Lost My Thread
 

Hi All~
First and foremost, I just read that some of you were asking about me in the MIA thread. I want to thank you and let you know how touched I am that you were concerned.

For months, I was doing really well. It was certainly a struggle. But nothing compared to the nightmare that ended in an emergency room just about a year ago. For a time I stopped frequenting SR because it had become my new addiction--lol.

I have been back a bit lately, mostly *lurking about*. I'm reluctant to use that ugly word *relapse* and I'm reluctant to tell that same sad story you have all heard time and again. Yet, here I am again facing down the same demon all over again. All I can say is that I wasn't as courageous or as together as I thought I was. Enough of the *life stuff* piled on again and I succumbed.

I would like to think that I will not always be an emotional and financial wreck, making up for years of doing damage. I would like to think that, at some point, all the mounds of self-focus and so-called "improvement" can be released into something more mature and balanced. Say, a healthy relationship or a job with some sort of meaning, helping others.

But here I am again, alone, frustrated and frightened. I don't have kids, a significant other, a viable career, insurance or even savings. All I have that has meaning anymore is a little cat I am considering finding a better home for because I am clearing incapable of building a stable life.

There is no way to write this without sounding like a victim and that alone has kept me (mostly) silent for more than a month. I am scared and worried that this time there is no hope, there is no thread which kicks me in the butt in the morning and says "Stop this right now and reach for a brighter goal".

It is a scary place to be and I thank you all in advance for being supportive. I called around yesterday, looking for detox options (I'm in that shaking, vomiting, fun stage) and I'm finding it a discouraging situation. I don't have a doc, no insurance and AA has never been a help to me (though I am grateful that it helps many others). What to do?

i am proud of you for posting! i am not an alcoholic, and can;t really offer you support in any way, other than applauding you for coming forward and asking for help and wanting to stop.

when i was trying to help my ex get into a program without insurance (i am in l.a.), i found that salvation army and midnight mission were the only free places. but, frankly, those places are scary. can you get on medicare or medicaid considering your income? i am sure others will have more resources than i do.

i am praying for you. hang in there.

-lisa

I am glad that you are back & trying again, you can do this. What do you think you could do differently this time? I am sure that there are people that really care about you, please take care.

NB

Soos.....

I was and am always here.I first posted to you when you were waiting to go to hospital the last time,(and while that was crap for you?I'm so glad we met) and I will be here again this time if you'll let me.

I am so sorry this has gotten bad again.You are one of the lovliest people I've ever met here, I mean it and I so want you to be well again.

Whatever I can do. :hug:

Jules xox

Hi Soos :)

I'm really sorry to hear that you're having hassles.

I'm not up with the Californian scene, detoxes and medicaid - hopefully others will be and will post in this thread.

What I do have are some numbers - and a link to recovery programs.
Please look at them ok?

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...resources.html


Just stay in the day Soos.
And at the very least, keep lurking. Postings better but lurkings ok ;)
We do care - really :)

hugs
D

It might be wise to go back to the ER to de tox.
Most teaching hospitals are required to take patients
who have no insurance.

The Salvation Army has free resources in many areas....
includeing de tox facilities and treatment centers too.
My adult son is in one in the midwest.

Sorry you are having difficulties
Welcome back to SR....:wave:

Thanks to you all for replying to my post.
I feel so pathetic and desperate for even writing, and I'm grateful you are willing to lend some encouraging words.
The state of health care is so crazy here. The only reason they admitted me to the hospital last time is because I had developed hepatitis and was literally, yellow. Then I battled for more than six months to reduce the $17,000 they charged for the detox, paying small bits when I could. I'm terrified that I'll walk back into that place and they'll say "Well, we gave you a chance of a lifetime and you mucked it up!".

I'll never forget my third day there when I was sitting up, eating some solid food. The doctor came in and smirked at me. He advised me that the hospital was for "serious" patients and that I was wasting all their time as well as the taxpayers' money. I almost died before I went there. And I am not much better off today, sweating and shaking, severe heart palpitations, praying the store I go to with borrowed money will overlook the red, puffy eyes, the reek of alcohol, the shaking hands and the wrinkled clothes.

I am with hotamale here (not trying to be a pessimist) but city funded detox in a big place like this can be kind of scary. What I want to do right now is hide under the covers like a three year old and be comforted by some nurse/mommy that never existed. Pathetic, I know.

Its not pathetic Soos - it's understandable.
I'm sorry things are so screwed there.

All I can suggest from this distance is ring the numbers.

If you feel in any danger at all - just no ifs or buts - just go to the ER - you may have to wait, but it's better than nothing.

and I'm one of the many here who'll lend an ear if you want it - no nurses uniform tho, sorry :D
D

California is a mess right now :c020: I hear there are still job prospects in other states, do you have any family anywhere that would help you get set up? I am sorry you are having such a rough go, I hope the sun finds you soon.

Just be careful and keep your guard up. Don't get into a worse situation, but extend your hand to trustworthy people for help....God will intervene and help you up...

I am so glad to hear you are around Soosieq. I have REALLY missed you. I do wish your circumstances were better though. You can get better Soos. Lots of helpful info given to you here already. I understand the point we get to when we want to be taken care of. Look to your HP to gently care for you. I would love to hear more from you at a time your ready Soos. You can pm any time at all. Thank you for responding and don't ever, ever be afraid to post. We all have this in common and we want to help you. Hugs - Sarah

I'm glad you're back...sounds like you have a lot of good friends here, that really want to help. I hope you stick around!

(((((Soos))))) I'm sorry I just saw this thread, I was away for the weekend. I'm so glad you came back here to talk to us, and that you want to get help again. I don't know much about healthcare options in CA, but I would say don't let the fear of being judged keep you from getting the help that you need. It's the unfortunate reality that the healthcare system doesn't have a good understanding of how to treat addiction patients; but that doesn't mean you need the help any less! I agree that you should go to the ER if you feel you are in danger - detox is no joke (as you know).

I'm so glad I met you here, I'm so glad you came back, and I know you can beat this again. Email me anytime if you need anything or just want to vent.

:ghug3

Soos,

I hope you check in and let us know how you are doing.

I am sorry you're going through this. I think the hospital detox is the best idea, and worry about the payments later. Take care of your health now.