jenurse13

I really don't know what I am thinking anymore. I don't even know if I want to be sober, but I know drinking isn't helping me one bit. I found this site and thought it would be good to be able to others going through the same thing. Everyone that surrounds me in my life right now has either an alcohol or a drug problem. I consumed so much alcohol this weekend and I can barely stay awake today at work. I am so tired of feeling this way, but I feel like I cannot have any fun unless I am drinking. I have not had anything to drink yet today and I am trying not too, but it all depends on what is going on at home when I get there. I do have counseling today after work, so that may help me as well. I am just so disappointed in myself

Astro

Welcome to SR, sounds like you're in the right place. Keep reading and posting, you'll find a lot of helpful information and support in this community.

jenurse13

Thanks

citygirlalways

Hello. I'm new here too. I have done lots and lots of reading. There are some pretty amazing posts here.

Astro

Hello to you also citygirl!

I think we all have our own experiences that bring us to recovery. Hopefully in reading and posting on SR, we can see the similarities we have with other people, rather than looking for differences.

I know I'm a pickle, and can never be a cucumber again. Make sense?

jenurse13

Yes there are....many of the people on here have been through a lot. How are you doing...are you sober?

jenurse13

Yes it makes a lot of sense

NewBeginning010

Welcome to SR, we have all been where you are in one way or another.

There are some great people here to help support you.

Here is some good reading for you:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Take Care,

NB

luckedog

"I am trying not too, but it all depends on what is going on at home when I get there"

Jenurse-- Trying is usless unless combined with real determination! I"m sorry I dont mean to sound unkind- but if you staying sober depends on how it is going when you get home you will be in the same shape next Monday as you are today! Untill you get sick and tired of being sick and tired of drinking chances are you won"t quit.
Not being hurtful just straight up honest. Wish you the best!

jenurse13

I agree with you completely....I know it, but I just don't know what will happen. I am a very determined person (when I want to be) that's why I said I don't know if I even want to be sober yet...or maybe I don't know if I am ready. I just don't like how my drinking is progressive and it is getting worse and worse. I still like the feeling when I am drinking and that is hard to overcome. I will just go day by day I guess.

keithj

Hi jenurse,

I usually leave a post like this alone. If drinking is working for you, I sure don't want to convince you otherwise. But something caught my eye, so I'm kind of going on instinct here.

A doctor who ran an old detox facility and worked with thousands of alcoholics made this observation, "Men and women drink essentially because they like the effect produced by alcohol. The sensation is so elusive that, while they admit it is injurious, they cannot after a time differentiate the true from the false. To them, their alcoholic life seems the only normal one."-AA BB, 1stEd.

I was talking to a handful of guys yesterday morning. One thing these guys all had in common, (besides the yellow jump suits and bars keeping them from leaving the place) was they all thought their lives were normal. They are all repeat offenders. They couldn't really see that everytime they ended up in jail they were drunk.

What resonated with your comments was that you can't really imagine having fun without drinking. Can't really picture life without it. So these guys, who are suffering some more severe consequences, see their life as every bit as normal as you do.

The depths of delusion when I was drinking knew no bounds. And the hard thing was, I couldn't see it until I was out of it. You see, denial is easy to overcome. The evidence is there; I just have to face it. But delusion is tough. I can't see it.

Being a recovered alcoholic, I can somtimes laugh myself to tears at some of my absurd thinking and actions when I was drinking. It makes zero sense in the light of recovery. But at the time, it all seemed natural.

BKP

Once you break the normal routine it starts to become easy. For me it was hard as balls the second and third week i was sober. But again and again it gets easier not so much with the support (and the support here and AA is amazing) but with yourself. You need to understand what is good for you.

Wolfchild

Welcome to SR.

CarolD

Good to see a new member.....
Welcome!

CornflakeGirl

Welcome to Sober Recovery! I found this place yesterday and the support here has been outstanding! Glad you are here.

Dee74

Welcome Jenurse.

I hope you decide to be sober - I didn't want to make that choice either - kept putting it off year after year until I found I couldn't have fun drinking anymore - in fact I couldn't do anything without drinking, period. I was drinking desperately just to feel 'normal'.

Its not a good place to be.
I'm glad you're thinking about it all now.

D

jenurse13

Thank you for your post, it made a lot of sense to me.

Mark75

Hi jenurse.

Welcome to SR.

We just got back from Maine, Our family has been going there for a couple of weeks in the summer for 20 years. Has the rain stopped yet?... We had 3 sunny days in 2 weeks.

Mark

jenurse13

It has been nice for the past couple of days, however the rain will return today and it is supposed to be very cold tonight. Oh, well....not having much of a summer here, I would rather be on a tropical beach.

sickofthewaste

Hi,

This format is new to me. Spent a week in rehab but got kicked out due to non compliance with rules. Did not break out and drink but was oppositional to directions as to how to kowtow to little power hungry people. Anyway want to move forward. I hope to meet like minded people here. Love you.

sicko