getr345

I also wish you luck with moderation. I know that for me, moderation was not even an option to consider when I decided that my drinking had gotten out of control and required action on my part. It's just seemed like torture, the prospect of even trying to moderate my drinking. And knowing all too well how I drank in the past, 2 always led to 3 and 4 and then even more, so it was an all or nothing deal for me. Either I was gonna continue to drink heavily and over time helplessly watch the problem get worse or I was quit for good and get in the business of making a full recovery. Fearful of the damage already done to my body, the choice was clear. Again, I wish you luck and I'll be thinking of you.

smacked

That is exactly why just about every single one of us came here.

I loved it too. Too much.

Inquisitive1

If all of us had 2 glasses, then stopped, and just sat back and dealt with the rest of that evening, no matter how bad it might get (might not be that bad, I have done it before and recently) then surely the next time would be less bad and so on and so on...

?

NEOMARXIST

haha. If Only. I can honestly say that I am POWERLESS after those 2 glasses mate! There ain't no way that I am gonna wan't to stop, Once I take a drink of alcohol, it is no-longer my sober 'rational' mind but the alcohol 'controlling me'. If there is any alcohol around once I am under the influence I will drink it. I will go out to buy more, even if I have promised me and my family I won't. Like I say I am Powerless once under the influence.
To take those 2 glasses and to then have to stop would be a torture that I would rather not bother with. I am an all or nothing drinker, I don't see the point in only getting a mild buzz, once that buzz is knocking at the door I cannot help but to increase it, as like Smacked says in her post, I love it Way Too much.
There is Nothing rational about alcoholism. I, like you, said to myself that I will try to stop after a few and "ride it out" as I would rather that than NOT have alcohol in my life. Guess what, it didn't work and my drinking binges got heavier and heavier.
It wouldn't matter if I had a job interview for the greatest job in the world paying million and millions of pounds with the chance to marry a supermodel, once i have had those couple of glasses of alcohol, none of that would matter and I would end up getting wasted.

Good Luck mate.

citygirlalways

I don't know. It is exceedingly difficult for me to have just two glasses. My kids don't even think I have a problem as I don't drink all the time. But, when I do, I just cannot seem to stop. I have tried moderation before, it just does not work well for me at all. And I just don't want to be that girl any more.

I can however, not have that first drink, and then I'm fine. I can even go to happy hour with friends and just have a soda, and I'm fine. But if I have one drink, I am going to have more. I seem to do things to extreme. Not just alcohol. I decided to start working out, and once I start that I cannot seem to stop either until I'm so sore I can't stand it. I seem to do most things to excess, and alcohol is one of them.

I hope that works for you. It just does not work really for me.

NEOMARXIST

Do you think that "normal" drinkers ever think about questions like you are proposing?

Inquisitive1

Thats certainly something I can relate to.

The moderating thing, is not something I have tried properly before. I could not imagine the slight buzz thing then go to bed sober. Wouldnt make sense to me - would feel I have missed out on a better feeling.

I always compare it to going to the cinema, watching a third of a film then walking out. Thats how weird it seems having a couple of drinks, so unfinished. Bit is that addiction or personality?

Inquisitive1

I doubt it very much.

I know I am not a normal drinker. I am just not convinced I am the worst drinker in the world either. I just want to understand why I am the way I am.

I also drink alone (also drink out with friends but noticablly more) and don't like to eat when I drink. Eating is done at 1am before bed.

citygirlalways

Is it addiction or personality? Actually, I think it is both. After doing tons and tons of reading, I have come to the conclusion that I have an addictive personality. And that makes me more likely to do things that are self-destructive. It also means that I tend to have an "all or nothing" mentality about things. You might look up addictive personality on the web. It is pretty interesting.

getr345

If this is the case, I think the best way to do that would be to do it totally sober and free from the influence of intoxicating beverages, and the fact that you seem unwilling to even consider the possibility of outright quitting (even temporarily, say a month or two) should serve as a very red flag to you that perhaps you have a problem with alcohol. Also, it does not matter if you are the "worst" drinker in the world, or the best for that matter. IMO, what matters is you getting honest about your situation and taking the necessary steps to avoid the fate of your Dad and other members of your family. What a shame it would be if you made those same mistakes when the writing is so clearly on the wall for you.

smacked

Yikes! That's some dangerous and crazy thinkin right there.

Good luck with that.. I'm so happy I don't even have to think about it anymore

Inquisitive1

Ah but I am abstaining. I havent drank since Sunday and nor do I intend to for at least a couple of weeks. That said, Saturday may be temptation as we are away for a weekend with her family who are particularly boozy. I might try the moderation thing then...

Tazman53

Sounds very familiar to me, I did that a lot in the years leading up to my 5 year long drunk before detox. Funny thing, but the more I moderated, the less time I was able to moderate and the longer and more I drank when I drank.

I hope you are the very rare exception when it comes to moderating. I know for me drinking is like pregnancy, either I am drinking or I am not drinking, there is and for me never has been anything in between.

NEOMARXIST

Hi again Inquisitve1, the thing is it sounds to me like deep down you know you have a 'problem' with drinking. I bet you don't much like the term 'alcoholic' and see it as somewhat of a 'dirty' word and that you definately ain't one.

I was the same and asking/thinking about all of the questions that you are talking about, over the last 2 years. I too abstained for 5 weeks only to have 'just one more' go at it again and found that my drinking was worse than before I left off and in knowing I had a problem, I could not enjoy it so much, as I was fighting it.
It takes time and many stop/starts at sobriety before you can finally start to see that maybe there is a posibility of a life without that drinking binge in the future which you have came to rely upon as your 'release/pleasure', call it what you will.

Only you can decide if you are 'alcoholic'. I have only refered to myself as such at meetings I have been to over the last couple of months and it still didn't stop me from going back out again and drinking!

The nature of alcohol and it's effects on judgement/reasoning means that if you are an 'alcoholic' then moderating is not possible without things ultimately getting worse. I have found that to be the case in every way really, the buzz gets more fleeting/illusive, and you find yourself needing to drink more/quicker to get to the place which your mind desires.

Like I say it is something in which the only way to find answers is through experience (which is why it's a dodgy situation) but untill you have found the answers you are searching for, then you will continue drinking. See how it goes but always bear in mind that you can come to SR and that there are AA meetings all over the UK if things do go ****-up.

shaun00

In my experience delirium tremens is way way different from an anxiety attack.....
delirium tremens is part of acute withdrawal from alcohol and is always
a serious medical supervision issue..

Have you been eating..?

Go see a doctor my friend and gets some advice....and i stress if you are having hallucinations.....please seek medical help asap.

the only sure way to see if you have an alcohol problem is to stop...AFTER taking medical advice.

i have been hospitalized several times through acute alcohol withdrawal.
including bouts of delirium tremens and seizures......but we are all different
and im not a doctor......

Please keep us posted on how you do.....if i can be of any help please feel free to pm me..

god be with you.

Inquisitive1

Ok. Thats interesting...

Seizures? No I never hallucinate nor would I. Just feel a bit clausrophobic and discomforting. Never anything I cant manage...

getr345

If you are feeling that way because of alcohol consumption, you do not have to manage (to be miserable)...There is a better way to live, free from alcohol and it's negative side effects and consequences. It's simply amazing what people are willing to endure in the midst of their addictions. I used to think, well, my kidneys don't hurt that much, especially when I don't take any pain pills with my whiskey. And I can manage...I can deal...

NEOMARXIST

Inquisitive1 IMO you don't sound like you have came to the end of your journey with drinking and getting wasted yet. You sound like you are gonna have to get worse before you will be able to see the light. I had to. And the light is still very, very faint, but it is at last there now.

You sound to me at present like booze has got you buy the B*llocks tbh mate. I know cause I was exactly where you are at present for the last few years now.

You have to reach the stage where you are actually ready to do something about the problem and change. I was aware that my drinking behaviour was abnormal for a good few years but it is fairly recently that I realise I have to commit to total sobriety or else my potential in life will be vomitted into the toilet.

coming_clean

i tried years to moderate my weed smoking....wich i used mostly as a sedative to regulate anxiety and stress...

I tried every system i could think of....I'm a bit of a system freak myself ...only on weekends, only on wednesdays and saturdays, only with friends, only alone, smoking on a budget...bying a month supply and putting it in little bags...written contracts...even signed one with a drop of my blood once (a little disturbing come to thing of it haha)..you just name it...I tried it all....

It just doesn't work for me...so i had to let it go...the energy it takes to actually live like this...scheduling ur every move...can be invested in other more fun things...

I still keep a agenda tough...wich i live discplined by...but those are action based daily things...not general rules to live by or moderate an addiction...

try reading some on buddhism...i found a lot in that philosofy..it's logical, works with a system and it actually makes u feel better rather then hangover

citygirlalways

Inquisitive, I have a question. How many times as a cop have you seen someone with a drinking/drug problem who insisted they had no problem? If you could stand beside yourself as a cop, and look at yourself, what would you see?