Toomutch

I have come to the conclusion that any treatment I receive for bipolar disorder is simply a band aid; works for awhile and then falls off. I am sinking into a depression again and I am crazy with fear. I would rather be anywhere than in a depression especially a drunken depression.
I have been having some self harming thoughts again and am feeling extremely worthless. I was very recently in the hospital on suicide precautions while they were changing up my meds. I don’t want to go back!!!
Thanks for reading... any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

Dee74

It should never feel like a band aid Suzette.

There are many people here with BPD who seem to manage it well - several of them are my close friends. It seems to they never stop until they get the treatment right, and they constantly monitor themselves and consult with their dr as necessary.

I know you don't want to go back to hospital but you need to check in with your doctor, Suzette.

Noone should be unhappy, depressed or ill if they can do anything about it.

I hope you feel better soon
D

tommyk

See a doctor.

Do you take medication all of the time, or only when you feel you need it?

It has been my own experience and understanding that depression and/or bi-polar sometimes never go away in some people and medication(s) must be taken all of the time, for life.

Like a band-aid every day, maybe?

Astro

I'm no expert on depression and meds Suz, but I agree with Dee that you need to continue to talk to your doc, or find another one that you're comfortable with.

I still deal with thoughts of fear, depression, self-harm, and worthlessness at times, lately my job brings those feelings on. I've chosen to surround myself with people and group support for relief, so AA and CoDA meetings are my form of treatment.

Toomutch

I take my meds everyday like clockwork. My doctor has been tweeking them some lately, but nothing seems to last for long; I will be feeling good and then out of the blue depression sets in.

tommyk

Sorry to hear that.

I have very successfully used the 12 step program to help manage my depression & anxiety.

Perhaps consider some behavioral 'therapy' in addition to the meds?

Keep coming back and I really hope you're feeling better soon!

Toomutch

Thinking to much! Round and round...

tommyk

Is it possible to turn your will and your life over to the care of God, as you understand Him...?

Let Him have the thoughts? Let Him think it all round and round?

And then let Him tell you how to make it all work out?

KenL

Rough time right now Suze, hang in there. hugs

Toomutch

I turned my life over to the Lord several years back, and I do place situations like these into his hands. But because I'm a sinner i find my self going round and round with things. Or getting stuck feeling unable to move forward.

CAPTAINZING2000

Have you ever done volunteer work?

Maybe, by helping others, you'd feel better!!

How long have you been clean an sober now?

Toomutch

I have volunteered at my childrens schools in the past, and would like to volunteer as an advocate for children. I have been sober for 1 1/2 years on the 24th of August.

Aysha

I have no advice. Just positive thoughts and hgs going your way.

coffeenut

Suzette...sometimes finding the right med/dosage can be extremely difficult, not to mention that it can take years....literally. Please keep going to doctors until you find what will work for you. Please take care.

CAPTAINZING2000

When, I was first introduced to AA, I was told, the first year is physical, the second year is emotional and the third year is spiritual.


A.A. Recovery - The Missing Piece: The Spiritual Malady

Hevyn

I just want to send you some love, Suzette. I wish I had words of wisdom. I have a dear friend with bipolar and she finally got her meds right after a year of trying different things, so it is possible. I know you've tried everything to get well - you are due a change in your life.

Firehazard

:praying God my life is a mess I feel sad all the time, remove these thoughts and feelings so I may better do your work.

It can't hurt sorry to beat a dead:horse

laurie6781

Suz I have bad news and good news.

Bad news ................................... it took 5 years with lots of 'trials and errors' and 'tweaking' of dosages to find what worked with me for my Bi Polar.

Good news .................................. it took 5 years with lots of 'trials and errors' and 'tweaking of dosages to find what worked with me for my Bi Polar.

Good news .................................. its been 14 years now and with some 'minor' adjustments my meds are still working.

Unfortunately, there are so many medications out there today, and each one works differently on each person, that it does take time.

Now, I say mine are working and they are, but I am not NUMB. I still get 'lows' (doesn't everybody) and I still get 'highs' (doesn't everybody) but they are in a 'normal' range. Sure I know when I am feeling 'down' but I do not go into the abyss. And yes, I get the 'highs' (feeling real good, more energy, etc) but do not go into that manic stage for days on end. I am aware of my 'moods' today but do not have to nor want to obsess over them.

So, please continue to work with your doctor .................................. it will get better.

J M H O

Love and hugs,

Toomutch

Feeling worse today than yesterday... I am feeling physical pain as well as mental pain. No energy... I would like to plan a mountain bike this weekend or atleast a nice hike. If my fibro is flared up as well as the mental illness how much can I or will I want to do.
I know I am going on and on about this only because I need to talk about and recieve feedback on my health. I will also be calling the doctor on Monday if I'm not feeeling better.

tommyk

Too - thanks for keeping us updated.

Quick question - have you worked the 12 steps?

Keep coming back, we're here for you.