brokenhalo

how do/did you express your anger/irritablility/discontent/hurt with loved ones and also those you encounter in daily situations?

would it change modes when you were intoxicated, or would the severity of the same tactic increase?

for me, i have strong avoidant tendencies (which is why i struggled with telling the truth), so i would hold alot of it in, letting some go with extremely passive aggressive gestures. while sober, i would go silent around anyone i took issue with because i was unable to confront the situation in an adult conversation and because i was trying to be conscious of my passive-aggressive tendencies. even though i was withholding myself from others (which is in fact a passive-aggressive gesture), i refrained from making subtly cutting comments with implicit meanings and covert insults. so while i figured i wasn't hurting anyone directly, this would always change when i started to drink. my repressed emotions and resentments would bubble to the surface and i was unable to consciously control what would come out of my mouth...and this is where it would start. i would begin by identifying the insecurities in the other, make side comments about unrelated events or people that had similarities with the individual i was addressing. i knew the comments were cutting and well understood, but the ownership of the attack was easily avoidable. now, because i never really learned how to work through an issue with another person while sober, if i was addressed or called out on my passive-aggressive behavior when i was drunk, the angry thirteen year old boy would come out of me. my repressed anger and hurt would turn into a temper tantrum, and instead of subtle comments about what i knew to be an insecurity in the other, i would say it directly in the most hateful and damaging ways. i wouldn't even address what i was bothered by in the first place because the addrenaline of the rage carried me straight AT the other instead of AT the problem. i hurt alot of people that way. what really bothers me, however, is i don't know if the passive agressive gestures hurt people more, or the thirteen year old temper tantrum. regardless, it was always aimed at what i perceived to be a weakness in their core, an insecurity in their depths, a shame, a repression i could see that maybe they couldn't, something they held sacred. fortunately, i'm doing my best to remain sober day to day, and now that i am fully conscious of this i hope to address it each time it comes up, sooner and sooner, until it completely dissipates from my behavior patterns. without alcohol, i know i can control the temper tantrums, but i still struggle with going silent on others, and making the occasional cutting passive aggressive remark. my goal for today is to address things as they come up with mindfulness, attentiveness to the other, acceptance of my responsibility, hopefully forgiveness (of myself and the other), a soft tongue, humility and hope. everyone has their issues, and i don't have to rip it from their stomach and hold it in front of their face because i'm insecure. today i will try to let go, then tomorrow i will do the same.

thank you all,

bh

Fubarcdn

Interesting post Halo.
My mouth is also my weapon of choice and I am trying to be tolerant when People **** me off but sadly I have not been 100% successful. I did the same thing in looking for the weakness and attacking it in a sarcastic manner and this I am trying to curb also.
I don't drink anymore but some people, strangers, friends, and family still annoy me and to be a happier person I am trying to learn to tolerate others bad behavior.
This is definitely a work in progress and for me far harder than quitting drinking.

coffeenut

Controlling my mouth is much more difficult that controlling my drinking. I'm serious. With that being said...the longer I'm sober, the better my mouth gets.

MycoolFitz

Thanks for the thoughts and share, Halo. Very interesting and informative. One thing I've noticed for me regarding sharing my "negative" emotions towards others with these others, I can do it more openly, honestly and assertively sober then I could active. I used to stuff it, drink it or rage these feelings away. Lots of times I wouldn't confront things because in my drinking I thought it would be the booze talking or it would be my fault whatever the issue was. Sober, I'm calmer, more secure and more mindful. My "negative" emotions themselves seem to have leveled out, not just my reaction to them.

shaun00

that made my laugh....i can certainly relate to that.

i found with time that the space between the "thought" and my mouth opening has lengthen.....

lol..lol...

im a full time driver.......it soon becomes apparent if im maintaining spritual principles within a very short time....