Free from my beast

Old 07-24-2009, 06:12 AM
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Free from my beast


I found this site this morning. I have been sober for 3 days now. I had my Eureka moment on Sunday but had one last drink that evening! I only drink in the evenings, but I know that I still have a problem with alcohol cos I can't just drink 2 cans of a four can pack or a couple of bottles from a ten pack.

I have had a problem for 8 years, there has been a couple of times when I have not needed my crutch, but loneliness is my problem so I have been lonely a lot. I have had so many things go awry in my life. I suppose the seed took root when I was 19 when my 1st husband asked me to marry him (I didn't want to be left on the shelf!) That marriage went pear shaped and that started me on my spiral with alcohol, I had 2 periods in my life after that where I was truly happy, the first time my relationship went pear shaped again, after the 2nd time I had just had my 2nd son, moved house, lost my Dad unexpectedly to cancer, got married, moved again and then had a kitchen fire. This time although I have a husband, he has mental health issues so when I had my complete melt down after the fire he couldn't be the support I needed (still drinking rather than taking anti depressants) I decided that the only way I could find myself emotionally was to move out, which I did.

Then my OH decided to try and kill himself, I was the one who found him cos I just HAD to tell him something to do with the kids, if he wasn't answering his phone I'd go over and speak to him in person. I think I can safely say, I have no desire to go through that again. We are still not living together but he comes over to mine regularly. I was ok with the drinking for a short time, but that pushed me over the edge again.

I drink in the evenings usually 4 cans of whatever alcohol (except Cider) after my boys have gone to bed, I never get wrecked because if I do I lose control and also can't get up in the morning. I have some control over my drinking, I have never willingly had a drink during the day and if I do it's usually the bbq thing. Although for the first time in my life about a fortnight ago the thought to have a drink in the afternoon was there.

Last night from about 6 onwards this little voice was whispering in my ear, I had to fight it until 8 when all local shops are shut, also I was on my own with my youngest so I couldn't go to the local offie either.

I have discovered my local alcohol group and also found out that I have a local AA meet (which surprised me, cos I live in rural Norfolk). I will succeed with my battle, if I can give up smoking on willpower alone there is no reason why I can't conquer my other demons with help!

While taking my dog for a walk yesterday a man walked past us I could smell his alcohol about 4 feet away, he had the most gorgeous dogs with him. He obviously cared for his dogs really well, it is a shame he seemed to have such a big demon. I asked my OH if he could smell the alcohol and he said he thought he could smell something. In some ways my OH is worldly wise but in others he has no idea. We had some neighbours who were heroin addicts and it took him months to believe me.

I never want to get to the point where I can't function without a dose of the demon. Seeing the state of the man in the woods confirmed that big time.
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Old 07-24-2009, 06:23 AM
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Well done, just keep off the booze and in time you will see just how good life can be. I used alcohol as a tool for years to cope with life. In the beginning it worked, but then it turned on me and almost killed me. Somebody once told me that the reason I had needed my addiction was that I had lost my way. Staying sober has allowed me to find my path again. None of us can find our way drunk. Good luck with your journey into sobriety.
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Old 07-24-2009, 06:56 AM
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Old 07-24-2009, 07:00 AM
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Old 07-24-2009, 07:05 AM
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Old 07-24-2009, 07:08 AM
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Old 07-24-2009, 07:20 AM
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Old 07-24-2009, 09:28 AM
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Old 07-24-2009, 03:03 PM
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