hubbyindenial

I am the wife of an alcoholic. We have been together for 16 years, married for 10. I intend on going to my first alanon meeting this weekend. My husband used to be a daily drinker. He stopped at his own will for about 2 years, then started drinking on and off again.
I recently gave him an altimatum (It was not a false threat) and had him sign a contract to never drink again, or he'll have 2 weeks to leave our home, and we will seperate. He's in complete denial, and of course blames it all on me in every way possible. He's highly functional and is a great father to our 5 year old daughter.
He doesn't have any hard luck story's. That fact makes it very difficult for him to see, he has a problem with alcohol. I told him last night I decided to attend an alanon meeting and he got very defensive. I'm learning not to fight with him. He'll talk about every possible problem from our financially difficult past, to our present day disagreements, just to avoid talking about the true source of our problems.
Currently he's not drinking, except when he has an occasional weekend with his friend's away from me, when every person he's with is drinking, and I'm sure he is too.
I am really scared he will eventually drink again around me and I will have to implement my altimatum. I love my husband more than words can say, but when he is drinking, he is very mean, arrogant and verbally abusive.
Since he's only an occasional drinker nowadays, and cannot identify with the majority of alcoholics who drink more excessively than him, it's that much harder for him to see where the problem is. Is there any advice out there for what I would call the "occasional alcoholic?" It's that much harder for him to see the problem he has with alcohol because he's not a daily drinker anymore and when he does drink, he has no idea just how mean and arrogant he is to me.

parentrecovers

nice to meet you, hubbyindenial. my daughter is an alcoholic/addict, so i can relate to a lot of what you're saying.

GREAT IDEA to go to alanon! alanon really helps me.

there's a friends and family section here, where you'll find a lot of folks in your same shoes.

keep reaching out! and again, welcome! k

NewDayNow

alanon will be helpful. I did abstain for periods in my earlier days but even back then I didn't consider myself an occasional alcoholic, as I was just abstaining and new it. So no advice on that one

Ed

Fubarcdn

I am in the same boat as your hubby.
My wife gave me the ultimatum just over six months ago and since this time it is an sither or proposal I have not taken a drink.
The only advice I have is to try to recognize his successes and encourage him and if your threat is real an occasional reminder won't hurt.
I don't think it is a good idea that he is drinking when he is off with his buddies but if you are OK with that then I suppose it is part of the contract.
I also have a contract (sorta) and I read it almost every week to reminf myself that my wife is more important thab an occasional drinking session.
Good luck.

Dee74

Hi hubbyindenial.

I'm so glad you're going to alanon.
I'm glad you're posting here too - pls check out our Family and Friends forum as well.

Friends and Family of Alcoholics - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

welcome
D