learning to "turn it over" to my HP, whoever that is
 

Since I grew up in a church-going, God-believing family I think of God when I think of a HP. But I'm having a hard time lately having faith in God. Maybe cause I have so little faith in myself, I don't know.

Many people here talk about (and practice) "turning it over" to their HP when they have problems or issues beyond their control. I often feel like my whole life is 'beyond my control', yet that's not really accurate. I have free will and the intelligence (I hope) to deal with life, make decisions, and act in my best interest.

There are many issues in my life that seem insurmountable. Severe depression and anxiety and bipolar episodes that make me feel 'out of control'. I can only do my best and leave the rest up to God... but my faith is weak and it's hard for me to "let go" of issues.

I'm just wondering if others have this problem, and have trouble 'letting go' of things beyond their control. How did you manage to 'let it go' to your HP? Was it a sudden realization or a gradual understanding?

I just feel so lost and afraid and really want to be able to 'turn it over' to God and rest in the assurance that He will take care of me. I don't feel worthy of His care and love and am afraid that my best is just not good enough.

How do you "turn it over"? I need instruction in 'turning it over'. How do I do it??

Least... I'm not being mean or comical...

... but I often tell people that I grew up beliving in the Easter Bunny and Santa Claus, as well as the Catholic (no offense) version of God & religion.

As recovering adults we need to re-assess our understanding of the Higher Power (and/or God) as we see things now. Not as we have seen them before?

Maybe try to re-define your Higher Power (God) as you accept Him, now, in a loving and caring way.

Turning it over is HARD... but do you honestly think you've reached this point in your life due to your own control of things?

For me.. I would have been dead a long time ago... my Higher Power (God) provides for me, and I think he has something in store for me.

(Maybe my purpose for being alive is to carry this message?) :)

I think the 12 and 12 talks about it pretty well...

Willingness is the key. Use it to open the door. The door may close again, but next time you open that door, it opens wider and more readily. You just have to try and try.

I let go when I couldn't comprehend what it was that my life was going to be like... or if I got agitated trying to think my way through my life, especially my life in sobriety. It was too much for me... So I just trust that God must have a plan, so I need to get out of the lead, get behind Him and ask Him "How can I help you?" "What's the next right thing that I must do?"... like one day at a time, the next right thing and only that thing, then the next.

Hey, ya know... This thing, life... recovery, health, relationships... it's all bigger than me... I'm powerless, yes... not helpless... I just have to ask for Him it, and then be quiet and listen, closely.

Mark

This is my short & sweet response, I try to keep my recovery as simple as possible, anything that takes more than 30 seconds to contemplate will confuse me and I'll be lost :wink:

I can't say that I ever fully let go, or turned it over to God. Those are things I work on every day. But I knew for sure that my way wasn't working, I got tired of fighting.

And no matter how fast I ran or tried to hide, I couldn't escape the grace of God forever. I stayed sober, I prayed, I took the Steps to the best of my ability, and He revealed himself to me.

Awesome, Mark.

Thanks for the question, Least.

I am envious of those who can easily "turn it over" as my faith is so weak as to be nonexistant. I am trying, one day at a time, to learn to "let go" but it's so hard at first...

least....

Im there along with you.... i go to my meetings and read and hope it will just come.... trying to find the answers has got me nowhere but confused and agitated...
Im trying now to be at peace with my questions and let whatever is going to happen happen... if that makes sense

But i am still waiting.... i have the rest of my life ahead of me for the answers to come..

be gentle with yourself

I still have no idea what that means. Look at where that slogan comes from, out of the book. It's right from Step 3. How do I turn my will and my life over after making the decision to do so?

"Next we launched out on a course of vigorous action, the first step of which is a personal housecleaning, which many of us had never attempted."

That's it, least. That's what you do.

That's the whole point. Your best isn't good enough. My best isn't good enough. Lack of power is our dilemma. I had to have a power by which I could live, but where was I to find this power?

In that housecleaning suggested, it talks about the source of all our fears. I feel lost and afraid because my self reliance has failed me. When I'm faced with a tough spot (or just daily life) I have real doubts that I'm going to be able to pull it off. I might screw it up. That's the source of my fears.

By going through the process (steps), I developed faith. I've learned, through my own awakening and experience, that it is not my job to take care of myself. It's my job to be useful to others.

So, everyday, I have to make that decision. Am I going to try and take care of myself today, or am I going to focus on my real purpose? If I decide to focus on helping others (even in my job), then I've already turned it over. I remind myself constantly throughout the day, Thy will be done.

I love recovery. I truly love it.

There are 4 words on pg. 14 in the Big Book.......Simple, but not easy.

They sound almost like a contradiction. But it's true, this is very hard, it goes against everything I did while I drank, kicking and fighting, leaving claw marks on everyone and everything.

It is simple though, the 12 Steps are the easier, softer way.

Turing my will and my life to the care of my Higher Power means that I align my will and life with my Higher Power. In addiction I had become an example of "self will run amok" with my choices to satisfy my diseased thinking. My "will" was determined to make addiction work in spite of all the negative consequences addiction brought upon me. Aligning my will to my HP still means I have choices to make, a "free will", yet my choices are guided by following an addiction treatment plan. That is to say as long as I follow a spiritual path laid out by my HP, my decision making is guided by a power greater than I could do by myself alone.

Least...

Lot's of good stuff here... thanx for this topic. McGowdog has a thread going over in the 12 step forum "Step 2:God". There is some good stuff being posted there too... check it out.

BTW, I claim spiritual progress not perfection... some days I have to remind myself to let go. You said you were envious of people who could easily turn it over... it is just that it's EASIER to do that, it's just a tough journey to that realization. a journey you are making now :).

Mark

I have trouble believing a HP has time for me, or that I have a right to ask for things too honey. I practice with my child first. She was the first thing I "let go". The girls on the codie thread helped me to realize that my daughter is loved by God. She has her own path in life, and I can't change it or take it away from her.

Maybe if you start the focus believing your HP is looking after your kids because the are beautiful to the universe, it will open a door for you as well.

I also look for the signs that something greater than myself is at work here. This weekend a saw a million stars in the sky, and it was so amazing it brought me to tears.

Keith kinda nails it, what it means from the Big Book, but people also use the phrase "turn over" to mean they turn over their problems, I think it they mean they stop trying to control things and just trust. This could be trust in your HP or trust that by doing your best things will work out, like a karma thing, what you give out you tend to receive. To me, that fits step 3 anyway, it is teh same thing really.

So, because it is step 3...I am tempted to advise you get a sponsor and start at step 1. :)

For me least, when I started all this I had no HP at all - turning it over in recovery terms meant for me realising it wasn't all up to me. I wasn't responsible for everything.

I used to think if I didn't do it, it most likely wouldn't get done - or not properly at any rate. And the stress of that - the self imposed stress - kept me drunk for many years.

Letting go of all that helped me in my recovery. I do what I can, then I ask for help on the things I need to do, but can't manage alone.

And I let others deal with their issues. That's their learning curve - I have my own.

I saw that things really did still turn out - and I was freed up and able to focus fully on the responsibilities that really were mine to fulfill.

At least that's the plan LOL - I still 'revert' from time to time, but I'm workin' on it :)

And, in my case, even tho I started this as a hardened secular cynic, in the course of my journey and 'letting go', 'letting things be' - I did rediscover my faith :)

D

I've asked that question myself: What does it mean to turn my will and my life over to the care of God? And how do I do that?

So the first time I asked this, someone told me to follow the instructions, work the steps, and trust others with my recovery. That is my action in turning it over. Pretty simple, yet not easy, but possible.

Today, turning it over to me means more than turning over my problems to God or the things I can't seem to handle. Not seeing God as my waste basket. But it means to me to turn everything over: my problems, my fears, my happiness, my joys, the way I am, the way I act, ALL OF IT, because all of it is my will and my life.

That's just the thing: I want to rediscover my faith but it's been buried under fear and doubt for a long time.

This may sound silly, but I want to have faith in God like my dogs have faith in me. They just 'know' I'll take care of them. I want to "just know" God will take care of me when I can't care for myself.

I'm tired of feeling lost and afraid and confused. I'm looking for a sponsor now but haven't yet found anyone I think would/could sponsor me. I want to feel 'worthy' of someone's love, be it God or a sponsor or anyone.

You are worthy tho - even if you always don't feel it.
Maybe thats where the faith comes in :)

Just trust that - you're worthy :)

Do the next right thing...thats all you need worry about - everything else just... happens.

D

steam, it's your experience in recovery that definitely qualifies you to share on the topic :wink: