Member of the club no one wants to join
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 1
Member of the club no one wants to join
Hi...I'm going to be honest and say that I'm not sure what to say...but I think the bigger problem is that I don't know what to do.
I'm an alcoholic. There. That's the first time I've written or said or even thought that.
I can say where it started, I can say why it continued but I can't justify it in regards to my life, my obligations or my relationships.
The ironic part? Usually the only time I'm aware as to how deep my dependency runs is when I'm drinking. When I'm sober, the only things that go through my head are "Oh, it's not so bad." or "It's not like I got so drunk I threw up." or "Just one more night where I drink myself to sleep." Naturally one more night turns into every night and I've hardly been sober after 6 pm in over 10 months.
I'm a 23 year old student, finishing up her psychology degree (yes, please pause for an amused laugh-seriously, it's ok, I did) in December. I've been going to school since I was 18 but had to go part time a lot so I could work to pay my tuition. Lost my job in May due to the fact that I worked at a state school and budget cuts meant job cuts. For the record, I've found the best comeback to people complaining about waking up at 6am to go to work is "I wake up 5am to have a drink so I don't have to think about not waking up at 6am for work." Sorry, gallows humor. It's the one thing I've managed to retain from my early youth.
Anyway, my life situation goes beyond what I just mentioned but I'm not sure how much of a 'share and care' place this is so I won't go into it. I don't mean that to sound rude or mellow dramatic, I mean it more in the sense that I don't want to whine or subject you all to my venting...if that makes any sense...sorry, I don't do web forums often...as in ever. As it were I'm a bit of a techniphobe and now I'm rambling so I'll stop.
In truth, for my own reasons, I just wanted to publicly state my problem to people who understand better than, say, my friends who wear binge drinking extravaganzas like an eagle scout badge. And again, not sure what is ok in this place (even though I've read the rules). Every forum has it's own norms and like I said, I have a huge gallows humor which doesn't always go over well. In the past said mindset has helped me through some pretty rough times...now it just makes me feel normal to invoke my humoristically dark side. Sometimes it makes my friends laugh but mostly it makes them wonder which asylum would be appropriate to drop me off at. Fingers crossed-I hope they decide on one that has a padded room with a view.
So, I’m going to stop writing nervous stream of conscious and just say hello, my “name” is CLZ and I’m an alcoholic.
I'm an alcoholic. There. That's the first time I've written or said or even thought that.
I can say where it started, I can say why it continued but I can't justify it in regards to my life, my obligations or my relationships.
The ironic part? Usually the only time I'm aware as to how deep my dependency runs is when I'm drinking. When I'm sober, the only things that go through my head are "Oh, it's not so bad." or "It's not like I got so drunk I threw up." or "Just one more night where I drink myself to sleep." Naturally one more night turns into every night and I've hardly been sober after 6 pm in over 10 months.
I'm a 23 year old student, finishing up her psychology degree (yes, please pause for an amused laugh-seriously, it's ok, I did) in December. I've been going to school since I was 18 but had to go part time a lot so I could work to pay my tuition. Lost my job in May due to the fact that I worked at a state school and budget cuts meant job cuts. For the record, I've found the best comeback to people complaining about waking up at 6am to go to work is "I wake up 5am to have a drink so I don't have to think about not waking up at 6am for work." Sorry, gallows humor. It's the one thing I've managed to retain from my early youth.
Anyway, my life situation goes beyond what I just mentioned but I'm not sure how much of a 'share and care' place this is so I won't go into it. I don't mean that to sound rude or mellow dramatic, I mean it more in the sense that I don't want to whine or subject you all to my venting...if that makes any sense...sorry, I don't do web forums often...as in ever. As it were I'm a bit of a techniphobe and now I'm rambling so I'll stop.
In truth, for my own reasons, I just wanted to publicly state my problem to people who understand better than, say, my friends who wear binge drinking extravaganzas like an eagle scout badge. And again, not sure what is ok in this place (even though I've read the rules). Every forum has it's own norms and like I said, I have a huge gallows humor which doesn't always go over well. In the past said mindset has helped me through some pretty rough times...now it just makes me feel normal to invoke my humoristically dark side. Sometimes it makes my friends laugh but mostly it makes them wonder which asylum would be appropriate to drop me off at. Fingers crossed-I hope they decide on one that has a padded room with a view.
So, I’m going to stop writing nervous stream of conscious and just say hello, my “name” is CLZ and I’m an alcoholic.
Congratulations on taking the first step towards your recovery.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: Los Angeles, California
Posts: 8,326
Welcome! I find that a sense of humor goes a long way to help with recovery. Have you heard of Rule 62?
Are you checking out plans for staying sober? I am an alcoholic too and found it very hard to admit even though I knew I was way before anyone else did.
Again welcome!
Lenina
Are you checking out plans for staying sober? I am an alcoholic too and found it very hard to admit even though I knew I was way before anyone else did.
Again welcome!
Lenina
Forward we go...side by side-Rest In Peace
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Serene In Dixie
Posts: 36,740
I'm always so pleased when young people join us
looking for answers for a healthy better future....
I'm Carol...a grateful recovered alcoholic
Welcome to SR.
looking for answers for a healthy better future....
I'm Carol...a grateful recovered alcoholic
Welcome to SR.
Resident
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
Welcome CLZ.
Congratulations on taking the first step to a better life.
Personally I like a lot of humor of all types so share with us ,make us laugh, and laugh along with us.
Good luck to you.
Congratulations on taking the first step to a better life.
Personally I like a lot of humor of all types so share with us ,make us laugh, and laugh along with us.
Good luck to you.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: Boston MA
Posts: 666
Hi CLZ,
You sound like me at 23. Unfortunately, I didn't have the presence of mind to try and change things. The end result was 13 years of misery that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I wore my drinking like a badge of honor too. So did my friends. Most of them, however, were able to put it aside and move on with life. I moved on to massive benders, crack houses, and near destitution. Don't let that happen...please.
The flip side is that if you get sober now the world is your oyster. You can and will accomplish anything beyond your wildest dreams. I know because I'm living it. I put it all aside at 36 and now at 49 am a husband, dad, teracher, and doctoral candidate. you're 23? Whoa! You've got it all before you.
My path to sobriety was AA. Yours may be different, but please give sobriety a shot. It is most definitely worth it.
Mike
You sound like me at 23. Unfortunately, I didn't have the presence of mind to try and change things. The end result was 13 years of misery that I wouldn't wish on anyone.
I wore my drinking like a badge of honor too. So did my friends. Most of them, however, were able to put it aside and move on with life. I moved on to massive benders, crack houses, and near destitution. Don't let that happen...please.
The flip side is that if you get sober now the world is your oyster. You can and will accomplish anything beyond your wildest dreams. I know because I'm living it. I put it all aside at 36 and now at 49 am a husband, dad, teracher, and doctoral candidate. you're 23? Whoa! You've got it all before you.
My path to sobriety was AA. Yours may be different, but please give sobriety a shot. It is most definitely worth it.
Mike
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 187
Thank you for seeking help at such a young age. That's great! I'm convinced now that when you're in recovery, it's like "going backwards" toward your youth, fixing the problem, and then returning to the real world. By that, I mean that the longer we go forward drinking, the farther we'll have to go back and fix the problem...You should be at an advantage, both youth-wise and health-wise.
Guest
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 111
Welcome! I enjoy humor as well and thought about interjecting a few jokes in about my drinking... in the end was worried that people would think I was taking it lightly, which am I not. But humor is what gets me through at times. Keep posting.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,759
Welcome to SR! :ghug3 I'm glad you joined our family. We really do care about each other and want to see ourselves in sobriety, learning and growing. Keep coming back, post your questions and your venting, and read our stories. Welcome!:ghug3
Miracles Happen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 9,977
Welcome CLZ, my name is Donna and I AM an Alcoholic. I think its great that you are trying to better your life at this time, I did not at that age and suffered many consequences due to my addiction. Congratulations. Keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: Dallas, Tx
Posts: 2,405
Hi CLZ, welcome to SR you are amongst friends. Good for you on acknowledging your problem at such a young age. I was 50 when I first wrote "I am an alcoholic" and I was on my 6th day in the hospital from an RX drug overdose that nearly killed me. Once I wrote those words I was on my road to recovery, and when I reflect on the past it is generally with shame and regrets.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: my room in ct.
Posts: 58,110
CLZ, welcome...
i'm pattee, and i'm a alcoholc too...
too bad i didn't do something about it like you at a young age...
but noooooooooooooooooooooo!
i waited to the age of 48!!! egads!
it's a wonderful sober life now...
good wishes to you CLZ
i'm pattee, and i'm a alcoholc too...
too bad i didn't do something about it like you at a young age...
but noooooooooooooooooooooo!
i waited to the age of 48!!! egads!
it's a wonderful sober life now...
good wishes to you CLZ
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