Itistime

Hi. I am a newbie as of today. I am not sure where I fit in. I still have a lot of exploring to do around here. I am not a daily drinker but am a weekend binge drinker. While there are plenty of times I am able to have one or two without difficulty, there are the days, usually a Friday or Saturday, that I drink one after and another after another until I am plastered, black out and do drugs that I would never do if I were sober. I wake up in the morning hating myself, feeling guilt, regret and shame. I am struggling with the idea of quitting drinking because while I know I have a problem I still really enjoy the days when we have a couple on the deck or while golfing. I look at my friends and see how well the balance social drinking with such ease and I feel jealous. I realize I need to start somewhere, so here I am.

smacked

I found that those days that I could have just one or 2 drinks on the deck, or at the pool didn't give me more benefit to outweigh the horrible way I felt when I'd overdrink, get hungover, regret how I acted, how I felt, money I spent, whatever. Just became not worth it to me at all.. and I decided not to drink anymore. Next month will be a year for me, and I haven't regretted it or found having one or 2 worth the risk of binging again, yet.

Read around, there's lots of great info here.

Itistime

I can relate to that. One of the things that I hate most about when I am drunk is that I always want to do cocaine. While sober I am totally repulsed by the idea but as soon as I am drunk I think it is a great idea!
Like you said, even after a great, fun night when everything was fine and nothing bad happened, I still feel guilt and shame like I did something wrong. I am so sick of hangovers and wasted days. It isn't fair to my kids.
It isn't going to be easy at all, I realize that. I guess my short term goal is to quit completely for a month. Hopefully get out of this habit and see how I feel.
Sunday school starts up again in September so we will start going back to church again. That always makes me feel better. Also, I am less likely to over indulge when I have church in the morning.
I want to talk to my husband about this but it feels like we have already had this conversation a million times. Lets take a break, Lets quit drinking for awhile, lets try to keep drinking down to once a month...blah blah. I hate the idea of talking about it *again* cause I don't think he will take me seriously. He is a bit of a binger as well but doesn't take it as far as I do and not nearly as often.

MycoolFitz

Hey congradulations, you pass the entry exam, you belong here, you are us. Welcome and keep coming back. The disease of alcoholism is less about how often you drink, how much you drink as about why you drink and the negaticve effects on yourself and others.

Philly

Welcome!

Just wanted to welcome you. I was a binge drinker and so is my husband. It is not the same. I am reading a book right now called Happy Hours- Alcohol in a womens life. It explains what we all know. It is totally different for men. Society looks at a drunk women and sees bad things. A drunk man they think is just a man misbehaving. I quit a little over a year ago. My husband still binges at least weekly. You have to quit for yourself and kids. Do not look for him to quit. If he does that will be an added bonus but your quitting should not be contingent on that. Good luck and keep reading and posting.

NEOMARXIST

I found it impossible to remove the cravings to do drugs (mainly Coke, e's, whizz) whils't drinking once I had regularly added them into my drinking binges over a period of 3 years.

Sure I could just drink untill I blacked out if I had deleted all my tel no's and was drinking alone and didn't have any coke to do but realistically I know that I am powerless against taking drugs when I am drinking and around others who are either doing drugs or can get me drugs. Once I am feeling the buzz I just wan't to take it higher and higher and will chase it untill oblivion. Cue very messy comedown.

I am just tired of this and realise that the only way I never have to experience the madness is by not taking that first drink.

You may be different.

adore79

Hi and welcome

smacked

Itis, when I finally had to decide to get and stay sober, my husband could really have nothing to do with it. This is not a "we" thing, although we drank together. He's not an alcoholic, and still drinks a few beers every couple days. He doesn't keep liquor in the house, it's not important enough to him to keep it here, and have it make me uncomfortable. Any drinking he does, is 2 beers out at a dinner with friends, etc. I had to leave him behind in all of it, I have no partner in sobriety, it's an individual journey. It has to be.

I could not be effected if he drinks or doesn't. I couldn't be with someone who overdrinks though, as sobriety is life or death for me. I hope you find your way.. stick around here!

bohemianzen

welcome itistime -- glad to have you here. i'm a binge drinker also. i agree with the points made about not making sobriety a partner deal. it would be great if he joined you but even so you need to do whatever/however as a single project. being partners will always make him a possible saboteur in your sober time. what if you both are doing great and then he relapses - it makes it that much easier to partner relapse together. but i understand the need for his support--he is your partner.
seems you know that you need to do something about your drinking and you are--you're here. do what you need to do to take care of yourself.
there's lots of support here in doing that -- and you're welcome to join the class of july 2009 thread--there's plenty of room for you

jamdls

Welcome Itistime, I wasn't a daily drinker either and at times I would just have a glass or 2 of wine but generally on the weekend it was 1-2 bottles of wine if not more. When I got drunk I didn't do drugs, but I did things that I never would have even considered doing while sober. Between the shame and the hangovers I had a very low opinion of myself. I let this behaviour continue and go downhill for 12 years, my self esteem was so low I tried to kill myself. I came to realize that alcohol caused or encouraged the bad things to happen and I know as long as I totally abstain from alcohol I won't have the negativity in my life. I think that if a 'normal' drinker has 1 or 2 of the gut wrenching hangovers I had they would say "I'm not going to do that again" and not do it, but I couldn't seem to listen to what my body was telling me until it was almost too late. At first I missed those occassional glasses of wine, but I kept reminding myself that those all too often often lead to lots more and I didn't and don't want that for my life.

Dee74

Welcome itistime and Bateman

This is a great place to read and post and think about what our drinking
is doing to us.

There's been some great advice here already.

Hope to see you both around some more

Don't be shy about starting your own thread if you like, Bateman
D

KenL

Welcome Bateman and Itistime. SR is a great place to be for support and advice if that is what you seek. Bateman, sorry to hear about all those injuries and the blackouts. I hope you find a way to stop that kind of stuff from happening in the future.

shelly009

Thats alot like my husband and I. He decided to quit with me and it was no problem for him because he doesnt really care about drinking much. I told him I am fine with him having one or two when we are out but up until this point he doesnt seem to want to (its only been about 5 weeks though). Its been great having him doing this with me and he has been my greatest supporter. Although I dont think its manditory for your hubby or wife to quit with you, it made things alot easier for me. And I love him more for it!

Welcome!

Wolfchild

Welcome Itistime and Bateman to our SR community.

i hope that you both take action on a daily basis
with your desire and decision to live a sober life.

Itistime

The really weird thing to me is in appearance I look like a regular busy mom with a regular busy mom life. Maybe that is why is has been so easy to get away with all this. Even if we do go out to the bar and get drunk, people do think much of it since I rarely go out. It has been really easy to use cocaine when I am drunk and keep all that a secret too. You don't really think a lot of the consequences when you don't ever get in trouble.

monkey1

Welcome to SR, I'm glad you found us!

MrOsaka

I am only on day 9 this time and I understand what you mean about feeling jealous. I used to get down right resentful, (still do from time to time) but I have since seen enough of sobriety in the past that I believe the clean life is better than the "dirty" life. I have heard that "letting go" is a very important part of finding a new way to live without using. They say feeling jealous is kind of like looking backwards. Good luck with everything.

thirtybubba

Welcome.

Hevyn

Many years ago I could control my drinking too. Once it was just on special occasions, then just weekends. I progressed from getting buzzed on 2 beers to drinking 100 proof vodka and hardly feeling it. In the end, I drank every day or would shake so badly I couldn't even get dressed in the morning. I never dreamed I'd end up going on life threatening binges and turn my world into chaos.

Maybe that would never happen to you, but you're wise to be wary. There are danger signs that need to be paid attention to. I ignored them and it almost cost me my life. This never has to be you. We are glad you're here with us.

TooMuchRum

Welcome. I too am struggling with giving up the days of having just a couple at a cookout or whatever. The thing we hafta realize is that we just are different than other people. I was at a family thing on Sunday, and all of my brother-in-laws were having beers. I thought "I wish I could do that" Buuuuut, THEY can stop at 3 or 4 beers, go home and go to bed. I, however, would have gone home and drank 8 rum and cokes and passed out. It's a sacrifice, but if we can stick to it, the benifits will outweigh the negative.