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Old 08-01-2009, 04:45 AM   #81 (permalink)
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Neverlookback,

I disagree with your post completely.

I know for a fact, there are many women on this board who have been raped. It's sadly, a not uncommon thing to happen.

I also think that Faerie is seeking support from professionsals, as well as seeking support here on SR, from her friends. We are all here to offer our love and friendship to Faerie as she deals with her rape.
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Old 08-01-2009, 05:14 AM   #82 (permalink)
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Thanks Dee, Clay and Anna,

I really hope that others that have been through what I have can take some strength from my story.

It was hard to share it but I am glad I have.

Talking about it is giving me strength to leave my addiction behind me.

Much love,
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Old 08-01-2009, 05:09 PM   #83 (permalink)
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Hey Faerie.
I've been following this thread ever since you posted it but didn't add to it as I was going thru my own stuff. Sorry. I think now that I should've posted. Because I do care about people who get thrown about in life, who get used and abused, who get.. their wings torn.So I'm sorry I didn't respond.

I can relate a little about this, even tho I'm a bloke/guy. Me and my partner didn't make love for the longest time ever until recently, because of multiple reasons: she has a back problem; she has mental health problems (due to abuse as a child); she has leg problems. The point is it doesn't matter what she has, if I love and respect her, I am -and always will be- prepared to wait until she herself is okay to make love. It's not a condition or rule, it's this thing called Love (and Respect).
So.. what your partner did was wrong, so wrong. Sorry it took so long to say all this.
I wish you all the best in your endeavors to be strong, to be with your Wings all mended again.
I'll be with you in this every step, as long as it takes. Take care,
pete.
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Old 08-01-2009, 05:12 PM   #84 (permalink)
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Thank you Pete, you are a REAL man and a true gentleman.

Your partner is very lucky.

I wish you all the best in your recovery.

Thanks for posting.

Faerie
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Old 08-01-2009, 05:32 PM   #85 (permalink)
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Thanks for your compliments faerie. actually I almost said 'its ok, no need', but then thought I shouldn't say that! I guess its me depression/ptsd thingy. oh well!.
anyway.. thanks!. I know its sunday afternoon or evening there now (err I hope that's right!), as me Mum's brother lives in New Zealand. Emigated there years and years ago.
Whenever you feel like a whopper, go for it. Actually no don't, as you're trying to keep healthy and you need all your strength at the moment! It's just that you deserve it, you deserve to treat yourself once in a while. Good 'Me Time' is important for all of us, more so when we have been thru a S***t experience, like you, me, and many others here on SR.
Well I'm going to get something to eat, haven't eaten anything since this afternoon after getting back from this 'World Party' thing in a Park in my town.
Wanted to take lots of shots with me camera but the batteries were flippin' C**p... grrr. seeya.
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Old 08-01-2009, 07:10 PM   #86 (permalink)
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Just got back from a punishing walk up 'boot camp hill' with Drizzle, we are both buggered and my knees are killing me. Thank the Goddess for ibuprofen. Had to do it, it was my penance for the whopper with cheese yesterday. [still feel guilty]

I just want to say that a certain post last night made me cry and made me feel really low.

Fortunately my dear friends Dee, Anna and Clay stood up for my right to post and I found the strength to stand up for myself too.

So if anyone reads this thread and is uncomfortable about the subject please refrain from posting your opinion as it is likely to upset me.

I'm also proud of myself as usually when I am upset the first thing I do is reach for the pills and last night I didn't, neither did I wipe myself out with the vodka. [Stuck to 4 drinks only]

I want to state that I can't see my doctor and psychologist everyday and need daily support which is why I keep posting.

I had a horrible nightmare about J last night that really shook me up.

He had come over and was holding a knife to my brother's throat threatening to kill him if I didn't come back to him. In the dream I called the police and J was arrested. I guess it's good that even in my dreams I have the strength to take assertive action.

I'm still keeping the gates and doors locked when I am home alone and we are still screening calls.

I have also made a decision thanks to the lovely woman I spoke to at Yarrow Place. She said that even if I didn't want to press charges I could file a police report about what happened. The police will not follow it up but it will be formally recorded. Doing this will give me grounds for a restraining order if J harasses me in the future. And from what I understand if he does it to some other woman when they run his name the report will come up. If he did it again, and I hope to the Goddess he doesn't, I would testify about what happened to me.

I haven't told my parents about this decision yet as I don't know what they will say but regardless I'm gonna do it.

It's my life and my decision.

Only took 18 codeine yesterday, gonna stick with 18 today, will only take 16 tomorrow. I'm really committed to tapering off.

Being able to talk about all that has happened to me in the past and recently has given me the strength to finally get off these damn pills, so I thank you all for your love, support and encouragement.

We all use for a reason and I think we have to deal with that reason to allow us to recover. I know that for some people the addiction is physical but for many like me the reason is emotional.

Thanks for listening to me again,

Here's to another good day without J!

Much love,
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Old 08-01-2009, 07:17 PM   #87 (permalink)
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Hey faerie.
Well I had my cold sandwich and it was okay I suppose!.
Just got back and saw your post, just wanted to re-iterate (sp.)- you are a very brave and special person!
Glad that you are sticking to your plan! Good for you.
I'll have to get back to a longer message (reply)-later today (almost 3:15am now, heh).
night ..oops, sorry, forgot!: afternoon/evening!
pete.
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Old 08-01-2009, 07:41 PM   #88 (permalink)
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I think filing a police report is a great idea Faerie - it might be tough but its the right thing to do.

Keep up with the tapering too - you deserve to be good and gentle with yourself

D
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Old 08-03-2009, 04:50 PM   #89 (permalink)
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Just checking in to this thread.. a bit late. Oops again.
Faerie, just hope you're okay as haven't seen you post since the 2nd.
Wish I lived somewhere else right now.. idiots keep slamming the door to our building even though it's late. Great.
Take care
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Old 08-03-2009, 04:56 PM   #90 (permalink)
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Faerie,

I am so glad to see you posting again.

I think the idea of filing a police report is a great one. My daughter was in a situation with a stalker, and I began to understand the importance of a 'paper trail'.

I'm glad you're doing alright and I hope you know you can always find support here.
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Old 08-03-2009, 04:59 PM   #91 (permalink)
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I've seen Faerie around. I'm sure she'll be in later, Pete

D
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Old 08-03-2009, 06:41 PM   #92 (permalink)
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Thanks for your concern guys,

As Dee said I've been in touch with him.

Had a great day yesterday, well until a certain thread upset me but that is thankfully closed now.

Not feeling so great today, feeling angry and stressed out and the dreaded withdrawals are starting to kick in due to my tapering since my body is used to a higher dose.

Not giving up though!!!

I feel I've come too far to quit my recovery now.

Checked out the 'Overcount' website that some very supportive people have suggested yesterday. Found it hard to navigate and the application form hard to read. Will have another look later though. Not sure if I need their help though as I have my doctor. But I guess the more help I have the better.

Yeah, still feeling much anger towards J and know that is not healthy. I'm seeing my psychologist on Tuesday so will talk to him about how to let go of anger. I don't like feeling this way.

Fortunately J has not tried to contact me yet and I hope he doesn't in the future.

I really miss his beautiful dog, I wish I had a chance to say good bye. [oh great now I'm crying] I need a ciggie...

OK, back now and have composed myself.

Not gonna have a pit-party today.

Onwards and upwards,

Much love to you all,

Faerie xx
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Old 08-03-2009, 07:01 PM   #93 (permalink)
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Originally Posted by Faerie View Post
Yeah, still feeling much anger towards J and know that is not healthy. I'm seeing my psychologist on Tuesday so will talk to him about how to let go of anger. I don't like feeling this way.
Anger is healthy, it's keeping it bottled up that is not, or hurting yourself or others with it is not healthy. You need to find an outlet for that anger, whether sports or beating up a punching bag or just screaming in your house. I often let my anger boil up to the point that I took it out on myself and cut or burned myself. I used to take my anger out with videogames and that was actually quite therapeutic. Your therapist can help you to let go of the anger, but I think it's good to get some out in a constructive way, perhaps painting or putting it into one your novels. And it's completely OK and healthy for you to feel anger at the man who violated you and broke your heart. Just put it to good use and don't repress it or else your body will want more codeine.
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Old 08-03-2009, 11:03 PM   #94 (permalink)
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Hey Faerie

I know some don't but I think Clays right...angers a normal healthy emotion too IMO - as long as we don't let it rule us, or 'stew' on it...let it be a momentary reaction then let it go

I dunno much about codeine tapering at all - did you ever ring that AusDrugInfoService number? They might be a local source of info...

and...yep totally agree - onward and upward!

D
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Old 08-05-2009, 06:01 PM   #95 (permalink)
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Hi Guys, just checking in and have a question.

Doing OK today, having good and bad days, like we all do.

Tuesday was a really hard day.

Because of my tapering program my doctor has put together for me I am only allowed to dose at certain times. On Tuesday afternoon the withdrawals had kicked in and I was craving my dose early, really, really badly.

I had tried all my DBT distraction skills, walking my dog etc and nothing had worked.

In the end I reached out via PM to two of my close, much loved friends here on SR and they reminded me why I was tapering and helped me get through. I cannot thank them enough.

Now for my question: I thought about going into the chat room but as I haven't been in there before and am not exactly sober [just working really hard at it] I wasn't sure if I'd be welcome. I was scared of being rejected or offending someone.

So I'll put the question out there to you guys.

If I have the same struggle again, would I be welcome in the chat room?

Much love,

Faerie xx
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Old 08-05-2009, 06:09 PM   #96 (permalink)
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Faerie,

Of course you're welcome to go in the Chat Room or to post anywhere on the forums. And, we know that you're trying really hard to taper. You can do it!
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Old 08-05-2009, 07:43 PM   #97 (permalink)
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Hi Guys, just checking in and have a question.

Doing OK today, having good and bad days, like we all do.

Tuesday was a really hard day.

Because of my tapering program my doctor has put together for me I am only allowed to dose at certain times. On Tuesday afternoon the withdrawals had kicked in and I was craving my dose early, really, really badly.

I had tried all my DBT distraction skills, walking my dog etc and nothing had worked.

In the end I reached out via PM to two of my close, much loved friends here on SR and they reminded me why I was tapering and helped me get through. I cannot thank them enough.

Now for my question: I thought about going into the chat room but as I haven't been in there before and am not exactly sober [just working really hard at it] I wasn't sure if I'd be welcome. I was scared of being rejected or offending someone.

So I'll put the question out there to you guys.

If I have the same struggle again, would I be welcome in the chat room?

Much love,

Faerie xx
I know when I first posted on here that I wanted to quit but was still using and few people got irritated with me, but they calmed down and saw I really wanted help. If they DON'T let you in to the chat rooms, than SR is not the kind of place I want to be affiliated with.
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:05 AM   #98 (permalink)
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Like I said, I don't 'do' chat, Faerie, but I've been here a while - all indications are it's a very welcoming environment.

SR's for people struggling and trying to quit.

You're in exactly the right place whether it's here on the forums or in chat.

Don't sweat it

D
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Old 08-06-2009, 06:38 AM   #99 (permalink)
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Sweetie, you are moving forward whether you can see it or not.

First, you are trying (and doing a good job of it so far) of getting counseling for the rapes. This is very important! Having suffered 2 myself, a very long time ago and 'stuffing' them into recovery, I know that you HAVE to do this. No, it does not make them go away, but the counseling and talking with others does put them in a different perspetive and give us the assurance that they were NOT OUR FAULT, and the acceptance that we can move forward and maie tham p0at of our ES&H to share with others down the road.

As to the codeine addiction you are taking POSITIVE steps there also. You are working with your doctor, following your Doctor's plan on tapering. You are making progress here also!!!!!

When you are having a 'rough' time, by all means use the CHAT here. That is what it is for, to be able to talk to others in 'real time'. To get immeciate 'feed back' and to keep us on track.

I M H O you are showing lots of PROGRESS!!!!! If you don't think so ............................... just go back and read this thread from when you first posted and you too will see how far you have come.

Many who join this site are still drinking and/or using when they join. That is what SR is all about.

So ............................... post when you need to or want to, and definitely use chat if you feel that will help also.

J M H O

Love and hugs,
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Old 08-06-2009, 07:40 AM   #100 (permalink)
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Hello Dear friend,
How r u doing today? Come on in, have a cup of joe with me. Let's chat and share. Today is going to be a good day, remember that.
"Doing OK today, having good and bad days, like we all do." Just loved that quote from you; needed to hear that today. The sun is shinning, going to be another hot one, like 104 or so like all week, but right now the birds are singing. Can you hear them?
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