I asked her to leave.....

Old 07-25-2009, 05:36 PM
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I asked her to leave.....

I blanked out names. Add your own where you see ####. This was and still is the hardest thing to deal with........

July 16, 2009

Dear #####,

I love you more now than I ever imagined possible. You, I feel, are my soul partner. I cannot write what I feel for you, as I cannot fathom the words to do it justice. My life, has been better than I can ever remember it to be, since you came back. You are truly so beautiful. My heart is burdened right know at the circumstance I am in. You mean so much to us. US. You are my partner who has loved me so fiercely. You are my closest friend. There is nothing I can think of that I wouldn’t do for you out of love. You now mean that much to me. You are the mother to three extraordinary boys, who love you more than I can imagine. How you love us in return, is amazing. If words of love could solve or fix your terrible addiction, I would write for as long as humanely possible. Every fiber in my body is screaming at what has to happen. I am so terribly hurt, and I know you feel the same. Why we feel this way, is for different reasons. Mine is because I know I am losing you….again. There are two #####’s. There’s the addict ######. Then there is the beautiful, funny, caring, compassionate, strong and wonderful #####. Why do they have to be trapped in the same body!
I want what is best for you. We need to provide as best as possible for our children. I need what’s best for me. Sadly, right now, with the choices you have continued to make, you are not what’s best for me, or the kids. The actions you have made have not been what’s best for you. I accept and understand that you are free to make your own choices and decisions. I wish some of them had been different. Your continued decision to drink has come in the way of you being able to provide a caring, safe and healthy environment for me, ####, #### and ####. There had to be a point, and I knew this, where I had to say that I would not accept this behavior any more. By not saying “enough is enough”, I have inadvertently given, or you have felt, that you had permission to continue with this behavior. Enough is Enough.
The well being of our children and the need for a sober parent to guide, care and nurture them is more important than “me wanting to keep trying to work this out with you while you continue to drink”. My belief is that you need to seek further treatment. Unfortunately either the tools you learned at rehab, and from AA, were not adequate, or you have not the resolve and strength to use them. I recognize that the treatment you did get was of benefit to us all. My god what a difference it did make. I am so proud of how strong an effort you have made, and I know the effort is still there, but the results are not. What you must be dealing with, in your thoughts, dealing with this awful addiction I cannot imagine. It scares me to even try to understand. I’m sorry that I don’t. I wish I could understand what this addiction is like for you. I feel that you are in danger of going past the point of no return, or that you will eventually feel that you are there and give up. Where this path will lead is tragic and I will not allow myself to consider or imagine it further. Please #####, the idea of hearing our kids ask “Where’s mom? What happened to Mommy?” is more than I feel I am capable of dealing with.
I want you to leave. You have to leave. You need to see, honestly and realistically, that this is not negotiable. I will no longer allow this, or feel forced to have to.
I am scared as hell at what I have decided. The thought alone of you not being with us creates such a feeling of anguish in me that I feel crippled. This is just from a thought! I know that the way things are, and the way they are headed, that this has to be.
Unless you can prove to me and our kids, that you are willing, wanting and able to be a healthy participant and member of our family unit, I will not allow you to be with us. My god I am so terribly sad at this. The pain, compassion, fear, love and confusion racking my body is almost unbearable!
You have to go. I will do whatever possible to make this happen. You have free will, use it to get help please. I love you more than anything in the world, please ###### come back to us. Come back stronger and healthy.
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Old 07-25-2009, 05:40 PM
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Thanx for posting that.
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Old 07-25-2009, 05:48 PM
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RIP Sweet Suki
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Very powerful. Thanks for posting. I hope she decides to fight for her sobriety and, in so doing, is able to hold on to what appears to be a very loving family. My prayers go out to all of you.
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Old 07-25-2009, 07:09 PM
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Posts: 12,601
Blessed be on your journey to a place of less suffering and torment. It sound's like you have begun that journey with loving intention. Again blessed be.
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