My First 30 Days
 

I read some previous posts about counting days, and I agree with others that I really don't want to focus on counting days as a whole, but I want to share what I've learned from my first 30 days of sobriety.

I can't believe I waited this long to give up drinking. I am so happy and grateful. I am no longer living in fear and separation.

For the last year I tried to "moderate" my drinking. I knew I had a problem and a long troubled history with alcohol, but I thought if I really, really tried this time, I could control it. I figured, it took 28 days to break a habit, so I would quit drinking for 30 days, then I would re-train myself to drink properly.

So off I went. I had two or three successful occasions, in about, oh...30 or more drinking binges??? And yes, maybe those couple of times I drank and didn't get smashed, but I was still consumed and possessed by the thought of alcohol. And the binges continued and the insanity continued. Could I have one more and not get too drunk? If my liver metabolizes one drink in an hour, how many drinks can I drink without technically being drunk tomorrow morning? Does everyone know I have a problem? I was tired of having blackouts and not remembering things, so I would make lists with the times of what I was doing, so when I woke up I could piece together the night. Although, there was always a drop off and a huge gap of time that I could never remember.

So I gave up the struggle of "moderating," and taking all the little mental alcohol quizzes, and it was like this weight has been taken off my shoulders. When I wake up, I don't have to try and figure out if I'm going to drink that day, or if I go out, if I'm going to have a drink, or 3 or 4. Or how I'm going to sneak in more booze without people noticing. Or worry that my eyes or too bloodshot or that the lingering smell of alcohol will give away my big secret.

I feel like I am traveling the road back to me. The me that I lost a long time ago. The me that I always knew was there, the truth of who I am, waiting patiently to be released. I am so grateful for today, and that instant, that moment that took hold thirty days ago that inspired me to give up alcohol for good.

Glad your pleased with sobriety.....:funjump:

Thank you for staying sober today.

Very well put and congratulations on your sober time. I couldn't agree with you more when you talk about giving up the slavery to moderation. I feel so much freer when I can just say I no longer drink then to worry about how much I would drink or what blackouts I might experience. To me this is such bliss.

Congratulations again.

Way to go on your 30 days !!!! sounds like your on the right track.. Keep it up.

That's great!

It's wonderful to have some perspective and really see the hold that the disease had on us.

well done to you i'm a new sober person too ,i'm having ups and downs but so far plenty more ups than downs :a122::a122:

i'm trying to count weeks now not days ,soon it will be months and one day it will be years :bday7:

"I feel like I am traveling the road back to me. The me that I lost a long time ago. The me that I always knew was there, the truth of who I am, waiting patiently to be released. I am so grateful for today, and that instant, that moment that took hold thirty days ago that inspired me to give up alcohol for good."

Thank you for your share, I loved this part /\. I know your not looking for congrats but way to go on 30, that's huge :c014:

Congrats on 30 days!:c014: Amazing how much better we feel sober. I tried to moderate/control my drinking and it never worked. Much easier for me to just not drink at all.

Hey Bald Jim -

Is your Grape quote from Mitch Hedgeberg?

surrender
 

:day6 Hey your here with us now that you've have given up. Your so fortunate and blessed that you got the most precious lesson of the program: We don't have to do anything but give it up and start working the steps. I have found that I have to give that away constantly or I lose it.

L O V E your candid share & honesty.

It will no doubt help many!!!!

CONGRATS!!!!!

well done Cynthia :D

I really identify with 'travelling the road back to me' - it's a wonderful journey :)
:a122:

D

Congrats on 30 days!

Ya know, I've thought about this whole day counting thing and read different views on it and I've come to the conclusion that whatever works is fine.

I think there's a certain wisdom in the AA approach that probably has some grounding in how the human psyche kinda works. In the begining, when it's really hard, you get a kinda immediate gratification... maybe just a way to reinforce a positive behavior. As the habit sets in, we don't need/get the constant pat on the back.

For me, I know I just gradually stopped counting the days. Then I stopped counting the weeks. But I know I am looking forward to my 2 months and I will want a little pat on the back. And I look forward to only wanting to celebrate once a year. I'm willing to just let it happen naturally.

I hope you give yourself a little pat on the back for 30 days! Congrats on the start of an amazing journey!

If I may, one of the main reasons time is noted is to show the newcomers it does work.

:c011:

Oops! Sorry! I should be clear and say that I know nothing about AA.

It is my understanding (and I could easily be completely off) that in AA they give you chips for different lenghts of time. And those lenghts of time gradually get further apart. Like first you get a 1 day chip, and then maybe a week, a then a month? I had decided (in my own mind, based on nothing) that it makes sense to give a lot of chips in the begining as it could help develop a sense of acomplishment in the newbie. That's all I meant.

But even if that's not the reasoning in AA, it still makes sense to me in terms of human behavior and establishing new habits, etc.

I never meant to imply that I have any expertise in AA and I should have stated that in my original post. Sorry for the confusion!

NO problems, you're fine Chamabama!!!

I was just clarifying......

Grateful with you, smynthia... :ghug3:

Many congrats! :fireworks2: