|
Struggling to Survive I'm 31 years old and have been trying (unsucessfully) to be sober for just over a year now. I have good days and bad days. This time around I've been sober since June 26th. Here's my story: I was in denial for many years about how my drinking has been a problem and how it's been getting worse and worse. What got me started on the path to acknowledging my problem and my few attempts and soberity, was when my boyfriend ended up in the hospital. He's been a heavy drinker for years and now he has some major problems with his liver. I remember looking at him in that hospital bed and thinking to myself, I don't drink that much less than he does. And realizing that if I don't make some changes, this could be me in a few years. After that, he got sent to treatment and we both started going to meetings. Things we going great until he started drinking again. I survived about 2 days longer than he did. 6 months soberity down the toilet. I guess I need to start going to meetings again and I would really like some advice from people that are alcoholics themselves and also live with one. (spouse, boyfriend, ect...) The things that help me slip is that fact that I've never been to treatment or had a DWI or been forced into treatment by family or friends. I don't have those experiences so after awhile it's so easy to start thinking that I don't have a problem as much as those that do. It's a constant battle with my mind... :c021: Thanks for listening! Sorry I wrote a book.... Heaja13 |
Never be sorry for writing what you think is too much. It's good that you're here seeking support and advice. SR is a great place with lots of folks who share many of the same experiences as you have. Please keep coming back and sharing and reading. |
Hello and welcome to the SR community. Perhaps attending A.A. meetings would help you to develope a support group? |
Hi and Welcome, I think that denial in alcoholism is huge. When I look back at how my life was crazy for three years of drinking, I can't believe how I rationalized it away. I can say that for me, I would not have been able to stay sober in the early days, if I was living with someone who was drinking a lot. And, remember that alcoholism is a progressive disease, so if you're fortunate enough to have not suffered much yet, that probably will not last. I'm glad you found us! |
Heaja, welcome aboard the good ship hope! i was with someone who didn't make it... for the grace of God, i didn't go down with the ship... sobriety and recovery is, and will be different for everyone... one given, if one is a alcoholic, complete abstinence from it is number one... the stage of it may stay the same till the day one dies, although, it most often gets worse, and way worse as was for me... another given, it doesnt get any better... good wishes on your journey Heaja rz |
You answered your own question. Start to go to meetings again. |
((Heaja)) You Stated, "The things that help me slip is that fact that I've never been to treatment or had a DWI or been forced into treatment by family or friends. I don't have those experiences so after awhile it's so easy to start thinking that I don't have a problem as much as those that do." The answer is yet. This could happen to you. Do you what that drink to end up costing thousands of dollars, or maybe taking a life? |
Hi Heaja, I'm glad you found SR. Welcome. I am an alcoholic/addict with an active alcoholic wife. I understand the increased effort it takes to not drink. I'm sorry that I don't have much advice for staying sober in the situation. There are many nights that I white-knuckle it. And unfortunately I am still active in my drug addiction. Stick around, keep posting and reading. |
:tyou Thank you to all your posts. I know it's gonna be an everyday struggle. For example, I was just having a conversation with my boyfriend. He knows I'm chatting on this message board right now and he's never really been one to express feelings. He just started walking away from me once he saw what I was reading. And as he walked away I saw the bottle in his pocket he was trying to hide. I constantly fight with him over his drinking. Being an alcohlic myself I can smell him a mile away and know when he's drinking just by looking at him. I find myself crying right now because it's like he doesn't care about himself or me. I know I can't make him stop but I try to convince him to. Is it wrong of me to take his bottle from him and pour it out? He's the one that is dying from drinking and more than just wanting both of us to be sober I don't want to stand by and watch him die! |
Heaja-- From being on the other side many years DON"T pour his bottle out. that will only make him angry and he will get another bottle a soon as he can! It must be HIS decision if he is to quit. I'm sorry but thats the way it is. Be as encouraging as you can without being condemning or gripy. He may quit drinking for a short time because of you, but in the long run it has to be his choice. I hope he will make the right one!! Keep coming back and keep posting! |
Are you willing to do whatever it takes? Then make sobriety your absolute priority. Go to meetings, get a sponsor, and work through the 12 steps. Don't hesitate. Just do it. It took hard work and patience but I no longer "battle with my mind." I'm at peace. Don't think your problem is as bad as others? Maybe that's something to be very grateful for - that you don't have to hit that absolute rock bottom. Personally, this is something that I am so thankful for. Here is a quote from the book "12 Steps & 12 Traditions" that might help: That is why the first edition of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous," published when our membership was small, dealt with low-bottom cases only. Many less desperate alcoholics tried A.A., but did not succeed because they could not make the admission of hopelessness. It is a tremendous satisfaction to record that in the following years this changed. Alcoholics who still had their health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the garage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trend grew, they were joined by young people who were scarcely more than potential alcoholics. They were spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gone through. Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could people such as these take this Step? It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. |
Welcome to SR.....:wavey: To protect my fragile early sobriety ....I had to change my lifestyle. I started daily AA meetings...I switched jobs....I left my still drinking lover ...I quit hanging out in bars ..kept no alcohol at home. Drastic changes were necessary for me....my mind was slipping away. :yup: Glad you are here with us |
Welcome to SR :c032: Here is a good video that helped me to understand my situation. YouTube - Pema Chodron - The Doorway to Freedom Under the influence is a great read as well http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html Take Care, NB |
Welcome Heaja13 It must be hard with a still drinking partner. My only advice is - your bf has to run his own race and you must run yours. It would be nice to get support at home but, forwhatever reason, that doesn't always happen. Thats why we're here. It's not easy to quit under any circumstances, but it's *never* impossible. Focus on *your* recovery - don't drink. Some face to face support like AA will also help, but we're here whenever you need us :) good luck on your journey D |
Heaja, It's a good thing that you're on SR. But don't allow your boyfriend to influence you to stop. He may be unhappy with what you're doing but only because he's afraid that he'll have to change his own lifestyle. I like what Luckedog has to say about dumping out your boyfriend's bottle. Change is a hard thing for ourselves as it is. But we cannot change others. They have to come to that themselves. But there are things you can do. You said you're fighting with him about his drinking. Perhaps just stop fighting. Rather, offer help and understanding. He may already be thinking that he is helpless. All you can do is hope and pray that some day he sees what he's doing and won't have to end up in a hospital again. As for you. Definately get yourself to those meetings. You need support for yourself and support in dealing with your boyfriend. All you can do is get yourself sober and on the right track. Hopefully your boyfriend will follow in your foot steps. If he doesn't then you may need to take the actions that Carol has. |
:tyou Thank you all for the good advice. For so long I thought I was doing the right thing by taking alcohol away from him. I felt like I was doing my part to show him I love him and want him to live. But I have to admit that even though it did work sometimes (short lived) it just made me stressed out. :headbange I'm gonna try taking this advice and concentrate on me and keeping myself sober. I'm also gonna start going back to meetings. And like you said, maybe he'll see the light, maybe not but I've tried everything else. Thank you everyone! I'll keep coming back. Reading your comments is a good reality check for me. :wavey: |
There's nothing you can do for your boyfriend. He'll have to decide on his own if he wants to be sober. You have to worry about yourself. Get back to going to meetings. If your boyfriend wants to get drunk, that's his problem. Pouring his booze down the drain is going to accomplish only one thing - a pi$$ed off drunk. |
Welcome! One of the most comforting things I have gotten from SR is to know that I am not alone in this fight, and neither are you! I am in a lot of the same situation you are with my wife. She still drinks, not a lot, but when she does it is so hard for me not to join in. I can just see a beer or bottle and it is like a trigger for me and it is so hard not to drink. I just keep thinking I don't want to go through detox again.......that really sucks. Everyday I fight and the place really helps. Contact me if you ever need to talk, chat, whatever. You can do this! |
Thanks again everyone! I just need the strength now to not argue with him when he's drinking. And stop the urge to take the bottle from him. I think partly I did that for myself as a way to release some of the anger I felt. I can see how my actions are making it worse. I already feel less stressed because I'm concentrating on myself today. And I've been blessed with some good news as well. I have a job interview on Thursday morning. I'm so looking forward to finally having a job again. It will help my self esteem tremendously! And if the time comes that I have to move on with my life and leave him behind, I'll at least financially be able to do so. I'm :praying for myself today! |
Good for you!! I hope things go well at your interview! You sound A-lot better! Keep thinking about your well being and taking positive steps toward recovery. Provider has some great advice. Keep posting and listening. |
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:47 PM. |