my first attempt at getting help... am i worth it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 15
my first attempt at getting help... am i worth it?
i have been fighting my addictions for way too long, and it's very close to the point of do or die - literally. i know i've needed help, but have made plenty of excuses to avoid counseling or meetings. i feel like i fit the definition of an addict, but i know there are so many people worse off than me. that has made me feel like "real" addicts would think my problems are nothing compared to theirs, and that no one would want to waste their time supporting my trivial so-called addiction. but i suppose once you have been close to death a couple of times, maybe it is no longer considered trivial. i have friends and family that understand, or at least do their best to listen, but i dont know anyone who has actually experienced this and can truly support me. so am i a "real" addict? do i belong on this site?
something amazing happened last night...
i was looking around online trying to find SOME kind of help. i came across this site and reluctantly created an account, thinking it would probably be another dead end. instead, i went into a chat room and immediately i was bombarded with greetings - greetings from people who don't even know me. i was so overwhelmed that perfect strangers spoke to me like they cared. they were concerned enough to encourage me to tell them my feelings. i cried a lot. there is help out there.
i've done drugs since i was a teenager. i never considered it to be a "problem" until my early 20's when i started blowing money like crazy on some hard stuff. then that phase subsided. a few years later, i became consumed with another drug, but i was still able to deal with not having it all the time. now, my cravings are so overwhelming that i cannot function without. this has put me in some dangerous situations - i don't care how sick it makes me, how scared i get that i am dying. i will do anything for that high. but i dont want to stop. despite the consequences i really dont see any point to life without it. nothing is fun without it. i'm unmotivated, bored and over-tired without it. i'm not interested in anything without it. maybe i could enjoy life, eventually, if i could recover. but in the meantime i am much too scared to attempt it. not only does it not sound like any fun, but i dont have time to deal with the mental breakdown and depression that will come afterward. i have 3 kids. i have a pretty intense job that i cant afford to lose. i feel like i wont be able to function for a while if i stop, and the world cant stop for me to take time for myself. i have to keep going. i dont know what to do. i am motivated to quit right now because i'm on the stuff - ironic huh? but that's the motivation and energy i get from it and i love it. when i come down i will most likely not have any desire to get on this site, despite the fact that this is the only place i can be guaranteed support. how do i do this? what do i do? is it possible to do without affecting my family and my work? will i make it through the depression and cravings? it seems so much easier just to keep using than deal with my stupid self who got me into this mess in the first place.
if you have taken the time to read this far, then i will be amazed. i dont feel that i'm worth it enough to for anyone to waste their time on me. but if you do have something to say, and i start to feel i'm not crazy and alone, maybe i can make it through this. do i deserve another chance at life?
something amazing happened last night...
i was looking around online trying to find SOME kind of help. i came across this site and reluctantly created an account, thinking it would probably be another dead end. instead, i went into a chat room and immediately i was bombarded with greetings - greetings from people who don't even know me. i was so overwhelmed that perfect strangers spoke to me like they cared. they were concerned enough to encourage me to tell them my feelings. i cried a lot. there is help out there.
i've done drugs since i was a teenager. i never considered it to be a "problem" until my early 20's when i started blowing money like crazy on some hard stuff. then that phase subsided. a few years later, i became consumed with another drug, but i was still able to deal with not having it all the time. now, my cravings are so overwhelming that i cannot function without. this has put me in some dangerous situations - i don't care how sick it makes me, how scared i get that i am dying. i will do anything for that high. but i dont want to stop. despite the consequences i really dont see any point to life without it. nothing is fun without it. i'm unmotivated, bored and over-tired without it. i'm not interested in anything without it. maybe i could enjoy life, eventually, if i could recover. but in the meantime i am much too scared to attempt it. not only does it not sound like any fun, but i dont have time to deal with the mental breakdown and depression that will come afterward. i have 3 kids. i have a pretty intense job that i cant afford to lose. i feel like i wont be able to function for a while if i stop, and the world cant stop for me to take time for myself. i have to keep going. i dont know what to do. i am motivated to quit right now because i'm on the stuff - ironic huh? but that's the motivation and energy i get from it and i love it. when i come down i will most likely not have any desire to get on this site, despite the fact that this is the only place i can be guaranteed support. how do i do this? what do i do? is it possible to do without affecting my family and my work? will i make it through the depression and cravings? it seems so much easier just to keep using than deal with my stupid self who got me into this mess in the first place.
if you have taken the time to read this far, then i will be amazed. i dont feel that i'm worth it enough to for anyone to waste their time on me. but if you do have something to say, and i start to feel i'm not crazy and alone, maybe i can make it through this. do i deserve another chance at life?
Member
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 52
life is beautiful and also what U make of it!
3 kids, this is amaizing, this is what life is all about kids they are miracles.
even thinking about what U would like to do is a step, perhaps even most important one.
3 kids, this is amaizing, this is what life is all about kids they are miracles.
even thinking about what U would like to do is a step, perhaps even most important one.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 6,947
is it possible to do without affecting my family and my work
Do you think your active addiction is not affecting them?
By the way... your worth it... right now maybe not to yourself, but to your family...
What are you addicted to?
Mark
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,537
Lifeline, you are not a waste of time. You are one of us. I only do alcohol, but I almost died before I finally found my way out. Coming here one night and being greeted the way I was made all the difference. We never have to be alone again - we have each other. No matter what you're going through or how scared you are, someone else here has been through it too. You can do this - even a diehard alkie like me did it after 25 yrs. I had to learn to live again without it, but I knew I was going to fall asleep one night and not wake up if I didn't lay it down.
Once you get off the garbage, that's it - you never have to go through this hell again. Have you considered NA meetings? I've managed to get sober just by using SR and reading books, but it can't hurt to have the extra support. Getting a doctor's advice is the safest thing to do - to avoid any complications from detoxing. As you know, we can't give medical advice - but I was told I could've had a heart attack or stroke by going cold turkey off the booze with no supervision.
I'm sure many others will have specific advice or suggestions - I just wanted to say welcome to the family. We care about you, and we understand just how you're feeling. Please let us know how you're doing.
Once you get off the garbage, that's it - you never have to go through this hell again. Have you considered NA meetings? I've managed to get sober just by using SR and reading books, but it can't hurt to have the extra support. Getting a doctor's advice is the safest thing to do - to avoid any complications from detoxing. As you know, we can't give medical advice - but I was told I could've had a heart attack or stroke by going cold turkey off the booze with no supervision.
I'm sure many others will have specific advice or suggestions - I just wanted to say welcome to the family. We care about you, and we understand just how you're feeling. Please let us know how you're doing.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 31,179
((Lifeline))
Welcome to SR!!
I can assure you that whatever your DOC (drug of choice) is, someone here has or had the same. Many of us have similar stories, just change a few of the details.
BTW, you ARE very much worth it, as are your kids.
If you keep going like you are, you may not have to worry about finding the time to take off of work. Most of us can't keep up the using life indefinitely and jobs and family are just a few of the things we lose in search of that high. I wish I had $1 for all those who said "I'll never let it get that bad"....I could retire.
Addiction is progressive no matter the substance. However, as long as we are alive and breathing we have a chance for recovery. I hope you embrace that chance while you still can. There are some very wonderful, supportive people here who know exactly what you're going through.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Welcome to SR!!
I can assure you that whatever your DOC (drug of choice) is, someone here has or had the same. Many of us have similar stories, just change a few of the details.
BTW, you ARE very much worth it, as are your kids.
If you keep going like you are, you may not have to worry about finding the time to take off of work. Most of us can't keep up the using life indefinitely and jobs and family are just a few of the things we lose in search of that high. I wish I had $1 for all those who said "I'll never let it get that bad"....I could retire.
Addiction is progressive no matter the substance. However, as long as we are alive and breathing we have a chance for recovery. I hope you embrace that chance while you still can. There are some very wonderful, supportive people here who know exactly what you're going through.
Hugs and prayers!
Amy
Looking For Myself...Sober
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
Welcome..I found that continuing to use definatley affected my life and everything around me eventually. Sure the easiest thing to do is to keep using. But it is also the fastest way to destroy yourself and everything around you as well. You may not think you are as bad as most. But everyone has their own personal hell. No problem is too small.
If you are here asking these questions. Then something must be wrong.
It is possible to live wihout drugs. And it is possible to want to live and be happy wthout them. It can be hard work. But addiction usually only gets worse. Some faster than others.
With 3 kids I would be thinking about how this may effect them down the line.
You are worth it and so is anyone who cares about you.
I hope you come back and stick around.
If you are here asking these questions. Then something must be wrong.
It is possible to live wihout drugs. And it is possible to want to live and be happy wthout them. It can be hard work. But addiction usually only gets worse. Some faster than others.
With 3 kids I would be thinking about how this may effect them down the line.
You are worth it and so is anyone who cares about you.
I hope you come back and stick around.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Alberta, Canada
Posts: 542
Hi Lifeline...
I just met you earlier tonight in the Chat Room. WELCOME to the SR Family!! We ALL care about YOU and you do really matter and are "worth it". Your worth it to us, your 3 children and yourself. Please stay and keep coming back and posting on SR and let us all support you along the way to "Your NEW Life". It CAN HAPPEN and if you let it - IT WILL!
Love Pancake xo
I just met you earlier tonight in the Chat Room. WELCOME to the SR Family!! We ALL care about YOU and you do really matter and are "worth it". Your worth it to us, your 3 children and yourself. Please stay and keep coming back and posting on SR and let us all support you along the way to "Your NEW Life". It CAN HAPPEN and if you let it - IT WILL!
Love Pancake xo
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,383
Welcome to SR lifeline 
Your story is just as important, and as urgent, as anyone else's. I used to compare myself to ppl all the time - better than them, worse than them - it doesn't matter.
If you think it's a problem - it is.
There's a million excuses not to stop - its good you're countering them and posting here now
D
Your story is just as important, and as urgent, as anyone else's. I used to compare myself to ppl all the time - better than them, worse than them - it doesn't matter.
If you think it's a problem - it is.
There's a million excuses not to stop - its good you're countering them and posting here now
D
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,900
Originally Posted by lifeline24
that has made me feel like "real" addicts would think my problems are nothing compared to theirs, and that no one would want to waste their time supporting my trivial so-called addiction.
There comes a time when being in addiction is more scary than not. I see you are thinking that change is worse than being addicted. When in reality its the other way around. I say stick around here and work through your fears. We can help.
And welcome to recovery, welcome to soberrecovery.org forums, welcome to a new life...you can do this because you are so worth it....you really are worth a life without the bondage of addiction.
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
Everyone who reaches out for assistance ...on line or in person...
deserves a chance on becomeing the best person they can be.
Yes! you too can win over addiction.
It will take work and determination. Be brave.
Welcome to SR....
deserves a chance on becomeing the best person they can be.
Yes! you too can win over addiction.
It will take work and determination. Be brave.
Welcome to SR....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 184
Lifeline, you ARE worth it. Whether 'it' be recovery, happiness, love...whatever, you are worth it.
Stay close, read, post and 'listen'. As others have said, there are people here who have been where you are. Their experience, strength and hope may help you see an alternative to continuing to use, may help you to see that recovery and a clean, fulfilling life is possible for you.
I'm glad you found SR.
Stay close, read, post and 'listen'. As others have said, there are people here who have been where you are. Their experience, strength and hope may help you see an alternative to continuing to use, may help you to see that recovery and a clean, fulfilling life is possible for you.
I'm glad you found SR.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,760
Yes, you are worth it. I too struggle with feelings of not being worth the effort, but you and I are worth it, worth the effort of beating these addictions and learning how to live a real "normal" life. Welcome to SR!
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