Firehazard

A fella asked me to work him thru the steps. Are there any links on this topic on SR.

Rob B

I'd start by asking, how were you sponsored? The directions in the Big Book are pretty clear and they also protect the new man from our thought, opinions and ideas about recovery. Stick with the book, you'll do fine.

Astro

I consider the Big Book my manual for all things AA, but this pamphlet explains sponsorship very well Alcoholics Anonymous : Pamphlets

hendershot

I am not an AA absolutist or anything like that at all. But still, I think the sponsor-sponsee relationship is important, and I have seen many an unqualified sponsor mess up a sponsees progress or sobriety. I know some people don't like that term: "unqualified sponsor." But the fact is some people sponsor others without completing the twelve-steps, without having a grounding in the book, or even understand the role of the sponsor in recovery. I do not know where you stand on these criteria but I have to raise an eyebrow when you come on here to ask about it. There is nothing wrong with telling the guy that you will talk to him everyday and help him out or explain that you will be his temporary sponsor but he needs to get a more experienced one long-term so he can gain the same benifits you have gotten from having an experienced sponsor (assuming you have/had one). I am not saying you should not help this guy out--be of service any way you can. But know your limitations on this as well and don't overstep.

barb dwyer

Firehazard - talk to your own sponsor after reading that pamphlet.

Firehazard

Thanks for the input. The pamphlet and my intention when previously communicating with the man tells me I have been his unofficial sponsor for around a month sans step work. We met two months ago and I found out he was in recovery. I asked him if he had a sponsor and he said yes. He since has fired that one and asked me to carry on with him. There seems to be no best way except by my own experience with step work, Big Book direction and support from others including my sponsor. He is hungry for recovery so I feel he will do well. I am more than experienced to sponsor men but wanted to wait until I turned the official year. It seems that attraction rather than promotion my own life has reaped harvest. He asked me soon after attending my home group and the group I secretary for.

barb dwyer

Women sponsors were in such demand here -
my first sponsee came when I'd finished my steps.

It's a matter of quality.

Rob B

Get rid of the belief you have to "wait a year". I am aware there are groups out there that suggest this, they have the right to do so. However,Our literature makes clear this a program of immediate action. If our very lives as ex drinkers depend on us helping another drunk, why on earth would we tell someone to wait, it's like telling a diabetic to hold off on taking their insulin.It does not make sense. Let's look at our history.

Ebby gave Bill the message 2 months sober, Bill passed it to Dr. Bob months sober. Dr. Bob was sponsoring men days into his recovery. There are many myths in AA, the notion of time is one of them, if you have had a spiritual awakening as the result of the steps you are ready. God doesn't call upon the qualified, he calls upon the willing.

Tazman53

Firehazard you have recieved some awesome suggestions here, the one year sober I have heard in many areas and where there are plenty of good sponsors that is not a bad idea, but I totally concur with Rob.

I had about 7 months and was very near completeing the steps with my sponsor when he pulled me aside and said "Martin there is a guy who would like you to sponsor him." I responded back that I only had 7 months and had not finished the steps yet, well he told me "Sounds like we need to get together tonight then to finish them up." I asked him if I was ready? He told me basically what Rob said plus a little more, he told me in Akron they had so many drunks showing up that men with only a few days sober were sponsoring men, that men were being taken through the steps in a day or 2 at most.

I will share this with you, I have had a sponsee leave the fellowship, no idea if he is drunk or sober, I have another guy that still calls me his sponsor who has relapsed, come back into the rooms for a few days and is back at it again, then I have 2 other guys with over a year, one of them with over 2 years. The one with over 2 years I helped all the way through the steps and he is doing awesome. I had one guy also that has over a year and decided he wanted another sponsor, we remain great friends still.

I did nothing with them except share with them my experience strength and hope that I have in taking the steps straight out of the book. I feel I have gained far more from them ALL then they have gained from me.

I have found passing it on is an experience and a blessing that I am so thankful for. Passing it on to others has allowed not just Bill W. & Dr. Bob stay sober until thier passing, but thousands of others also & I can see why, there is no way a drink could possibly offer to me the pleasure and joy I have gotten from simply helping another alcoholic stay sober one more day and to live a new life. It helps me more then it helps them.

Boleo

There is a lot of advice on sponsoring at:

http://www.aabacktobasics.com/

keithj

Firehazard,

I'll just reiterate what others have said.

That one year thing is someone's opinion. Take it or leave it. I personally see no purpose to it. Have you had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps? Then you're ready. Pray for guidance and follow the directions in the book. Just about half the first 164 pages are devoted to 12th step work. Must be fairly important.

Share freely of what you have been given, my friend. You will not want to miss this. It's a gift.

Firehazard

Sharing freely brothers and sisters.:ghug3 Met with him for the second time for some

more forth step work and we are getting on the same page. This week he will

be working on his fourth column and expanding his list of rest... Man I'll be

praying for him and suggested this week he hit a meeting a day. thanks for the

support. Ya'll ROCK

Firehazard

Update here, My sponsee is doing very well. He finally got his pink cloud

and it was about time. He was so fearful, nervous, and depressed for his

first four months but then he decided to start working on his step four and

allowing HP guidance on fourth column stuff. To be honest I was getting

worried about him but he started doing the work you know. I don't know

when it happened but he started realizing how his thinking and expectations

of others were really causing problems and he began to get some self

awareness. Now he is smiling more there is a spring in his step and that tell

tale eye bright shine is coming from him. The greatest thing is I didn't really

do anything other than suggest how I did the fourth step supported by the

first three and what the big book suggests.

It truly does WORK IF YOU WORK IT




now the pink cloud has got to go sadly

Astro

Why? Or maybe I'm misunderstanding that.

Firehazard

Not only a good question but a great one. It just always seems to with us

newcomers (1-5yrs). For me it came when I had to start honestly living life

on life's terms. This brought the decision to grow up and realize that every

day wasn't sunshine, dolphins and rainbows and that I wasn't allthat.

The big change was realizing that I didn't have to drink over the

dissapointments that took away that AA fairy dust pink cloud affect. Now I

can just be content with normal average days. That's my take on it.

Maybe others have a different experience.

Astro

Ahhhh, now I understand. Good analogy. I like your thought process!

stephnc

I've had three sponsors (the first two corresponding with false starts on my behalf, unfortunately) and I think it ultimately comes down to compatibility with you and the other person. My first sponsor was about half my age - great sobriety and all that but she was just totally wrong for me. My second had less than a year sober but was a much better match for me, personality-wise, so we had much more success together.

I really lucked out with my third and current sponsor, though...she and I are the same age, she has three plus years, and from the moment we met it felt like we'd been friends for years. I don't think it's any coincidence that I've accomplished more with her in just a few months than I did with almost a year in the program prior to meeting her.

Just my two cents.

Charmie

great thread.

Firehazard

Hey,

My friend/sponsee has just turned five months (today) It was all him he

was hungry and has been doing the work. As a matter of fact I have trouble

keeping up with him with all the speaker recordings he is listening to. He still is

not one to call ever! that worries me when he gets into tight spots.

How are your sponsees doing?

vegibean

I had a friend in recovery that told me I had no business sponsoring someone because I hadn't completed the steps with my sponsor. My response? Well I can either wait on someone else or work the steps with me or work the steps with someone who needs to.

I had all of the tools and while I also got up to step 9 with my sponsor at the time, I didn't see the point in not helping another.