cpg121774

I am sure this question has been asked many millions of times before, but I am new to this.....
I have been addicted to opiates (vicodin) for 10 yrs. For the past year it has gotten to the point where I am doing things I never thought I would to get pills. I have tried to stop/quit many times, but the withdrawls always seem to suck me back in. My family and friends don't know about my struggles, and I don't really care to change that, so rehab is not possible. Anything would help at this point, I am up to about 75mg per day at this point, and I am done. I even have a full bottle of pills, but it makes me sick to think about taking another one. The health issues scare the crap out of me, but most of all I feel like a slave to the drug and know that I will feel 10,000% better relatively quickly if I can just get through the wd. My doctor is of no help, he just said to stop taking them, and then kindly approves my refills.

suki44883

Perhaps you should find another doctor...one who is familiar with addictions. Going through this alone is extremely difficult. It's too easy to give in and take another pill. Being accountable to someone can help quite a lot when trying to stop. If you don't feel comfortable confiding in a friend or family member, perhaps your new doctor can be that someone. Good luck to you.

cpg121774

Here lies the other problem....my insurance is through my wife's employer (a hospital). I have to go to a hospital doctor, and I would have to explain to her the reason. I really don't want to trade my addiction for something to help with the wd symptoms. I am fairly confident that I will become addicted to whatever the substitute is. I guess like anyone else going through this I am looking for the magic potion or spell to make this all just go away.

The biggest issue I am dealing with is the extreme guilt I carry for the things I have done over the past year, all related to getting/being on the pills. I know if I were single, and had no children I would be checking myself into detox tonight....If anyone has gone through a similar situation any words of advice would be appreciated.

Thx

monkey1

Hey CPG, I am in a similar situation.

Mods - I don't think this is medical advice but if it is I apologize and please remove -

CPG - I know it would be difficult for you to switch doctors and that you think you'd become addicted to any substitute, but you may think about asking your current doctor if he is approved to prescribe suboxone. It is a narcotic but it also has a component that blocks the high and helps with the cravings. I hear that that can be easier to wd from and you'd likely be put on a taper program that might be easier than trying to taper off the vicodin or going cold turkey. There are forums for substance abuse and these substitute medications here too that you may find useful.

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope you can find a solution.

cpg121774

Thanks for the reply....

I researched the sub, and it is not financially possible. My wife is an accountant at the hospital my insurance is through, and I would prefer to not tell her about this until I am clean for 10 yrs or so. I cannot afford to pay cash for it either (being an accountant, my wife would ask what I spent the $ on).

Do you think Would it be better for me to quit my 75mg/day habit cold turkey (I know it will be a bitch, but I won't die from the w/d), or should I use my 40 or so pills to taper. I have had an off/on habit for 10 yrs, but I have been on a steady bender now for a good 6 months. Would tapering with 40 or less pills help much with the w/d issues, or will it not make much of a difference? Any advice would be much appreciated.

I understand that any advice is not "medical advice", only a matter of opinion...

suki44883

You could always go to a doctor as a self-pay patient. Many of them will reduce the charge if you are self-pay and that way, your wife or her insurance company wouldn't have to know. However, I have always found that honesty is the best policy and as difficult as it might be for you to come clean with your family, their help could prove to be a valuable resource.

hendershot

The answer is really simple: you just need to either find a new doctor, even if that seems complicated, or discuss this issue with more urgency with your current one.
It makes sense that you would be worried about getting hooked on another medication but really that is something outside of your control and you really can't know for sure. It is a risk, but one that may be worth taking if you can get through vicodin withrawal, and then move on from there. Worry about potential "ifs" as a way to prevent you from quitting is really not a healthy thought process and one that may have more to do with your addiction than you realize.
I understand not wanting to tell your family as well but at some point they will have to find out more than not. Keeping secrets of this magnitude will only make you further shameful/guilty. Telling them that you are seeking help is much better than the alternative of not seeking help. There are no easy answers but luckily they are simple. Anyways, best of luck.

monkey1

Unfortunately, I don't have any experience with tapering... yet, so I'm not sure what your best option would be as far as taper vs. CT. I understand your wish to not share this with your family, I feel the same way in my situation. I do understand the reason behind others suggesting to you/us that honesty is the best way to go since recovery is largely dependent on being honest with oneself and others; and I'm suppose in many cases it would help in trying to get clean and stay that way. Personally, I was able to do that where alcohol was concerned and have been off the sauce for 7 months - for some reason this is giving me more trouble. Maybe we can figure this out between us with help from our SR family -at least we can begin trying to be honest here.
-Shea

christin1225

As an addict who has tried tapering only to find myself ending up taking more, tapering works for some but not for many. IMHO quitting c/t is the way to go. When I quit, I had a prescription for Neurontin 300mg 3x/day for anxiety (it's non-habit forming). I ended up going to the ER for a Catrapres patch (Cholidine, a blood pressure med) for the RLS. Since you have a doctor that knows about your addiction, maybe you could see if he would be willing to prescribe these for you when you tell him that you are going to quit c/t. I suggest that you research these meds in conjuction with opioid/opiate withdrawal so that you can explain to your doc exactly why you would like to have them. Remember, anything discussed between him and you is confidential.

Other than that, all I can recommend is DO IT NOW! If you think that you're sick of the pills at 75mg/day, just imagine how sick and tired you'll be at 200mg/day when they no longer do anything... that time will come, I promise.

christin1225

My experience exactly, hendershot. After five months of trying it on my own, I finally told my husband and three boys and detoxed at home. Even though I have not been successful in staying clean off oxys yet (oh, going on three days clean with this posting)... my family has still not disowned me. I keep trying. They keep encouraging.

tommyk

Good luck, cpg, I truly wish you the best.

You appear to have a great deal of conflicting priorities.

Your future lies within your hands. You can't get help in canceling the subscritption... you must cancel it yourself... you are 100% responsible.

At some point please talk with some doctor somewhere, and be honest with that doctor.

Keep coming back.

Anna

Please understand we cannot give any medical advice.

Talking to your dr about the problem or going to an ER are the best solutions.

cpg121774

Well, I made the decision to taper, and then go coldturkey. I guess I will be doing both in a sense. I have been taking 3 750 vic's, 3x a day for a while. I took 3 this morning, and 2 this afternoon, and plan to take 2 tonight. Tomorrow-Wed I will take 2 pills, 3x a day. Then for the next 4 days I will take 1 pill 3x a day. Finally, I will take 1/2 pill 3x a day for 4 days, then stop completely. I know that I will experience wd symptoms, but am hoping that this will make them a little less severe. Any thoughts?

I would also like to stop my ambien/lunesta habit pretty soon. I alternate them nightly. I figure it would probably be best to wait a month or so to stop that habit, as they will probably make my nighttime wd symptoms easier to handle. I want to eventually be off everything except my zoloft (dr & I agree I need it). Quitting smoking will be the final obstacle, and definately the most difficult, but I am confident that if I take this step by step I will come out a much better, and healthier person. I know that I will have a much clearer mind, a much better liver, and be rid of the guilt from the many ridiculous things I have done during my addiction.

Thanks for your responses, it helps to know that there are people out there who have dealt with similar issues. I know I can do it, I just need to have some sort of accountability and reassurance. I will post my progress daily. Hopefully I can help others with these sorts of problems once I get back to my old self.

monkey1

It's good to hear you've decided on a plan to stop using. Will you be attending NA meetings as well? I am trying to find some meetings near my work that meet in the late morning or afternoon so I can go during my lunch break. I look forward to reading about your progress.