days is a big deal, so maybe the addict in you just might want you to screw it up. Doing things right and feeling good are alien to us when we get sober. We are used to feeling bad and failing, it's our comfort zone. Call someone, get to a meeting, read the book, you'll get through it. :praying
Tim
Tim
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 111
thanks guys. (congratulations RAD!)
i relate to what both of you are saying. there is a part of me that is used to failing and does in fact find comfort and ease in it; however i do believe riding it out will pay off in the long run. i'm just lonely right now, you know? i've screwed alot of things up and am now having to pay the consequences sober.
bh
i relate to what both of you are saying. there is a part of me that is used to failing and does in fact find comfort and ease in it; however i do believe riding it out will pay off in the long run. i'm just lonely right now, you know? i've screwed alot of things up and am now having to pay the consequences sober.
bh
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Here, Now
Posts: 4,268
Yea, depression and loneliness, I can relate. But just remember they're your feelings, just as valid as elation or love, if not as welcome. Don't fight them, don't give into them they'll pass. I'll take these "bad" feelings any day over the numbnes I subjected myself to for years through self-medication. “Grief,” Rumi wrote, “can be the garden of compassion. If you keep your heart open through everything, your pain can become your greatest ally in your life’s search for love and wisdom.”-- Sogyal Rinpoche
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Thirty days is a big hurdle for folks like us. I always look at the colors of the
chips and attach meaning to them. The thirty day chip is blood red which
always in my memory brings visions of suffering. Thirty days was one of the
milestones that got earned by hurting physically for me.
chips and attach meaning to them. The thirty day chip is blood red which
always in my memory brings visions of suffering. Thirty days was one of the
milestones that got earned by hurting physically for me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 76
25 Days myself today, this was after 10 years or more of drinking everynight without fail a least 8 or 10 pints a night.
Still feeling depressed, stressesd, constantly worried, tension headaches that wont go, tingling all over, not sleeping very well, pain in middle of back that has just come on and worst of all constantly feeling that there is some seriously wrong all the time. Like waiting for blood test results on liver and kidney thought for a week that was it and doctor recommended going to opticain so went and woried my self sick if there was something he would find due to constant tension headaches.
Doctor keeps saying all this is withdrawals but just keep worring all the time.
Well done for 30 days feels strange to me being sober for so long.
Good Luck
Still feeling depressed, stressesd, constantly worried, tension headaches that wont go, tingling all over, not sleeping very well, pain in middle of back that has just come on and worst of all constantly feeling that there is some seriously wrong all the time. Like waiting for blood test results on liver and kidney thought for a week that was it and doctor recommended going to opticain so went and woried my self sick if there was something he would find due to constant tension headaches.
Doctor keeps saying all this is withdrawals but just keep worring all the time.
Well done for 30 days feels strange to me being sober for so long.
Good Luck
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,554
Congratulations on all the milestones mentioned here! Be proud of yourselves & be patient. This is hard work, and you're making it. Every feeling you've talked about, I had too. I'm now at around 18mos. (after 25 yrs.) and most of the negative emotions are long gone. As bh said, that lonely/depressed feeling does creep in every now and then. After all, we're learning to live again in a whole different way from what we've been used to. You're all doing great - onward we go.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Congratulations BH 
30 days is awesome!
Some say PAWs can kick in around anniversaries (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome)
Like others have said, it's important to realise what you're feeling may not be a genuine feeling at all - it may just be your mind and body healing...
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
D
30 days is awesome!
Some say PAWs can kick in around anniversaries (Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome)
Like others have said, it's important to realise what you're feeling may not be a genuine feeling at all - it may just be your mind and body healing...
http://www.tlctx.com/ar_pages/paw_part1.htm
D
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
Hi Robbo78
Welcome to SR!
I'm glad you're seeing a doctor - but I had to remember I drank for 20 years - I couldn't reasonably expect to feel ok in a month, even tho I wanted to be....
I was terrified over what I might have done to myself too - but I was ok
Keep posting and reading
Even tho you're past the initial detox stage, I still reckon this thread is a great read
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D
Welcome to SR!
I'm glad you're seeing a doctor - but I had to remember I drank for 20 years - I couldn't reasonably expect to feel ok in a month, even tho I wanted to be....
I was terrified over what I might have done to myself too - but I was ok
Keep posting and reading
Even tho you're past the initial detox stage, I still reckon this thread is a great read
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html
D
non-drinker
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Milwaukee, Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 13,841
Welcome Robbo78!
I was pretty much in the same boat as you, drinking-wise (average of 12-18 beers EVERY night for years). I didn't have the bad withdrawl symptoms, but I had major anxiety over what I might've done to my body. I'm now on Day 48 and my body and mind are healing slowly, but surely.
Hang in there...it WILL get better!
I was pretty much in the same boat as you, drinking-wise (average of 12-18 beers EVERY night for years). I didn't have the bad withdrawl symptoms, but I had major anxiety over what I might've done to my body. I'm now on Day 48 and my body and mind are healing slowly, but surely.
Hang in there...it WILL get better!
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Congratulations on one month Halo. 
The first couple of months are the hardest and I found the 1 month anniversary difficult too. It is like is this all there is??? It does get a lot better.
I made a list of the good and bad of drinking around that time and it lead to the conclusion not to drink. That was earlier this year and I just reread and revised my list yesterday and a lot of the things I THOUGHT were positive about drinking that pertained to my personality like bring friendlier, more confident, and having a better social life have proven thenselves to be illusions. Every aspect of my life is better without drinking. I am sure you will find that this is true with you also.
It might be a good idea to make that list and then see a few months down the road. I was surprised.
Congrats again and keep at it.
Welcome to SR robbo.
Things will get better for you too. They almost always get better for everyone that toughs it out. The first couple of months are the toughest.
The first couple of months are the hardest and I found the 1 month anniversary difficult too. It is like is this all there is??? It does get a lot better.
I made a list of the good and bad of drinking around that time and it lead to the conclusion not to drink. That was earlier this year and I just reread and revised my list yesterday and a lot of the things I THOUGHT were positive about drinking that pertained to my personality like bring friendlier, more confident, and having a better social life have proven thenselves to be illusions. Every aspect of my life is better without drinking. I am sure you will find that this is true with you also.
It might be a good idea to make that list and then see a few months down the road. I was surprised.
Congrats again and keep at it.
Welcome to SR robbo.
Things will get better for you too. They almost always get better for everyone that toughs it out. The first couple of months are the toughest.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 17
congratulations Halo on your 30 days, it will be 30 for me on MOnday!
Robbo, I'm like u too. I'm okay post drunking, i didn't have many withdrawls, but now I am in anxiety and fear over my aches and pains I experience. I worry almost excessively, and to the point where I break down crying when I google my symptoms and alchoholism. I worry about what I 've done to myself and am anxiously waiting my test results. The worst part is not knowing....I praying i'm okay, then at least I can focus more on life and live happily knowing i"ve got a 2nd chance. Hang in there!
Robbo, I'm like u too. I'm okay post drunking, i didn't have many withdrawls, but now I am in anxiety and fear over my aches and pains I experience. I worry almost excessively, and to the point where I break down crying when I google my symptoms and alchoholism. I worry about what I 've done to myself and am anxiously waiting my test results. The worst part is not knowing....I praying i'm okay, then at least I can focus more on life and live happily knowing i"ve got a 2nd chance. Hang in there!
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 111
mycoolfitz and firehazard,
i was responding last evening to your posts, but fell asleep at my computer. well, at least i didn't pass out. thank you both for sharing and showing your support. i really appreciate it. firehazard, i received my red chip today, and i'm going to keep in mind the meaning you've attached to it. that is significant, and goes right along with what MCF said about grief being a path. today is a bit better after getting to a meeting, and again, thank you both very much for the support.
thank you to everyone else as well. it felt good to get the thirty day chip. when i first got here, and would read when others made thirty days, i would wonder if i would make it because it seemed so far away. the fact that others were succeeding in the struggle really helped keep me strong. it makes me realize that milestones are really never that far off when we take it one day at a time. thank you all again for the good examples and support.
bh
i was responding last evening to your posts, but fell asleep at my computer. well, at least i didn't pass out. thank you both for sharing and showing your support. i really appreciate it. firehazard, i received my red chip today, and i'm going to keep in mind the meaning you've attached to it. that is significant, and goes right along with what MCF said about grief being a path. today is a bit better after getting to a meeting, and again, thank you both very much for the support.
thank you to everyone else as well. it felt good to get the thirty day chip. when i first got here, and would read when others made thirty days, i would wonder if i would make it because it seemed so far away. the fact that others were succeeding in the struggle really helped keep me strong. it makes me realize that milestones are really never that far off when we take it one day at a time. thank you all again for the good examples and support.
bh
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 111
i can also relate to what you all are saying about physical worry. i suppose i'm dual diagnosis (bipolar and alcoholic), so i've been on depakote for a long time. by itself, depakote can harm the liver, and because of my drinking, i've been reluctant to get the necassary blood work-up and liver tests that are required. i've been scared of the damage it might reveal. even after thirty days i don't want to schedule a time to get the testing done. any time i would have pains under my ribcage, i would put my hand on it, wince a bit, then ignore it. alot of times when this would happen, i would stop taking my medications, drink more, and really spiral down.
bh
bh
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