pointers.
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pointers.
being new in sobriety (almost 50 days) amongst many others, what are some positive things (tools) that help you when in a situation with alcohol to not drink?
i went to a bbq last night for a friends birthday, brought my bf who is attempting sobriety as well and a friend who i'm comfortable hanging out with..now we get there, of course i knew there would be beer, she had just turned 24. i was okay for a little bit, then more and more ppl started coming, more ppl drinking, then the bottles of liquor came out, shots, i was like holy crappp..and my friend was drinking a beer next to me, i was completely fine with that aspect for some reason, i'm all about comfort zones, i didn't know a lot of the ppl and everyone kept noticing me not drinking which is uncomfortable for me right now in my sobriety. i know i am powerless over this disease so it doesn't effect me as much if i see a close friend drinking (dont know if that makes sense)..the girls house i went to was just a friend not a close friend, i really went because i was in the mood for some grilled burgers/hotdogs ::yumz::
anyway - i just kept getting such anxiety, every time ppl did shots i was always asked! even though i repeatedly said no no no to any drink offered to me, maybe i should come up with better excuses? (i know there's a thread for that)
it was overwhelming, and all i focused on was the drinking, how i'm the only one NOT drinking as well as my bf, and ppls behaviors, and how this is my life now, no more drinking, i do not drink. ::gulp::
i don't even know where i'm going with this. oh, my 1st sentence, what keeps all the newbies strong?
being a newb myself, i know right away i played the tape out, okay this is Sunday night, we have to drive home, i have work the next day, id loose my sobriety date, embarrassment of not being able to say no...hmm i think that was all.
i do thank god, for helping me in this situation, i had no idea that it was going to be that crazy of a bbq (drinking/partying)..things like this just show me how sick i am, the obsession was there, full throttle..but then it went away eventually, and i felt good again, i'm so glad i got through it, i thank god again for this.
i went to a bbq last night for a friends birthday, brought my bf who is attempting sobriety as well and a friend who i'm comfortable hanging out with..now we get there, of course i knew there would be beer, she had just turned 24. i was okay for a little bit, then more and more ppl started coming, more ppl drinking, then the bottles of liquor came out, shots, i was like holy crappp..and my friend was drinking a beer next to me, i was completely fine with that aspect for some reason, i'm all about comfort zones, i didn't know a lot of the ppl and everyone kept noticing me not drinking which is uncomfortable for me right now in my sobriety. i know i am powerless over this disease so it doesn't effect me as much if i see a close friend drinking (dont know if that makes sense)..the girls house i went to was just a friend not a close friend, i really went because i was in the mood for some grilled burgers/hotdogs ::yumz::
anyway - i just kept getting such anxiety, every time ppl did shots i was always asked! even though i repeatedly said no no no to any drink offered to me, maybe i should come up with better excuses? (i know there's a thread for that)
it was overwhelming, and all i focused on was the drinking, how i'm the only one NOT drinking as well as my bf, and ppls behaviors, and how this is my life now, no more drinking, i do not drink. ::gulp::
i don't even know where i'm going with this. oh, my 1st sentence, what keeps all the newbies strong?
being a newb myself, i know right away i played the tape out, okay this is Sunday night, we have to drive home, i have work the next day, id loose my sobriety date, embarrassment of not being able to say no...hmm i think that was all.
i do thank god, for helping me in this situation, i had no idea that it was going to be that crazy of a bbq (drinking/partying)..things like this just show me how sick i am, the obsession was there, full throttle..but then it went away eventually, and i felt good again, i'm so glad i got through it, i thank god again for this.
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
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I don't put myself in those situations, for exactly the reasons you've shared.
I spent most of (and still do) my early sobriety NOT hanging out in situations where there were drinkers/drinking. I simply prefer otherwise, and have made new friends instead of drinking buddies, along the way. My sobriety is much more important to me than white knuckling thru a party just to still attend.
I spent most of (and still do) my early sobriety NOT hanging out in situations where there were drinkers/drinking. I simply prefer otherwise, and have made new friends instead of drinking buddies, along the way. My sobriety is much more important to me than white knuckling thru a party just to still attend.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2007
Posts: 257
Sounds like the bbq was definitely a test of your sobriety. I would be afraid to put myself in that situation again. I know you didn't think it would be that crazy of a bbq. I am only 38 days sober, so you are ahead of me.
I'm glad you got through that! I'm going to watch this thread to see responses you get. Thanks for posting this!
I'm glad you got through that! I'm going to watch this thread to see responses you get. Thanks for posting this!
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Originally Posted by smacked 
I don't put myself in those situations, for exactly the reasons you've shared.
I spent most of (and still do) my early sobriety NOT hanging out in situations where there were drinkers/drinking. I simply prefer otherwise, and have made new friends instead of drinking buddies, along the way. My sobriety is much more important to me than white knuckling thru a party just to still attend.
I spent most of (and still do) my early sobriety NOT hanging out in situations where there were drinkers/drinking. I simply prefer otherwise, and have made new friends instead of drinking buddies, along the way. My sobriety is much more important to me than white knuckling thru a party just to still attend.
thanks for responding
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
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I stayed away from situations where people would be drinking for a long time. I knew it wouldn't work for me. I changed a lot of things and I learned to say 'No', which was huge for me.
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I also stayed away from situations that would make me feel uncomfortable. If I was somehow obligated to make a showing at a family event I would always find a way to leave when I had enough. As Anna state saying no is huge and it is a complete sentence.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: salisbury, nc
Posts: 66
rachelbrittany: what keeps all the newbies strong?
that's very subjective and personal. i'm very new to sobriety; fresh outta rehab in fact. 8 days sober now and there are lots of reasons for me.
1. i hate myself when i'm drugs.
- i lie to my family, friends, and girlfriend
- i spend all my money
- i always spend my time alone
- i feel like i can never leave home because i'll run out of drugs
2. i find strength in meeting and talking with other addicts in AA and NA
3. i am angry
- i think about the $1000/month habit i held for over a year
- i think about how rich my dealer got off of me
4. i want to have a good life in the future.
Of course there are many more reasons than that. The point is I keep all that stuff in perspective always by talking about it and writing about it on here.
One other thing that really helps out is keeping myself as busy as I can for now. Until I learn how to relax without drugs, I don't need to relax until it's time to sleep.
Above all, just don't. haha...Just Say No.
seriously though,
chairman
that's very subjective and personal. i'm very new to sobriety; fresh outta rehab in fact. 8 days sober now and there are lots of reasons for me.
1. i hate myself when i'm drugs.
- i lie to my family, friends, and girlfriend
- i spend all my money
- i always spend my time alone
- i feel like i can never leave home because i'll run out of drugs
2. i find strength in meeting and talking with other addicts in AA and NA
3. i am angry
- i think about the $1000/month habit i held for over a year
- i think about how rich my dealer got off of me
4. i want to have a good life in the future.
Of course there are many more reasons than that. The point is I keep all that stuff in perspective always by talking about it and writing about it on here.
One other thing that really helps out is keeping myself as busy as I can for now. Until I learn how to relax without drugs, I don't need to relax until it's time to sleep.
Above all, just don't. haha...Just Say No.
seriously though,
chairman
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Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I like the saying 'No' comment.
This is something I am unable to do once I have taken a drink and why I don't wish to drink again. I don't think I ever said no to getting more drinks/drugs in once I have taken a drink. It's like I don't want to be at the atm drawing another £40 out for Coke but I am drunk so I can't help it. I hate that feeling of total lack of self-will that alcohol gives me, but it was also so alluring back in the day.
Minus the drink I am extremely stong willed and assertive in my beliefs.
I am 23 so realise I will just have to say 'NO' when around booze. I am building the strenght up by keeping away at present though.
Nice one for saying 'No'. Sounds so easy but it so difficult when caught up in the heat of the moment.
This is something I am unable to do once I have taken a drink and why I don't wish to drink again. I don't think I ever said no to getting more drinks/drugs in once I have taken a drink. It's like I don't want to be at the atm drawing another £40 out for Coke but I am drunk so I can't help it. I hate that feeling of total lack of self-will that alcohol gives me, but it was also so alluring back in the day.
Minus the drink I am extremely stong willed and assertive in my beliefs.
I am 23 so realise I will just have to say 'NO' when around booze. I am building the strenght up by keeping away at present though.
Nice one for saying 'No'. Sounds so easy but it so difficult when caught up in the heat of the moment.
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
I like the saying 'No' comment.
This is something I am unable to do once I have taken a drink and why I don't wish to drink again. I don't think I ever said no to getting more drinks/drugs in once I have taken a drink. It's like I don't want to be at the atm drawing another £40 out for Coke but I am drunk so I can't help it. I hate that feeling of total lack of self-will that alcohol gives me, but it was also so alluring back in the day.
Minus the drink I am extremely stong willed and assertive in my beliefs.
I am 23 so realise I will just have to say 'NO' when around booze. I am building the strenght up by keeping away at present though.
Nice one for saying 'No'. Sounds so easy but it so difficult when caught up in the heat of the moment.
This is something I am unable to do once I have taken a drink and why I don't wish to drink again. I don't think I ever said no to getting more drinks/drugs in once I have taken a drink. It's like I don't want to be at the atm drawing another £40 out for Coke but I am drunk so I can't help it. I hate that feeling of total lack of self-will that alcohol gives me, but it was also so alluring back in the day.
Minus the drink I am extremely stong willed and assertive in my beliefs.
I am 23 so realise I will just have to say 'NO' when around booze. I am building the strenght up by keeping away at present though.
Nice one for saying 'No'. Sounds so easy but it so difficult when caught up in the heat of the moment.
whenever i drank, i usually always ended up wanting coke, and even IF i was drinking and didn't think of the drugs yet, someone (my bf usually) would and i could never ever ever say no, and even if i maybe tried to say no beacuse we had work or something to do the next day, id be sick in my stomach because the obsession would be out of control, so 1. id drink more, or 2. just go get the drugs..ugh, i'm so happy im not there anymore!!!!!
and its crazy to think, it does all come down to just saying no, cus i know that drink, will take me to drugs, which could take me so many bad places..just say no!
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And, Neomarxist, I had to learn to say 'No' in all areas of my life. I was trying to be all things to all people and it was ridiculous. I couldn't say No to anyone without feeling horribly guilty.
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Originally Posted by 51anna
And, Neomarxist, I had to learn to say 'No' in all areas of my life. I was trying to be all things to all people and it was ridiculous. I couldn't say No to anyone without feeling horribly guilty.
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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Originally Posted by rachelbrittany
wow this sounds like me, hi, i'm 23 too!
I'm 23 too! Go you for staying strong at BBQ!!
Thanks for posting this thread, I'm new to this and was wondering how people managed to stay strong. I feel like I have no will power at times.
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Surrey, UK
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Originally Posted by anvilhead
it's funny isn't it.......when we come face to face with the fact that we really just can't drink or do drugs SUCCESSFULLY, we get all bent of shape and tend to pout and flounce around.
but there's other activities we CAN'T do either, that we accept quite easily. like breathing underwater. just can't do it successfully......always ends badly when i try. just ain't cut out for it. i'm not a fish. but i don't envy fish. i don't sit there wondering why in the hell THEY get to all that swimming around stuff and i don't.
also can't fly. have the aerodynamics of a rock, out for a bit then straight down. no wings ya see. not cut out for it. not a bird. and while i have often admired a bird in flight, i don't envy them their feathers.....
so, ACCEPTING i can't breathe underwater, i try not to hang out down there for too very long! occasional dive into the pool, but i get back to the surface pronto. and ACCEPTING i can't fly, i tend to stay back from the ledges of tall things, stay off of rooftops as much as possible, make sure my carabiner thingamajig is properly connected for rock climbing, rappelling or that zip line stuff.
it takes time but if we can work on having the same attitude towards booze and drugs, we can make great progress in our recovery.
but there's other activities we CAN'T do either, that we accept quite easily. like breathing underwater. just can't do it successfully......always ends badly when i try. just ain't cut out for it. i'm not a fish. but i don't envy fish. i don't sit there wondering why in the hell THEY get to all that swimming around stuff and i don't.
also can't fly. have the aerodynamics of a rock, out for a bit then straight down. no wings ya see. not cut out for it. not a bird. and while i have often admired a bird in flight, i don't envy them their feathers.....
so, ACCEPTING i can't breathe underwater, i try not to hang out down there for too very long! occasional dive into the pool, but i get back to the surface pronto. and ACCEPTING i can't fly, i tend to stay back from the ledges of tall things, stay off of rooftops as much as possible, make sure my carabiner thingamajig is properly connected for rock climbing, rappelling or that zip line stuff.
it takes time but if we can work on having the same attitude towards booze and drugs, we can make great progress in our recovery.
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Wow, it's the 23 club!! haha.
rachelbrittany it is great to read your post as you sound SOOO like me when it comes to drinking and coke. Take the drink away and I ain't bothered one bit about the drugs, I can quite easily say I could live my life without getting hung-up about not doing them again. But give me a drink (even the act of drinking and the act of 'getting on the sesh') makes me instantly think of getting coke/increasing the drinking experience. Like you say once the craving is in the mind it literally gets sooo intense that if I can't get any then I would just drink more quicker and quicker to try and drink the craving away, if that makes sense? It literally feels like your going crazy.
It was a massive reason that I am giving up booze as when I drink then drugs inevitably follow (why wouldn't you?) and then that brings in loads of other problems. Not to mention the comedown/hangover being horrendous. Man I never wan't to feel that utterly crap/down/motivationless feeling where your face is just eched with a downturned mouth and you can't even smile at anything. Horrible.
peace and Love. neomarxist (member of the 23 club.haha)
rachelbrittany it is great to read your post as you sound SOOO like me when it comes to drinking and coke. Take the drink away and I ain't bothered one bit about the drugs, I can quite easily say I could live my life without getting hung-up about not doing them again. But give me a drink (even the act of drinking and the act of 'getting on the sesh') makes me instantly think of getting coke/increasing the drinking experience. Like you say once the craving is in the mind it literally gets sooo intense that if I can't get any then I would just drink more quicker and quicker to try and drink the craving away, if that makes sense? It literally feels like your going crazy.
It was a massive reason that I am giving up booze as when I drink then drugs inevitably follow (why wouldn't you?) and then that brings in loads of other problems. Not to mention the comedown/hangover being horrendous. Man I never wan't to feel that utterly crap/down/motivationless feeling where your face is just eched with a downturned mouth and you can't even smile at anything. Horrible.
peace and Love. neomarxist (member of the 23 club.haha)
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Originally Posted by NEOMARXIST
Wow, it's the 23 club!! haha.
rachelbrittany it is great to read your post as you sound SOOO like me when it comes to drinking and coke. Take the drink away and I ain't bothered one bit about the drugs, I can quite easily say I could live my life without getting hung-up about not doing them again. But give me a drink (even the act of drinking and the act of 'getting on the sesh') makes me instantly think of getting coke/increasing the drinking experience. Like you say once the craving is in the mind it literally gets sooo intense that if I can't get any then I would just drink more quicker and quicker to try and drink the craving away, if that makes sense? It literally feels like your going crazy.
It was a massive reason that I am giving up booze as when I drink then drugs inevitably follow (why wouldn't you?) and then that brings in loads of other problems. Not to mention the comedown/hangover being horrendous. Man I never wan't to feel that utterly crap/down/motivationless feeling where your face is just eched with a downturned mouth and you can't even smile at anything. Horrible.
peace and Love. neomarxist (member of the 23 club.haha)
rachelbrittany it is great to read your post as you sound SOOO like me when it comes to drinking and coke. Take the drink away and I ain't bothered one bit about the drugs, I can quite easily say I could live my life without getting hung-up about not doing them again. But give me a drink (even the act of drinking and the act of 'getting on the sesh') makes me instantly think of getting coke/increasing the drinking experience. Like you say once the craving is in the mind it literally gets sooo intense that if I can't get any then I would just drink more quicker and quicker to try and drink the craving away, if that makes sense? It literally feels like your going crazy.
It was a massive reason that I am giving up booze as when I drink then drugs inevitably follow (why wouldn't you?) and then that brings in loads of other problems. Not to mention the comedown/hangover being horrendous. Man I never wan't to feel that utterly crap/down/motivationless feeling where your face is just eched with a downturned mouth and you can't even smile at anything. Horrible.
peace and Love. neomarxist (member of the 23 club.haha)
coming in to AA, i was so sketchy about the fact that i had to stop drinking of course, because i was like i have a coke problem, not a drinking problem per say..but then just sitting there, thinking, and looking back, like exactly what you said, the drink brings the drugs (for me at least, and you apparently too :P)
its a scary thing - that initial craving, its pure insanity from there, its either you get the drugs or just drink your face off to try and drink your craving away and that right there is showing the drink problem, trying to deal with a feeling by DRINKING, and that's where the bad things would happen, getting sick, DUI's, fights, blackouts, horrible..
happy to be sober today
50days!
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