So..I'm gonna do it.
 

I am calling tomorrow and making an appointment for a tour of the school I have been looking at. It's not a college or university. Its just one of those small trade like schools. I am looking at computer graphic design and media arts. Something I was going to do way back when I was going to go the first few times.
I am really nervous that I wont commit or I will get lazy. Or alot nervous that it has been so long that I have been in school that I feel like a dope. I have put so many drugs in my system that it has killed so many brain cells. I have a really bad memory now and I feel like my creativity is gone.

But I know with anything. Once you start doing things on a regular basis again it all just needs to be tuned up I think. I am so rusty at everything I use to love to do.

I have been really interested in learning here lately. I have even been reading my little books I got on that swapping site. I sit out on my deck in the early evening now and read for a little while. That is so out of my element. But it has been relaxing and enjoyable.

I need to make that drastic move I have been talkign about here for awhile.
Since my grams was gone I really kicked responsibility into high gear. I felt so independant and motivated to do things. I came home from work and cleaned and did all the things grown ups do. I even cooked dinner..LOL..Full meals for me and my cousin. I just dont do those things. And doing that gave me such a good accomplished feeling.

I know alot of you are like.."so what" I do that everyday. But for me I have never lived on my own or had to do normal adult like things. So it is huge for me.

And I am going to come clean and state that I have struggled some here the past few days. I wanted to use. I did dial the numbers and noone answered thank goodness. But I left it at that. I could have kept calling others or just went over there. But I left it alone. I have money still and I havent gone.
I stayed close here and jumped right into my books and researched my recovery interests such as Buddhism and things like that. I really said to myself.."Stop before you call or go and just think about where this is going. IS it really worth going over there for this little bit of money? Then what when it's all gone? DO you really feel like running around trying to hustle for some BS? Or would you rather just stay home and relax and have a nice dinner and make it to work tomorrow? And still ahve money in your pocket?" It worked. I neevr stop long enough to think anything except get in the car and egt over there as fast as I can. Or who can I call to get the best **** and deal. I am so over that **** right now.

I am so happy I won my first battle. I am so happy I did take the time to rethink it and weigh my options.

So here I am. Didnt use. Dont plan on it right now. And only have plans for making my life better.

My gram is ome from TX too. So no more worrying about that.

Thx for letting me share.

Chiy!! :c011::ghug3

You go girl!!!!

So very, very proud of you, Chiy!

Btw....it's okay to be nervous...it's a pretty big deal. Just don't let it drive you too nuts. :)

Sounds awesome Chiy! :D

:a122:

D

I got a free sketch pad in the mail last week.
It felt weird to have one of those in my pssession again.
I use to carry one all the time when I was in middle and high school.
I guess it was right on time and maybe giving me a hint.
Its 10:30pm here and I feel like going for a nice long walk on this cool summer night.
Peace and calm.
Beats running like a maniac around a dirty ass city looking all crazy and doing dumb ****.
Be back later yall.

Thx

Nicely done C :You_Rock_

that's fantastic Trish!!

The trade schools in california have some big differences compared to community colleges. The pros here are that it is much faster, and almost all of your classes are in your field of interest. The cons are that most of the classes don't transfer if you change fields/schools, and you are responsible for the whole tuition from the beginning (as opposed to paying by class). If you have to take a leave of absence for illness, they may not let you back in but you owe for the whole thing. When my kids were looking into them, we found out if you get your AA first, the time spent there is less, and the cost is much less as well.

Its all very exciting, I am glad you are moving forward!!

Chiy! Congrats! Sounds like a great plan! You are a smart lady and I think you'll be surprised by how well you do! Seems like you've found something you'll enjoy doing and I am sure you'll be good at as well!

Recovery rocks and you do too!

Love,

Lenina

I am trying to go back to college in the fall and I definitely have the fear that I am short some brain cells due to drinking. But then I think of this Woody Allen quote, "Eighty percent of success is showing up." I'll be guaranteed to be less hungover and less absent than the last go-round.

Chiynita, could you tell me what book swapping site you are using? I would like to start.

Paperbackswap.com You get 2 free credits when you join. I have already received my 2 I picked from that and also I have sent out 2 books I had. Which will give 2 more credits.
I have alot of Sylvia Browne books. I hope people want them. I have read them all and want to get them out of the way.

Great quote. Good luck

I am so thrilled to read this Chiy! I am sure you'll do great! :c014:

Julesxox

Good idea Trish. :)

That's awesome, chiy. :)

(((Trish)))

Good for you!!! I agree with everyone else...you ARE smart and it's time to give that brain a workout!

Also, fantastic on talking yourself out of using!

I think you're doing awesome, and am cheering you on!

Hugs and prayers!

Amy

Way to go Chiy and good luck on your courses and I hope this leads you to a satisfying new career. You deserve it.

This is wonderful Trish. Taking the action.

Go for it, Chiynita!! Education is the key...I'm still in school at 49 and probably will be at 79!! You can do it!

Mike

Thats scary stuff going back to school.

a friend of mine talked me into going after being sober for a bit.

i thought id be the worst student ever....the oldest student ever and never pass any exams.

in fact it ended up one of the best things i ever did.........great for confidence.....great for making friends.....

And i realized I'm not stupid and i really can do this........it taught me alot about myself and i enjoyed it greatly.

i cant recommend it enough and good for you.........after the first week your wonder why you haven't done it before.

i changed direction after passing my exam but Ive never forgotten the fun i had or the good friends i made.

best of luck......im sure your love it.

Great news Trish! Your post radiated your new feelings...you write so well, I'm sure that creativity will shine in your new courses! Good luck & keep us posted! Love, Jomey