Been a while since I posted on here
A new dawn and new chapter
Thread Starter
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Kansas City, Missouri
Posts: 298
Been a while since I posted on here
Been a while since I've updated this. Real world has been singing it's Siren song and have no choice but to answer 
Anyway things have been good, I realized the other day when I hit the sober clock that if it wasn't for that relapse back in April I would have a solid 200 days under my belt. Oh well, 81 is is pretty damn good too.
But as I said I've been pretty good, just busy. I had a rough two weeks recently. Mostly brought on by a change in my daily life routine I assume. Since I was out of work for the most part a year and just getting back to working my mind and body had to scramble to adjust to it as well as my everyday routine as well. It's a bit of a challenge since I have to do split shifts once a week but hey what they pay pay me along with these benefits I'll do it!
Though one thing that has been a obsession with me is I find myself daydreaming WAYYYY to much about the past. I swear if I seriously wanted to write a book about every little detail of my life down this would be the moment because I'm remembering everything and everyone these days.Even people I haven't seen in 10+ years that I just use to shoot the **** with at a job or in school are coming back crystal clear as if I just talked to them a few days ago!
At some points it's kinda cool going down memory lane, old times that we're had with old friends. Other times though a lot of regret and shame. Plenty of those I should of could of would of moments keep poping up. Heck at one point I really felt like looking up a old friend of mine from grade school to high school just to call and apologize for ever taking a squeaky clean good kid and nudging him down this horrible path of self destruction and hope he to came to his senses and left it behind. But I decided against it and would feel to weird if I did. I mean who's to say if it wasn't for me he would of never went down the wrong path? By the time we became of high school age if it wasn't my group it could of very easily been another.
But yeah this has been getting a little annoying at times. My mind is all over the past when it should be trying to look at and live for today. This keeps up today is going to be the past and I'll be sitting around wishing I was doing more and then watching tomorrow become the past and just watching the vicous circle go round and round!
Anyway things have been good, I realized the other day when I hit the sober clock that if it wasn't for that relapse back in April I would have a solid 200 days under my belt. Oh well, 81 is is pretty damn good too.
But as I said I've been pretty good, just busy. I had a rough two weeks recently. Mostly brought on by a change in my daily life routine I assume. Since I was out of work for the most part a year and just getting back to working my mind and body had to scramble to adjust to it as well as my everyday routine as well. It's a bit of a challenge since I have to do split shifts once a week but hey what they pay pay me along with these benefits I'll do it!
Though one thing that has been a obsession with me is I find myself daydreaming WAYYYY to much about the past. I swear if I seriously wanted to write a book about every little detail of my life down this would be the moment because I'm remembering everything and everyone these days.Even people I haven't seen in 10+ years that I just use to shoot the **** with at a job or in school are coming back crystal clear as if I just talked to them a few days ago!
At some points it's kinda cool going down memory lane, old times that we're had with old friends. Other times though a lot of regret and shame. Plenty of those I should of could of would of moments keep poping up. Heck at one point I really felt like looking up a old friend of mine from grade school to high school just to call and apologize for ever taking a squeaky clean good kid and nudging him down this horrible path of self destruction and hope he to came to his senses and left it behind. But I decided against it and would feel to weird if I did. I mean who's to say if it wasn't for me he would of never went down the wrong path? By the time we became of high school age if it wasn't my group it could of very easily been another.
But yeah this has been getting a little annoying at times. My mind is all over the past when it should be trying to look at and live for today. This keeps up today is going to be the past and I'll be sitting around wishing I was doing more and then watching tomorrow become the past and just watching the vicous circle go round and round!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Hi Bard - you made my head hurt so early in the morning. I agree, it's a dilemma, trying to strike a balance. What to take from previous experience that's of value, what to throw away. I wandered morbidly around in the past for months after I quit. I still tend to go there if I don't work on being present in my actual life as it's happening.
I'm glad you're back - your observations were missed. Hope to see you around more often.
I'm glad you're back - your observations were missed. Hope to see you around more often.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,416
welcome back Bard
You know what I'm going to say LOL - I was dreadful at this....always looking back...eventually I accepted that the past is gone, we can't touch it...all the introspection, regret and remorse in the world won't change that.
And don't give yourself too much credit - it's a staple of the movies, but I doubt most peoples lives really change due to one person. I got involved in drink and drugs because I wanted to - I think that's a given for a lot of us.
We're far better off putting that looking back effort into today Bard - I try to make my actions in my new way of life go towards atoning for the old....
LOL didn't mean to get so long winded.
Congrats on 81 days!
D
You know what I'm going to say LOL - I was dreadful at this....always looking back...eventually I accepted that the past is gone, we can't touch it...all the introspection, regret and remorse in the world won't change that.
And don't give yourself too much credit - it's a staple of the movies, but I doubt most peoples lives really change due to one person. I got involved in drink and drugs because I wanted to - I think that's a given for a lot of us.
We're far better off putting that looking back effort into today Bard - I try to make my actions in my new way of life go towards atoning for the old....
LOL didn't mean to get so long winded.
Congrats on 81 days!
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: Virginia
Posts: 187
Man, you and I are about on the same time-line of sobriety. Old hurtful memories are haunting me every day, so I know what you mean. When do they go away? I am married to the one who caused most of my hurt, but she's not a bad girl. No need for details, but it makes current daily-living hell, at times. Keep up the good work!!!
Karma Amputee
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: Among The Living
Posts: 769
Hey Bard, welcome back and congrats on your current sober time. It sounds like maybe you should get on Facebook if you're not already, it's GREAT for catching up with old friends, really good for taking that stroll down memory lane...
Rock on!
Rock on!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
