PurpleCat

Hi all. As I prepare for my quit date, I have yet to find a good source of information/assistance for people who are 1/2 of a drinking team. My DH of 19 years (and drinking buddy for 21 years) won't quit with me - I already know this. He didn't quit smoking with me either.

Are there any books or a place on SR that addresses the problems of being the quitting half of a relationship like this? I looked at the friends and family part of the forum but it seems to be more for people who are not alcoholics dealing with the alcoholics in their life.

Dealing with my quitting while he does not is the major worry that I have.

Thanks for any help.

smacked

There's a few folks around here that have done this.. I don't know how I could have, but it is done. Your recovery is your own, that's for sure. My husband drinks, but is not an alcoholic. When I quit, my house became alcohol free, and when he drinks it's never around me.. I honestly don't know how I would have done it otherwise, but there's a few folks around here that have. They'll be around shortly w/ advice.

Do you want to be married to an active alcoholic though?

coffeenut

Hi Purple Cat....welcome to SR!

My husband and I drank for 30 years together. I quit a year ago. It CAN be done. It takes brutal honesty. And a lot of respect.

My drinking is MY problem. His, is his. With that being said, he still drinks....but a LOT less than he used to. It is rarely an issue. He even quit for about 3 months in there.

I don't know of any resources specifically for this. I highly recommend sticking around SR. It really has kept me sober. Good luck to you....I hope you stay!

Dee74

hi purplecat

There are many here who have partners who are not in recovery - it's obviously not easy but it's possible.

You have to focus on what is good for you. And lean on us, and whatever other support groups you choose to have.

Have you thought of AlAnon?

D

Anna

Lots of people here stop drinking while other family members drink.

The main thing is to focus on yourself and your sobriety. You'll find lots of support here.

Gidge

Hi Purplecat,

I'm in the same place as you, I've decided to stop drinking but my husband is still drinking. I'm on day 9 today and hope that this doesn't present problems for me. We have talked about it and he has promised to cut down on his drinking but isn't ready to stop completely. I figure that I can't worry about or control what he does, I can only deal with my own issues and hope he follows my lead. That's what happened when I quit smoking - he wasn't ready to quit at the same time I was but eventually he did quit.

Good luck, I hope everything works out for you!

PurpleCat

Thanks for the support.

We have a big vacation coming up at the end of the month, then I am going to start stopping, if that makes sense.