Crazy? Need some relief...
 

I feel like I am going CRAZY...because I can't drink the voices away. I am in my 36th day of sobriety and my head is going a million miles an hour. My head...the reason I drank so much for so long...to quiet the voices...not crazy voices :) ...but my own voice telling me what I should and should not be doing. I am obsessing about eating, not eating, exercising, not exercising, doing and not doing things on my to do list, agreeing to "do" more so that I 'appear' to be "together".

I also obsess about running in to people I know at meetings. (I KNOW...they are there too...that does not quiet the voices.)

I am going to meetings everyday. Making calls. Reading. Calling my sponsor. Doing what you are "suppose" to an my head is running "that tape" over and over again.

Also, how available should a sponsor be? I have not really needed her too much but I feel like she is never there when I call. I am ready to be working the steps and ready to move on...but she is so busy. I don't feel like I am a priority.

I know there is a lot here but I needed to unload and get some advice.

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!...for ANY guidance.

One other thing is I read some one say take up hobbies...I have SOOO much going on...I feel over-whelmed and tired like I can't do it all...and the hobbies are not helping quiet my mind. I feel EXHAUSTED trying to do it all....and I am really trying.

Hi,

It sounds to me like you might need to slow down a bit, or maybe a lot. When I was in early recovery, I was using a lot of energy on my recovery and I was cautious about doing too much. Have you tried meditation? It really works, if you can be patient with yourself while getting used to it.

I don't have an answer about the sponsor question, but some AA people may give you insight on that.

Have you considered counseling?

Yep, in counseling. Thanks for asking. :) I actually see her tomorrow.

Likely the most qualified person to give you some words of advice.. what does she say about your voices and obsessions?

I'm sorry to hear that things are so tough for you right now. It sounds like you're pretty stressed about a lot of things. Life can be that way sometimes but just remember that this time shall pass and things will settle down. My only recommendation based on what you said relating to your sponsor is to find a new one who is more available. Perhaps get a couple of numbers from folks at your meetings.

As far as the voices go...I'm not sure what exactly they are saying to you. However, I suffered from a lot of self-induced shame caused by a lot of negative self talk. If this is a part of what you are experiencing then I recommend a book by Byron Brown titled Soul Without Shame. I'm not sure if this will be of any help to you but it's all I have to offer.

Thanks KenL...yes, it is the raging negative self talk. I will check out the book. I appreciate it!

I have been picking up the phone...glad to find a new outlet in SoberRecovery.

Meditation sounds like it would be great for you right now. It seems like you are trying to do way too much.

Slow down & take care,

There are some good talks & meditations here Downloadable Dhamma Talks, Essays, and Books by Thanissaro Bhikkhu of Metta Forest Monastery (Wat Metta)

It could also be PAWS: POst Acute Withdrawal Syndrome. Overwhelming anxiety is one symptom. Your brain is resetting itself and it takes some time to get back to normal functioning. Counseling is good too. What does counselor think about what's happening to you?

I'm glad you joined the family here. :ghug2 We're here to support each other and ourselves in living clean and sober. Congrats on your sober time!:c011:

Sometimes the committee in our heads can be a bit unnerving. You have to fire them or they'll keep arguing until you go nuts. The only one you can't fire is the alcoholic, and she needs to be locked in a closet.

And speaking of firing, fire your sponsor. A sponsor that is never available isn't doing you any good. Get a new one and make sure that she'll be available. It's the sponsor's job to help the sponsee, and you're not getting the help you need.

That comittee in your head takes a while to quiet down. I'll just throw this out there. Those things I quoted are all good things. But they are not the things required for recovery. What step are you on?

You mentioned wanting to start taking the steps and your sponsor not having time. Maybe your sponsor sees it differently than you do. I've heard both sides of the same story with other people. One says the sponsor doesn't have time; the sponsor says the new guy won't do the work required. It's hard to say. Maybe it's a blatant case of sponsor failure. That's pretty common.

You probably need to go to your sponsor and ask this very question. The rule I make with guys I work with is that I'll put in as much time as they will. Other folks do it differently. But if you don't know what step you are on, it's probably because you aren't on one. If that sponsor can't get you started, find one that can.

Nobody can stop you if you really want it.

My inner voice has always been too active for my own good. One of my many reasons for drinking was to find a little peace and quiet. With the help of these folks on SR and lots of recovery readings, my inner voice is becoming more positive, reassuring and calm.

The other thing that changed my life was adding exercise into my daily routine. It sounds simplistic, and I know it is hard to fit anything in to a busy day, but it wears me right out and promotes good feelings, and I am asleep within minutes of hitting my pillow most nights.

Hi Wantthat, definitly sounds to me like you need to just calm down, even your typing sounds like you are in a race. My inner voice was raging when I first stopped drinking and I chose to stop everything; Other than going to work and meetings I pretty much put everything else in my life on hold and took care of ME. I think unless there is a life or death situation everything else can be put on hold. Now is not the time to worry about weight and exercising, if it makes you relax and feel good then by all means do it but your priority should be staying sober. I also agree that you should try a different sponser because the job of a sponser is to be there for YOU.
I wish you strength.

When I was drinking I could promise you the sky and sell you not even a cloud.

Ah yes, as already mentioned the committee in ones head, they like to of drove me nuts or back to drinking, your present sponsor sounds similar to my first sponsor, great person, but just did not have the time to take me through the steps. I spoke with him and he said he would more then support me getting another sponsor because he openly admitted he just did not have the time to help me due to his traveling for his job so much.

I got another sponsor and got to working the steps, the committee in my head settled right down as I started taking the steps, they hardly ever meet anymore and when they start a meeting I am able with the help of my HP to quiet them down in a hurry.

Seeing a counselor surely can not hurt.

I would say talk to your present sponsor and let her know that you are looking for another sponsor who is ready to help take you through the steps. If she says you are not ready ask her how long did it take Bill W. or Dr. Bob to go through them? Then ask her how long it took people 60 years ago to go through them.

Hey wantthatfeeling, welcome to the boards. I know exactly what you are talking about. I am on day 50... the voices are still flying at a million miles a minute. Several things that help me,

- remembering feelings are not facts they can't kill you but your actions can (by the way brilliant job getting the time you already have its not easy)
- A few common AAisms First things first, and easy does it. Your not going to be able to control your diet etc etc unless you address the major issue you are facing: recovery.
- Your in therapy. Good call.
- Distant sponsor, as others have said maybe its time to look elsewhere. Make sure to find someone you can trust (ive been burned in the past)

ow and thanks Newbeginnings for that link I had heard some of Thanissaro Bhikkhu's stuff on audiodharma.org but had never seen that site. I love listening to him thanks a million for that resource