BenMacdui

Hi Everyone,

I'm just posting on here to say hello and give a bit of my own experience of sobriety.

After a history of heavy drinking in bars during weekends, I made the decision about a month ago that drinking wasn't getting me anywhere apart from ruining my efforts at fitness and good health, ruining my weekend with hangovers and costing me money I could not afford. I have been through spells of teetotalism in my life, but these have always ended up broken by some night out I was invited to when I would just fall off the wagon again...

Anyway, since I totally quit the alcohol, I haven't had much in the way of craving a drink, however I have started doubting my myself in terms of socialising and meeting people. I tried to get along with the moderate to heavy drinkers I know (about 90% of my friends haha) but sitting in a pub and talking with them when I'm sober and they are more and more drunk is no fun at all - and I've had a few sarcastic and less-than-positive remarks about my decision to end the booze once and for all. Also, trying to get them to do something that doesn't involve drinking or sitting in a pub is becoming a lost cause. I suppose that's just the way that people have fun in London - you always hear about the so-called British drinking culture...

Also, I have had to start learning how to meet people and be lively and interesting without Dutch Courage, which is a challenge in itself. One of my fears is that I'm going to have problems getting the courage to speak to women, and dating. This is the kind of thing it took me a few drinks (and to be in a pub) to be able to do before.

Therefore I've decided that for my own health and peace of mind, I need to leave most of them behind and seek a new social circle whose pastimes revolve around other non-drunk hobbies. This is harder than I though to do actually (but not impossible of course), as many of the social and sports groups in the UK have a pub/drinking element to them (think of Football, Rugby, Rock and Dance music etc, Charity Fundraising...). I am still looking and not disheartened though lol..

Anyway, that is the current state of my new (3 week old) sober life.....

vegibean

Well starting a social network here is a good start. You are not the only member here that's in the UK either.

I totally understand what you're saying about a lot of what you mentioned. I still have a lot of the same friends but I don't do the whole bar scene with them. We opt for lunch or a movie, just hanging out.

As for meeting/dating women, yeah, minus the alcohol I think a lot of us are in that same boat too. I'm not ready for dating so it's not phasing me at all at the moment. When I'm ready I'll know.

Welcome to the site. Great place you found here.

yukonm

CornflakeGirl

Congrats on 3 weeks! Welcome to Sober Recovery!

Wolfchild

Hello and welcome to the community.
It sounds as if you are off to a great
start in living a much better way of life.
Keep moving forward one day at a time!

BenMacdui

Thanks everyone! It's such a nice and positive welcome!

It's been easier than I thought to be and at least up till now remain sober (I don't crave alcohol particularly), but there is just the need to adapt my social life around it. Vegibean - it's great that you have managed to convince your friends to go to the restaurant and cinema... I wish I had as much luck with my friends and acquaintances...

Hevyn

Welcome to the family, Ben - it's wonderful to have you here with us. I think you are so wise to be looking in a different direction for socializing. I would never have had the courage to break away from the bar scene when I was younger - it never entered my mind that there might be life without booze. It's easy to hook up with people when anesthetized, but many of the resulting relationships might not be genuine.

I hope you will find what you're seeking - let us know how it's going. Sending hopeful thoughts across the big water to you.

eddie73

Good man. There is no future in it. I think that the difference between people who decide to quit forever and those who dont is that we are more aware of the total abyss that is alcohol, so i would advise you to get as busy as you possibly can with making the most of your life. This may involve losing friends but that is part of growing into a new life. Gud luck

BenMacdui

Thanks for your reply Hevyn. I'm not so young anymore... I'm 30 in six months time, and it was partly that that made me reevaluate things and decide that the drinking lifestyle is a bit too much.

Thanks Eddie. I'm just depressed with the large numbers of friends and acquaintances that I could end up losing as a result. It is starting to feel a bit like when I first moved to London five years ago and didn't know a soul.

Anyway, that isn't an excuse to keep such a poor, dangerous and limiting habit as drinking going, so I shall move on with life as you said... How did you manage it?

Anna

Hi and Welcome,

Good for you for deciding to live a sober life.

You're right, it does take some major changes in life to stay sober and it sounds like you know what to do. Something that I 'fell' into at the beginning of my sobriety was volunteer work. It was a safe place for me and I met some amazing people.

NEOMARXIST

Hey man, Good to hear a fellow Brit!! I joined this site in May, Check out some of my previous posts, you will probably find a lot of similarities.

I too am not physically addicted to alcohol but am 100% mentally addicted to binge-drinking, this is totally wrecking me mentally in that I am finding it impossible to proceed and move forward positively in my life, as I know that somewhere down the line there will be a big weekend drinking binge and all of the mental and physical turmoil that that will bring and so it feels like 10 steps forward 11 steps back.

Total Sobriety is the ONLY way for me if I wish to have a happy life and I know that on my previous 37 days where I stayed off drinking, I was confident/humorous/witty and got the old spring back in my step but then, like you say the weekend craving for the English Binge-drink came and I was back to square one and feeling P*ssed off TBH.

Incidentally I have just gotten back from stopping with some old UNI mates in London and thus a 4 day drinking/drugs bender and I know I could not live where they live as the Bar drinking/clubbing scene is too prominent and I have to stay away from temptation.

This is especially difficult for me personally as I am a talented Guitarist and thus the two are heavily interlinked but if I ain't sober then I ain't gonna achieve anything other than unhappiness and wasted talent anyway.

Good that you've joined the site mate and feel free to message me at anytime and add me as a friend as I totally understand where your'e coming from regarding being young, living in England and the drinking culture which seems to encapsulate every facet of society.

eddie73

Hi again Ben, Im only just over 5 weeks sober so its too early for me to say how I managed it, but I am managing it at the moment just fine. I have come thru a few close moments, not that I was tempted, but alcohol was literally put under my nose last night after I finished a gig. I didnt drink it needless to say. I agreed to stay behind for a quick drink, and had a coke instead. I am very aware of how selfish other people are with your time, so dont be worried about being 'rude'. Dont stay long where there is danger everywhere.

I tried 3 other times to quit, but had no long term strategy or vision when I did this. So I realise this time I need distraction and projects. This site is an excellent source of inspiration and support.

NewBeginning010

Congrats on your sober time

I joined some hiking groups & activity groups here, a good mix of ages & activities. Some activities may have a pint after an event but the activities are not focused around it.

http://www.meetup.com/cities/gb/london/groups/

Good luck in your recovery

BenMacdui

Thanks. I'm actually a member of a number of meetup groups on that site, and go to an event at least once a week, so that has helped. However, my experience is that many of the groups are simply drinking groups with some activity fitted in somewhere, or are in a few cases groups run for commercial gain and often too expensive, so I now pick my groups carefully and wisely.

smacked

Well done on such hard decisions! I know I had to totally change my life. Living sober is much different than simply being sober..

Welcome!

CarolD

I too was single when I decided to get sober.
To protect my fragile sobriety....I found it necessary to
completely change my lifestyle.

I found a whole lot of new sober friends in AA.
We did all sorts of fun things as a group...it was a blast.


Welcome to SR.....

BenMacdui

Thanks Carol. I'm intrigued to know what else you did to change your lifestyle. Could you please go into more detail about what you did?