New at this - looking for support
 

I just found this website today, and I thought that it might be some help... I haven't ever posted to any kind of forum before, so I'm new at this.

Anyways, I've been feeling pretty hopeless about my drinking lately. It started when I was 14. I always had older friends, so I had unlimited access to alcohol from an early age. I didn't start small either. Even when I was that young, and all through high school, I always had at least 1 bottle of liquor in my nightstand at all times. I have drank almost every day since then. In high school, I always drank the hard stuff, and a lot of it. Then, I didn't think it was a problem at all. In my mind I was just being rebellious, and I thought it was cool.

I went to college, and it just got worse. I had a lot more friends that were over 21, and I had money, so I always had a lot of alcohol. I used to stock up on it, because I was afraid of running out and not having anyone to buy it for me. I lived by myself for the most part, so I could drink as much as I wanted at home and no one would know.

I'm going into my 4th year of college now. For a few years I have dismissed the idea that I could be an alcoholic because I'm too young. But I can't deny it anymore - all the signs are there. I'm almost afraid to quit drinking - when I don't drink for even a day, I feel really sick, and I get so agitated that I can't even be around anyone. I want to quit, but one of my fears is that I'll have a seizure or something. I don't know how physically dependent I am.

Anyways, the weird thing is that I'm extremely functional. I go to a good school, and I will be graduating with a triple-degree soon. I have a B+ average, which isn't great, but not bad considering I never really study or anything. I'm also working full time while going to school... I have a pretty good job for being in college, and it's a 9-5 office kind of thing. I manage to keep up with work and school, but drinking is definitely interfering. During the week, I go to work, and by the afternoon I am craving a drink. When I get home the first thing I do is have a drink, and I drink until I pass out. Then I wake up and do it all over again. Sometimes on weekends I will start drinking right when I wake up, and alternate drinking/sleeping for the whole day.

I was afraid to turn 21. And I just turned 21 a few weeks ago. I thought it would be a huge deal and I would be out drinking all the time. But nothing has changed. My friends want me to go out to the bars, but I rarely do because I can't stay out that late. I'm usually passed out by the time my friends call me to go out. Lately I have found myself making excuses not to go out with my friends because of my drinking. I rarely make plans to go out in the evenings, because I don't want to drive after I've been drinking.

I'm just frustrated because I don't know what to do. I know I want to quit drinking, but I don't know how. I feel like I'm drinking my life away - all my days kind of blur together. I would love to just drink like a normal college student - go out and get drunk once or twice a week, and be sober for the rest.

I'm just pretty down on myself now, and I'm hoping to find advice or something in this forum... I would also like to hear about someone who has had a similar experience. I have completely hid my drinking from everyone in my life, so I don't really have anyone to talk to about it.

Welcome to our recovery community...:wave:

7 years of drinking is the point...not your age.
Please do read this link for information

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

I'm really glad you are sonsidering how to quit drinking.
Alcohol is a toxin ...it harms those who drink...not only alcoholics.

Keep posting....Yes! you too can win over alcohol...:yup:

Hi and Welcome,

I can tell you that your age has nothing to do with addiction. I thought I was too old to become an addict. I began to drink in my mid-forties and that continued for three years. I was amazed how quickly it took over my life.

You can stop drinking and live a sober life. It takes a lot of motivation, but it is worth it.

I'm glad to see you posting and taking steps to educate yourself about alcoholism. I was drinking very young, but never considered stopping until I was in my 30's. It shows tremendous insight and courage to look at yourself on this level, especially given where you are at in life. You deserve to get well.

Welcome to SR, I think you'll like it here! :)

Hi Cg...we met in chat a few minites ago.

Well i think your concerns about physical stuff of withdrawl are warrented. I strongly encourage you to contact a doctor and be honest about the amount of your drinking and about your fears.

Making getting sober your number one priority helps. I didn't quit even when I knew the bottle had me...I waited until i was in bad shape. When i realized I was in trouble I still could put in 40-60 hour work weeks and play wonderwoman on my house work etc....I waited until itwas all starting to crumble....I hope you get help now and don't wait like i did.

In the end i had to decide that even if it was going to cost me my job, even if i lost my home, even if my friends all hated me ....I had to quit drinking and that I had to ask for and accept help.

Please..call a doctor, be honest and stick close to SR for support. You can move forward into a new life (hug)

Welcome to SR CG, I can tell you that in the rooms of AA, which I attend, there are so many young folks, your age, who are sober and enjoying life. I only wish I was that age when I came into program, would have saved myself so much ruin and loss. Congratulations on taking the first step to a new, happy sober life.

Hello again Collegegirl,

I also just met you in the chat room. WELCOME to the SR Family and your making a very wise and good choice to consider stop drinking!! (((((HUGS)))))

You have SO MUCH going for you in your life and I agree with Ananda to please SEE a doctor. Be very honest with him or her and let them help you do this. You DESERVE the awesome life that you have worked SO HARD to achieve and LIVE for a very long time to enjoy it. Drinking WILL destroy you - Please get help through your doctor, AA, whatever you can and please keep coming back to SR because ALL of us will support you along your New Journey.

Love Pancake XO **Thanks for reaching out tonight and joining a great Recovery Forum** XO

WOW....your story could easily be mine...easily!! Started at 13 and drank hard core for the next 23 years..I drank all throughout college, maintained my grades and job, but just barely. Imagine if I had not been drinking I would have flown through. I always thought that no one knew but of course my family/friends had their suspicions...the only thing I can offer you is to please stop now...please see a doctor about withdrawal..I am envious that you are so young and could possibly have such an amazing life ahead of you. Please grab onto it for dear life...you are so worth it and you deserve the life that you were meant to have. I know the liquor seems so alluring right now, I know that your young but I KNEW at 18 that I was an alcoholic...what I would give to go back and stop then...I really hope you can get in to see your doctor and I wish you SOOO much success!! Please keep us posted....

~Rebecca

Welcome, welcome, welcome to SR. Please stick close!

:c043: Welcome We have learned to not quit drinking forever but to just not drink today. Tommorow is another day. This can be accomplished.
"it's not the last drink that gets us its the first"

Hey CG!
Welcome to SR and welcome to sober life! I have 119 days sober today and I feel great! The shakes, insomnia, bad dreams, cravings, etc... really do get better. People that never really knew how much I drank tell me how good I look now-"healthy" they say. They have no idea how much healthier, or that I am simply not hungover all the time. Anyway, you really do deserve to get sober and get well. I can't tell you how much my life has changed in such a short time, but I can tell you that you are on the right track! You go girl!

While I was reading your post it reminded me of my quick decline. Different life situations but the drinking was the same. I hid it, drank all day, woke up and drank, felt sick if I didn't.........had to drink to feel better. It was horrible!!!

So glad you're here and you found this place. It's great. Tons of support and experience from others that have been there.

I also wanted to add that I was a full functioning alcoholic for a looooooooong time. It gave me the illusion that I didn't have a problem because if I could still be responsible then how is my drinking really that bad? I won't go back there.

Hope to see you here again. Welcome to SR!! :)

Hello, CG. Welcome to SR.

Please talk to a doctor before you detox.

Stick around for a while. :wavey:

I just got up and read everyone's replies... I want to say thank you to everyone! It's nice finding somewhere that everyone is so supportive and non-judgmental. I'm going to try to make this day 1 of being sober. I'm wondering what to do about next weekend though... I'm going to Vegas for a bachelorette party. I know there will be too much temptation. Is it possible for anyone to just drink on special occasions, but not let it get out of hand? Has anyone tried this?

Hi, CollegeGirl! Welcome! As far as the Vegas trip; try to make any excuse to get out of going... if you can. I have been drinking every day for the past 18 years. I quit drinking on 7/03/09. I had 5 days without a drink. I was feeling great and rather prideful, I might add. So I thought, "I'm gonna see if I've got this thing beat!?" 1 glass of wine turned into 4 the first night. The second night 3 glasses... so on the on the alcohol took over again. Last night I was so drunk I was slurring my words. I woke up hating myself again. Okay, sorry... not about me! :c020:

Darling, this demon (alcohol) is bigger than us. Please seek support, God (higher power) from SR, AA, your doctor, etc. It is a daily battle... arm yourself and take charge of your life! You should be incredibly proud of yourself!!!! A TRIPLE degree?? WOW!! Stay close, the people here have so much knowledge and experience to help you.

Humble opinion here, but going to Vegas is a bad idea.

I've never been able to moderate...I simply can't do it. Once I taste it...game over. I'll drink until I've had enough or I black out.

You could send a gift and come up with a good reason to avoid going. I know that sucks...shoot, I still wish there were times I could drink...but I know what happens when I do. It's not an option for me.

Please be safe when you detox. :wavey:

collegegirl welcome to SR.

Please read this and try to do it.

Please see a doctor before you try and detox on your own!

Detoxing from alcohol can and does kill tons of alcoholis.

Detoxing from alcohol can lead to strokes, heart attacks, siezures and the like, once you have one of these there is no way you can call 911, you just lay there and die!!!

Go online and check out AA meetings at your college, I have a feeling that you will be shocked to learn that you are far from being the only alcoholic college student who attends AA. The vast majority of colleges and universities have AA meetings.

As you are seeing here on SR you are not alone, goinig to AA on campus will show you that there are plenty of alcoholics in colleg seeking recovery.

Great to hear back from you. One day at a time still works great but try to find a AA meeting or other support group they help. I wouldn't worry about next weekend until it gets here.

:smurf:

All of us are different, but probably not. I've tried this on a few occasions and it just doesn't work out. Before you know it you can justify in your head a "special occasion" every night of the week. The alcoholic mind is a sneaky one and will have you believing all sorts of crazy stuff. Complete abstinence works best for me (and most people here). There are plenty of times where I'd love to have a drink, but I have to tell myself no because years of experience dictate that it will turn out bad.

Good luck, and keep us informed.

For me, one "special occasion" would only lead to more "special occasions." I think bamboozle said it up there some where and I'm going to say it too, but I wouldn't be going to a bachlorette party freshly sober and trying to stay that way.

I don't think anyone is trying to tell you what to do but MAINLY speaking from experience and knowing that it has NOT worked for us in the past. ;)

Living in sobriety is going to take some life changing. Hope you'll keep reading and posting. No matter what, you'll get good support and insight here.

I went to a bachelorette party a couple of months ago - it was at a friend's house, then everyone went to the bar. The gal who was getting married is a friend in recovery, and I was the only one besides her not drinking. This was the first time I had been in a bar since my first meeting 8 years ago - and had the friend not been a close one, ,there is no way I would have gone.

If you decide that a sober lifestyle is what you desire, you will find yourself facing many situations like the bachelorette party. Birthdays, Christmas and Thanksgiving were my big triggers. I found that if I protected my sobriety at whatever the cost - even if it meant bowing out of certain 'obligations' or leaving early (taking my own car so I wasn't trapped) - these and many other situations became doable.

It's a lot to take in, I know. Feel free to share your thoughts and feelings about this here. Many of us have been in your shoes and understand.

Thank you for that post, a little late but I wanted to make a comment because it gave me chills. Your story is incredibly similar to mine. The age starting, the pattern of use, being able to keep up with work and a good schoool, similar gpa and such. I totally hid my drinking from everybody, at least in terms of frequency. When I turned 21, I always had access to alcohol and drugs before, but I was scared. So I asked for help for the first time within a week of my 21st birthday and I got some good advice about AA and stuff but I wasn't ready. I made it a week or two sober and then went back to my old behavior once I started feeling better about myself. I ended up having an alcohol induced nervous breakdown prior to my senior year in college. I spent the next two years drunk doing nothing. And now at 24 I have sobriety and it is sticking. Please take the oppurtunity to work on this now, you sound like you have a really good handle on your problem and it is really up to you. I know the feeling of wanting sobriety but unsure of how to do it. AA is a good place to start, even if you don't like it, it does help. Good luck and thanks again.

Welcome to SR Collegegirl!

Functional alcoholic here too! I started drinking at 14 and had older brothers to get my booze and would often spend most week nights hanging with them drinking. I should've definitely been on here during university. You are very insightful and fortunate to realize this so young! I finished university, held down jobs, and travelled (living and working) all over the world, thinking I was just having fun with my drinking.

Well, at 36 I started realizing I had a drinking problem. You are sooo lucky to realize it so young. It feels like I have not made the most of so many years worth of opportunities because of my drinking. You still have so many opportunities ahead of you! You won't have to miss out on them b/c you are drinking so much.

IMHO, You are fortunate to be in university right now, because as mentioned above, you have LOTS of resources available. You have meetings and easy access to meeting others your age who don't drink and are going through something similar to you.

As far as the bachelorette party......yikes! I relapsed when I thought I could go to a BonVoyage party and stay sober (after 9 days sobriety). I had to avoid all situations with alcohol for a while at first. The only options for entertainment at first were coffee, movies, lunch, breakfast, walking around the city/parks, or shopping. In the evenings, I just said I was tired, had a headache, and eventually "I'm not drinking because I need to lose weight." That's where I am now.

My advice would be...... avoid the bachelorette party.

Best Wishes!

I had to bow out of three invites tonight... one included a large yacht, 5 course meal & all of the booze any alcoholic could drink.

I spent some quality time with my father instead, he even said how great of a day he had when we were saying good bye.

You can always plan a wonderful straight evening with your friend with all of the money that you would have spent on your Vegas trip (just the two of you).

I am a guy but hey... I will give this a shot:

Massage for two at a nice spa
Manicure & pedicure
Visit a hair salon (style & cut)
Dinner for 2 at a really nice restaurant (sparkling water & all :-)
Chick flick at a local theater
Movie wrap up at a local coffee house (girl chat included)

This will be a night you will both cherish & remember for the rest of your life, far more than any Vegas bachelorette party... I promise.

You can hear about all of the silly/stupid things they did & how wasted they got when you have dinner with your friend (and know you didnt really miss anything).

All of the best with whatever you choose, I know its tough.

P.S. If you tell her about your drinking & that you are trying to stay sober she will understand... make sure you include your backup plan as well ;-)

Take Care,

NB

Hey,

I just read this post and my story is similar, except I'm 19 and a drug addict. I go to a well known university, I'll be starting my second year, I made Dean's List and received all A's and still have managed to overdose on an average of 3 times a year since I was in seventh grade.

After the past year - which I spent really working on getting clean - I am now almost onto four months clean, I have amazing friends, and a fantastic blossoming relationship. A sober life is the only life for me.

Please private message me some time!

Hugs & support,
Rach

SR is a great place to come for support. keep working at it, and keep coming back. we are here to listen and help where we can!