Slip up weekend.....
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
This is what I suggest to sponsees who relapse... for what it's worth...
All of those who have ever 'slipped' might want to get honest and admit what REALLY happened.
No one slipped on anything, a slip is an accident. Let's be honest.
You made the conscious, willing, knowing CHOICE to drink.
What are you going to do different the next time around, besides ADMIT fully & completely that you chose to drink?
Keep coming back.
Added later... another thing I tell sponsees is that as long as their way of not drinking works, there's no need for AA, but if your way doesn't work challenge yourself to go to AA until your way does work.
All of those who have ever 'slipped' might want to get honest and admit what REALLY happened.
No one slipped on anything, a slip is an accident. Let's be honest.
You made the conscious, willing, knowing CHOICE to drink.
What are you going to do different the next time around, besides ADMIT fully & completely that you chose to drink?
Keep coming back.
Added later... another thing I tell sponsees is that as long as their way of not drinking works, there's no need for AA, but if your way doesn't work challenge yourself to go to AA until your way does work.
Last edited by tommyk; 07-27-2009 at 01:28 PM.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by keithj 
I've met dozens of guys that transformed their marriage by treating their alcoholism.
And Chris... AA is not the only treatment for alcoholism, I don't want you to think the AA's ganging up on you to push you into AA... If you want it, it's always there. But some kind of treatment will help you.
It seems to me there is an elephant in the room... alcohol... a good marriage therapist is gonna tell you that and suggest you remove the elephant before spending time, energy and money on marriage counselling...
Mark
SHARING THE LOAD
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: In the Slowlane
Posts: 878
Having a relapse into drinking behavior after 550days sober is a major part of
my story and upon coming back into the program of AA. I really was beating
myself up and while talking about it with a member after the meeting he
suggested that I start fresh. I say the same thing to you
Start Fresh we all do anyway
every morning "one day at a time". This keeps us from building up to much of a
load to blow.
my story and upon coming back into the program of AA. I really was beating
myself up and while talking about it with a member after the meeting he
suggested that I start fresh. I say the same thing to you
Start Fresh we all do anyway
every morning "one day at a time". This keeps us from building up to much of a
load to blow.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Chris
My wife was fed up with my drinking too and she gave me an ultimatum.
I wrote her a letter stating that I will never drink again and I mean it.
I agree with Tommy that you did not slip but you CHOOSE to drink.
I don't know if writing your life a letter saying that you will never drink again filled with apologies and sincerity will work for you but it does work for me. I copied that letter and read it once a week to remind me of the commitment I made to her and my family.
In any case don't give up. Just get back at it and start again.
Hope this helps at least a little bit.
Good luck.
My wife was fed up with my drinking too and she gave me an ultimatum.
I wrote her a letter stating that I will never drink again and I mean it.
I agree with Tommy that you did not slip but you CHOOSE to drink.
I don't know if writing your life a letter saying that you will never drink again filled with apologies and sincerity will work for you but it does work for me. I copied that letter and read it once a week to remind me of the commitment I made to her and my family.
In any case don't give up. Just get back at it and start again.
Hope this helps at least a little bit.
Good luck.
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Originally Posted by littlebluedog
Relapse is part of addiction. Keep working on your recovery. 
That has got to be the worst thing I have ever heard anyone say. Sry LBD ..It is not a personal attack. It is just my opinion on that phrase.
I really dont have much advice for you. All I can add is just keep trying and learn from this. Try different things. Try a program..Any program. Trial and error with them if you have to.
Just dont stop trying.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,369
There's a list a mile long of recovery programmes here, Chris.
If you haven't already I hope you check them out
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
I know you want to be sober - I've read your posts. But wanting it is often not enough - or we'd all be sober.
The best way to mend fences is to act now - do something, something positive...for us, as well as the people we hurt, I think actions really do speak louder than any words.
D
If you haven't already I hope you check them out
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html
I know you want to be sober - I've read your posts. But wanting it is often not enough - or we'd all be sober.
The best way to mend fences is to act now - do something, something positive...for us, as well as the people we hurt, I think actions really do speak louder than any words.
D
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Originally Posted by C23
Everyone,
My wife is about ready to throw in the towel and I am really depressed.
My wife is about ready to throw in the towel and I am really depressed.
Why did you?
I feel for you (as an ex drunk myself), and I feel for your wife. As the soon to be ex wife of a drunk I will tell you, at some point it does become to late. I hope you can discovery the way to your sobriety before then.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Australia
Posts: 580
Hey Chris, Hope you doing OK, time to get back on the horse. My experience is that I could not give the grog up for my Wife and Kids, never worked. Only when I truly wanted to do it for ME was I able too (that and a lot of AA and SR)
Understand AA is not for you, maybe you should look at other methods, you built a good platform of 50 days mate, so you know you can do it. With some other resources I am sure you can keep moving forward.
Anyway mate, glad to see you are accepting your responsibilities nad good luck.
Understand AA is not for you, maybe you should look at other methods, you built a good platform of 50 days mate, so you know you can do it. With some other resources I am sure you can keep moving forward.
Anyway mate, glad to see you are accepting your responsibilities nad good luck.
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
C23 I have to comment on 2 things.
1. One slips on a banana peel, in order to drink one has to make several decisions and carry them out:
A. They have to go some place that has booze.
B. They have to buy/pick up the booze.
C. They have to drink the booze.
At a minimum the above is 3 decisions that every person makes and carries out before they can possibly drink. There is no slip, it is a conscience decision to drink again. I did the above hundreds of times after swearing I would never drink again, what I have found is my way of staying stopped did not work, I had to become willing to do what ever it took to stay sober.
I had to be willing to do things I did not like or want to do. The last darn thing I wanted to do was to stay sober someone elses way, because that meant that they knew better then I did. I did not want to stay sober any way other then my way!!! I finally had to surrender to the fact that I alone did not know how to stay sober long term.
Once I surrendered to the fact I did not know how to stay sober alone, I then became willing to try another way that did work for other people! In my case it was AA, but there are other programs as already pointed out in this thread.
I did not like AA at all when I first got sober, but I had made a real commitment to stay sober, I had commited myself to go to at least 90 meetings in 90 days and to get a sponsor. In other words I REALLY tried AA, I did not go to 4 or 5 meetings and say "To hell with that crap!". I went to at least 15 meetings before I started to make friends and had a sponsor and slowly began to see that if I did the same things as these folks with 5, 10, 20+ years sober I stood a chance of staying sober.
The same applies to other programs, if one just tries another program for a week or so and says "To hell with that crap!" that program will not work for them either.
In order to stay sober I have found that an alcoholic has to totally commit to a program for at least 2-3 months before they should decide "To hell with that crap!" and try another program.
2. Goint to a marriage counselor to try and repair a marriage being destroyed by alcoholism will result in nothing!
How do I know that?
First hand experience, right before I went into detox my wife had already lined up a place for her and the kids to move to! When she first told me her and the kids were moving out at the end of the month I thought "Cool! Now I can drink all I want without them griping at me about it". That is the God honest truth, that was my first thought.
Well I went out into my garage and popped top and celebrated!!! Then I had a moment of clarity, I saw my future fast forward if I kept drinking!
1. The lose of ALL of my family.
2. The lose of my job.
3. The lose of my home.
4. The lose of my truck.
5. A slow death from my alcoholism.
I knew then I had to quit drinking or die and this fact scared the hell out of me because I knew I could not even go a single day at this point without drinking or bad things physically and mentally happened to me. I was lost and hopeless, I really surrendered to the fact I did not know how to stay sober and I was at the point where I had no choice but to drink even when I did not want to.
Long story short, I called an alcohol and drug hotline, I saw a doctor, I was medically detoxed, and I threw myself heart and soul into a recovery program.
GUESS WHAT? My treating my alcoholism saved my marriage!!!!
Going to a marriage counselor did not do crap as long as my alcoholism remained untreated, whether I was actively drinking or not.
It took my wife and kids many months to move beyond my drinking even though I had been sober many months, wht it took was me not only staying sober but me changing me by working a recovery program.
Recovery from alcoholism is a whole lot more then simply not drinking I have found.
C23 find a program of recovery and work it would be what I would suggest, no matter what program you choose WORK IT!!!! Not for a few weeks, but commit to it and work it at least 2 or 3 months, if the program you chose is not for you after 2 or 3 months yet you still want to stay sober seek out and try another program, there are plenty of them but none of them work for any one unless they WORK them.
1. One slips on a banana peel, in order to drink one has to make several decisions and carry them out:
A. They have to go some place that has booze.
B. They have to buy/pick up the booze.
C. They have to drink the booze.
At a minimum the above is 3 decisions that every person makes and carries out before they can possibly drink. There is no slip, it is a conscience decision to drink again. I did the above hundreds of times after swearing I would never drink again, what I have found is my way of staying stopped did not work, I had to become willing to do what ever it took to stay sober.
I had to be willing to do things I did not like or want to do. The last darn thing I wanted to do was to stay sober someone elses way, because that meant that they knew better then I did. I did not want to stay sober any way other then my way!!! I finally had to surrender to the fact that I alone did not know how to stay sober long term.
Once I surrendered to the fact I did not know how to stay sober alone, I then became willing to try another way that did work for other people! In my case it was AA, but there are other programs as already pointed out in this thread.
I did not like AA at all when I first got sober, but I had made a real commitment to stay sober, I had commited myself to go to at least 90 meetings in 90 days and to get a sponsor. In other words I REALLY tried AA, I did not go to 4 or 5 meetings and say "To hell with that crap!". I went to at least 15 meetings before I started to make friends and had a sponsor and slowly began to see that if I did the same things as these folks with 5, 10, 20+ years sober I stood a chance of staying sober.
The same applies to other programs, if one just tries another program for a week or so and says "To hell with that crap!" that program will not work for them either.
In order to stay sober I have found that an alcoholic has to totally commit to a program for at least 2-3 months before they should decide "To hell with that crap!" and try another program.
2. Goint to a marriage counselor to try and repair a marriage being destroyed by alcoholism will result in nothing!
How do I know that?
First hand experience, right before I went into detox my wife had already lined up a place for her and the kids to move to! When she first told me her and the kids were moving out at the end of the month I thought "Cool! Now I can drink all I want without them griping at me about it". That is the God honest truth, that was my first thought.
Well I went out into my garage and popped top and celebrated!!! Then I had a moment of clarity, I saw my future fast forward if I kept drinking!
1. The lose of ALL of my family.
2. The lose of my job.
3. The lose of my home.
4. The lose of my truck.
5. A slow death from my alcoholism.
I knew then I had to quit drinking or die and this fact scared the hell out of me because I knew I could not even go a single day at this point without drinking or bad things physically and mentally happened to me. I was lost and hopeless, I really surrendered to the fact I did not know how to stay sober and I was at the point where I had no choice but to drink even when I did not want to.
Long story short, I called an alcohol and drug hotline, I saw a doctor, I was medically detoxed, and I threw myself heart and soul into a recovery program.
GUESS WHAT? My treating my alcoholism saved my marriage!!!!
Going to a marriage counselor did not do crap as long as my alcoholism remained untreated, whether I was actively drinking or not.
It took my wife and kids many months to move beyond my drinking even though I had been sober many months, wht it took was me not only staying sober but me changing me by working a recovery program.
Recovery from alcoholism is a whole lot more then simply not drinking I have found.
C23 find a program of recovery and work it would be what I would suggest, no matter what program you choose WORK IT!!!! Not for a few weeks, but commit to it and work it at least 2 or 3 months, if the program you chose is not for you after 2 or 3 months yet you still want to stay sober seek out and try another program, there are plenty of them but none of them work for any one unless they WORK them.
Resident Awesome Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Castle Pines, CO
Posts: 747
Everyone,
I am about to speak from the heart here and I am sure a few things are going to happen:
1. I will lose some friends here
2. I will probably not be welcomed back on SR
3. People will have a lesser opinion of me
Here goes:
I went to the therapy session yesterday and I feel it went really well. It is obvious my wife and I still love eachother very much, but we just have some problems we need to work through. My therapist doesn't believe alcohol is actually my main problem. She doesn't feel I am addicted to it and she believes the only reason I have turned to it the way I did was because of the marital problems, the current and past stresses from work, and the inability to cope with them. I 100% believe that. As stated in "the Alcoholism and Addiction Cure" I am not an alcoholic, I am someone who cannot deal with their current life experiences and turned to alcohol to cope. Here is where I know people will start to go off on me. I also don't want to say I will never drink again. I have the same desire that everyone else has had, to drink in a normal, every so often, type of way. Is this wrong? I don't want to go to AA becasue I don't want to lable myself as an alcoholic and I don't truly know if complete and absolute abstinance from drinking is what I want. I know many of you will balk at this and tell me I am crazy. I also know I probably am violtaing some type of SR rule talking about wanting to be able to drink, but I felt I needed to let everyone in on my situationand what I was felling. Everyone is saying that the alcohol is the main reason I have marital problems, but I believe I drink because of the marital problems. If I can get to the root of those problems, I should be able to control my drinking, right? I am back to day 2 and don't think I am going to count how long I go without booze anymore. I know people who partake in a glass of wine every so often don't count how long it has been since their last one, so why would I. If I am shunned from SR, I wish you all well. If I am allowed to stay, know that I will still be here to encourage everyone in their personal decision. I still love and respect you all. Keep on your personal journey and good luck.
Chris
I am about to speak from the heart here and I am sure a few things are going to happen:
1. I will lose some friends here
2. I will probably not be welcomed back on SR
3. People will have a lesser opinion of me
Here goes:
I went to the therapy session yesterday and I feel it went really well. It is obvious my wife and I still love eachother very much, but we just have some problems we need to work through. My therapist doesn't believe alcohol is actually my main problem. She doesn't feel I am addicted to it and she believes the only reason I have turned to it the way I did was because of the marital problems, the current and past stresses from work, and the inability to cope with them. I 100% believe that. As stated in "the Alcoholism and Addiction Cure" I am not an alcoholic, I am someone who cannot deal with their current life experiences and turned to alcohol to cope. Here is where I know people will start to go off on me. I also don't want to say I will never drink again. I have the same desire that everyone else has had, to drink in a normal, every so often, type of way. Is this wrong? I don't want to go to AA becasue I don't want to lable myself as an alcoholic and I don't truly know if complete and absolute abstinance from drinking is what I want. I know many of you will balk at this and tell me I am crazy. I also know I probably am violtaing some type of SR rule talking about wanting to be able to drink, but I felt I needed to let everyone in on my situationand what I was felling. Everyone is saying that the alcohol is the main reason I have marital problems, but I believe I drink because of the marital problems. If I can get to the root of those problems, I should be able to control my drinking, right? I am back to day 2 and don't think I am going to count how long I go without booze anymore. I know people who partake in a glass of wine every so often don't count how long it has been since their last one, so why would I. If I am shunned from SR, I wish you all well. If I am allowed to stay, know that I will still be here to encourage everyone in their personal decision. I still love and respect you all. Keep on your personal journey and good luck.
Chris
Follow Directions!
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Fredericksburg, Va.
Posts: 9,730
Chris I wish you the best, I have shared what was my experience, I have to assume that you were totally honest with the therapist in regards to your drinking and also that your therapist is in addition to being trained in marriage counseling is also well versed in alcoholism and addictions, because you seem to have the utmost confidence in the therapist conclusion.
You have not hurt my feelings are angered me in any way, you have made a decision in your life, who am I to judge or be irate.
You have not hurt my feelings are angered me in any way, you have made a decision in your life, who am I to judge or be irate.
Sobriety in technicolor
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Atlanta, GA
Posts: 98
Best of luck to you Chris! (no sarcasm, I promise).
I hope for nothing but the best for you and your family.
Whatever you do, stick with it and work hard!
It will be worth it!
((HUG))
I hope for nothing but the best for you and your family.
Whatever you do, stick with it and work hard!
It will be worth it!
((HUG))
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I also support you in your decisions when it comes to drinking Chris.
It is mostly between you and your wife and family.
If she thinks it is alright for you to drink moderately then that is important and whatever anyone else thinks is irrelevant.
Good luck to you.
It is mostly between you and your wife and family.
If she thinks it is alright for you to drink moderately then that is important and whatever anyone else thinks is irrelevant.
Good luck to you.
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