Raped? Wings torn again. - Page 4 - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Go Back   SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information >
Register Blogs FAQ Members List Calendar Arcade Mark Forums Read





Reply
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 07-29-2009, 08:50 PM   #61 (permalink)
Faerie
 
Faerie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Australia
Posts: 396
Ok just got off the phone to Yarrow Place.

The woman I spoke with was lovely. I told her briefly about the 3 attacks and cried profusely. Still crying. Someone will call me back next week to make an appointment to go in but I will have to wait 3-4 weeks before seeing someone. This really threw me, I guess I expected to be able to see someone sooner. I was already feeling really bad this morning and whilst I have achieved something positive by calling I now feel worse knowing I have to wait so long for help.

I'm feeling so low and have already taken 20 codeine and am at risk of taking more so I have taken my crash meds. [which I haven't needed since the tuesday after the rape and for weeks before that] I feel I need to keep myself safe today. I called my Dad to tell him I taken them so he knows and have locked the back door.

They take an hour and a half to kick in so I'll still be around for a while.

I'm glad I'm gonna get to talk to a professional I just wish it could be sooner, I think it is so sad that they are so busy.

Victims should not have to be taught to avoid rape, rapists should be taught not to rape.

After all that has happened to me I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust a man romantically again even though I rationally know there are good men like Dee and Clay out there.

Trying to look after myself,

Faerie, xx
__________________
The Faerie with Torn Wings
Faerie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 09:12 PM   #62 (permalink)
Member
 
ClayTheScribe's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Blog Entries: 1
Valium works for anxiety, but is dangerous because it's so addictive. I'd recommend talking to your doctor about looking into trying some psych meds that target anxiety. My psychiatrist wouldn't give me Valium in a million years for anxiety, especially with my addictive tendencies. That's why I was puzzled.

I'm sorry to hear about the wait. You can still speak to your therapist no? Maybe pick up some more meetings with him. I think it takes so long to see someone at Yarrow Place is because it is funded by the government and that's often how those things go. Just keep talking to friends and post everyday if you have to on SR.

In the meantime, here's a few resources that might help you:

After Silence - A message board and chat room for rape, sexual assault, and sexual abuse survivors. (Powered by Invision Power Board)
Pandora's Aquarium (Rape and sexual abuse survivor message board)
Rape Support Group
Home (Sexual Abuse Survivors in Recovery Anonymous)

While we will continue to support you here on this board, it's even better if you can reach out to others who have been where you've been and have been able to establish a happier, more stable life.

Just remember who you are isn't your past or your future, it's your present. And presently you're breathing, so there's more right with you than wrong. You're strong and you can get through this. Just remember taking the codeine is numbing your pain and you're going to have to deal with that pain eventually without drugs. Maybe it's all too much right now to do without them, but just keep that in mind.

Take care and I hope your reverie took you to a different place.
__________________
“Impossible is a term humans use far too often." -- Seven of Nine
ClayTheScribe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 09:27 PM   #63 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 177,592
Blog Entries: 1
I'm sorry there's a wait for an appt. That surprises me too.
But I'm glad you called.

Lean on us, and all yr other support, in the meantime.

Don't worry about the trust issues for now. Its a natural and pretty sensible reaction I reckon.
With the right help, things will sort themselves out I'm sure.

Take care of yrself, Faerie
hugs

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:25 PM   #64 (permalink)
Member
 
littlefish's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
That is surprising it is such a long wait, but they have to think about staffing and their schedules.
I was thrown a bit when I couldn't start with my outpatient addiction treatment center for 3 weeks, but, it was the middle of the summer, people were on vacation, they had a shortage of therapists...etc, etc.
I suspect that the same might be going on with your center. (?) In any event, it was worth the wait for me.
littlefish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 10:46 PM   #65 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 177,592
Blog Entries: 1
I think it's more that it's places like Yarrow Place who carry the burden of the job down here in Australia littlefish

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 11:01 PM   #66 (permalink)
Member
 
littlefish's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
Errrm: I am uninformed Dee! Sorry, I am not sure if Australia is a public health care system or not. Sweden is and that explains the long waits.
But despite the wait, I am grateful for the care I recieve.
I guess that brings another discussion into the mix: public or private help.
littlefish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 11:06 PM   #67 (permalink)
Member
 
Jimmcf's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Brooklyn, NY
Posts: 6
Faerie -

This thread breaks my heart. I am new to this board, but even with all that you are going through, you still were kind enough to post words of encouragement to me. There are indeed good men out there, and it it terrible that these men have done to you. But one thing to remember - rape is all about power and control. These men who have done this to you have felt inadequate in some way about themselves and regretfully took it out on you. As others have said, you did absolutely nothing wrong - and the legal system that blames the victim (which also seems to be the case here in the US) is antiquated. I know we are 1/2 a world away, but if there is anything I can do for you, please let me know. And it is my sincere hope that one day you will find a man who is worthy of your trust - as you now know "J" was not that man.

Jim
Jimmcf is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-29-2009, 11:43 PM   #68 (permalink)
Member
 
ClayTheScribe's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Blog Entries: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by littlefish View Post
Errrm: I am uninformed Dee! Sorry, I am not sure if Australia is a public health care system or not. Sweden is and that explains the long waits.
But despite the wait, I am grateful for the care I recieve.
I guess that brings another discussion into the mix: public or private help.
Haha Littlefish that's a dicey topic to bring up for us Americans who are having that on-going discussion and the discussion should be had. But to respect Kel and her post, I think that discussion would be best had on another board or forum.

From what I've read Australia has a mixed system with some public and some private, but perhaps Dee or Farie could explain better. Yarrow Place is funded by the Department of Health, so it's government-run, which could explain the lag in wait.
__________________
“Impossible is a term humans use far too often." -- Seven of Nine
ClayTheScribe is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2009, 01:40 AM   #69 (permalink)
Faerie
 
Faerie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Australia
Posts: 396
Ok, had my little sleep and fell better now. Just got up and walked my precious little dog again. I've trained Drizz to c**p on a nasty neighbor's lawn. lol It's the only time I don't do the right [and legal] thing and pick it up.

The urge to use more codeine has passed to and for that I am thankful.

Funny S**t just happened. My Mum's chiropractor just called to find out where she was as she has an appointment [my Mum NEVER misses an appointment] and as I was on the phone Mum pulled into the driveway. Stupid me left the backdoor open to go out and tell her she had to go up to the chiro's and Goblin, my cat escaped.

Goblin AKA 'Naughty Boy' is not allowed out at night but seeks every opportunity to escape. Now I can't get the little bugger back in the house. Hopefully he'll come in when I say the magic word 'dinner'.

Goblin is the love of my life, he's a Russian blue semi long hair cross with green eyes. He's was an abandoned stray whom my brother found and Gobby came into my life at a really dark time. Back then, on bad days he was my reason to live. Because he was abandoned he gets terrible separation anxiety when not with me. If he's playing outside he has to conduct 'random human checks' to make sure there's someone home and on the rare occasion I go out [and I usually sneak out so he doesn't know] he cries. He's not content to just sleep with me, he has to sleep on top of me. Oh, and he still sucks my ear even though he's two and a half. I know it's weird but we like it, it's our bonding thing. He's also the naughtiest cat in Oz hence his alias he climbs EVERYTHING, sleeps on the kitchen table, sneak attacks my Mum [very funny] steals food, harrasses and chases the dog and generally causes havoc in his campaign for house dominance. I think once he controls the house he'll move on to the greater Adelaide area.

Wow, talking about my baby made me feel better, when I get round to it I'll post pictures of Drizzle and Goblin so you can see how gorgeous they are for yourselves.

Aren't pets great anti-depressants?
__________________
The Faerie with Torn Wings
Faerie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-30-2009, 05:49 PM   #70 (permalink)
Faerie
 
Faerie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Australia
Posts: 396
Hi all, got up at 7:30am, Goblin, my little grey furry alarm clock went off as he was hungry. [haven't needed an alarm in 2 and a half years]

Feeling bad again today, I feel sad and angry. My back and knees are really sore and I have to clean the house for my parents. But rather than wallow in self pity I decided to do something about it.

Timed walking Drizzle with when my best friend's kids go to school so Drizz and I took them to school. The girls always cheer me up. I get so much unconditional love from them, I love all 3 of them so much. They are 10, 9 and 5. Kids are great antidepressants.

Went up to the shops to get my pills [local chemist will only sell me 1 box a week now so I have to chemist shop when I need more] got some wine [ok as I am a moderate drinker] and completely forgot to get tabacco which is OK as I have enough to last me until Sunday. Bought some ibuprofen as well for the pain so I don't go overboard on the codeine.

I have decided that no matter how c**p I feel today I will not take more than 20 today, tomorrow I am cutting that back by 2 and so forth.

I've had brekkie, my usual vanilla diet shake, which I love. Never used to have brekkie which is one of the reasons I am so overweight now. Since I have been drinking brekkie, having soup or a sandwich for lunch and having my usual healthy dinner and exercising twice a day [4 months now] I have lost about 15 kilos. and they're never going back on!

Weight loss isn't rocket science, eat/drink breakfast, don't eat c**p, exercise everyday and BAM the weight will come off. It's not a diet it's a lifestyle change. I did have to give up my cheese addiction though. [weeps]

I've noticed my depression has improved a little since I've been exercising too.

Decided that when I've kicked the pills I'm gonna quit smoking. I can't take that magic little anti-smoking pill Clay mentioned as it will interfere with my antidepressants [according to my GP] but can use the patches and inhalers. GP and therapist don't want me to quit smoking until I have kicked the pills and have been clean for a while as they are worried that the smoking wds will send me over the edge.

I figure I've kicked a pot addiction by myself so I can kick the pills and then kick smoking.

On drinking, I have been really mindful of how much I drink since joining SR. I am a moderate drinker probably @ 4 drinks [white wine with tonic water] on the nights I do drink which isn't every night. I make sure I have 2 alcohol free days a week, so does my Dad. Since the last rape it has been really tempting to buy a bottle of vodka and wipe myself out but I know that will not solve my problem so I haven't. Because of my addictive nature I'm being really careful not to start relying on alcohol to cope. If I ever start sliding and think I am developing a problem I will be honest and post.

Anyway, true to nature I'm gonna procrastinate for a while before starting the housework. I hate doing it but I am good at it. I'm not tidy but I do like things to be clean. Plus doing the housework is part of the deal I have with my Olds for living here so I have no choice but to do it no matter how much pain I'm in.

Procrastination - Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow?

Love to you all.
__________________
The Faerie with Torn Wings
Faerie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2009, 06:41 PM   #71 (permalink)
Faerie
 
Faerie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Australia
Posts: 396
Ok feeling like rat s**t today but before I have my whinge I'm gonna tell you something really funny that happened to me yesterday that really cheered me up.

As you know I felt like crap yesterday both physically and emotionally. Got out of doing the housework but have to do it today. At about 5pm I HAD to talk to someone so I called my best friend who also happens to live on the same street as me which is great.

I had a good chat to her and she asked if I wanted her girls to come over for an hour so I had some company, I said yes. [I love spending time with them]

Anyway to the funny story.

I was discussing star signs with the girls [10, 9 and 5] and asked what they were, miss 9 said she was, and I quote "I'm feces". I cracked up laughing and nearly wet myself it was so funny. I said to miss 9 "I think you mean 'pisces'." The kids wanted to know why I was laughing so much so I had to explain what feces was. Then they got it and laughed too. I can't wait to tell my best friend what her daughter said.

Oh the things kids say, gotta love it.

Back to this morning, feeling bad. Knees and back hurt again, but I have to push through it and get the housework done. Ibuprofen will help.

Also feeling very emotional and upset for a few reasons and I need to talk about them.

Starting to really miss J. I know he is no good for me but it is taking all my willpower not to pick up the phone and call him to see if he is OK. I've ended it so I have to stay strong with the no contact rule I set myself.

I'm missing the good things about him before he raped me. He was so supportive, always there for me and was one of my best friends. We used to have such fun together but that is over now and I have to accept that. I need to find a new fishing buddy, love fishing. I miss his gorgeous dog 'Buddy' too. Not sure who I miss more really as I was really close to his dog.

My cat Goblin has been sulking a bit as he was really attached to J and I think he knows that he won't see him again. You know how animals just pick up on these sort of things.

My usually very supportive Mum really upset me this morning. She said 'How long was J here yesterday?' I was so shocked. I told her he hadn't been and that I wouldn't let him in if he had tried to come over. [I'd actually call my Dad or the cops if he showed up and told her that] She said she didn't really believe me as I have lied about things in the past. Which is true, I have, but I have made myself a promise to be honest from now on and have lived up to that promise.

When Mum was in the shower I spoke to my Dad and told him J wasn't here yesterday. Dad didn't even know Mum had been thinking that. He said he believed me and that he would talk to Mum about it. He also said he was disappointed that Mum hadn't told him of her suspicions before confronting me. My Dad is always in my corner and I love him for it.

OK I got that off my [lovely] chest now, feel a little better after venting.

Gonna hang around the forum until my meds kick in and I am pain free enough to do a decent job of the housework.

Any advice on how to avoid calling/contacting J would be appreciated, I'm really scared I'm gonna cave in and do it.

Love to you all my dear friends,

PS, love my new SR family, love getting so much support and love being able to give others in a worse situation than mine love and support too. This is really good for me. Thank the Goddess for SR.
__________________
The Faerie with Torn Wings
Faerie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2009, 06:58 PM   #72 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 

Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 51,765
Faerie,

When you feel like caving, come back here and read this thread through from the beginning. It will help you to have some perspective. Don't cave, you're working on getting past this. And, good for you for making the call the crisis centre and I'm sorry it will take so long to get an appointment, but it will be worth it.
__________________
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

Marianne Williamson
Anna is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 07-31-2009, 07:23 PM   #73 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 177,592
Blog Entries: 1
I absolutely agree with Anna, Faerie.
I'm really proud of the way you've handled this - don't falter now - keep moving forward.


D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 12:01 AM   #74 (permalink)
Faerie
 
Faerie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Australia
Posts: 396
Totally blew my healthy eating kick, just had a whopper with cheese, feel guilty, but it was so damn good. I guess it's a really long walk for me tomorrow morning.

Finally got through the housework, glad that's done for the week.

Bought myself a bottle of vodka, gonna make it last though. Like I said in a previous post I'm not gonna turn to drinking to solve my problems.

Just thought I'd be honest with you all.

This was my little confession piece.

Will be around till late tonight [oz time] if anyone wants to talk just PM me.

Much Love,


Faerie,


PS, Anna, thank you for the advice, I took it and it worked. xx
__________________
The Faerie with Torn Wings
Faerie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 12:11 AM   #75 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 177,592
Blog Entries: 1
I'm envious about the whopper LOL - not so much about the other purchase - especially with what you said earlier today about how tempting it was to wipe yourself out...

but I know you have no alcohol issues, and I know you're aware of the dangers - I'm still thinking alcohol is not a wise addition to the mix...but..consider the lecture as read LOL

Have a good night Faerie - I'm off for my dinner

D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 12:24 AM   #76 (permalink)
Member
 
NeverLookinBack's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: San Francisco Bay Area, CA
Posts: 61
SR is not the type of place you should be asking for advice about an issue as serious as rape. You should talk to a lawyer and police if you think you really think you were raped. You need to go see a psychologist or psychiatrist to talk about these issues. None of us know what really happened, we weren't there. We are all going to have different answers for you, and they will do no good because we have no idea of all the details that happened.

None of us have enough information to give you proper advice, we don't know you, we don't know your fiance or the situation. This is a serious and delicate issue in nature, peoples lives are at risk. Your fiance may have done nothing wrong, and I do not want to be responsible for him getting in trouble. Your life may be at risk, and I do not want to give you advice that would ultimately hurt you. We should not be giving advice that could adversely affect the lives of people we DON'T know in situations that we were not present. Get help as soon as possible.
NeverLookinBack is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 12:37 AM   #77 (permalink)
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 

Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 177,592
Blog Entries: 1
Hi Neverlookingback

This threads been going a while - if you look through the thread, I think you'll find most of your points have been discussed - and met. Your opinion is noted but its up to the moderators here to deem a thread relevant or not.

If this is what you believe

Quote:
Your fiance may have done nothing wrong, and I do not want to be responsible for him getting in trouble.
then I think it's probably best you leave this thread alone - that way you won't be responsible in any way

thanks for your input
D
__________________
Dee74 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 12:38 AM   #78 (permalink)
Faerie
 
Faerie's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: South Australia
Posts: 396
Hi Neverlookingback,

Pretty serious post there but thank you for your input.

I'm not sure if you read the whole thread as I have sought advice from my doctor, psychologist and the rape crisis centre.

I posted here because rape is the reason I use and my codeine use has escalated since the last attack. I need help and support to get of my DOC. I believe that in recovery it is important to address the reasons you use.

I am an addict and have every right to post here.

All the advice and support I have received so far has been invaluable to my recovery.

If you do not feel you should be offering advice then don't, I don't feel it is fair to tell others what to do.

Again, I thank all my beautiful friends for their love and support in his difficult time.

Faerie,
__________________
The Faerie with Torn Wings
Faerie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 02:15 AM   #79 (permalink)
Member
 
littlefish's Avatar
 

Join Date: May 2007
Location: Sweden
Posts: 1,649
You might try calling the center back again and see if you can see someone earlier than the waiting time given to you.

Did you explain the situation thoroughly to them? Perhaps they misconstrued your needs?
I agree that the issue has been discussed at length here and at this point you need the feedback of professionals.

Is the therapist you see an addiction specialist? If not, you might look around for someone with this experience.
Good luck, and keep coming back!
littlefish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-01-2009, 03:14 AM   #80 (permalink)
Member
 
ClayTheScribe's Avatar
 

Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Colorado
Posts: 664
Blog Entries: 1
Quote:
Originally Posted by NeverLookinBack View Post
SR is not the type of place you should be asking for advice about an issue as serious as rape. You should talk to a lawyer and police if you think you really think you were raped. You need to go see a psychologist or psychiatrist to talk about these issues. None of us know what really happened, we weren't there. We are all going to have different answers for you, and they will do no good because we have no idea of all the details that happened.

None of us have enough information to give you proper advice, we don't know you, we don't know your fiance or the situation. This is a serious and delicate issue in nature, peoples lives are at risk. Your fiance may have done nothing wrong, and I do not want to be responsible for him getting in trouble. Your life may be at risk, and I do not want to give you advice that would ultimately hurt you. We should not be giving advice that could adversely affect the lives of people we DON'T know in situations that we were not present. Get help as soon as possible.
Faerie also posted here because she has an addiction she's trying to deal in the midst of all this trauma. We have all said she shouldn't be seeking just our advice, but should consult her therapist and the rape crisis center, both of which she did. She'a already said she's not going to press charges, even though what he did was rape it. Maybe you come from a culture where what he did is okay, but it's not acceptable among decent people. I've known Farie long enough to also know she wouldn't make up this story to get attention. She's dealing with very well, but just needs some help, some common sense solutions, combined with talking with professionals. If you have a problem with the thread report it to the moderators and let them decide.
__________________
“Impossible is a term humans use far too often." -- Seven of Nine
ClayTheScribe is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:43 AM.