thecat3

my husband has been drinking and feeling sick, now sleeping, but may wake up soon or in few hours. is there anything you can recommend to ease his withdrawal? i made him food and freshly squeezed vegetable juice

Dee74

If your husbands been drinking for a few days it's always best to consult a doctor, thecat...but apart from that, some food - and plenty of fluids like water or juice - are as good as anything any layman could suggest

I've seen your posts - I know this has happened before.

Have you talked about it much?
Would he be interested in AA? Would you be interested in Alanon?

D

thecat3

I really don't know what to do....recently I realized that he has a drinking problem. We talk about it, he is not much of a talker. We went to one AA meeting and he didnt like it. Another time he went with mutual friend and stoped going.

Dee74

I've never been to either - but I've heard testimony here that AlAnon is very good for spouses of alcoholics.

We all need support - alcoholics and partners alike.

You can't make yr husband do anything he doesn't want to do - but you can do something for yourself.

D

thecat3

you saying exactly what my close girlfriend said to me. thanks so much!

what about my family? baby? and my husband? he is truly amaizing human being.

Dee74

I think the best thing any of us can do for our family and loved ones is take care of ourselves, so we can in turn do the right thing for them.

I think that's especially true when babies are involved.

You need support, advice and information.

Your husband needs to make his own decision about what he wants to do about this problem. We alcoholics aren't great at making decisions. We're ill.

Maybe a decision from you to go to AlAnon will give him pause for thought - but do it for you, Cat - what he does then is up to him.

I wish all three of you well

D

thecat3

maybe I am in denial, or undecided...I am clueless what to do. Are there Alanon online?

Dee74

I was in denial for years about my alcoholism so it makes sense that you might be in some level denial too.

As for Al Anon....as I say - I'm not a member, but I found this site
Online Al-Anon Outreach

I think the whole point of alalon is that it works best as a face to face real life support group, but we all need different things. Some good reading there anyway

Just in case you need it, here's the link to real life meetings
http://www.al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.html
D

thecat3

i don't have anyone to watch baby, and trying to be supportive of husband, he has full time job and full time college student.

Tazman53

thecat take your baby! Most ALANON meetings allow children, after all ALANON is to help friends and family of alcoholics.

Doing ALANON on line can be extremely helpful for you but it does not make a statement to your husband as strongly as you and the baby actually going to ALANON meetings. I had absolutely no idea how much hurt and damage I was causing my family by my drinking until my wife told me her and the kids were moving out because she was not going to have my chidren watch me drink myself to death!

Perhaps if she had taken the kids to Alanon with her before that I may have become at least slightly aware that my drinking was actually hurting people other then myself.

Go to ALANON for yourself and your children, it may be enough to open your husbands eyes to the pain he is bringing to you all. It may not. I can tell you this, there was nothing anybody could say or do to get me sober until I decided I needed to get sober.

Take care of yourself for the sake of your child!

Look up ALANON in your local phone book and call them, if you are in the city I can assure you there are plenty of ALANON meetings that allow and probably encourage children to come. Every single ALANON & most AA meetings I know of in my area at a minimum allow children.

I am sure you will not want to hear this, but the absolute best thing you can do to help your husband see the light is to totally stop doing anything for him that allows him to not suffer the consequences of his drinking.

If he get sick and tosses his cookies, leave it for him to clean up.

If he is to hung over to go to work refuse to call his job for him, make him do it himself.

If he gets thrown in the slammer, leave him there.

If he has a hang over let him deal with it.

If he is out of money for booze or ANYTHING do not give him or loan him money.

Let him face his alcoholism head on all by himself!

If you help him in any manner in his suffering from his drinking you are enabling him! You are helping him not hit a bottom.

For the sake of your baby take care of your self and your child, he is the ONLY one that can deal with his alcoholism.

If he loses his license due to DUIs/DWIs show him a bus schedule, this is part of the consequences he needs to face!

It is not your responsibilty to drag your child out of the house to drive his butt to work!

In order for an alcoholic to hit bottom we need to suffer enough pain from our drinking, if we have someone helping us not suffer ALL of the pain we have brought upon ourselfs by our drinking then our hitting bottom is delayed or may never happen and we simply drink our selfs to death.

Alcoholism is a progressive disease, part of that progression involves what some call "invisible lines" that we cross, the first line which I crossed and have no idea when I really crossed it is the one where we become physically addicted to alcohol, we reach a point where we have to drink in order to function "normally", without getting the shakes, sweats, hallucinations, convulsions, strokes, heart attacks, etc.

I did not cross that second line which is the point of no return, that point where the only bottom is death! Many of the ones I have heard of crossing that line were folks that were enabled by others to drink with little if any consequences for thier actions, they never found a bottom because freinds and family kept them from hitting it.

tommyk

"i made him food and freshly squeezed vegetable juice"

Don't do that anymore.

thecat3

thanks so much!
i still have yet so much to learn and understand about the disease.
my baby is 9 months old now soon he will understand.

Anna

As Dee and others have said, you need to put the focus on yourself and what you can do to find support for you during this time.

I wish you well!

matt88

That's wonderful that you care for your husband to help him when he is sick, instead of run away from the situation, or try and drop the situation like many do. I respect that alot, because so many think deserting their loved ones when they are sick and need help the most is the right thing to do.

The doc of course would be the best if the withdrawal is in anyway towards the severe side.

least

[QUOTE=matt88;2298620]That's wonderful that you care for your husband to help him when he is sick, instead of run away from the situation, or try and drop the situation like many do. I respect that alot, because so many think deserting their loved ones when they are sick and need help the most is the right thing to do.



I think what the others were suggesting is not 'enabling' him, letting him continue his drinking with no consequences. "Letting him go" means letting him hit his 'bottom' and maybe then choosing to help himself.

It's also about her helping herself and baby. It's no good to grow up with alcoholic parent(s) and she's only wanting what's good for her and baby. And living with an alcoholic isn't good for anyone. My kids can tell you that.

matt88

Oh I know. Just all throughout my drinking I've had a supportive relationship- be it when I'm recovering or when I've chosen to drink. And I think that's how it should be if you love someone and care for them - you stick by them for better or worse. I just think it's lame when someone in a relationship develops an addiction, legal troubles, or any other number of negative circumstance, and the other person cuts the relationship off because of it. To me that means that they don't care for the person in the first place, because that's the moment when they probably need support the most - not lack of it. Just imo.

keithj

A relationship? Go figure. Throughout my drinking I had hostages. I had love based on keeping score, on manipulation, and on conditional affection.

The funniest thing is, I didn't see that until I recovered. I learned what love is through recovery. Prior to that, I had doormats, not relationships.

Ouch. Still brings a pang of pain. Grateful as hell I can feel it today.

thecat3

one time several months ago I was able to get husband into local emergency room. They gave him IV fluids with normal saline. And since he is also in medical field some nurses in emergency room knew him and did the most unprofessional thing ever, they said "common (name) why are you drinking, what are you doing to yourself". Till I spoke up informing them this is unprofessional conduct even if medical staff knows the patient he cannot be talked to like this, as soon as I told them I am a nurse they shut up.

Oh and the doc was very hesitant to give me xanax. we got through that time and he slept it off and that was that. Now I cannot get him to go. He just doesn't want to go.

My choices: to stay by his side and try to encourage and discuss treatment options. 2nd to leave him.

luciddreamrgrl

I'm so sorry to hijack this thread and wander over to a forum that I don't normally post in. Mod's please tell me if I'm out of order here and Matt, I mean no disrespect by the forthcoming post.

This statement you made broke my heart. I expect this is how my XABF feels right now about me. However this is the furthest thing from the truth.

This statement more closely resembles how I feel:
Thank you Taz. When I left my XABF I loved him more than anyone could imagine. I had all the hopes in the world for my relationship and him. However, he broke so many promises and blamed me for his drinking far to much for me to ever stay. I know that alcohol is a disease, I'm still coming to grips with that but he actually chose the alcohol over me. I told him numerous times that if he stopped and got help, I would come back to him and help him through his recovery. He chose NOT to seek recovery and still blamed me for "not loving him enough" as you seem to be suggesting. If I had stayed, and continued to enable him, I wouldn't really be loving him.

Please remember that just because your situation is different than others here, doesn't mean that we love our X's any less than your girlfriend loves you. I would have been more than happy to stay and help him during his recovery, but he refused to do that. If someone thinks alcohol is more important than those that love him, then in essence, he is not loving me.

TheCat, I'm sorry to hijack your thread. I hope the best for you and please come over to the "friends and family of alcoholics" thread. It's similar to alanon and uses lots of the same concepts. We would love to have you and we show lots of support there.

NEOMARXIST

I agree with some of what is said and admitably my own personal drinking/bingeing is gonna be a TOTALLY different situation from someone who is a "fulltime" alcoholic and is being kept in a cushy environment by their other halfs and thus being enabled to continue with that lifestyle without anything to kick them up the backside to try to need to change it.

Howver please remember that every case when it comes to drug/alcohol problems is different and often the alcohol/drug abuse is merely a sympton of an underlying emotional problem or whatever and the mindset of the individual can be incredibly fragile and delicate.

Throughout my troubles with alcohol I have been shown much love by a few people close to me and they have stuck by me when things have gotten bad and I have gone out and relapsed hard. This has helped me immensely and I know that if it weren't for this support during my lowest times I would either be dead or out on the streets with a serious drink and drug problem in which there would be NO return (AA or any other program would never be able to get me back if I was to truly Lose it to drink/drugs)

I am of the opinion that some people are genuinely good/decent people at heart, who genuinely want to change and that they deserve the support of their loved one during what is an incredibly difficult period in their lives. Others are not and do not truly want to be change and will "use" their other-half to enable them to continue their addiction.

Basically ;Every case is individual and no two people are the same. I am so gratefull for the love and support I have been shown throughout my battle with drink/drugs. I wouldn't be on SR now writing this if it weren't for that love and support, I would have just given up on life and be in the process of drinking myself to death.