eddie73

I am sober 7 weeks and flew thru my first 6 with the usual initial dts and the odd magic moment here and there.

Since sunday last, I hit a wobble that has lasted and lasted. I get a general wish to give in, without the rush of blood. needless to say Im still sober, thank God. I would love to think that I will see this thru and look back with renewed strength and relief, but this feeling is relentless. I suppose that 16 years of binge/relentless drinking has left its mark.

How much longer??

NEOMARXIST

Hey man, remember where you were only a week or so ago. I think it may have been you who replied to someone's post "here's to a sober xmas?" not sure if it was you though.

Basically this happens to me, I will be feeling soooo great (as I am at the moment) and have great plans for the future and then all of a sudden Bam! and I will be despairing at the thought of never drinking and 'buzzing' again. It is all part of the addiction and something I believe separates alcoholics from heavy binge drinkers. The sense of loss and grieving like a best friend is going/is to be taken away.

I have learned to 'keep it in the day' (as I'm sure you are/know) and that helps and just remember how good you were feeling because of your sobriety and the reasons why you searched for sobriety in the first place.

I just drink a nice ice-cold can of coca-cola or milkshake or eat a curry for dinner or something when i am craving as I find that by the time that they are drank/eaten then the cravings have gone and you gain strength from not giving in to temptation. The sense of pride/satifaction I get from succesfully countering a craving to get drunk is much better than the short buzz the drink would give me.

keep on keeping on.

Astro

Unfortunately, there's no magic number, no magic wand to wave and *poof* you're recovered and live happily ever after. I drank daily for 27 years, it's taken me 4 years sober to reach this point and I'm still a "work in progress", I always will be.

There are some sayings we hear in AA.....Sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly (meaning it could take a split second or eons) and....This too shall pass (but it might take awhile)

For years I filled a hole in my soul by dumping buckets of beer, wine, and vodka into it. Take away the alcohol, I had to fill that hole with something else. The program of AA showed me what spirituality is all about, so that's what I use in place of the alcohol.

So what are you doing now to feed and nourish your soul, what inspires you, or would give you that strength and relief that you're looking for?

eddie73

Thanks for the replies, yes it was me last week marking the 6 weeks. I have to figure out the difference between what normal bad feeling is from alcohol addict bad feeling. Both are real and i suppose very similar. I dont miss booze as I have black memories of the horrors associated with it, but I do feel that I am missing something very large in my life. It could b spiritual. I dont know how to fill it.

keithj

I filled that void with a spiritual awakening via AA's steps. I'm content instead of irritable. Peaceful instead of agitated. Fulfilled instead of empty. And the real kicker is, I had no idea just how vast the emptiness was until it started getting filled. I didn't know what I'd been missing.

Precise instructions can be found for doing this.

shaun00

great honest post eddie.

it was tough for me....i saw lots of people sober up and everything fell into place for them....they seem to light up..

but shortly after i sobered up thing got worse over time....much like you or keith explain it....believe me i didnt want to drink.

like you it wasnt about drink it was how i felt inside my head....a missing piece....i began to think i had a mental disorder or was just hopeless.

i went back to drinking many times because i couldnt cope sober......i felt like i was on the outside looking in....everyone else seem to get on with life.......me i just wanted to end it all.

i was doing AA......jeez to it was coming out of my ears...

i then got introduce to the big book of alcoholics anonymous.

in there was a program of recovery...........written by people that drank like me and knew how it feels....to just be sober.

i worked through those steps with a sponsor...and within a short while i began to feel a change in me......a change in my thinking.

reading through that book and seeing myself ..i knew....i knew i needed what was written in there...

thoses people wrote that book for alcoholics like me...they knew how it felt and they had found a solution.

Go to AA and get a sponsor.....what you got to lose.

and then come back and post your thoughts....i would be interested to hear.

please pm me anytime if i can be off any help.

Dee74

Hi Eddie

I'm not an AAer so I come from a slightly different angle, but I agree there's often a bottle sized hole to fill when we quit - especially if you've been drinking for a long while, and you did everything accompanied by drinking like I did.

I figured I'd become very selfish, drinking, and very self centered. So I gave up part of my day here to helping others, to give something back...

I'm still here...and still sober - and I found a spiritual awakening along the way.

I'm not saying you have to sit here like I do LOL...but giving back - doing something for others - volunteering or whatever...something to take ourselves out of our own head and remind us of our place in the world and what we have to be thankful for - is never a bad idea

D

traderjane

Hi Eddie, I'm sorry you're feeling so crappy. I'm going to tell you something that worked for me. My ex-husband cheated on me a few years ago, we tried to make it work, then later we decided to separate when I became convinced my soul mate was this guy I had dated in college who lived in Switzerland. So we separated and divorced. Meanwhile, at the same time, things fell apart with this supposed "soul mate" of mine. I was devastated, lost and lonely. (That was probably when my drinking really kicked into high gear and became more regular). However, at the same time, I found something that I truly love still to this day -- yoga. I am not a religious person, but for me yoga is my religion and is very spiritual in addition to being good for my body. When I go, I listen to the teacher who always has very wise things to say about life and appreciating each day you are alive as a gift, etc. (I could never say it so eloquently as they do). I'm not saying you have to run out and try yoga, but if you could find something meaningful in your life to fill the void, something healthy and productive like I found with yoga, I think it could help a lot. Keep posting and keep smiling

Laura

Anna

I agree with everything that Dee said.

I was lost and empty long before I began drinking, so when I stopped I knew I had to find a way to find peace in my life. I began doing volunteer work which gave me so much more than I would have ever imagined. I began reading spiritual books. And, I have been coming to SR for a long time.

flutter

I wouldn't have had the growth that I've had if I didn't get support to recover. For me, that was counseling. Twice a week, with a psychologist. Most of our sessions had very little to do with drinking, and more about living.

tommyk

Eddie...

I'd like to suggest that you start exploring the many differences between 'sobriety' and 'recovery'.

Sobriety is abstaining from alcohol... recovery is living an enjoyable life in sobriety.

I learned alot about it from the people in AA.

shelly009

I hit a wall at week 3-4. Felt like it would last forever but it only lasted about a week or so and I feel more committed than ever now.

It will pass, just ride it out.

Oh and I also believe that in order to feel really whole and fill that void, there have to be some pretty big changes in your life. For me its been excersise and spending more time doing fun interesting activities. I also was in therapy (for past issues, childhood etc) that I found really helpful. I went to a therapist for about 5 months weekly (I am done now) and was able to really correct some bad behaviors and thoughts... now I dont really even want to drink anymore. I like who I am now and I am comfortable with who I am. I couldnt say that 6 months ago... well maybe I could but I would be lying

eddie73

I hope it does pass. I woke up this morning and although I didnt feel reomotely like drinking, I compared to how feeling down now compared to the feeling down of drinking.

Im trying to sort out my lifestyle and diet before I blame alcohol for feeling this way, which is the easy way out if u asked me.


I wish I were boaring and ordinary.

Charmie

hey eddie,,ther has been some good advice here,,i spent all my time drinking and it was my buddy for yrs (hhhhmmmmm,,how sick my mind was!)sooooooo how to replace not only all the time spent on our alcoholism but as someone mentioned "the hole in our soul" well you know i am an AAer eddie.this has done so much for me,i got a sponsor pretty quick and got on the 12 steps,but there is the fellowship too.one of my AA friends actually flew out from scotland to new york to meet me on my holiday! the 12 steps of AA is an easy programme for complicated folk they say.it has shown me a whole new way of life and i no longer feel lonely and the hole in my sole has been filled in.i do a bit of voluntary work too.i recently applied for a befriending service for the red cross.you get matched up with your very own elderly person that will have the same sort of interests and they ask that you visit them once a fortnight (thats all!) thses elderly folk dont get out much and dont have any family to visit.what better way to be of service! just a suggestion eddie,but these organisations are always looking for volunteers.i have spoken to you many times in chat and you would make a fabulous companion! you will feel 20 times better just making the call,,and please my friend,give AA a chance.you have nothing to loose and everything to gain.you are worth it.:ghug2