I'm not afraid of who I am... I'm afraid of who I may become.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by Gypsy Feet 
If alcohol makes you mean to someone who you love, it, not you is in control in my opinion. And if you are mean to a sick friend at this stage, what comes next?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: uk
Posts: 2,548
Originally Posted by lauraandersen4
Thanks again everyone... To answer your question first Trucker... yeah, I was trying to make alcohol fit in I guess. But now I don't have to. I can't afford it. I want to say "be gone forever" because then who really cares what happens... it won't be related to alcohol... but then I say.. I'll have a drink... and if I don't feel the beginning of a buzz and don't taste the alcohol in it... I'm fine... If I start to feel it a little... I don't want to lose that baby for anything... If 3 make me feel good... 5 must make me feel better (or last longer). I'm assuming that is common for all drinkers, even social. So yeah half wants to quit, the other half wants to make it 'fit'. That comment in itself is disrespectful to the forum... stressing sobriety... I understand.
And as for what bad event in order to change? Can anyone answer that? If people make threats etc (only my friend and my husband -- the latter YEARS ago before marriage have)...and they followed through... I'd be one to tend to think... did they really care about me in the first place? I don't drive drunk so a DUI isn't an issue etc.
I guess what I'm saying is I can't answer your question
and I hope it never gets to the point that I have to... fair enough?
Thanks everyone!
And as for what bad event in order to change? Can anyone answer that? If people make threats etc (only my friend and my husband -- the latter YEARS ago before marriage have)...and they followed through... I'd be one to tend to think... did they really care about me in the first place? I don't drive drunk so a DUI isn't an issue etc.
I guess what I'm saying is I can't answer your question
and I hope it never gets to the point that I have to... fair enough?Thanks everyone!
we have all done that digging around for answers....when really you know the answer i guess.
sr is a great source of info...opinions...views....debate.....friendship.
i certainly relate to your wanting more then more....even when you were convinced youd just have a couple.
i believe that part is like an allergy.......
i use my wife in alot of comparisons because she is a temperate drinker
she drinks cos she like the taste...then a strange thing happens once she reachs 1 or 2......she stops...
with me...i pour it in and something happens...rather than reach a point where i feel ive had enough..it fires up an unstoppable craving to drink more and more and more.......and then some.
what ever you do....keep coming to sr........and i wish you well.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
Originally Posted by lauraandersen4
If 3 make me feel good... 5 must make me feel better (or last longer). I'm assuming that is common for all drinkers, even social.
My wife has one and a half, every night, maybe.... 2 on Saturday. My mother in law lives in the south, when she used to hand me a beer she would wrap it in a kozie to keep it cold... like it was gonna be in the can long enough to change temp even a degree
... while all afternoon it seemed my brother in law nursed his first...
Member
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 818
Laura, As long as you continue to avoid the problem, you're going to avoid the solution. You've been dancing around the fact that you're an alcoholic since your first thread while you keep describing traits and behavior that are classic indicators of alcoholism. "Never mind that I have occasional blackouts or that one drink may turn into many more." Never mind? In a word, you are in deep denial.
Alcoholism is a disease and it's not your fault that you have this disease. And you're one of the millions of us who have it, so you're not unique here. There is but one coping mechanism for your drinking. Stop! Do not continue drinking! How you choose to do that is up to you. But until you choose to do so, your situation will continue to go downhill. So be afraid. Be very afraid of what you might become. Or better yet, what you will become.
Alcoholism is a disease and it's not your fault that you have this disease. And you're one of the millions of us who have it, so you're not unique here. There is but one coping mechanism for your drinking. Stop! Do not continue drinking! How you choose to do that is up to you. But until you choose to do so, your situation will continue to go downhill. So be afraid. Be very afraid of what you might become. Or better yet, what you will become.
Focus
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 206
Now what I would REALLY like is for someone to say:
Don't worry about a thing... No problems... no worries. You are normal.
I feel like (if what you are saying is true) I did this to myself... I have let myself become this person... and it could have been avoided, and I could have stayed a 'normal' drinker... if I had not chased that buzz etc. I thought for everyone the buzz and relieving stress was the point of drinking... granted I'm 29 and should likely be out of that phase by now. What did I miss along the way?
Thanks for the replies... I'm going to be honest here... I'm COMPLETELY OK with sugar coating and completely NOT ok with saying anything but I'm a normal drinker
Don't worry about a thing... No problems... no worries. You are normal.
I feel like (if what you are saying is true) I did this to myself... I have let myself become this person... and it could have been avoided, and I could have stayed a 'normal' drinker... if I had not chased that buzz etc. I thought for everyone the buzz and relieving stress was the point of drinking... granted I'm 29 and should likely be out of that phase by now. What did I miss along the way?
Thanks for the replies... I'm going to be honest here... I'm COMPLETELY OK with sugar coating
and completely NOT ok with saying anything but I'm a normal drinker mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
humor is a rare commodity for some here you may find
I am sorry for you. I was very sad when I realized booze and I could no longer be friends. I don't blame myself though, I blame booze for letting me down.
I am sorry for you. I was very sad when I realized booze and I could no longer be friends. I don't blame myself though, I blame booze for letting me down.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,380
I don't think anyone lets themselves become an alcoholic, K - and, for me, I'm not sure there was ever any point where I could have taken a different road and stayed a 'normal drinker'.
I don't think I ever drank except to get a buzz, or completely wasted.
A lot of us so let ourselves go a lot father along the road than we should have tho because we failed to look honestly at what was happening, and we failed to act.
If what you really want is someone to say 'don't worry about a thing... No problems... no worries' I doubt you'll find it here - because your posts, right from the start, have been filled with what I see as alcoholic red flags.
As I've said all along, its up to you what you do with that, K.
D
I don't think I ever drank except to get a buzz, or completely wasted.
A lot of us so let ourselves go a lot father along the road than we should have tho because we failed to look honestly at what was happening, and we failed to act.
If what you really want is someone to say 'don't worry about a thing... No problems... no worries' I doubt you'll find it here - because your posts, right from the start, have been filled with what I see as alcoholic red flags.
As I've said all along, its up to you what you do with that, K.
D
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
End of the day, it is what it is. I hope whatever it is works for you
We can only offer our opinions, advice, first hand knowledge & support in the hopes that they may improve your life. You are the only one that can choose your path, may you find peace happiness & love in your journey.
NB
We can only offer our opinions, advice, first hand knowledge & support in the hopes that they may improve your life. You are the only one that can choose your path, may you find peace happiness & love in your journey.
NB
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,279
Originally Posted by lauraandersen4
Now what I would REALLY like is for someone to say:
Don't worry about a thing... No problems... no worries. You are normal.
I feel like (if what you are saying is true) I did this to myself... I have let myself become this person... and it could have been avoided, and I could have stayed a 'normal' drinker... if I had not chased that buzz etc. I thought for everyone the buzz and relieving stress was the point of drinking... granted I'm 29 and should likely be out of that phase by now. What did I miss along the way?
Thanks for the replies... I'm going to be honest here... I'm COMPLETELY OK with sugar coating and completely NOT ok with saying anything but I'm a normal drinker
Don't worry about a thing... No problems... no worries. You are normal.
I feel like (if what you are saying is true) I did this to myself... I have let myself become this person... and it could have been avoided, and I could have stayed a 'normal' drinker... if I had not chased that buzz etc. I thought for everyone the buzz and relieving stress was the point of drinking... granted I'm 29 and should likely be out of that phase by now. What did I miss along the way?
Thanks for the replies... I'm going to be honest here... I'm COMPLETELY OK with sugar coating
and completely NOT ok with saying anything but I'm a normal drinker Have you read (http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html) it explains a lot about why some can have a couple & stop & why some cant. I don't think anybody is trying to blame you for having a problem/challenge with alcohol.
People who have one or two don't need to make a choice as there is no problem. Those of us that are having difficulty in our lives due to alcohol & recognize that this problem needs to be addressed do have a choice.... to accept that they have a problem & work on recovery or not accept that they have a problem & do nothing.
Anyway, that is my take... I am learning as I go through this process.
All the best
NB
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
i am an alcoholic. i recently fell (hard) off the wagon and am now trying to climb back on. i am under no delusions about my illness, i'm really sick and trying to get out of the hole i've dug myself into.
let's try to get and stay sober together, ok? no matter what the reason we drink, let's try to stop drinking. please. there is hope for all of us, as long as we're still breathing.
I am afraid of both what i am and what i may become, due to alcohol. i have never hated anything so much as i hate alcohol and what it has done to me.
let's try to get and stay sober together, ok? no matter what the reason we drink, let's try to stop drinking. please. there is hope for all of us, as long as we're still breathing.
I am afraid of both what i am and what i may become, due to alcohol. i have never hated anything so much as i hate alcohol and what it has done to me.
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,476
Laura,
I am pretty sure no one here 'allowed' themselves to become an alcoholic. Truly, if we could have seen the invisible line coming up, that would have been great. But, I didn't see it. I was in denial, and I honestly believe that you are minimizing the problem, but I hope that you can manage your drinking, as your life moves forward. Denial in addiction is amazingly powerful. When I look back at my logic, during my drinking years, I am shocked at how I was thinking. And, once you cross the line, you can never go back. And, I agree completely with Cubile saying that social drinkiners don't chase the buzz. It's that 'feeling' of chasing the buzz that leads you to addiction.
I am pretty sure no one here 'allowed' themselves to become an alcoholic. Truly, if we could have seen the invisible line coming up, that would have been great. But, I didn't see it. I was in denial, and I honestly believe that you are minimizing the problem, but I hope that you can manage your drinking, as your life moves forward. Denial in addiction is amazingly powerful. When I look back at my logic, during my drinking years, I am shocked at how I was thinking. And, once you cross the line, you can never go back. And, I agree completely with Cubile saying that social drinkiners don't chase the buzz. It's that 'feeling' of chasing the buzz that leads you to addiction.
Last edited by Anna; 07-20-2009 at 08:13 AM.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 206
Thanks so much for the responses to this. I worry about it from time to time... but also feel when the time is right, I'll know it. Anyway... this should be the end of the topic re: me because I have weighed a lot of factors and you guys have helped so much and yet I fail to see so much about me.
I'd like to keep at least responding to other posts (not so much my drinking habits or lack of drinking habits) on here though as I learn more... so if that becomes unsuitable or inappropriate , please let me know. Thanks.
I'd like to keep at least responding to other posts (not so much my drinking habits or lack of drinking habits) on here though as I learn more... so if that becomes unsuitable or inappropriate , please let me know. Thanks.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 246
Laura, I'm a johnny-come-lately to sobriety (70 days) and this thread, but for what my opinion is worth, it seems to me you've got a problem. You have a potentially wonderful professional career and life in front of you, and it's good that you're on these boards addressing your relationship with alcohol. I hope you're able to deal with this soon.
Your Distant Friend
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 255
Originally Posted by lauraandersen4
Now what I would REALLY like is for someone to say:
Don't worry about a thing... No problems... no worries. You are normal.
Don't worry about a thing... No problems... no worries. You are normal.
I can certainly say, that ultimately, there are no desperate problems.
I can certainly say, that ultimately, there is nothing to really worry about.
its all good. All the sorrows will pass, like shadows. Ultimately. In the Big Picture.
What I cannot say, however, is that you are normal. You probaly aren't.
What is normal? I would advise to Accept you abnormailties, they make you unique.
I feel like (if what you are saying is true) I did this to myself... I have let myself become this person... and it could have been avoided, and I could have stayed a 'normal' drinker... if I had not chased that buzz etc. I thought for everyone the buzz and relieving stress was the point of drinking... granted I'm 29 and should likely be out of that phase by now. What did I miss along the way?
Thanks for the replies... I'm going to be honest here... I'm COMPLETELY OK with sugar coating and completely NOT ok with saying anything but I'm a normal drinker
Thanks for the replies... I'm going to be honest here... I'm COMPLETELY OK with sugar coating
and completely NOT ok with saying anything but I'm a normal drinker We can look at our shortcomings with hope, or despair.
That, I believe is a choice. What can you do TODAY
To see your own darkness, rather than avoid it, to
Be honest and have hope in, if you don't have, true happiness?
I got nothin'
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: My house.
Posts: 4,890
No one stumbles onto this site by mistake, laura. Everyone here has a good reason to be...whether an addict, codependent, or both.
Everyone else already said it best...I don't have much to add.
I know for me one of the hardest parts was getting over the denial and coming to a place of acceptance: I cannot drink anymore. One sip and I'm done.
I stay on my toes to stay ahead of this beast. Stick around for a while...you are very welcome here.
Everyone else already said it best...I don't have much to add.
I know for me one of the hardest parts was getting over the denial and coming to a place of acceptance: I cannot drink anymore. One sip and I'm done.
I stay on my toes to stay ahead of this beast. Stick around for a while...you are very welcome here.
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Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: England
Posts: 674
Originally Posted by lauraandersen4
I don't drive drunk so a DUI isn't an issue etc.
I hate it when people said the "yets" to me, but some of those "yets" I have now suffered.
It's your life and I can't help you, I have enough trouble helping myself, however you might like to know, since in nearly every post you mention you are training to be dentist. Dentist's can be alcoholics too. I was married and nursed to one, its really fun when they wake up from a blackout having taken the wrong tooth out
Oh that hasn't happened yet
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Washington DC
Posts: 206
Originally Posted by Saxony
YET
I hate it when people said the "yets" to me, but some of those "yets" I have now suffered.
It's your life and I can't help you, I have enough trouble helping myself, however you might like to know, since in nearly every post you mention you are training to be dentist. Dentist's can be alcoholics too. I was married and nursed to one, its really fun when they wake up from a blackout having taken the wrong tooth out
Oh that hasn't happened yet
I hate it when people said the "yets" to me, but some of those "yets" I have now suffered.
It's your life and I can't help you, I have enough trouble helping myself, however you might like to know, since in nearly every post you mention you are training to be dentist. Dentist's can be alcoholics too. I was married and nursed to one, its really fun when they wake up from a blackout having taken the wrong tooth out
Oh that hasn't happened yet
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