A huge step forward..(Long)
Looking For Myself...Sober
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: Where the heart is
Posts: 10,209
A huge step forward..(Long)
Well guys. I know some of you know that my father and I have been going through it for some time now. He talks to me then doesnt again. And this goes on back and forth for a few years now.
I have posted about it here many times. And how much I am hurt by it and dont understand and then I am confused.
Finally I guess I just accepted it for what it was or just got use to it . And so I just did began doing my part and leaving it on him to do whatever he may do.
Slowly we have been rebuilding our relationship here for almost a year now. But it has been real touch and go until recently.
My last serious relapse he didnt do his norm. Which is saying all kinds of hurtful things and not speaking to me. He actually spoke with that experience I know he has being in the same position as me. Speaking to me like another addict and not just blowing up. Talking to me and telling me his experience and his views. That was a first. And thats what always hurt me. Because he has been where I am. He is well over 20 yrs sober without ever relapsing. But he has never talked to me like he understood.
Also in 2007 when I was in the mental treatment place I decided to write both him and my sister some really raw emails. I let alot of stuff out without thinking first. And I know alot of it probably hurt them. I had alot to say about my dad's wife. And that I know really pushed it. Especially by what I called her and I didnt hold back in saying what exactly I thought of her.
Anyway...LAst night I called my dad to tell him my grams brother is going to be taken off life support here over the next few days. And he was up at camp and said he may stop by. I figured he would just go up to my aunts house. So I just popped my chicken in the oven and came on here. About an hour later I hear a knock and its him. And his wife and my two neices. I have to say I was quite shocked. So they came in and I offered them a soda and they sat down. I immediately asked if they wanted to stay for dinner. They did. And let me tell you. It was one of the best visits I have had since my brother first came to visit me when everyone was in Florida in MArch.
I made baked chicken with those pasta roni things and peas. And thank goodness I had made enough to begin with. I was sweating that. And we all sat down to the table and had a nice dinner. My neice told me I was a good cook and they ate it all up. I was in my room for a minute and my one neice came in and just hugged me. That was it. Just hugged me and went back out in the living room. Now because me and my dad werent speaking. I havent seen my neices in quite awhile. And his wife def wasnt going to come around even if my dad did before.
It was amazing. I was so happy they came. I told my dad a few months ago that I misse dhim and wanted him in my life. So much that I was willing to put all that crap with his wife aside to do so.
I guess really what I am saying is. Holding grudges and resentments do nothign but hold you back. By me not letting go of all kinds of things in the past with that woman. I was hurting myself in so many ways. I was depriving myself of not only the freedom that forgiveness can bring. But also alot of relationships with my dad and neices.
I even hugged my dads wife when they left.
I spent most of my adulthood fighting and hating my grandfather. Hating him for being like me. He was an alcoholic. Although I am a drug addict. We werent so different at all. It took finding out he had 6 months to live for me to relize I did love that man. And it took something like that for us to put aside all that hate and put our energy toward what really mattered. And he passed with me and my grams by his side. And we made our amends without ever saying a word. And I am so grateful for that.
I dont want to come to that point with my dad.
Anyway. Just wanted to share. Thx
I have posted about it here many times. And how much I am hurt by it and dont understand and then I am confused.
Finally I guess I just accepted it for what it was or just got use to it . And so I just did began doing my part and leaving it on him to do whatever he may do.
Slowly we have been rebuilding our relationship here for almost a year now. But it has been real touch and go until recently.
My last serious relapse he didnt do his norm. Which is saying all kinds of hurtful things and not speaking to me. He actually spoke with that experience I know he has being in the same position as me. Speaking to me like another addict and not just blowing up. Talking to me and telling me his experience and his views. That was a first. And thats what always hurt me. Because he has been where I am. He is well over 20 yrs sober without ever relapsing. But he has never talked to me like he understood.
Also in 2007 when I was in the mental treatment place I decided to write both him and my sister some really raw emails. I let alot of stuff out without thinking first. And I know alot of it probably hurt them. I had alot to say about my dad's wife. And that I know really pushed it. Especially by what I called her and I didnt hold back in saying what exactly I thought of her.
Anyway...LAst night I called my dad to tell him my grams brother is going to be taken off life support here over the next few days. And he was up at camp and said he may stop by. I figured he would just go up to my aunts house. So I just popped my chicken in the oven and came on here. About an hour later I hear a knock and its him. And his wife and my two neices. I have to say I was quite shocked. So they came in and I offered them a soda and they sat down. I immediately asked if they wanted to stay for dinner. They did. And let me tell you. It was one of the best visits I have had since my brother first came to visit me when everyone was in Florida in MArch.
I made baked chicken with those pasta roni things and peas. And thank goodness I had made enough to begin with. I was sweating that. And we all sat down to the table and had a nice dinner. My neice told me I was a good cook and they ate it all up. I was in my room for a minute and my one neice came in and just hugged me. That was it. Just hugged me and went back out in the living room. Now because me and my dad werent speaking. I havent seen my neices in quite awhile. And his wife def wasnt going to come around even if my dad did before.
It was amazing. I was so happy they came. I told my dad a few months ago that I misse dhim and wanted him in my life. So much that I was willing to put all that crap with his wife aside to do so.
I guess really what I am saying is. Holding grudges and resentments do nothign but hold you back. By me not letting go of all kinds of things in the past with that woman. I was hurting myself in so many ways. I was depriving myself of not only the freedom that forgiveness can bring. But also alot of relationships with my dad and neices.
I even hugged my dads wife when they left.
I spent most of my adulthood fighting and hating my grandfather. Hating him for being like me. He was an alcoholic. Although I am a drug addict. We werent so different at all. It took finding out he had 6 months to live for me to relize I did love that man. And it took something like that for us to put aside all that hate and put our energy toward what really mattered. And he passed with me and my grams by his side. And we made our amends without ever saying a word. And I am so grateful for that.
I dont want to come to that point with my dad.
Anyway. Just wanted to share. Thx
Attitude of Gratitude
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Dayton, Ohio
Posts: 2,305
Thanks for sharing that, Trish. It sounds like you have found some peace inside with the whole situation. I imagine it was a shock to open the door and see them standing there. I'm happy you are finding some peace inside and you are entirely right about resentments. We're the ones who lose out in the long run and miss so much.
God Bless,
Judy
God Bless,
Judy
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: NY
Posts: 6,608
God bless ya Trish! You are such a good soul. I am really proud of you and the growth I see in you every day. You also are amazing about getting your points across in these threads. Maybe you could be a writer. Just an idea. Thanks for your share. Hugs - Sarah
6/20/08
Join Date: Sep 2008
Posts: 4,467
Chiy, what a beautiful, beautiful post.
I hope you don't mind me saying, that you have grown....so much....since I first started posting here.
BTW, big kudos for inviting people for dinner totally unexpectedly! You go, Girl!
I hope you don't mind me saying, that you have grown....so much....since I first started posting here.
BTW, big kudos for inviting people for dinner totally unexpectedly! You go, Girl!
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