shelly009

Gerry, I think you misunderstood me. I am not saying that all alcholics want to drink again but I have a hard time believing that every alcoholic has not had the desire or wish to go back and see if they could try to drink socially. I mean, isnt that every alcoholic's wish (or delusion) at some point in thier recovery. Maybe thats a poor assumption?

And I agree, the whole thing with relapse being a part of recovery doesnt sit well with me either but thats what I keep hearing.

And yes, I am trying to be supportive, isnt that what this forum is for?

gerryP

No I don't think i misunderstood what you wrote. Actually, I have never had the wish or desire to return to drinking throughout the few years of sobriety I have. Drinking was no longer fun for me during the last 10 years of my drinking...why would I EVER want to return to a nightmare? I have created a life that doesn't involve alcohol. No, those days are long in the past where they belong.

Don't believe everything you hear especially if it doesn't sit well with you, it might set you up for a self fulfilling prophecy.

flutter

Relapses are part of active addiction, NOT recovery.

And I've never once wanted to go back out to 'try' to drink. This committment is and has to be solid, or I'll die. That's as simple as it gets!

Laura, be careful out there.

keithj

Hi Shelly. Please don't regard this as trying to gang up on you. That's not my intention at all. It's just an opportunity to look at recovery state of mind.

When I started on a path of recovery, that led to being recovered, I was done drinking for good and all. I held no reservations about ever being able to drink socially again. Many people regard that delusion as being part of the sickness, not the cure. It might sound like just semantics, but it can make a difference in one's whole outlook.

Be careful who you listen to. When I hear something about recovery that doesn't sit well with me, I ask the question, "Who says?" Who keeps saying that relapse is a part of recovery?

I made the distinction about a path of recovery that led to being recovered. Every now and then I like to be reminded that I suffer from a deadly condition of alcoholism. In my opinion, and that's all it is, too often we act like continual relapse and sober cycles is just part of the game. We condone it and accept it. We pat each other on the back and love each other to death instead of being honest.

I think most people that have overcome alcoholism will agree that a tremendous amount of work and effort is involved. If I really want to help someone stay sober for good and all, I need to encourage them to work at this like their life depends on it. The turning point in many an alcoholic's recovery is exactly that desperation. As long as we act like relapse is normal and everyone does it, don't worry, that desperation is missing.

So I look to the other recovered people. And I look to see if they hold reservations about returning to drinking. And I look to see their thoughts on relapse. I compare that to the casual attitude about relapse that I hear from people that can't stay sober.

I know it sounds harsh. I'm cringing while typing this. The casual attitude about relapse comes from people that continually relapse. In that way, we support our own failure. The attitude that there are no excuses and some serious change and hard work are required comes from recovered persons.

Bamboozle

I do not believe that relapse is necessary for recovery...I don't encourage it...


...that being said...here's my story:


My last relapse got my ass into gear. It scared the sh!t out of me...so I finally reached out for help. I almost wasn't able to quit.

I don't recommend that anyone take this approach...but this is what I needed to happen to get it in my head I had a serious problem and I needed to do something about it. Now I'm on meds for depression, I go to therapy regularly, and I'm on SR every day. I almost have 4 months sober...this is the longest I've made it by far.

I have it in my head now that drinking simply isn't an option. Period. I can't even have one sip ever again. That's been a hard truth for me to swallow...but what are my options? I can either live in misery (alcohol) or stay well (sober and taking care of my mental health). I choose "stay well".

This is only my personal experience. I believe that relapse should be avoided at all costs...but I cannot deny that my experience moved me to the next level. I finally got the help I've needed for a long time.

Gypsy Feet

My (ex)husband/roommate is relapsing as we speak. It looks exactly like he is drinking again, I can't tell the difference.

None for me thanks

shelly009

Sorry, its not that I am trying to lump all alcoholics together, clearly thats not possible. I just wanted to let Laura know that what she is experiencing is normal and has happened to many others in the past.

Personally, I like reading about people having issues with relapsing or not sure if they have a problem or not etc because its something that I have struggled with and it makes me feel like I am not alone.

I know for some people talking about drinking again may make them feel insecure or unsettled. But this forum is for everyone and I just want to encourage her to stay because I like reading her posts and I can identify with her situation.

gerryP

I questioned whether or not I was an alcoholic WHILE I was drinking. Came to the conclusion that alcohol was causing havoc in my life and made the decision to end the madness and seek help in a number of different ways. I made the commitment to stay sober and made drastic changes to my lifestyle from A to Z.

Without wondering if you are an alcoholic or not at some point would HAVE to happen if one is to quit drinking. Relapse normal?.....not for me.

Dee74

I know I can't drink now....but before I got to that point, I tried the 'can I drink normally now' experiment many MANY times over my 15 year career....to an absurd degree.

It would surprise me if I was in the minority.

I wish I'd had SR then - might have challenged some of my BS and got me in recovery sooner

D

traderjane

Thank you, KenL. You are one of those very good people.

Laura

LosingmyMisery

I don't believe relapse is a part of recovery, but it was a reality for me. I relapsed twice. The reason being, I was unable to quit on my own and wasn't willing to take recovery to the next level. I was in a program, but wasn't doing the work that was required to help.

I literally was trying to work the program my way, which obviously, doesn't work. I can not take a program and suit it to my wants and needs. The results are disastrous. I had to live it before I would believe it. I really believed I could skate right on through. Boy, was I wrong.

My last relapse put the fear in me. I relapsed at 60 days and again at 30 days after my first relapse. I got to experience first hand the progression of the disease. It literally sat dormant waiting for me to pick up again and I drank crazily and without recourse for nine days. It was utter insanity until I realized that I would die if I didn't stop. That realization is what got me moving to the next level and got me sober and has kept me sober for 5 years.

For me, I had to experience the fear to get how serious this really was. I had to experience how astonishing powerful my problem was. I had not idea before that. I do now and I'm not willing to take that chance again. For some, it takes us longer to get it.

I was one of those that really pushed the envelope and thought I could get away with it. I continued to do this far after it was clear my drinking was having adverse effects on my life and my health. Alcoholism makes us blind to the truth and tells us, this time it will be different, you are able to handle this, and I never could. It always ended badly. I would fall for it every time. I don't fall for the lies as long as I don't drink. Abstinence has silenced the voice of lies.

keithj

That is the useful place that relapse holds. It may well be worth a scary relapse if it spurs someone to get real and serious about recovery. It sure did the trick for me years ago, and I responded the same way as you Bam.

That cycle of 'I'm trying not to drink, I drank, I'm trying not to drink' is heartbreaking. Thanks.

NEOMARXIST

This.

Bamboozle

Yeah...it is. I've seen others write something like this many times before and I'll put it here: If I never pick up I don't ever have to go through that hell again.





Bingo. I couldn't believe in how short a time things became as though I had never stopped. That was the moment when reality came crashing down. I finally admitted defeat, but rather than keep drinking I reached out.

Quse56

Hopeful - dont go.
The book tells us to try some controlled drinking, so please do!
Please let us know if it works for you. If it does, you may find you don't need us anymore and that's cool. If it doesn't then we are here with open arms to share with you how we stopped (if you decide you want to).

"Whenever anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of A.A. always to be there. And for that: I am Responsible."

Keep coming back. Good luck.

gerryP

Yeah, I just love that "suggestion/advice" from the BB. Go back out and potentially drink yourself to death. Not the best advice I've ever heard and that's COMING from AA!

gerryP

BTW, my post was and is not directed TO Hopeful. Instead a comment regarding that line in the BB.

Hopeful, I have seen people return to social drinking if they did not drink alcoholically before. I call it, for lack of a better term 'situational' where people have gone through a devastating (for them) experience and used alcohol to cope, only to do a spot check on themselves and knock it back to one or two realizing that alcohol is not a healthy way to cope with anything and provided no solutions. Only you can and will know what works for you.

Quse56

You don't know until you know, ya know?

FightingIrish

I am hoping that relapse is not part of recovery.