citygirlalways

I'm a binge drinker. I drink just on Friday nights, but once I start, I just cannot seem to stop myself. I just want to relax and have a good time, but that really does not happen, so why I have kept on doing it, I just do not know. But, Friday night I drank 12 beers, fell into my flower bed, bruised and scraped my arms, hit my head on the concrete and have a big lump there. I don't remember any of that at all, and that is really scary. I don't drink during the week at all. Well, I can't afford it, for one, and I feel so awful the next day that I know I can't have one during the week or my job would suffer. So, Saturday I decided that I really must have a problem and I am going to practice saying "I do not drink" to myself and others. Although, if I go somewhere, I control myself more, I guess knowing that I am not at home. Typically I just drink at home. I don't drive anywhere, so I guess I thought what I was doing was harmless, after all, I'm not endangering anyone. But the truth is, I am probably endangering myself. And just not being aware of what is going on around you really is not good. I have gone for weeks before without even craving a drink, but eventually I start to want one really bad.

So, I found you guys here, and for the first time in my life, I am admitting I have a problem. I don't know if I can go to meetings, the thought terrifies me. Others looking at me through a magnifying glass to see how I don't measure up.

So, I am taking it one day at a time. 3 days sober.

Wolfchild

Welcome to the SR community.
i hope you keep coming back.

Your moving in a good direction, take it easy
& keep seeking support and help to stay sober.

bananagrrrl

Welcome!

I was terrified going to my first meeting. Whatever you decide, just know that if you do go, you will be among friends.

Take care

bohemianzen

i'm a binge drinker too.... and most of the time weekends are my hardest times. i can't afford to drink, but somehow it always takes priority over other things even food sometimes..... welcome to sr-keep posting!!!

smacked

Although I don't go to meetings, I've gone to enough to know that no one will judge you, or look at you through any type of magnifying glass If nothing else, you'll meet a lot of folks who have been just where you are, have had the same fears and regrets you have.. and finally people who just simply understand.

Welcome, this is a great place

citygirlalways

Well, I would also probably start bawling at the meetings if they were nice to me. Just reading you guys being supportive made me cry. I have a hard time with people being nice to me for some reason.

NEOMARXIST

I am a binge drinker too through and through and through!!!

What is funny is that even though I am unemployed at present and the same when I was living at University Friday,Saturday night was when I would always have MY binge whether it be with others or alone, yet everyday is a weekend really if you see what I mean. It is a habit which is engrained in me which I must stop. My release for the end of the week.

I used to just love that sense of being out of control and just staggering around swearing about people/things on tv and for a few hours being 'out of reality' , but it has turned on me now and it is my worst enemy, I cannot not drink as soon as I wake from passout if there are beers around and consequently coming down off 2-3 days solid drinking really F*cks with my head and wrecks me mentally, plus when drunk I will usually have indesribably, all encompassing, horrifically powerfull cravings for Cocaine.
man I don't need that crap no more.

joedris

Smacked's right. Nobody will judge you or look at you through a glass to see how you don't measure up. You're not unique. Everyone at the meetings has gone through what you're going through. And believe me, you won't be the first to cry. But if you're serious about getting sober you won't let those "issues" stop you. If you want to stop more than you want to drink, then go to a meeting. And why not try a Woman's Meeting to start with? You may feel more comfortable there. Call the AA number in the phone book. They'll tell you where the closest meetings are.

luckedog

Citygirl - It is easy to justify your behavior we all have done it. I think the most important thing is that you have taken the first step to recovery-- Realizing you have a problem and need help! This site and AA are two very good places for help and support. Congrats on your decision to start! Keep coming back - Keep posting and try to find a local AA group. No one here will judge you we have all been where you are! I LOVE these people they are a great bunch!!!!

Hang in there.................

geothinkah

This is where SR, AA, and other recovery programs come in. To help us break the terrible cycle and help us to figure out why we do it!

Good Luck

smacked

I cried during and after every meeting I went to. It was NOT a bad thing.. just a processing thing. I think I cried during, because I finally felt understood, or among people who would understand (because I never even said a peep, in any meeting). Then after, I think I did cry because I was a little sad that this was the group I was identifying with, but also out of relief that I wasn't alone.

It's ok to cry.. this sh** is HARD!

KenL

Just coming here and openning up about your problem is an admirable thing. Lots of people just lurk. You have joined in and told us something about yourself that is typically a very shame inducing thing at first. Fortunately, it is also a very liberating thing in the long run. So I just want to say thanks and welcome to SR. You're in a good place.

NewBeginning010

I was a binge drinker too (still getting used to saying it in a past tense but loving it!) sorry had to add that.

There are some great people here for support but ultimately you have to be ready to commit yourself to this fully & completely.

Here is a great place to start as to what is happening to you http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

There is also an Alcoholism forum here Alcoholism - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

12 Step Support Here Alcoholism-12 Step Support - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

Congratulations on choosing recovery

Take Care,

NB

Quse56

You are worth sobriety Keep coming back - we need you!

citygirlalways

Thank you everyone! You have been really helpful and made me feel a lot less loser-like.