Afraid to post here

Old 07-25-2009, 11:05 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 98
Red face Afraid to post here

That I am back to day one.
the last time I was told that "I'm spinning my wheels, and not trying"
That is not true, and I almost gave up completely on myself.
I have found help, and I am not giving up, no matter what.
Today I got on my knees and asked for God's help.
As I am powerless over alcohol
and I think that was my biggest stumbling block
I can only have one beer, or one glass of wine.
No more excuses,
I can't even have one

This is my goal for this week.
Call my sponsor,
Reach out, get help.

I also think my pride was in my way.
Don't want to be thought of as an alcoholic.
Because of the shame
But didn't have any shame if being a falling down drunk????
What the hell is that about?

I am ready,,,,
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Old 07-25-2009, 11:39 AM
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Hi Ladyb,

I know shame and guilt played a big role in me not stopping drinking sooner than I did. It was overwhelming at times. None of us choose to be an alcoholic, but here we are. I'm glad you are back and focused on recovery.
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Old 07-25-2009, 11:48 AM
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Location: Upstate New York
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Lady, please don't ever be afraid to post here. Most of us have had many false starts. I drank heavily for over 25 yrs. & after joining SR I'm now sober 18 mos., so the miracle can and does happen every day. For me it didn't happen right away, though! I read & cried in my beer for 5 mos. before getting up the courage to dump my last one down the drain. I know you want this, and you can do it Ladyb!

The idea of being powerless over anything seemed ridiculous to me. All I had to do was use some willpower, right? For many years I tried and failed to have 'just a few'. I couldn't imagine continuing my life without my 'friend', my buffer. What would the holidays be like - what would vacations be like - how dull it would all be - so I thought. It's a lie. We don't need the poison. We don't need to be anesthetized in order to live. In trying to make our lives easier/more fun we've turned them into a living hell. This can be your last day of remorse and misery.
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Old 07-25-2009, 12:07 PM
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Join Date: Jul 2009
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You have my support, LadyB and I think posting here is a great idea -- reach out to people who have been there and can help. I'll leave the advice up to the more experienced ones on here, just wanted to give you my support.
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Old 07-25-2009, 12:35 PM
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Glad you found your way back, ladyb! Remember: Progress not perfection.
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Old 07-25-2009, 12:39 PM
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Don't worry about what other's think,you've got enough worrying about what you think,and how you act on your thoughts. Sobriety is like looking for something you lost, once you find it you quit looking, so its always always the last place you look. Who knows whn you're last drink is your last drink,or your last relapse is your last relapse? I'm 4 months tomorrow, will I make 5 months, 5 years? Who knows? Its my intent and I am putting my all into it but I can only focus on the moment not the tomorrow. Sobriety is with all of us, we only need to let it out and nurture it one moment at a time. I desire for you all the best in sobriety.
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Old 07-25-2009, 12:41 PM
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I'm really happy you're back. It took me a long time to be ready too..

PM me anytime you want if you ever need to 'talk', ok?
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Old 07-25-2009, 01:01 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 73
I am right there with ya LadyB, I have been on and off the wagon for a while now. I didnt drink all week and felt great, last night went overboard and feel awful. I have prayed everyday for the strength to stop this cycle of destruction.
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Old 07-25-2009, 03:52 PM
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Location: Upstate, NY
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Congratulations for not throwing in the towel...

It takes a lot of courage to own up,,Glad you

have it..

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Old 07-25-2009, 04:49 PM
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Welcome back.

Quick question, and no offense, and I'm not the one who said it, but...

Were you spinning your wheels with your prior way(s) of thinking? Maybe?

During my early recovery attempts I was doing exactly that, but there was no way I would admit it.

As far as posts here from people: take what you want and leave the rest.

I'll venture to say that 99.99% of the people here wish you well and want to help you.

Keep coming back... NO MATTER WHAT...!
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Old 07-25-2009, 05:27 PM
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Never be afraid to post here LadyB.
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Old 07-25-2009, 05:34 PM
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lots of good advice here ladyb
I'm glad you're going to fight this!

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Old 07-25-2009, 05:47 PM
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Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: WI
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Welcome back LadyB. Don't be afraid to post, we're all here for you and can understand what you're going through.
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Old 07-25-2009, 06:41 PM
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everything is already ok
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Glad you came back, well done (((...)))
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Old 07-26-2009, 12:23 AM
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Join Date: Nov 2008
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Glad you're back LadyB. Keep fightin', you can do this!
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