igagirl

I am new here. I am terrified and realize I need help. I found this site this morning and have been reading 3 hours. I KNOW I need help as I can feel myself dying, and that terrifies me. I have 8 children and 2 grandchildren. I have way too much to live for, but on the other hand, the only thing I live for is beer...and LOTS of it. I start drinking at about 4 a.m....drink at least 12...pass out for a bit...get up, do it again. Average about 24 to 30 a day. I have had sores on my body for about a year, my face has recently started getting brown splotches on it, and I have gained about 40 lbs. This heavy drinking started about 5 months ago, but I really began drinking 3 years ago after the death of my Mother and my best friend. I can remember the days back then of drinking 6-8 beers, then being so hung over that I COULDN'T drink the next day, but started right back up the next day. What a cycle. Now it's bad. I am even sitting here typing this while I am drinking. I go to bed EVERY night SWEARING that tomorrow will be the day, but I wake up and crave the drinks before I get out of bed. And I go get the first of many for the day. It's become so much a part of my life that I cannot function without it. I am lost...my Husband has never threatened to leave me, but also has not been able to deal too good. I am honest with him about things and have never hidden my drinking from him...I just don't think I cared. Just recently, I really opened up to him about my issues and my fears about all this, but we are at a standstill. I SOOOO want to leave this life behind, but do not know where to turn. We have no insurance, nor do we qualify for medicaid. I think I may be beyond just meetings or support groups, but am not sure.I personally am not too familiar with AA, but know that I am NOT a spiritual person, so will that help? Even with my "disbelief" of a "higher power"? I don't even have a doctor. I am scared to death of the DT's as it even hits me now after about 4 hours of no beer!!! I am so sick of this...
I am sorry to be so long winded...I just read some stories here and felt "connected" - that's a first for me. I am just looking for advice. Also, I am dying to get alot off my chest...I feel it would be good for me.Where can I post my story...I mean ALL of my story?? I would be telling it for the first time, and thought this would be a good place. I think it would help me. Maybe I am wrong, but its a thought...
Thanks for letting me vent and thanks in advance for any advice given.
Igagirl

tyler

With the amount you are drinking you MUST go to the hospital for a medical detox. Detoxing from the amount you are drinking can kill you. If you don't have a doctor, go to the ER. They can help you. They can give you medication to ease the DT's. It still will not be easy, but I can't emphasise enough the need for medical care in this situation.

AA can help even "devout athiests", but you can tackle that issue after a detox. Please get help. You are worth it. Welcome to the SR boards, this is a great place for help, advice and support. Please take care of yourself.

coffeenut

First of all, welcome to SR....I'm glad you are here. There will be many people along with more knowledge than I have, to help.

You are really going to need to find a doctor to help you. They are out there. Stick close to SR. We can help.

smacked

ER hun.. go to the ER and get detoxed. The amount you're drinking is incredibly dangerous in terms of withdrawal. It can be deadly if done without medical care. The Salvation Army also has free rehab programs. Cost is not prohibitive to sobriety..

Welcome.

Wolfchild

Hello and welcome to the SR community.

i hope that you seek out the help you need
& put your desire for a better life into action.

least

I agree. Go to the ER for emergency detox. They can give you meds to ease the withdrawal and keep you safe. Detox can be dangerous. Please go to the ER for immediate help. AFter you're detoxed, please give AA serious consideration. I have been going to a lot of meetings lately and find them helpful. Please be safe while detoxing and consider AA and/or an addiction counselor.:ghug3

keithj

Igagirl,

You're the kind of drinker I can relate to. Your description fits me to a T at the end of my drinking. AA's Big Book describes me as a real alcoholic. "He is the fellow who goes to bed so intoxicated he ought to sleep the clock around. Yet early next morning he searches madly for the bottle he misplaced the night before." Drinking had stopped being fun for me a long time before then. It was survival, pure and simple. And I hated myself, because I would make those promises (to myself) not to drink that day, and I'd always break them. It was utterly demoralizing.

Ah, but this is so not true. AA's Big Book talks about many people being right exactly where I was. In fact, later in the book, it talks about whether or not there is any hope for a drinker like me (or you).

"You would suppose that men in the fourth classification would be quite hopeless, but that is not so. Many of Alcoholics Anonymous were like that. Everybody had given them up. Defeat seemed certain. Yet often such men had spectacular and powerful recoveries."

I came into AA as a staunch atheist. I took the 12 steps, and I had a spectacular and powerful recovery. I couldn't go a single day without drinking. I asked a man who talked of a spiritual solution for help. I met him that day and he could tell I had been drinking. Met him a couple more times, always a little drunk.

And then we started taking the steps. I haven't had a drink since.

Willingness, and a sincere desire to take the action required, can result in permanent sobriety. Nobody is too far down the scale. If you can type here, you can recover, no matter hopeless it seems right now. All you have to do is be willing, and then follow it up with the actions that others before you have taken.



-quotes from AA Big Book, 1st Ed.

Dee74

Hi igagirl

You sound a lot like I was, 2 years ago. I could have written yr post, to be honest.

It is possible to turn your life around - a day at a time - with the help of us here, and preferably some face to face support like AA or some other programme.

First things first tho - get some medical help with detox.
It's the sensible option - I didn't and I'm still paying for it in many ways.

Its never too late igagirl. Welcome
D

Anna

First thing, please have hope! That's so important!

Second, as others have said, go to an ER and get the medical help that you need.

We are here to offer lots of support, so keep reading and posting.