Why does AA make me so nervous?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Surrey, UK
Posts: 99
Why does AA make me so nervous?
OK, just a little post to help me get some thoughts and fears out of my head.
This is not an angry rant at AA so please don't take offense.
It's been a long, awful road but I am finally in a place where I can see my alcoholism for what it is. These last weeks I have been reading and researching furiously, talking to a counsellor and attended my first AA meeting last week just to scope it out. I think it's safe to say that I am looking for a way out. Things are desperate and I can't keep living like this.
Now, the AA meeting was fine, very interesting in fact, and moving also. They were very friendly and welcoming.
But as I contemplate a future of sobriety, and all the struggles that entails, it's the ideas of AA and recovery that sit so awkwardly with me.
But look, I'm smart enough to know when I'm being stupid. My misconceptions are what they are. I'm smart enough to know that when I take my first sip of alcohol in the evening, the next day will be a hell of pain and shame. But I'll drink it nonetheless.
I would be so grateful if some experienced AA'ers here could share their thoughts on what it was like 'coming round' to AA, at the start? And maybe put a few myths to bed?
thanks for listening.
This is not an angry rant at AA so please don't take offense.
It's been a long, awful road but I am finally in a place where I can see my alcoholism for what it is. These last weeks I have been reading and researching furiously, talking to a counsellor and attended my first AA meeting last week just to scope it out. I think it's safe to say that I am looking for a way out. Things are desperate and I can't keep living like this.
Now, the AA meeting was fine, very interesting in fact, and moving also. They were very friendly and welcoming.
But as I contemplate a future of sobriety, and all the struggles that entails, it's the ideas of AA and recovery that sit so awkwardly with me.
- For one, it's the concept of ascribing my mindset to that of a group's. I've been vigorously independent minded my whole life, from my tastes in music, my hobbies, politics etc.
- The lexicon of recovery just depresses me so much. 'Higher Power', '12 steps', 'programme', even 'recovery' itself, hell - even 'Sobriety'! I'm sure to understand these things takes application to the programme but the very thought of defining myself by my ascribing to a programme just gives me chills.
But look, I'm smart enough to know when I'm being stupid. My misconceptions are what they are. I'm smart enough to know that when I take my first sip of alcohol in the evening, the next day will be a hell of pain and shame. But I'll drink it nonetheless.
I would be so grateful if some experienced AA'ers here could share their thoughts on what it was like 'coming round' to AA, at the start? And maybe put a few myths to bed?
thanks for listening.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,068
I had the most trouble with slogans, until I learned that deep down, most of them are true. But way back when, someone was the first person to come up with the slogan, it resonated with people so well that they kept repeating it. Now, an AA slogan is like a cliche - it gets said so much in the rooms it looses it meaning. So I try to look past that and see where it originated and try to apply that to my life and program.
Here is a great site that demystified AA to me a lot: Your First AA Meeting
If the whole HP thing gives you fits, check out the secular forums here. Many of the people there actually believe in God but are successfully practicing a secular 12 step program.
Also try different groups if you can. Every group is different.
Good luck and keep posting.
Here is a great site that demystified AA to me a lot: Your First AA Meeting
If the whole HP thing gives you fits, check out the secular forums here. Many of the people there actually believe in God but are successfully practicing a secular 12 step program.
Also try different groups if you can. Every group is different.
Good luck and keep posting.
Guest
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 2,013
I feel similar to yourself in some respects. I am a free-spirit. But I am also an alcoholic. Kind of ironic really, a Marxist getting hooked and being brought down by the mega billion £ brewing industry. haha. Thats the power of booze.
I am combining SR with AA. When I feel that I need the hardcore in your-face, depressing reality of what that first drink will lead me to then I will go to my local AA meeting. The last one I attended a bloke who was sat 2 seats away very nearly died. He had a very severe alcoholic fit, Brings you down to earth. I always feel quite shaken-up after leaving my local AA meeting.
When I am feeling good I use SR as my staple recovery source. Blending the two is good. I have not been to my local AA meeting for over a week now, I will attend when I feel I need that in your face element that it brings.
I am combining SR with AA. When I feel that I need the hardcore in your-face, depressing reality of what that first drink will lead me to then I will go to my local AA meeting. The last one I attended a bloke who was sat 2 seats away very nearly died. He had a very severe alcoholic fit, Brings you down to earth. I always feel quite shaken-up after leaving my local AA meeting.
When I am feeling good I use SR as my staple recovery source. Blending the two is good. I have not been to my local AA meeting for over a week now, I will attend when I feel I need that in your face element that it brings.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 4,682
I went to one up the coast yesterday, not my first AA meeting but first at this place, and i swear i actually felt sick with being nervous about going. I know the reason why now and it has nothing to do with all the stuff i thought it was, God, scared of life without booze, having to do stuff etc.
It is because i know that they can see me, in the real world if you told my last job i was an alcoholic they would laugh at you! Even though on most nights i was drinking 2 bottle sof wine and a six pack of beer and that was before the large bacardis if needed,-)
Cut all the **** away and the ******** discussions on 90 days, moderation etc and you come down to the basic fact that all of us have tried in one way or another to hide our drinking by lying to other people and ourselves and now you are going into a room where everyone knows this and sees you as a fellow drunk...it's enough to make anyone nervous but it gets a lot better after a few meetings! Oh yeah and combine that with the feeling of having the word **** written on your forehead for not getting your ass to a meeting the first signs of having a problem like this and add embarassment to the nervousness!
Someone told me last year get there early and leave late, and blow me guess what you get invited for coffee etc and get to know the people there and it turns into going and sitting down chatting and listening with a bunch of mates...whilst saving your sanity and life...can't be bad;-)
It is because i know that they can see me, in the real world if you told my last job i was an alcoholic they would laugh at you! Even though on most nights i was drinking 2 bottle sof wine and a six pack of beer and that was before the large bacardis if needed,-)
Cut all the **** away and the ******** discussions on 90 days, moderation etc and you come down to the basic fact that all of us have tried in one way or another to hide our drinking by lying to other people and ourselves and now you are going into a room where everyone knows this and sees you as a fellow drunk...it's enough to make anyone nervous but it gets a lot better after a few meetings! Oh yeah and combine that with the feeling of having the word **** written on your forehead for not getting your ass to a meeting the first signs of having a problem like this and add embarassment to the nervousness!
Someone told me last year get there early and leave late, and blow me guess what you get invited for coffee etc and get to know the people there and it turns into going and sitting down chatting and listening with a bunch of mates...whilst saving your sanity and life...can't be bad;-)
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by Hudstar 
For one, it's the concept of ascribing my mindset to that of a group's. I've been vigorously independent minded my whole life, from my tastes in music, my hobbies, politics etc.
I would be so grateful if some experienced AA'ers here could share their thoughts on what it was like 'coming round' to AA, at the start? And maybe put a few myths to bed?
Early on, I quit trying to figure it all out at once... It was too much and it freaked me out... the slogans, the 12 steps, the new way of living, etc... I just went to meetings, read the big book and started working the steps... One day at a time,
.... Discover your own truth, your own higher power, your own favorite meetings... Your experience in AA will be uniquely your own. You can do anything in this world you want to do, listen to the music you like, pursue any hobby you want.... just don't drink.
Mark
Member
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Phitsanulok Thailand
Posts: 39
AA has a lot to offer. One of its greatest attributes is that it tolerates all views. You should give it a go. I don't use any fellowship myself, but from past experience I know that it can work. I think that you have to be prepared to do whatever it takes to get sober. If staying sober meant me having to attend AA, I would go like a shot; I would be grateful too.
So yes, give it a go. They won't expect you to leave your brain at the door.
So yes, give it a go. They won't expect you to leave your brain at the door.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
It took me a while to accept AA.
"For one, it's the concept of ascribing my mindset to that of a group's. I've been vigorously independent minded my whole life, from my tastes in music, my hobbies, politics etc."
I was exactly like that - because I TRIED very hard to be different.
I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, so I cultivated a lifestyle of purposely being different.
If the group likes your taste in music, hobbies, politics, you will change your taste in music, hobbies, and politics... to ensure you remain different. I did this for a long, long time.
I like being part of the group now because I truly feel I belong in society now.
"For one, it's the concept of ascribing my mindset to that of a group's. I've been vigorously independent minded my whole life, from my tastes in music, my hobbies, politics etc."
I was exactly like that - because I TRIED very hard to be different.
I felt like I didn't fit in anywhere, so I cultivated a lifestyle of purposely being different.
If the group likes your taste in music, hobbies, politics, you will change your taste in music, hobbies, and politics... to ensure you remain different. I did this for a long, long time.
I like being part of the group now because I truly feel I belong in society now.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: cheshire, uk
Posts: 14
i know exactly what you mean hudstar. i have only attended a few meets so far but am already abit cautious of the whole "get yourself really involved thing" with aa. i have had somilar experiences with the jehovahs witnesses when i was younger. i left all that bull behind like 18 years ago now but now i realise how controlling that religion was. it was a cult and have read various books on cult thinking and thats why my brain is so against the whole idea of aa.
if members of the aa read what follows and it upsets or causes them distress then i am sorry for that but i have to be true to myself and what i think is best for me in getting myself off booze.
the aa uses certain words that other members identify with readily. this makes that person feel as though they are part of the big group and no other outside influences. these words are available to eveyone in the world but are rarely said in common day talk. said regular enough within the group it makes you part of that group.
1. i have never heard "fellowship" said so many times apart from lord of the rings.
2. i knew the word "sobriety" but now i have heard it like 20 times already in 3 meets.
3. "higher power" just smacks of godly thinking
4. repetative talking..."hi my names is ????? and im an alcoholic". if i dont start off this way with my story will i be pulled up about it.
5. praying for help to the higher power.
6. when someone relates their story, its a "share". what would happen if i told someone thanks for your "story" you told. or thanks for your " account of what happened". would i be pulled up and told its a "share" because thats the buzz word we all use to be a collective!!!
7. the big book...is that not just a flip side to the bible
i dont want to disparage the aa or have people think im only here to cause trouble and rock the boat..im not.im here to stop drinking and change my way of thinking about booze. in reality all of the above sends shivers down my spine . i want to stop drinking not become part of a grand master plan to be controlled. i had enough of that when i was a jw. i dont want to replace 1 emotional crutch with another 1!!!!
sometimes i sit and listen to other stories and really can relate how hard their life has become due to drinking but other peoples stories just smack of.. "look at me everyone, talkin, using big words. im the centre of attention". im sorry if that sounds ****** but like i said im here for me and no one else. i dont want to trample on people and if i can help someone then i will but these are the fears that i have of committing to the aa.
i hope i really havnt upset regulars here but thats just my honest thinking. and being honest with myself is just the start for me.
thanks for reading
dandare
if members of the aa read what follows and it upsets or causes them distress then i am sorry for that but i have to be true to myself and what i think is best for me in getting myself off booze.
the aa uses certain words that other members identify with readily. this makes that person feel as though they are part of the big group and no other outside influences. these words are available to eveyone in the world but are rarely said in common day talk. said regular enough within the group it makes you part of that group.
1. i have never heard "fellowship" said so many times apart from lord of the rings.
2. i knew the word "sobriety" but now i have heard it like 20 times already in 3 meets.
3. "higher power" just smacks of godly thinking
4. repetative talking..."hi my names is ????? and im an alcoholic". if i dont start off this way with my story will i be pulled up about it.
5. praying for help to the higher power.
6. when someone relates their story, its a "share". what would happen if i told someone thanks for your "story" you told. or thanks for your " account of what happened". would i be pulled up and told its a "share" because thats the buzz word we all use to be a collective!!!
7. the big book...is that not just a flip side to the bible
i dont want to disparage the aa or have people think im only here to cause trouble and rock the boat..im not.im here to stop drinking and change my way of thinking about booze. in reality all of the above sends shivers down my spine . i want to stop drinking not become part of a grand master plan to be controlled. i had enough of that when i was a jw. i dont want to replace 1 emotional crutch with another 1!!!!
sometimes i sit and listen to other stories and really can relate how hard their life has become due to drinking but other peoples stories just smack of.. "look at me everyone, talkin, using big words. im the centre of attention". im sorry if that sounds ****** but like i said im here for me and no one else. i dont want to trample on people and if i can help someone then i will but these are the fears that i have of committing to the aa.
i hope i really havnt upset regulars here but thats just my honest thinking. and being honest with myself is just the start for me.
thanks for reading
dandare
Last edited by dandare; 07-26-2009 at 08:14 AM.
totfit
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Ft Collins, CO
Posts: 1,273
You don't have to conform totally. The most useful expression I have heard concerning AA is take what you need and leave the rest. That being said, it is a good program for those that it is good for. There are alternatives, one being here: LSR-Lifering Secular Recovery.There is an email list, chats, and meetings in some cities. This is a secular group. God is not an issue in recovery and religion is left at the door. There are no steps. Each individual finds what is best for them. Abstinence is the only requirement or seeking abstinece.
Awaiting Email Confirmation
Join Date: Jun 2008
Posts: 2,942
"i hope i really havnt upset regulars here but thats just my honest thinking. and being honest with myself is just the start for me."
Absolutely correct Dan, always be honest.
And if your efforts to remain sober aren't successful, please be honest enough to admit it.
Seek fault in anything, especially AA, and you'll find it!
AA is comprised of people... 'humans'... always imperfect.
Keep coming back.
Absolutely correct Dan, always be honest.
And if your efforts to remain sober aren't successful, please be honest enough to admit it.
Seek fault in anything, especially AA, and you'll find it!
AA is comprised of people... 'humans'... always imperfect.
Keep coming back.
Living in sobriety
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,870
I just kept bringing the body till the head followed... Now I go because I want to go and Now I love AA. I was also independent natured all my life but my dependence on alcohol destroyed my spirit. Now a strong member of AA and through working the 12 steps, I have my life, independence, and freedom back. Life is great sober. I feel alive and have choices.
Om, Aum, Ohm...
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Punxsutawney/Pittsburgh
Posts: 4,797
As my friend, Gmoney, has reminded me, unity doesn't mean uniformity, and I think that can be applied to the individual as well as the groups. It's funny -- in listening to leads (stories) in the rooms, a common theme seems to be this feeling of being "different." So many of us feel it that it becomes a common bond!
Honestly, I didn't have to give up one iota of my individuality. I'm a writer. If I didn't have my creativity, my individuality, and my independent thinking, I'd have nothing to write about. But I'm still a human being, and as such, I share traits with other human beings. In the rooms, those shared traits add up to alcoholism, so I do have something in common with those present. I don't necessarily share the same taste in clothes, music, books, politics, religion, etc., etc., as the rest, and it's not necessary that I do. By virtue of what I do share with others, though, and if I'm looking for a solution that seems to be working for them, it's probably a good idea that I do what they did. To refuse it because it's not "individual" enough is kind of like going to the doctor for the clap and saying, "No thank you. I want something more individual than penicillin."
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Honestly, I didn't have to give up one iota of my individuality. I'm a writer. If I didn't have my creativity, my individuality, and my independent thinking, I'd have nothing to write about. But I'm still a human being, and as such, I share traits with other human beings. In the rooms, those shared traits add up to alcoholism, so I do have something in common with those present. I don't necessarily share the same taste in clothes, music, books, politics, religion, etc., etc., as the rest, and it's not necessary that I do. By virtue of what I do share with others, though, and if I'm looking for a solution that seems to be working for them, it's probably a good idea that I do what they did. To refuse it because it's not "individual" enough is kind of like going to the doctor for the clap and saying, "No thank you. I want something more individual than penicillin."
Peace & Love,
Sugah
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: Kansas
Posts: 10,182
I have never had more freedom in my life than I have today, thanks to AA, a loving God, working those steps, and continuing to work hard on my recovery.
I'm in my final year of college at age 51, landed a job already in my chosen profession, and am reasonably happy!
I'm in my final year of college at age 51, landed a job already in my chosen profession, and am reasonably happy!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Here's me. but when drinking could be found in doorways!
Posts: 1,138
I go to AA and i really struggling with questioning everything... especially the slogans they have... but one stands oout to me most and it is what i get from the "shares"... and thats identification (not with everyone)... but this helps me know i am "no loger alone"...
That helps me... and i will keep trying to drag my butt back through the doors... cos i know it works when i am there and if i take what i learn home with me...
That helps me... and i will keep trying to drag my butt back through the doors... cos i know it works when i am there and if i take what i learn home with me...
problem with authority
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Washington, DC
Posts: 870
One of the things that happened to me as a result of recovering through A.A. is that I am bothered much less than I used to be by small things. I developed some boundaries and realized what is my side of the street and what is your side. People who use the word "God" in every sentence used to bother me they don't any more. It is the change in me, not so much the change in other people or circumstances, that has defined my recovery and removed the drink problem.
Disposable Hero
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Being, ME
Posts: 3,758
i did not have any problem whatsoever with working the program of recovery as offered through A.A.
Maybe that was because i was so beaten and broken from running my life the way that i wanted to
for all those years that prepared me to completely accept & fully surrender to a better way to live?!
i hope you come to terms with your disease and the ways it tries to isolate you from living
the kind of life that God has available for you to live and helping others stay clean & sober.
Maybe that was because i was so beaten and broken from running my life the way that i wanted to
for all those years that prepared me to completely accept & fully surrender to a better way to live?!
i hope you come to terms with your disease and the ways it tries to isolate you from living
the kind of life that God has available for you to live and helping others stay clean & sober.
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