jg1656

I just went to my first AA meeting. I recieved a dui and was court ordered to go. I actually wanted to go though. I have been struggling internally if I am an alchoholic or if my issues reside elsewhere such as craving attention. I do not crave a drink and body build so my diet and workout habits are healthy. What I do do is very very rarely drink just one or two. When I drink it is to feel the effects and get drunk. I am the life of the party and suddenly am able to dance ( white boy syndrome) when I am drunk and get girls I could not dream of getting sober when I am drunk. I am 28 yrs old and have been drinking with this exact same pattern pretty much for 8 years. It has not really increased or decreased. This is usually a once a week occurance at most if you avereaged it out, and the next day I get pretty bad hangovers. As of late I have noticed things like me getting nervous when I go out to the bars and sweating when sober and talking to people. And the same happens sometimes during regular sober days when attention is on me. When drunk this is not the case.

Aside from the effects above one thing I can absolutely account to drinking.."I think" is the fact that every relationship I have had falls apart because of my drinking. When I am drunk I tend to cheat. I have a very big heart sober so I tend to open my mouth about it. Shockingly most of the women stay with me and deal with it because they know thats "how i am" but eventually this fades and they end up leaving me and I end up heart broken chasing them and throwing my life away seeking them. It is a pattern that has happened twice and I am in the process of a third.

Well thats the beginning of my thoughts, please let me know your thoughts and opinions if you wish, and if controlling my drinking or stopping all together is where you think I should go and if you think I am an "Alchoholic"

Mark75

You could try to control your drinking and see how that works out. If you cannot it's a red flag... Stopping altogether is never a bad thing... you could see how that works out for you as well.

Drinking is making trouble for you, no doubt. If you are worried that it is a problem, then it probably is...

Read a lot of posts, ask questions...

Welcome to SR!!

Mark

Wolfchild

Welcome to the Sober Recovery community.

From what you have noticed about your behaviors and attitudes when drinking, it seems that you are noticing some disturbing realities. The question i would like to ask, is drinking is helping you to become the person you want to be?

Keep coming back, keep reading, and keep posting.

jg1656

Thanks guys. The problem is I live for the thrill. I am successful during the week, driven and motivated, but I always seek the thrill. Whether it be on the rugby field, drinking and getting crazy, or a jumping out of a plane. I feel like when I drink I have some of the best times of my life. I dont know if that is a good , bad, or sad thing. I have other great time sober, but I have great times drunk. I like many different things and experiences. This is just one of them. Just so happens this one seems to offend others at times and hurt others such as girlfriends.

tallcactus

? When you drink are you proud of yourself, your actions. Curious.
Studies show if you get a DUI, most likely you will get a second. Do all that is required by the courts, do the treatment, go to meeting, then reask yourself this same ? again.

subliminalurge

I could have written that myself.

That was my life for so many years... Action, adrenaline, craziness... Hell, that's why I still jump out of airplanes, that rush lasts for a week.

But you want to know if this a good, bad, or sad thing. I think it depends. It depends on what you want and who you are. It all depends and what and who you really are, deep down, and what you picture your life to be when you're 60 years old.

Do you want to be a 60 year old drunk that jumps out of airplanes for a taste of happiness, and then one day you splat and there's nobody around to care? And it doesn't make the news? Or would you maybe like to be a really cool 60 year old guy with a huge family around that loves you?

I dunno, do things your own way. I tried it your way most of my life, and it made me sad, miserable, drunk, depressed, and it got me sentenced to 5 years in prison. Since I've been in AA, I've never been lonely, I still get to do all the other fun stuff, I still get to jump out of airplanes if I want (and still do), but I've also learned to appreciate the beauty of sitting by a campfire, surrounded by people I love, and just look at the stars.

THAT is peace.

Dee74

I dunno JG.

If you still see benefits to your drinking, if a DUI doesn't stop you, if repeatedly breaking up relationships doesn't stop you, I don't think anything anyone here, or at AA, says is gonna do much to change your lifestyle, is it?

I don't know if you're an alcoholic - I don't believe any of us can diagnose that...
but I do think you're minimising the cons, and romancing the pros here...and thats never a good sign IMO.

D

Tazman53

Couple of things, the most important thing I have found in life to be is HONEST, brutally honest with myself and politely honest with all others.

In AA and here it is said "If you think you may have a drinking problem, YOU DO!"

People who do not have a drinking problem never wonder if they may have a drinking problem.

An old timer I know in AA says and I concur with him:

"It is not how much one drinks, not how long one drinks, nor how often some one drinks that determines whether one has a problem with alcohol and may be an alcoholic, it is what happens to one after they drink that determines that."

Look at all of the bad times in your life honestly, is alcohol involved in most cases?

One good way to tell if you may be an alcoholic is to try the following:

1. Do not drink at all for a month, if you are not an alcoholic you should be able to do this easily, normal drinkers could care less if they drank or not.

2. After that month is up go to a bar and have one drink and leave, do not drink again for another week. Normal drinkers would have no problem with this at all.

3. If the above has gone easily then every night for a week straight go to a bar and have one drink and leave. Normal drinkers would have no problem with this at all.

tommyk

"...you think I am an "Alchoholic"...?"

I focused on that question for years.

If I had simply asked myself, "Is my drinking totally f*cking up my life?"...

... the answer would have been a blatantly obvious YES.

Keep coming back.

jg1656

Wow guys thank you for the replies. My first thought is I read the post that said try not drinking for a month, then drink one drink and leave in a week and so on. At first I thought about this and thought, no problem. I know without a doubt I can do that and have done it before. The problem is, I dont like to. I would not enjoy the one drink. If I am going to drink I would only want to do it to have a wild time. So the confusion continues.

Mark75

Exactly... no confusion.

Mark

tommyk

jg - good point, I am impressed that you picked up on that so soon in your introduction to recovery.

For a long time I decided I was just going to have two drinks. Problem is/was - I've never enjoyed two drinks. I wanted to get drunk. Two drinks was like foreplay without the sex.

Here's how it ended up for me:

* When my drinking was under control, it was no fun.

* When my drinking was out of control, it was no fun.

Sigh... I had to grow up.

subliminalurge

So, just to straighten out the terminology here... You're not confused, you do know what the situation is. You're just still in denial.

That's perfectly cool, it's a normal part of the process, and one that (not to speak for others) I think we've all been through at some point.

I know where you're coming from, though. When I read that the first thing that popped into my head was "One drink? That's just stupid. Why even bother going all the way to the bar?" I've done it a few times, in an effort to get people off my back and "prove" to them that I didn't have a drinking problem. But it was torture. I can live with no drinks. But have two and then stop? That's just ********. What's the point?

See, the thing is, all my life I have never once wanted the first drink. I have never wanted the second, or third drink. They are just necessary stepping stones on the path to what I really want. The 30th drink. THAT'S the drink I want.

What I can tell you is this. Once you admit it, you will feel a great sense of relief. If you're like me you'll probably have to admit it to other people for awhile before you can wrap your mind around admitting it to yourself. That's fine, too. It's a process, not an instant thing. You wouldn't believe the amount of weight that falls off your shoulders when you finally admit it to somebody.

jg1656

Thank you guys for the posts again. Can anyone out there let me know if they had a situation like mine by the numbers. Where they only drank once a week at most and the pattern never changed throughout there life. But many times when they did drink they got out of control. Is there anyone that learned to just control it, or is what people say about it being uncontrollable true for everyone who is like me. When I said I drink to get ****** up that is not fully true. Most of the time I drink to get a buzz and have more confidence, but many many times I dont stop at that buzz. Is there a way to will yourself to stop at that buzz. Or does someone who rarely does have to stop altogether to not get totally ****** up when drinking?

Dee74

JG - I found there's no way to have the buzz and keep control.
I tried for 20 years tho.

You've already said that one or two drinks is useless - that means by definition even if you did somehow manage a degree of control, you'd be miserable.

You may find a way to have your cake and eat it too but I never have.

And, with respect to those here who are trying it, I've yet to see anyone here who've been 'successful' in moderating in anything but the immediate short term either.

and, drinking once a week makes no difference, man.

That's binge drinking - it's not a better alternative, just a different manifestation of the same problem IMO

I quit drinking. Best thing I ever did.
D