The Big Book
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The Big Book
Forgive me if this turns out to be long.
Wow, when the book says it only gets worse, never better, it's right on the money.
I've been trying to get sober for years now. First attempt was, oh, probably 10, maybe 12 years ago. Somewhere around Halloween of 2004 I had a particularly bad night. The kind of night where you wake up the next morning and say "I need help". So I picked up the phone book, called the number listed for AA, and they told me where to find a meeting close to home that night. I went. One of the things that they do at that meeting during the opening announcements is to ask "Is there anybody here tonight for their first AA meeting ever?". Every fiber of my being wanted to just ignore that, sit down, and not say anything. I was in the middle of full blown withdrawals, I was freezing cold but still sweating like a pig, whole body shaking life a leaf, focusing most of my attention on just not puking on the floor. Oh, and a broken nose that I had no explanation for. So, yeah, staying seated sounded like the best plan.
I'm not sure what happened, but at the very last minute something came over my mind (probably desperation), and I forced myself onto my feet in front of 300+ perfect strangers and said "I'm Corey, and I'm an alcoholic". I wasn't expecting it to, but it felt good. I sat there for the rest of the meeting, trying not to puke (I made it), and just hoping it would end soon so I could go home and fall into bed.
One of the other things they do at that meeting is a raffle. You pay a dollar for a few tickets, then they spend a few minutes, well, you all know what a raffle is....
At the end of that meeting, the woman who won the big book in the raffle walked up to me and said "Here, take this". Not sure who it was, but I'm sure she's still around. Hell I probably know her pretty well now.
That's my Big Book. And that's how I got it.
That book is falling apart. The cover is ruined, there are chocolate milk stains on it from trying to keep my sugar levels up when I first dried out. There are pages falling out, and I've written in it so much that you can't even read some pages anymore. I actually keep rolls of tape on hand just to keep it patched together. But I don't want a new one. I've bought new ones for newcomers, and when I'm lucky enough to win one in a raffle, I find someone who needs it.
Even when the day comes that it's too beat up to use and I have to get another one, or they release a new edition, that will always be my "real big book".
It's not just a book to me. It's not even "just" the big book to me. That book will, for the rest of my life, always be a reminder of how we drunks have to stick together, 'cuz no one else out there is going to. And that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams big book, is always going to be my reminder that when I go to a meeting thinking that I just want to say Hi to a few friends, the real reason I'm there is to find that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams human being.
That woman who gave me that book that night probably didn't think much of it. She had just gotten it for free, and she already had one, so what the hell? It changed my life.
We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.
Wow, when the book says it only gets worse, never better, it's right on the money.
I've been trying to get sober for years now. First attempt was, oh, probably 10, maybe 12 years ago. Somewhere around Halloween of 2004 I had a particularly bad night. The kind of night where you wake up the next morning and say "I need help". So I picked up the phone book, called the number listed for AA, and they told me where to find a meeting close to home that night. I went. One of the things that they do at that meeting during the opening announcements is to ask "Is there anybody here tonight for their first AA meeting ever?". Every fiber of my being wanted to just ignore that, sit down, and not say anything. I was in the middle of full blown withdrawals, I was freezing cold but still sweating like a pig, whole body shaking life a leaf, focusing most of my attention on just not puking on the floor. Oh, and a broken nose that I had no explanation for. So, yeah, staying seated sounded like the best plan.
I'm not sure what happened, but at the very last minute something came over my mind (probably desperation), and I forced myself onto my feet in front of 300+ perfect strangers and said "I'm Corey, and I'm an alcoholic". I wasn't expecting it to, but it felt good. I sat there for the rest of the meeting, trying not to puke (I made it), and just hoping it would end soon so I could go home and fall into bed.
One of the other things they do at that meeting is a raffle. You pay a dollar for a few tickets, then they spend a few minutes, well, you all know what a raffle is....
At the end of that meeting, the woman who won the big book in the raffle walked up to me and said "Here, take this". Not sure who it was, but I'm sure she's still around. Hell I probably know her pretty well now.
That's my Big Book. And that's how I got it.
That book is falling apart. The cover is ruined, there are chocolate milk stains on it from trying to keep my sugar levels up when I first dried out. There are pages falling out, and I've written in it so much that you can't even read some pages anymore. I actually keep rolls of tape on hand just to keep it patched together. But I don't want a new one. I've bought new ones for newcomers, and when I'm lucky enough to win one in a raffle, I find someone who needs it.
Even when the day comes that it's too beat up to use and I have to get another one, or they release a new edition, that will always be my "real big book".
It's not just a book to me. It's not even "just" the big book to me. That book will, for the rest of my life, always be a reminder of how we drunks have to stick together, 'cuz no one else out there is going to. And that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams big book, is always going to be my reminder that when I go to a meeting thinking that I just want to say Hi to a few friends, the real reason I'm there is to find that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams human being.
That woman who gave me that book that night probably didn't think much of it. She had just gotten it for free, and she already had one, so what the hell? It changed my life.
We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.
Last edited by subliminalurge; 08-04-2009 at 10:46 PM.
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Join Date: Nov 2004
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Posts: 105
Originally Posted by TooMuchRum 
This may sound like a dumb question, but haven't been to an AA meeting yet and keep seeing references to the "big book". What exactly is the "big book"?
It's an instruction manual, it's an interesting story,
I keep wanting to describe it as the "AA Bible".... But that's just not right. How about we call it the "AA Manual". You know how when you buy a new TV you get a users manual? Well, when you decide to get sober, the big book is the users manual to your new life.
But most importantly, above all else, for drunks like me, it's a source of hope.
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Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways!
Posts: 1,138
Hi...
I loved what you said.... I was given my Bigbook after about a week of walking through the doors of AA... I have 2 books and a pocket sized version.... bu that first one meant so much to me... just the fact someone would give me something... someone they didnt know... but could see strugglingi guess... It meant so much to me....
A friend said to me... you dont buy your own book... i was embarrassed at the cost they went to... but they said... when it comes your time... you buy a book for someone else that needs it....
And thats the way i see AA.... its helping eachother out until we can stand on our own two feet... and when we can... we simply pass what we have been given on...
I have only been going to AA 6 months... and i am not the greatest atendee but i do pass on whatever i learn... its the least i can do.... it has helped me....
Thanks for the post.... it made me smile today...
I loved what you said.... I was given my Bigbook after about a week of walking through the doors of AA... I have 2 books and a pocket sized version.... bu that first one meant so much to me... just the fact someone would give me something... someone they didnt know... but could see strugglingi guess... It meant so much to me....
A friend said to me... you dont buy your own book... i was embarrassed at the cost they went to... but they said... when it comes your time... you buy a book for someone else that needs it....
And thats the way i see AA.... its helping eachother out until we can stand on our own two feet... and when we can... we simply pass what we have been given on...
I have only been going to AA 6 months... and i am not the greatest atendee but i do pass on whatever i learn... its the least i can do.... it has helped me....
Thanks for the post.... it made me smile today...
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Tucson, AZ
Posts: 957
(subliminalurge)
Hello and welcome. Thanks for sharing, it truely touched my heart and soul. Kinda filled up a crack/hole in my weary heart
:ghug3
"We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.' I needed to hear that today.
Hello and welcome. Thanks for sharing, it truely touched my heart and soul. Kinda filled up a crack/hole in my weary heart
:ghug3
"We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.' I needed to hear that today.
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Join Date: Nov 2004
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Oh man, I just read my post and there's something I need to clarify.....
That thing I said about "always worse, never better"....
Yeah, that's about drinking and the results of it.
I assumed, stupidly, that the only people I was talking to had read the book and would automatically "get it".
I posted that right after I got home from a meeting that was mostly old-timers, and I was still in that frame of mind. Now that I look back at it, I can see how a newcomer might think I just meant "life in general".
Newcomers, that's NOT what I meant!
That thing I said about "always worse, never better"....
Yeah, that's about drinking and the results of it.
I assumed, stupidly, that the only people I was talking to had read the book and would automatically "get it".
I posted that right after I got home from a meeting that was mostly old-timers, and I was still in that frame of mind. Now that I look back at it, I can see how a newcomer might think I just meant "life in general".
Newcomers, that's NOT what I meant!
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
subliminalurge thanks for that share, I was given my Big Book at my first meeting, I am thankful it was a hard copy because it would have wound up in the trash if it had been a paperback one. I was drunk as a skunk at that meeting and it was 5 years later before my butt was totally kicked and I went to another one. I have notes, highlights in numerous colors, and a bunch of phone number, one of the phone numbers is that of an old timer who died sober, I was blessed to visit him in the hospital the day before he passed, he was at peace with the world as he waited to meet his maker, he had no fear and held no resentments, he had made his amends long before he hit his death bed.
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Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Southern New Hampshire
Posts: 746
The Big Book is the cumulative experience of the 1st men and women who got sober and stayed sober using spiritual principles. It is a text book filled with prayers and actions to take. If you follow these directions I believe you wil recover.
I have been guilty of worshiping the book, meetings, guru's etc. When actually, they are fingers pointing to the real power..God of my understanding.
I have been guilty of worshiping the book, meetings, guru's etc. When actually, they are fingers pointing to the real power..God of my understanding.
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Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
The big book also has a large section of stories or recovery: how it was and how it is. I really like that section because it is offers such a wide spectrum of experiences with drinking and experiences with recovery.
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Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Scottsdale, AZ, one big happy dysfunctional family!
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Awesome post subliminal, exactly what I needed to read today.
Here's a link to the AA website, you can read the BB and 12&12 online Alcoholics Anonymous : Click on the Book You Would Like to Read
Here's a link to the AA website, you can read the BB and 12&12 online Alcoholics Anonymous : Click on the Book You Would Like to Read
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
I was given my first Big Book 20 years ago and I still have it even though I went back out. Truth is it does get worse, not better.
This time around I was given a new copy but I still have the old one too. Just can't get rid of it even though there is a newer edition. Thanks for the thread Sub.
This time around I was given a new copy but I still have the old one too. Just can't get rid of it even though there is a newer edition. Thanks for the thread Sub.
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
i've given many Big Books away, even ran home occasionaly to get a coin the meeting was out of. It's a simple matter of putting my gratitude into action. i purchased my Big Book, but i freely share the message of hope & freedom contained within those pages. Thank you for starting this thread!!
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
I love my little big book.
It's the same one I was given the first time I went to AA.
IT's not falling apart yet, it's got that 'well worn' look, though.
When I went back out the first time,
I'd often open that book and read while freaking out after another blackout.
WHat a black time that was.
It's the same one I was given the first time I went to AA.
IT's not falling apart yet, it's got that 'well worn' look, though.
When I went back out the first time,
I'd often open that book and read while freaking out after another blackout.
WHat a black time that was.
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Pasadena, CA
Posts: 1,539
Originally Posted by subliminalurge
Forgive me if this turns out to be long.
Wow, when the book says it only gets worse, never better, it's right on the money.
I've been trying to get sober for years now. First attempt was, oh, probably 10, maybe 12 years ago. Somewhere around Halloween of 2004 I had a particularly bad night. The kind of night where you wake up the next morning and say "I need help". So I picked up the phone book, called the number listed for AA, and they told me where to find a meeting close to home that night. I went. One of the things that they do at that meeting during the opening announcements is to ask "Is there anybody here tonight for their first AA meeting ever?". Every fiber of my being wanted to just ignore that, sit down, and not say anything. I was in the middle of full blown withdrawals, I was freezing cold but still sweating like a pig, whole body shaking life a leaf, focusing most of my attention on just not puking on the floor. Oh, and a broken nose that I had no explanation for. So, yeah, staying seated sounded like the best plan.
I'm not sure what happened, but at the very last minute something came over my mind (probably desperation), and I forced myself onto my feet in front of 300+ perfect strangers and said "I'm Corey, and I'm an alcoholic". I wasn't expecting it to, but it felt good. I sat there for the rest of the meeting, trying not to puke (I made it), and just hoping it would end soon so I could go home and fall into bed.
One of the other things they do at that meeting is a raffle. You pay a dollar for a few tickets, then they spend a few minutes, well, you all know what a raffle is....
At the end of that meeting, the woman who won the big book in the raffle walked up to me and said "Here, take this". Not sure who it was, but I'm sure she's still around. Hell I probably know her pretty well now.
That's my Big Book. And that's how I got it.
That book is falling apart. The cover is ruined, there are chocolate milk stains on it from trying to keep my sugar levels up when I first dried out. There are pages falling out, and I've written in it so much that you can't even read some pages anymore. I actually keep rolls of tape on hand just to keep it patched together. But I don't want a new one. I've bought new ones for newcomers, and when I'm lucky enough to win one in a raffle, I find someone who needs it.
Even when the day comes that it's too beat up to use and I have to get another one, or they release a new edition, that will always be my "real big book".
It's not just a book to me. It's not even "just" the big book to me. That book will, for the rest of my life, always be a reminder of how we drunks have to stick together, 'cuz no one else out there is going to. And that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams big book, is always going to be my reminder that when I go to a meeting thinking that I just want to say Hi to a few friends, the real reason I'm there is to find that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams human being.
That woman who gave me that book that night probably didn't think much of it. She had just gotten it for free, and she already had one, so what the hell? It changed my life.
We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.
Wow, when the book says it only gets worse, never better, it's right on the money.
I've been trying to get sober for years now. First attempt was, oh, probably 10, maybe 12 years ago. Somewhere around Halloween of 2004 I had a particularly bad night. The kind of night where you wake up the next morning and say "I need help". So I picked up the phone book, called the number listed for AA, and they told me where to find a meeting close to home that night. I went. One of the things that they do at that meeting during the opening announcements is to ask "Is there anybody here tonight for their first AA meeting ever?". Every fiber of my being wanted to just ignore that, sit down, and not say anything. I was in the middle of full blown withdrawals, I was freezing cold but still sweating like a pig, whole body shaking life a leaf, focusing most of my attention on just not puking on the floor. Oh, and a broken nose that I had no explanation for. So, yeah, staying seated sounded like the best plan.
I'm not sure what happened, but at the very last minute something came over my mind (probably desperation), and I forced myself onto my feet in front of 300+ perfect strangers and said "I'm Corey, and I'm an alcoholic". I wasn't expecting it to, but it felt good. I sat there for the rest of the meeting, trying not to puke (I made it), and just hoping it would end soon so I could go home and fall into bed.
One of the other things they do at that meeting is a raffle. You pay a dollar for a few tickets, then they spend a few minutes, well, you all know what a raffle is....
At the end of that meeting, the woman who won the big book in the raffle walked up to me and said "Here, take this". Not sure who it was, but I'm sure she's still around. Hell I probably know her pretty well now.
That's my Big Book. And that's how I got it.
That book is falling apart. The cover is ruined, there are chocolate milk stains on it from trying to keep my sugar levels up when I first dried out. There are pages falling out, and I've written in it so much that you can't even read some pages anymore. I actually keep rolls of tape on hand just to keep it patched together. But I don't want a new one. I've bought new ones for newcomers, and when I'm lucky enough to win one in a raffle, I find someone who needs it.
Even when the day comes that it's too beat up to use and I have to get another one, or they release a new edition, that will always be my "real big book".
It's not just a book to me. It's not even "just" the big book to me. That book will, for the rest of my life, always be a reminder of how we drunks have to stick together, 'cuz no one else out there is going to. And that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams big book, is always going to be my reminder that when I go to a meeting thinking that I just want to say Hi to a few friends, the real reason I'm there is to find that ratty, nasty, beat up, falling apart at the seams human being.
That woman who gave me that book that night probably didn't think much of it. She had just gotten it for free, and she already had one, so what the hell? It changed my life.
We should never forget how small little gestures that might seem meaningless to us can seem HUGE to those who are still suffering.
Thank you for your excellent message of hope!!!
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Join Date: Nov 2004
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Posts: 105
Originally Posted by barb dwyer
WHat a black time that was.
It's true when they say that alcoholics know a loneliness like no other.
Thank God we have a way out of that hell.
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