yeahgr8

Well a successful day, sold the car which sucks a bit as i only bought it in January, sold it for 10k less than i bought it for but i guess that hardly matters much at the moment! One more thing to sort out tomorrow then i am clear to stay here until the end of the year, brain questioned today whether i should go and get a job, earn some more money and do AA etc whilst doing that but that will be like jumping back on the hamster wheel again!

JJB the drive up the coast, i am in Gibraltar which has gib licence plates, my car is a spanish plated car so i would not be able to sell it here. I had to drive 1 hour to Marbella to meet a dealer who wanted to take a look and in the end made an offer:-)

That's about if ro today, time to cook some dinner and rtelax, just got back after my 6 hour excursion!

Itistime

Today is day one so..July 27 for me. I am still unsure of where I stand. I am not a daily drinker. I usually get really drunk once a week. I black out, do cocaine (which I would NEVER do while sober) I keep the cocaine a HUGE secret and it eats way at me. It is usually people come to our house, I am married with two kids, and we sit outside and have drinks or sit my the fire. Everything is fine until I cross the line and have that one more drink that puts me over and all is lost. I wake up hating myself and feeling guilt and shame. I am disgusted with my drunk behaviour.
I don't feel like I can talk to my husband about it as we already have so many times. He too binge drinks but not nearly as often or as severe as myself. We have so often said we will quit for awhile, take a break or something to that effect then two weeks later we are hammered again on a Friday night. I feel like if I try to talk to him about it again that he won't take me seriously.
I hate hangover days where we lay around and watch TV all day and the house is a mess and the kids are bored. I hate more that my kids know we get happy when we drink beer. They never see the really drunk side of it all thankfully but what if they did, I would hate that so much!
I also resent how much time on the weekends is wasted to sitting around and drinking and being hung over. That time could be so much better enjoyed by doing fun things with our children.
That is why I have to do something about this. SO, yah, hi, here I am and thank you for the group!

bohemianzen

wow so many neat july peoples!!!
hope everyone is doing great today and glad to meet the new members. just wanted to duck in and say hi. im on day 23--had some dangerous thoughts about drinking today at work today. i made myself start doing something else and tried to focus as much as i could on it. got thru and got myself home without stopping anywhere. i'm really tired right now so glad i don't have anything here to drink. that is one of my triggers - i get so tired i could nap at about any time. when i get home after work and am tired drinking would snap me out of it. i'm sitting here drinking apple juice right now.
have a great evening everyone

traderjane

I am enjoying being sober today and am going for a run. Yesterday I was craving some wine again, but I let it pass. Nice to have a little support group here!

Dee74

hi again itistime

I don't think it matters much 'where you stand'. As long as you know you have a problem and want to fix it? that's enough

Keep it going guys!
D

SunshinePacific

I had a relaxing day today! I had a rare week day off from work, and I didn't go out last night, I went to bed early, and spent the day catching up on reading. I am trying to stop agonizing over my last binge..and I feel slightly less anxious than I did yesterday. An improvement

Jane, how was your run? I should really go tonight too.. Are you a runner?

least

One week today.

DJ1

Just checkin in day 15 what a rollacoaster one min I hate the world today is a good day!!
I do hope every one is doing great & hanging in their, its nice to feel that you not alone the boards are a big help have a blessed evening

traderjane

Hi July 09ers,

Sunshine, I think the more days you get behind you, the more you will forget that last binge you had. I had my last drinking session last Thursday night and it already seems a lot time ago. Tomorrow will be even better for you than today I hope to get beyond 8 days and see what that feels like. That has been my upper limit up until now.

You can call me Laura (Jane is just the fake name I came up for the search engine thing -- they say not to come up with a readily identifiable name that can come up on search engines, so I picked Jane ) Well, about running, I do run, but am not fast. Just enjoy it for my health, my head and it lets my mind wander. I used to race in my 30's (again, not very fast --- just enjoyed being in races and the whole spirit of it!) but now that I'm in my 40's, have stopped racing but still enjoy it. I have added tennis and yoga to my exercise routine to round things out a bit. Of course in the past year or two, I haven't gotten to where I want to be in these activities because of my drinking. Maybe now I can do what I hope to do. Wow, that was a long answer to your question! And yes, it was great getting out tonight to run even in the heat and humidity. Makes you feel even more like you accomplished something.

Have a nice night everyone (or day, depending on where you are in the world!)

Laura

SunshinePacific

Laura, thanks for posting, you inspired me to get off my lazy butt and go for a run too! It's amazing how much better I feel after a good workout! I've never done a race, but am planning on doing it sometime in the next 10 months.

SoberSue09

Hi All

Well day 3 for me, not doing so bad with the cravings. Had a bad night last night though, hubbie came home and I could tell he was in bad humour with me - he said I didn't even apolgise for what I did on Sat night, I cant remember )-; and he is sick of feeling that I treat him like sH*t...

I told him I know I'm alcoholic and he said oh yes its back to poor me again, I'm always thinking of myself.....I know I have lost his trust and respect now and I have to keep on the straight to get it back

Philly - I'm not sure about going to AA meetings myself, I am reading some of their books and they seem to help, I've booked app with psycologist and this site really helps me

Itstime - i feel your pain, myself and hubbie are big binge drinkers, 3 /4 times a week, me moreso than him as well. He likes his beer and I think he is going get resentful that I am not his "drink buddy" in next few weeks...... I hate having my weekends destroyed aswell with hangover, and I get ratty and so tired I can't do things with my son.


Congrats to everyone who has made it past the week + mark, your all keeping me going as I want to be posting the same in a few days

chin up everyone
xx
S

SunshinePacific

I have to be at work in 20 minutes, and usually by now I am already on my way, because I like to get there early. Today, my anxiety is through the roof. I'm terrified to see my staff. I went crazy on friday, and I did some really, really dumb things, and I am praying I didn't affect any of my work relationships. One in particular.

I just keep telling myself "what's the worst that can happen? Teasing? A few snide remarks? Maybe a complete loss of a friendly work relationship? I'm not going to lose my job over this." Today will be the worst. It's just one day that I have to get through. And maybe no one will even know.

Cross your fingers for me.

traderjane

Hi Sunshine, good luck today. I know that feeling and it's a bad one. I have always been surprised to find that I am the *most* horrified at the things I have said/done while drinking and most everyone else rolls with the punches a bit. I suppose we are all a little like that. I give others a lot more slack to act up than I do myself. In any event, please let us know how it goes!

yeahgr8

Another great sober day! I am thinking about things, probably shouldn't be i know, but kind of in a good way. I don't know if it was rehab or AA or what (doesn't really matter) but i am seeing things for what they are and how ******* insane my life has been for a long while now! Sure i am living in today though, but i need to get onto the step work i started in rehab, looking forward partcularly to steps 4 and 5. I am meeting my sponsor today at 5pm so i guess we will talk about it then:-)

It's pretty obvious really, i mean you got to take a good honest look at yourself, no holds barred and be aware of the past...i'm not a robot i can't just do a hard drive wipe and start from scratch. I just walked to the shops and felt like this is a fresh start, feeling all i am cliff this time will be different, which i have always wanted then all of a sudden i'm trying to figure out a plan of action, i had to pull myself up...i'm not listening to my brain...how insane would that be? This is the brain that has kicked the **** out of me for 20 years?!

Anyways this sponsor thing, for me, is like running several businesses that have all gone bust, then a successful businessman says well i can tell you how to run your business the next time you start up as i have been there and done it myself, all you have to do is follow what i say and you will get there! What idiot wwould say **** you i'll do it by myself...hmmm...cliff would and has;-) But not this time:-)

I am seriously ready and up for whatever now, i'll do whatever is asked of me honestly and to the absolute best of my ability...you can just imagine a normal person standing with you at a crosssroads of 2 paths, telling him/her well i know this path, ok it does lead to absolute misery and a living hell, the other path i don't know so i can't tell you what is down there, let's go down the path i know...which path would the normal person choose? So what's normal, who wants to be normal anyway...something a normal person can say when they are being naughty by spending $50 more than they should on a pair of shoes...not good for a drunk to think like that though;-)

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein

spot on albie;-) Time for lunch!

yeahgr8

Another cool AA meeting, went for coffees after as usual! Met with my sponsor today for a couple of hours, starting step 4 tomorrow:-) Got my A4 pad and pen at the ready!

Hope everyone is doing ok:-)

chairmanma084

mine is july 20th, 2009

traderjane

I'm going to a concert tonight. They have ice cold beer there and yummy frozen drinks. If they had frozen drinks without alcohol I would be all set. Maybe they do. It's an outdoor show, Depeche Mode. Wish me luck, I think I'll be okay.

SunshinePacific

Work could have went way way worse than it did, but there was definite bad tension between me and one of the guys I work with. I think I've lost respect and maybe a friend. Maybe he'll cool down in the days to come. If not, I only have 17 work days left, and then I'm back to school.. so... I just have to stick it out.

Laura, good luck at the concert tonight!! Stay strong, you can do it !

TwoJacks

Hi all, this place is great! Because of all the posters here (well that and watching Intervention episodes on repeat) I have made it 9 days. My last drink was July 19th.

I'll post more I just wanted to get my first post overwith. Gotta start somewhere.

lucylechat

hello hello
thought i'd jump on... my date is 4th july 09....
although i feel a world better than before detoxing.... brain fog and anxiety is real bad... would like to try to kick my ass into doing anything but i'm soo good at staying in bed and feel so drained it feels like an impossiblity... erk
feel like i'm waiting for it to happen but get frustrated that i should push myself harder....hmmmmm

well done to all
xtessx