Relapse!
 

I'm deep into a relapse right now. I was good for awhile, but right now all I can think about is booze, booze and more booze. It's 2:45 in the am, and I was desperately calling/searching for a place that sells beer/liquor/anything late night... with no luck. The only thing that can calm me down enough to possibly sleep is the comfort that in a few hours I can find a place that sells. It's ****** up, the addict version of myself is high and tall and running the show the past week. How the **** do I talk him out of it??? He's winning, winning, winning... where are you, rationale? sober thinking? non-boozehound person? I will attempt to sleep. I'm wracked with desire and pissed I cant find booze right now. Thankful for this board....

Mike

Phals got it Mike.
If you want to stop - stop.

The only way to win back control is by not feeding your addiction.
It's not pretty, it's not pleasant, but you can do it.

I hope you decide to make a fresh start today.
D

I'm dreaming of getting a traveller of JD in the AM, then heading to a hotel near a bar and just going crazy for a few days til I eventually break down in tears and call my friends/sister/mom/etc and beg them to pull me out of the pit and get me home... ugh, I really don't like this, I wish I could just be fine going about life in a normal way, but I can't, never could....

I hope you change your mind Mike.

The thing I learned is I'm always in control.
It's just whether I want to take the wheel.

Good luck.

D

You really don't like this? Then be kind to yourself and don't put yourself through the pain and the shame again.

The fact that you are talking about how you are feeling and not just going out and doing it is a great sign. You're reaching out for help so I feel that deep down you feel that going on a bender is not a good choice for you to make.

Yes you can and never say never.

Wishing you strength and love, :praying

Sorry to hear you have decided that drinking is better then being sober Mike.

Do you REALLY want to quit?

Instead of taking no action, which is what simply not drinking is, doing NOTHING if you really want to stay sober, why not take ACTION.

Here is some simple ACTION to take if you REALLY want to stop drinking, grab a pen and 2 sheets of paper.

On one sheet of paper write down every thing you have been doing so far to try and stay sober.

On the other sheet of paper write down everything you can think of that other people who have been sober a while have done to stay sober. Make sure you include things that you are not willing to do at this time to stay sober.

Okay now IF you REALLY want to stay sober pick one thing from the list of things you are not doing to stay sober right now and add it to the list of what you were doing to try and stay sober and DO IT!!!!

I have found that the only way I can stay sober is by ACTION, not INACTION.

Simply not drinking is not recovery!

Recovery is ACTION!!!!

Recovery is being brutally HONEST with your self and politely honest to all others.

Recovery is being OPEN MINDED! In other words not letting prejudices and preconcieved ideas stand in your way, instead of deciding something is not going to help you because you have decided it won't help OPEN your mind and try it!

Recovery is being WILLING!! Willing to try ANYTHING to stay sober. Never say never, I did that for many years and kept drinking because I was not WILLING to do what ever it took to stay sober.

I have done many things that when I was drinking I swore I would never do to stay sober, those very things I fought tooth and nail to not do are the things that keep me not only sober, but free from the obsession to drink and happy.

What was the biggest thing that I refused to do? Admit that I needed help in staying sober, that I could not stay sober alone. I swore I would NEVER go to AA because I knew it all and AA was for losers!!!!

If you REALLY would like to stay sober why not call the AA hotline or some other recovery programs hotline and talk to someone?

"I was good for awhile." That struck me. Are we really "bad" when we give in to our addictions? If that is true than I have spent more than half my life being "bad".

I don't think it is a question of you being good or bad but rather your choices being good or bad. Remember that those choices are fueled by a horrible illness.

God bless you. Look at how you are reaching out. That is so important.