brokenhalo

43 hours since my last drink, and i feel so disoriented that even my balance isn't what it was while i was drinking. and the thing that sucks the worst about the way i feel right now, is that i am completely incapable of participating in my two favorite passtimes, golf and classical guitar. why? because i picked both of them up as a drunk. today after work i went through my normal routine, except instead of a pint of vodka, i bought food. i then went to the driving range, dug several gigantic holes in the grass, swung and missed multiple times, then left after ten minutes. it was like i had never played before, and i am worried i have to completely relearn the game. i really couldn't remember how to swing the club. if every time i played i was drunk, then is it like i never played before? is this the way it will be with my guitar, despite my hands shaking insanely? as petty as it is, i wanted to have a drink just so i could enjoy myself doing something i love. wrong? sure, but i'm pissed. i'm irritable and boring. i have nothing to say to anyone, and the only things that interest me i'm incapable of participating in. someone tell me this will pass because if i have to regress at everything that i love, then it might not be worth it.

Dee74

It's been 43 hours BH. You're still healing.
Give yourself a chance - your golf and guitar skills will return

D

Lenina

It will pass. I may be wrong here, but maybe you're looking for a "reason" to drink? I did plenty of that every time I stopped drinking for a short time. Once I was able to ferret out what was really bothering me (I wanted to drink) and accepted fully I could not and started really recognising the noise of my addictive voice, the resentment passed.

It may take some time get your game up to speed. I don't see any connection between exercising one's "arm" by tipping a few that would make one play better.

Love,

Lenina

brokenhalo

you're right. and i know i'm being petty and irritable. it's kind of embarassing to complain about since i know there are much larger problems in the world, but i wanted to complain i guess. the disorientation just doesn't feel right. i need to keep reading instead of whining, as i'm sure others have talked about it. thank you for the response though. i appreciate it.

Anna

Hi,

It sounds to me like your addict-voice is speaking to you. You have 43 sober hours, which is great, but it's still very, very early in recovery. For me, I felt disoriented for most of a week. It was kind of like waking up and seeing things as they really are. Be patient with yourself.

brokenhalo

this makes sense and is encouraging but frustrating at the same time. i was excited at first about getting clear and coming clean with everything in my life, but today at my second meeting i got a sponsor and then the true reality of the journey started to click. no more blacking out. no more ignoring, forgetting, distorting. no more lieing. reconciliation with others. reconciliation with myself. damn right my addict voice was kicking back in: run...avoid...hide...DRINK! thanks everyone.

Anna

Oh you're right, it's a HUGE undertaking and stopping drinking is only the beginning. It's time to deal with all the underlying issues that brought you to this place. And, for me, I had to learn how to live life as it came along, and I had to let go of my control issues. That was terrifying for me. But, I wouldn't have it any other way. The sense of freedom is amazing!

Dee74

There's some good reading in this thread BH

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...at-we-did.html

Keep in mind everyones experience is slightly different but it might help to know other people have gone through similar, or worse, stuff.

D

Lenina

brokenhalo,

I don't see it as whining. You're feeling uncomfortable. But by doing so, we are able to let you know it's normal and will pass rather than allowing the Voice to get louder, more insistent and let it take you over.

For me, once I did recognise it was part of the disease and not my true feelings it was easier to nip it in the bud.

Does that make sense to you? (or anyone? LOL)

Love,

Lenina

brokenhalo

it makes perfect sense. the only way to temper the addictive voice is to have others point out the truth about the addictive voice...it's the most twisted of twisted thinking, a disease; however without immediate access to people who will call it what it is, a lie, the voice of the disease will always win. i know it always has with me. this is so huge. i wanted to be angry at my new sobriety, but i'm feeling a little better now. i suppose this is why it is always stressed that few can do it alone. thank you all again.

brokenhalo

dee,

i'm printing it off to include in my readings for later. thanks for the tip.

bh

Lenina

brokenhalo,

Amazing stuff, huh? My addictive voice always twisted everything into a reason to drink! I'm glad you're feeling better! SR is fabulous!

Love,

Lenina

brokenhalo

lenina

i first joined in may but didn't want to post, and barely read a thing. (addictive voice?) it wasn't until yesterday when i truly felt like i needed to quit did i seek help here to get the encouragement to go to AA. there isn't a chance in hell i would have walked through those doors if it weren't for everyone on this forum. then, todays meeting was such a heavy dose of reality that there was no way i was getting out of there without a sponsor. you are absolutely correct, SR is amazing, that's why i keep saying "thank you thank you thank you" at the end of every post.

thank you

bh

Lenina

((((brokenhalo)))

I'm so glad you made a meeting! Yes, the addictive voice is very tricky. It will say anything to feed itself.

Keep posting and reading!

Love,

Lenina

NewBeginning010

My last couple of games of golf & tennis have been better than they have in years. Not only the game but starting to enjoy the people that I am golfing with.

Not worrying that I had one too many on the 19th hole is fantastic. I can also play much nicer courses because I am not spending $$$on the booze & beer.

Havnt picked up my Les Paul custom in a few days though... to busy getting out ;-)

Have u read this yet http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...influence.html

Great read!

My typing is something I need to work on though lol

brokenhalo

that helps alot, and i am definately excited about the money i will be saving.

printing that off to go along with dee's suggestion.

bh

mistycshore

bh, give yourself a break. It's just been a tiny bit of time. Of course you're not comfortable, none of us are less than 48 hours.

I suck at golf, no matter how long I've been sober. I always carve out big chunks of grass on the driving range (and that's better than swinging 2" above the grass). It's a hard-won skill, and it will come back to you. You can play (golf or guitar) as comfortably sober as you ever did drunk. Give it some time.

NewBeginning010

It will take some time for your brain to start to rewire itself, you have been drinking for how long. Give it a few days for the fog to lift.

You got me thinking... its 7:30 here on the west coast, I still have an hour or so to get some tennis in & then a mountain bike ride. 3 plus weeks ago I would be wasted somewhere ;-)

Have a good night :-)

vegibean

I'm with everyone else as well. The first week is a doozy. You sound like someone who doesn't really like to sit and do nothing. Maybe read? Watch a good movie? Listen to some music? You'll get through this and be feeling great soon.

Hevyn

Hi Broken - everyone's already said the good stuff, but I'll just chime in. I experienced those same feelings, too. I was all thumbs and in a fog the first few weeks. I tripped, bumped into stuff, was jumpy & irritable. It keeps changing and improving as you go along. Be kind to yourself & don't expect too much - it's a process. Your new life is just beginning - don't be discouraged.

It's wonderful to have you here. SR was a miracle for me, too - not to be alone with my fears made all the difference.